Living with life after.

[Razzle]

Right I've just come across this lovely place and would like some thoughts on how different people cope after a breakup that has no way back first though my background which I like to refer to as hell, sorry if it gets a tad long I'll try to be brief;

 

 

She was the first in all sense of the word we were both 18ish and met where we were both working, I'd never had a proper GF anyway we hung out had some laughs one thing led to another and we were practically living out of each others pocket it felt perfect a few speed bumps with her been unsure and a bit well alot insecure but isn't everyone. Her family hated me and I mean hated like I was the devil and never accepted me her mother openly stated I was trying to "steal" her daughter when she found out we were going to move out together (which lasted 7 months). I'll put it down to the stress of her mother tbh most days I'd come home from work and she'd be there in tears saying her mother was fighting with her to come back the the "family" home as I didn't deserve her and I'd only mess her around. Then one day after we'd been together nearly 3 years and had talked about marriage hell she'd even asked me to propose (I was asking her parents) she simply turned round to be and said she didn't love me..........booom.

 

Well she had her bags packed already and was gone within 10 seconds of me stopping dead to process. I wont bore you with the details but needless to say it was messy she left me with all the bills to pay, her parents took over threatened to get the law involved if I went near there daughter said I needed a lawyer for anything sigh. At work I was ignored then the rumours came around that I had beaten here constantly, slept around and with here best friend which was all lies. I got relocated due to all the talk my employer had had it. My last day before relocation she came in hand in hand with someone I would call a friend stated that she was in love with him/slept together and I was so very much a mistake and just generally made me feel a micrometer tall.

 

 

So that all went down around 2 years ago, she's had some contact to say she is sorry but I've come to terms with the fact she hasn't been single since she was 13 and doesn't really know who she is. I've since moved back to the village where it all happened as my family live here and it's hard still, I mean I've gone away and become the better person to say and I'm still trying to find myself as everyone who hasn't turned against me has said how much she changed me for the worse. I lost so many friends and even some family it was that bad but hey.

 

Back to task it's been all this time yet every day is somewhat of a grey day I've done the steps, established new hobbies, got a new job (it's pretty bad but pays the bill), got rid of every tiny trace of her and the past I mean there is a hole in my life from the time we were together there is no trace at all anywhere. I've made some new friends but I can count them on one hand and due the size of where I live people tend to hear the gossip so its hard meeting new people that haven't already judged me. I'm also still living with the debt from the breakup a couple of credit cards maxed/store cards/loan for moving out (see I'm too nice)

 

People say you'll get over it but I don't it's a constant pain every day, I sleep around 4~5 hours a night, I've had relationships since but they fizzled out I did try but I now tend to attract the females who just want some fun/newly single and don't want to commit, I'm very secretive of my family and haven't had a girl home since due to the pain she caused. I do live my life in the hope of a second chance, all the people who know me genuinely know me say I'm a great guy and anyone would be lucky to be with me that I will find that princess one day it's just going to take time.

 

 

 

 

SO hands up am I alone in my thinking here, will it get easier. Am I just over thinking or just a completely lost cause.

[Philosoraptor]

Well first let me say you shouldn't hop into anything new until you've left the past in the past.

 

You seem to be going in the right direction regarding taking care of yourself, but you need to be patient. It's not an instant process and no matter how much effort you put in it will still take its own time.

 

Just enjoy the moment right now and put all of your focus there. The past is gone and the future has yet to come, so try to enjoy the little things that happen right now.

[Razzle]

I know every day is a battle, I tend to look forward instead of backwards I know the "one" is out there who will be 10x better in every way I just worry that I wont find it. Along with the worry of been hurt like that again also doesn't help.

[Philosoraptor]

Well be patient and let yourself heal. Once you've truly healed you won't fear pain but instead go into things with a clean slate.

[Razzle]

I try to exercise patience and also let go I know it'll take time I just hate the way I seem to be the only one where time takes forever I couldn't and still can't get around how she just switched in an instant.

[Philosoraptor]

When your heart is broken everyone feels like it will take forever, or even never get better. But it does when you stop worrying so much about it getting better and just opt to enjoy the little things. Personally I enjoyed volunteering and even made a bucket list to help myself along awhile back. Things got easier the less I worried about when I would get better and one day it just kinda clicked. FYI I was coming out of an engagement and owning a house with someone, 4.5 year relationship.

 

Just take it a moment at a time and try to find the good in everything. Things will get better as you learn to be more patient and learn to concern yourself with you, not worry what an ex is up to.

[Razzle]

True at the time I felt lower than low it was like a slow motion car crash so I have come some way. Would just be nice to fast forward to see myself in another year, I just need to focus on a direction and purpose as I had it all planned and now not so much lol.

[Tiera D]

i think drop relationships at the moment get your live on track again meaning settle the bills ,get a better job,study part time.Yours ex should not have bring her new toy to put you down,trust me someday she will be alone and sad and thats when she will come contacting you,wanting an ego boost,and you will ignore her.Now NC and get your live back bro!Prove to them who look down on you that you will be someone great one day!

 

TD

[Razzle]

I'm not actively looking for a new relationship I like the idea of it but well yeh, I'm also not actively not looking for one if that makes sense if the right person comes along today then that's great if not oh well.

 

I'm trying jobs are few a fair between I'm even lucky to have one tbh, I haven't made an attempt to speak to her in a while I just think why should I after what that did to me.