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Messed up relationship..messed up girl..still love her...winter relationship?


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Hello LS...Ive been here before almost a year to the day and am wondering what the hell drives my ex, what happened, and my course of action. In some ways, after doing a lot of lurking theres obviously a lot of universal truths and a lot of universal actions such as NC...nevertheless I feel the need to rant, maybe gain some insight, and see where stuff went wrong.

 

A little bit of history and some facts:

Shes 23 Im 24. We met 2 years ago on a dating site. Her parents have gone through a divorce for the last 5 years but it was just finalized last year. She has Id say a 80-20 male/female mentality when it comes to dating. Shes probably been with around 20 guys.Shes had 2 abortions, one of which was supposably her dream guy because he was the bad ass. She lost her grandfather too. She has cerebral palsy and for a girl with a disability (she can still walk and you wouldnt even really notice it) is surprisingly well versed for life, was a model citizen and all that but got into the drug scene because of all these insecurities. She also stopped horseback riding which was her passion especially after she lost her grandfather who was essentially her role model.

 

I met her at a good stage in my life, I had gotten over an ex after a year and after countless short relationships. Despite of learning of her afflictions, and troubles in life it made me love her that much more. We did argue a lot though, but at times we had our really good stages. She said she loved me a lot but it became apparent she was never really over her ex that she had a kid with because she chose drugs and partying over him. She was her ideal man because he was the rugged type. We had our first serious breakup last summer because that man had come back into her life, just to **** with her head. They didnt do much, but she cried over him like she never cried over me. She was also talking to another ex of hers, had sex with him very soon after we broke up, bragged about him (to her friends on fb msging- i knew her password) i found out she was talking to him behind my back, when i was near crippled with a severe neurological disease from stress. She was never there for me when I really needed her, despite the fact that I always there for her through thick and thin. I made all the mistakes of crying pleading begging. We didnt see each other for a month. I got hardcore into MMA as a way to grieve.

 

6 weeks later, I found a cheap horseback riding place and forwarded it over to her. We were messaging back and forth as things with her ex fell apart and was only using him for sex. We had a bit of a friendship, until one point she told me she misses me in her life. Our relationship basically went back fully online during the end of summer. A lot of people have told me shes a winter relationship kind of girl, and has broken a lot of guys hearts needlessly. Well were in the same situation again, shes back on a dating site, which she always seemed to do whenever we even had a minor breakup. Im very confused because we went to a wedding together and an expensive show that we were sort of obligated to go to. However, she was extremely relationshipy with me during that time. She kissed me of her own free will so many times, told me she loved me, had a lot of sex with me. But it seemes that in the span of two weeks she went from "yes i love you i want to have a lot of sex and spend time with you" to lets just be friends. to I found someone else on the dating site you need to leave me alone. I really have no idea if shes just saying this for me to **** off, but shes been very inconsistent with her words and actions and has had numerous problems with relationships. My feeling is kind of if I revived it once, by giving her a ****load of space, could it happen again? Why is it that she breaks up with me during the summer. One other weird thing too is that shes never wanted marriage or kids. A big sticking point for her is after taking her to the wedding she says she wants to but Im not the one for her and im not her type. She said this to me LAST YEAR...why get back with me for a WHOLE ANOTHER YEAR?? It makes no sense. She puts little value on what I have to offer once again, and points for her in a guy now are a rugged man with a truck who works construction. Theres just so many inconsistencies, and its ****ing me up because the stuff I have to offer her, made her come back to me but shes pulling the exact same move. WHY WHY WHY.

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Weve been through so much **** together... She even acknowledges I understand her and her disability better than anyone else...That the badass type never would. I have no clue if shes with anyone else as shes changed all her passwords around. The only time she reached out to me was to ask me why am I buying a Jeep, which I am because to tow seadoos. Not even a hello or how are you. She just thought it was me trying to impress her. I helped her overcome the final hurdle when it came to her drugs, I helped get her into school, I ditched friends to pick her up from nightshifts which she no longer does, when busses stopped running and drove cities away, I used my bosses company perks to rent a moving truck to help her move...its just...disastrous...and Im calling like an idiot now cuz I cant help myself...the fact is when she came back into my life I was half over her...I wanted to break up a few times and I never ever pulled the trigger cuz I believe in sticking with a person through thick and through thin.

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One more additional thing...on her past msn convos when we started dating.. a guy she had slept with before she met me...put him through the same thing...led him on led him on, and when she told him she was seeing me he too was devestated. Shes done this to so many guys...this guy she actually got an STD off, and we didnt have sex until she was completely clean..I just thought with the duration of our relationship, our connection, our memories and my unwavering love to her, and the fact that this wasnt a fling though it started out that way...I somehow thought I meant a little bit more. I see so many posts with guys and girls saying how can someone go from loving you to being a stranger after x amount of years, almost as if it was a switch. I told her to just tell me she never loved me to make it easier. Well, when I saw her like 5 days ago, she broke down in tears and acknowleged I was such a big part of her life and Im not making this any easier on her...but the last few days it just makes me feel like those were crocodile tears.

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I called her up, after staying NC for like a week when I saw this on her fb Why is it that when someone asks me "Whats your favourite part of being in a relationship?" I have to google the answer....

 

lol

 

which to me communicated, our relationship was completely bull****, and the fact that shes talking to guys on this dating site. Since then is when the coldness began...

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Well..I found out shes already talking to guys and trying to set up dates..**** me...im seriously about to mentally implode...someone help?

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Something really powerful just happened an inexplicable feeling just washed all over me...I feel like im going nuts with these emotions lol but I just erased all the photos from my phone...I had a wallet picture of her from Xmas that she took just for me and it said simply Merry Xmas I love you. I set it on fire at work, in the safety of a bathroom. I did all this while in absolute tears...minutes later...I feel RELIEVED...i feel so light and so good. I cant even begin to explain it.

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dude, i don't even know where to start.

 

walk the f#%k away from this girl quickly. delete her info, block her from facebook. there's literally NOTHING that she has done or said that you've repeated here that even mentions the slightest notion of her wanting to be with you.

 

you're her puppy dog, nothing more. she's used you for companionship, sex, emotional stress, and who knows what else.

 

i must say though, your openness and maturity about this is admirable. you're talking about her banging other dudes and catching STD's like it's a normal part of life and doesn't bother you.

 

well, it SHOULD. wtf dude, really? you're cool with her sleeping with you, deciding the next day she's done and goes off to bang her exes, catch STDs and then come back to you?

 

is this the kind of girl you want to marry?? one with seemingly low self respect, or at least zero respect for your emotions, and prefers drugs over taking care of her life and relationships?

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Hmmm...maybe it got all lost in translation but..she had an STD when i met her...from a fling...we stopped seeing each other for a bit but I decided to work through her with it until she was clean. She never had the STD when she broke up with me...yea she went to an ex after our first breakup. The drugs are also not a part of her life anymore. I cleaned up a lot of her life for her...she doesnt do drugs, she goes to school, works fulltime...just has a ****ed distorted view on relationships and love and hurts the people closest to her allegedly because of the "complex" associated with her CP...ive seen her be the biggest sweetheart to total strangers and acquaintances but completely chew out me or her mom or her family

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Shes defintely gone back and forth with the whole wanting to be with me thing...when she got back with me she was a total sweetheart...called me her knight and shining armour and was sustainably exceptionally great to me for months...it just seems like she got other ideas that once again a 2nd time around we werent compatible...I saw her to grab some ****...ended up having sex but it wasnt even sex...we both totally werent into it...its ****ed..

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but what is it about her behavior that even gives you the idea that she wants to be with only you?

 

time and time again it sounds like she runs to you, gets her ego stroked, and then leaves for other dudes again, all the while keeping you on the backburner.

 

also, it's awesome that you pulled her life together, but that has no bearing on the situation. she obviously doesn't care or respect any of it, or she wouldn't be acting this way or treating you that way.

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