nferrar28 Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Hey guys, this is my first post and I'm looking to get a lot of feedback. I apologize for how long this might be, but theres alot of background to this. Last Monday my GF and I of a year and a half broke up. Our relationship was mostly long-distance. I go to my old home state NJ every few months to hang out with friends on school breaks and what not and thats how we met in December 2010. Everything was fine since then, we kept going back and forth to see each other almost every month and it was all good. In June 2011 though, about 2 weeks after she had been here (FL) for a week or so, she started acting weird; barely talking to me, not initiating contact, which not talking is bad enough considering we're long distance. After almost 2 weeks of this we finally talked, she said that she just can't handle the distance, but mind you I kept telling that I was gonna be in NJ for 2 months in a WEEK AND A HALF! But she kept telling me she was scared about what would happen when I left again. I did my best to reassure her everything would be fine, and that being there and spending time together for 2 months would help us, but she didn't really budge. So I went to NJ, and the first few weeks were kinda weird because we were got into a few gf/bf type fights but never really talked about it. Until I sat her down one day and told her I didn't come to NJ to fight with her, I came to spend and enjoy time with her and my friends. Everything from that point got better. Fast forward to a month ago. I graduate from school August 4th and I'm moving back to NJ within a few days after. Thing weren't going well, we started not talking as much again, and she suggested maybe we go on a "break" of some sort, but we're still bf/gf. I actually went to NJ 2 weeks ago for a wedding, which she came to me with and I spent the weekend with her. Everything was fine when I was there so I assumed things were fine when I left again, but she went back to acting the way she was. Last week I called her out on it, because frankly I'm tired of the whole 'barely talking' thing and just want things to be fine. But she kept saying how the distance puts a huge damper on things. I kept trying to reiterate how I'm moving back in less than 2 months and things will be fine, but she won't give me a straight answer. I keep asking her what she wants to do and she keeps saying its the distance and shes having a hard time dealing with it. After going back and forth trying to figure it out, I finally asked her what she wanted to do and she couldn't give me a straight answer. She said that even if we stayed together, things aren't going to get any better until I'm definitely back in NJ, but I told her things aren't going to be any better if we break up either. But after some talking we decided on breaking up. She sent me a text the next morning telling me she truly cares about/loves me and hopes things will change when I do move back for good. I didn't take it well, I was drunk a few nights in a row to try and forget about it. We had some drama this past weekend with her getting mad at me for taking a picture with my friend Grace and it was on facebook, she thought I was trying to get her jealous (which in no way was I even trying to). These past few days have been rough. She texted me a little bit this past weekend but I've tried to initiate the whole NC thing and we haven't talked in 3 days, which sucks. I'm not sure how I'm gonna go about things until I do move back, and all the 'what ifs' are driving me insane. I really wanna make things work when I do move back, but I feel like she might not as much, even though she keeps saying it. Sorry for the long post, had alot to get off of my chest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nferrar28 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 Also, alot of people are telling me to 'move on' and focus on my school until I graduate and come back. While I'm trying to do that, I have a tendency to overthink EVERYTHING, so this whole things been driving me insane. I can't just 'move on' from someone I'm head over heels for. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I'll be honest that it sounds like she has been ready to end this for awhile. The ending before you got back is much easier than trying to heal up and move on while knowing you are in the area. No one is going to tell you that it's easy to move on, but it's probably your best choice here. From what you say she is doing what she can to make it seem like it will inevitably fail in order to relieve her own guilt for wanting to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nferrar28 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 I'll be honest that it sounds like she has been ready to end this for awhile. The ending before you got back is much easier than trying to heal up and move on while knowing you are in the area. Who's to say we couldn't have made things better when I did get back though? Thats what kills me. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Who's to say we couldn't have made things better when I did get back though? Thats what kills me. She's to say so. She made the choice and it takes two to tango. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nferrar28 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 She's to say so. She made the choice and it takes two to tango. I feel as though I was never given a straight answer. All her answers were mixed/completely open-ended. That's whats driving me insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I feel as though I was never given a straight answer. All her answers were mixed/completely open-ended. That's whats driving me insane. Don't read her words as she was doing what she could to relieve her guilt. Read into her actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nferrar28 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 Don't read her words as she was doing what she could to relieve her guilt. Read into her actions. What would you guess she might do when I do move back? Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 What would you guess she might do when I do move back? I hope she will take the mature route, keep silent, and work on herself. There is also the chance she acts out to try to make you jealous and "win" the breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nferrar28 Posted June 13, 2012 Author Share Posted June 13, 2012 I hope she will take the mature route, keep silent, and work on herself. There is also the chance she acts out to try to make you jealous and "win" the breakup. Is there any shot, even be it a small one, that I could possibly fix everything when I do go back? I'm not looking to jump the gun as soon as I'm there, I'd like to take time going about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Is there any shot, even be it a small one, that I could possibly fix everything when I do go back? I'm not looking to jump the gun as soon as I'm there, I'd like to take time going about it. If you've made your interest clear there isn't much else you can do. Either she comes around to this on her own or she doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
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