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My boyfriend's an addict & I'm moving away soon. Should we try to make it work?


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I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. We fell in love and I have never cared about anyone this much:love:. He is working and I am a college student, but I am returning home in about a month, and am unsure of my plans for next fall. I am willing to try a long distance relationship, because we would have access to seeing one another quite a bit throughout the summer.

 

The tricky thing is that he is a recovering addict. He has recently relapsed, as well as lied and stolen from me (this has happened more than once). He always comes forward with his mistakes, is genuinely sorry, does everything to make it up and continues on with his recovery. I know I have helped him immensely since we first met, but it all can be a lot to deal with. I am very understanding for I also have issues (anxiety, adhd) of my own that he copes with and supports. Still it feels like there is a lot of pressure on the relationship at times and I worry that I may put his issues before my own. But at the end of the day, I believe the pros still outweigh the cons.

 

He is so thankful for my support and loves me very much. He wants to stay together and do what ever it takes, while I want to enjoy our time together and take it as it comes (because we are young and I am not sure what my future holds).

 

I'm so scared to loose him, but I'm terrified of potentially hurting him and leading him to have a serious relapse, especially if I am so far away. Am I being selfish by staying with him, when he should be putting his recovery first? Do we try to make the long distance thing work, or just enjoy sure the time we have left? Do we stay together, or end it now before we grow any closer?

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I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. We fell in love and I have never cared about anyone this much:love:. He is working and I am a college student, but I am returning home in about a month, and am unsure of my plans for next fall. I am willing to try a long distance relationship, because we would have access to seeing one another quite a bit throughout the summer.

 

The tricky thing is that he is a recovering addict. He has recently relapsed, as well as lied and stolen from me (this has happened more than once). He always comes forward with his mistakes, is genuinely sorry, does everything to make it up and continues on with his recovery. I know I have helped him immensely since we first met, but it all can be a lot to deal with. I am very understanding for I also have issues (anxiety, adhd) of my own that he copes with and supports. Still it feels like there is a lot of pressure on the relationship at times and I worry that I may put his issues before my own. But at the end of the day, I believe the pros still outweigh the cons.

 

He is so thankful for my support and loves me very much. He wants to stay together and do what ever it takes, while I want to enjoy our time together and take it as it comes (because we are young and I am not sure what my future holds).

 

I'm so scared to loose him, but I'm terrified of potentially hurting him and leading him to have a serious relapse, especially if I am so far away. Am I being selfish by staying with him, when he should be putting his recovery first? Do we try to make the long distance thing work, or just enjoy sure the time we have left? Do we stay together, or end it now before we grow any closer?

 

I guess I'll chime in here, since you haven't gotten any other replies yet...

You are so young & you've only dated this guy for 4 months.In my opinion, that's kind of quick to be in love.Who knows?Maybe you are?

 

The one thing I do know, is that this man has an addiction.I don't know what kind of drug he takes but, I do know that it's going to be a life long struggle for him.He has lied & stolen from you more than once already.(typical drug addict behavior) He will always put drugs before you.I think you are a young and sweet girl & you will find plenty of nice guys at school and all kinds of other places.I think you should let this one go.You can't fix him & you shouldn't even have to put up with that.Best of luck & enjoy your youth! Go out, flirt, date...You can fall in love a little later.

Edited by dsw31
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sweetheart5381

Ya, addictions are a bitch that you cant fix.

 

My daughter's father is a coke and meth-amphetamine addict. He abuses everyone in his life, including our 5 yr old daughter. I have fought for yrs to keep him away from her but Canada's justice system keeps giving this man another chance to hurt yet another innocent person.

 

My brother is a recovered alcoholic (replaced by methodone addiction). He used me for money, a home, etc... endless using. He no longer speaks to me since I refuse to fund his addiction.

 

My most recent ex is a coke addict. He used me to boost his ego. He used me for gratuitous sex. He pretended to care and love me, when really, he just wanted me to fulfill his sexual desires, even though he could not even get it up most of the time due to excessive cocaine use and then blamed me, said that I didnt work hard enough to satisfy him.

 

These relationships destroy you personally.

 

You cannot fix them, and in fact, you will be used up, til you are exhausted (you become a resource for them, unfortunately)

 

Walk away. It's hard as hell, but do it for you.

 

They need help, and you cannot provide it, only they can.

Edited by sweetheart5381
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