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Keeping an ex away


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Glass Bead

Hello all,

 

I'm a guy on his 30s and for more than one year I've had to deal with a break up that is over for me but recently some weird things happened and I'd like to get some feedback, if possible, to see what I can learn from here.

I met this girl and about two years ago we decided to go on a weekend together to see what happened - we had already knew one another from before and there was an attraction but we lived far from one another. I fell in love but she didn't and when we met six weeks afterwards we got into a major confrontation at one point but then I decided to quit the whole story and move on because it clearly wouldn't work, she told that she wanted to be free, no relationships, had needs, she wanted more of a friends with benefits and I listened, and told her I wanted something stable and accepted all. And at the end I told her that I wanted to move on.

We get back to our countries but then she starts texting me, which annoys me and after the 2nd text I try to figure out what's on her mind by writing a letter, but she just ignores me but after 2 months starts posting on my Facebook page again. I decide that to get distance, I need to remove her from my FB friends list, so I do it without telling her and I get back to my life. After 6 months I decide to check if we can be friends and I send her a short congratulations text on her bday and I get the silent treatment again, which doesn't surprise me, so I move on.

Then on the last Christmas I get a FB message from her asking: 'so, we're not friends anymore?!' and I feel that she's just playing her games again (provoking, silence, etc.) so I reply that took her a while to notice and I end the exchange saying that we're not friends anymore and wish her a good life.

Again, no answer and I thought that was it.

However, last week I received a call from her, I picked it up (didn't recognize the number until it was over) but no one answered, I only heard a TV on the background and I asked twice if anyone was there but no answer until I decided to hang up. After I thought it was an unintended call but I noticed some weird details. We're from different countries and the TV was on a channel on my native language. And on December she told me that she's expecting a child, which I found incredible to believe for a number of reasons, and now she's calling me?

What I feel right now is that she's still playing her games, which was the reason why I decided to have closure. But now I have the feeling that it isn't over and I want to be prepared for what may be coming, or just understand so that I don't repeat this situation. Any ideas?

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She desperatly wanted you in the "friend zone" and you decided that you wanted more. When these two opinions clash. Then, it was the wise thing to do was to end it.

 

However, I would have handled her FB message as to why you couldn't be friends anymore. I would have told her.

 

"I can't be friends with you while I still have feelings for you. It wouldn't be fair to me and it certainly wouldn't be fair to you."

 

You would have handled her message respectfully and tactfully. How could she argue that?

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Glass Bead

Sorry for only reading the reply now (and thanks!)

 

I like your idea but at the same time I read your proposal as leaving the door half-open for the future: "I still have feelings". I told her that message before - no more involvement and temporary distance - but had no effect on her. I had also told her before that I didn't like being ignored, controlled and disrespected but that only had the effect of even aggravating more that behavior from her.

 

I guess that's my fear right now, that this whole situation isn't over because of what I've seen on the past. Oh well, thanks :)

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