my dilemma

[firehawk_1]

to the very mature and grounded ladies and gents,

 

all my life i have been rejected because im too ugly or not white or whatever lame ass excuse women come up with.

 

its put me in depression and less confidence. not a good thing.

 

anyway over the years ive had literally the odd date. they just wanted to be spoiled for the evening before they go back to their ways of game playing and seeing other men, messing around etc.... - i was there for a "sanity call check".

 

5 months ago, found this nice woman (so i thought) and we got talking by email for quite some time from our hectic schedules. we had alot in common.

 

then we finally met up about 2 months ago. she really enjoyed the time spent together, as did I. endless talking, dinner and a movie. we didnt really want to seperate. but anyway end of the evening I went back home. But I did text her, as I know very well about these things, to ask "so, what do you think? do you want to see me again? if not - no worries", to which she said she definately wanted to see me again.

 

we still kept in touch by the odd email and text.

 

a month went on and then was due to meet again but that got cancelled on the day i was meant to meet her. (I thought...here we go. this game again). But I thought ok, we will see what she has to say.

 

her excuse was that her friend went into labour early and had to be there for her. I thought fine.... respect the decision and hope it all works out for her.

On the same day I got a text (I guess a mass text message) that she has changed her number and gave the new one in the message.

 

got me thinking "if she is with her friend because she is having a baby then at what time did she manage to go to the phone shop, get a new number and start sending out mass texts to tell her contacts about the new number"....

 

..anyway a few days went by and texted her the usual, "hope you are well" type messages. I get the odd response back (a couple of days after).

 

I sent her another text yesterday and an email. got the email to day "sorry not been in touch. hope you are well x"

 

i just replied in a bit of a pissy mood saying

 

Ive had better days.

Anyway, enjoy. Don’t work too hard and all that.

 

now I like this woman and i never get the attention albiet very little communication here and there, but feel that I just have to tell her to remove me from her contacts.

 

I NEVER get a chance and everytime I do, they always play games or something. ive never pressured her into anything but always been a gent and respectful.... i think literally months here is more than enough "time" for something i.e another meet.

 

sorry for blabbering but not sure what to think or do.

 

its been literally months since ive been with someone and i felt very lonely because no one is ever interested but only reject me.

then she comes along...we talked alot, met up, genuinly enjoyed each others company (and yes you can clearly tell by the body language and everything if it is genuine or a fake) - and now this.

 

I guess this is how typical british women are (sorry but you know its true!)

 

*sigh*

[wilsonx]

Lets see, if all women are like this, how do i fix this problem. The problem isnt her or the other women, the problem is YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I facepalmed when I read this

 

But I did text her, as I know very well about these things, to ask "so, what do you think? do you want to see me again? if not - no worries"

 

Where are your balls? You have no confidence. I would never in my left mind ever ask a woman this. Lets just say yea! Im a girl and lets play tea party and make mud pies together in the sandbox.

 

Grow some balls, stop acting like a chump, read books on how to be a man if you dont know how to act or what to say.

[firehawk_1]

you completely misunderstood..... sorry but you did. im not one of these cocky overconfident guys. the problem isnt me either (but i take on criticism happily). not my fault if i aint white, hot, fit or "sexy". we are born however we are. like it or lump it.

 

i dont play games either but by the sounds of it, you do... so you wouldnt get what im talking about. i have no time to waste, always said that and im in it for the long haul, not the short or one off date. i dont have free time either that I can use, chasing women. i dont chase - not my thing. deal with it.

 

next time, please facepalm harder.... there maybe some hope left for ya

Edited April 22, 2012 by firehawk_1

[wilsonx]

"I dont chase - its not my thing" - but i will sit on an internet forum and cry about how lonely i am.... hmmm

[firehawk_1]

again, putting words in my mouth and not getting it but instead making the thread a turnmoil. please refrain from responding.

[wilsonx]

i dont have free time either that I can use, chasing women. i dont chase - not my thing. deal with it.

 

I made this up, yup sure did

 

You went on 1 DATE, you didnt ask her out again, you suggested it. Now you are mad at her because she plays games with you? Its your job as a MAN to lead any type of relationship. Like I said, you screwed the pooch. You either learn how to chase, or you sit at home posting on ls about how lonely you felt.

Edited April 22, 2012 by wilsonx

[firehawk_1]

*sigh* you didnt get it. nevermind

[M2155]

Dude I thought the same thing as Wilsonx regarding your text. While I am sure you mean that in all sincereity, it comes off passive. It sounds like "hey did I do a good job? No big deal if you dont want to see me again.":confused: Well if YOU don't think it's a big deal, why should she? I would have had maybe the next day said you had a great time and say you would like to see her again, or make a flirty joke about something from the night before. Let a woman know she is interesting, not ask her to evaluate. Your exchanges mentioned in the post sound more like indifference than like you were really into her.

 

And every woman wants to be chased by a confident guy, that's not game-playing, that's courting. And a confident guy always feels he has at least a chance to win. However if you have the mindset that everyone is playing games, you are going to have a hard time just realizing here that she probably just lost interest.

[firehawk_1]

not quite

like i said, damned if you do, damned if you dont and with my large experience... i dont want to be messed around, nor does she.

 

now I am referring to AFTER the whole thing. she wanted to meet again, she said so herself by email and text. this was going months AFTER.... then got canned and this is where my questions came from about her changing her number and the "have to be with a friend as she is having the baby earlier" on the same day.

 

I got an email today just the norm saying "sorry not been in touch. hope you are well"

 

the question is, i dont want to lose her but given her lack of communication (this was even before we met in the first place!!!!) - not sure what to do. time is wasting and she said herself, on her own that she really enjoyed the time together.

[HollyBolly]

not quite

like i said, damned if you do, damned if you dont and with my large experience... i dont want to be messed around, nor does she.

 

now I am referring to AFTER the whole thing. she wanted to meet again, she said so herself by email and text. this was going months AFTER.... then got canned and this is where my questions came from about her changing her number and the "have to be with a friend as she is having the baby earlier" on the same day.

 

I got an email today just the norm saying "sorry not been in touch. hope you are well"

 

the question is, i dont want to lose her but given her lack of communication (this was even before we met in the first place!!!!) - not sure what to do. time is wasting and she said herself, on her own that she really enjoyed the time together.

 

It occurs to me that you are not receptive to any advice at all. You just veto it. Why don't you ask her out? See what she says?

[firehawk_1]

maybe im not explaining it properly or maybe people jump to conclusions too quick

 

yes I could ask her out again however who knows how long that will take for her to:

 

a) get back to me

b) arrange a day

c) to commit to that without an excuse like before.

[HollyBolly]

maybe im not explaining it properly or maybe people jump to conclusions too quick

 

yes I could ask her out again however who knows how long that will take for her to:

 

a) get back to me

b) arrange a day

c) to commit to that without an excuse like before.

 

Well, how on earth are you ever going to have a relationship if you're so afraid of everything? This is for certain if you don't ask her out:

 

a) never

b) not going to happen ever

c) no date, no commitment

[firehawk_1]

its not about being afraid at all.... *sigh*

nevermind. sorry for even posting! people are so aggressive and cant take a step back and try and understand.

[HollyBolly]

its not about being afraid at all.... *sigh*

nevermind. sorry for even posting! people are so aggressive and cant take a step back and try and understand.

 

We're not aggressive. We're trying to help and you won't listen. The advice Wilson gave you is sound advice. It was not aggressive. It was perhaps a bit blunt, but the truth hurts sometimes.

Edited April 22, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed inflammatory remarks

[firehawk_1]

and this is exactly what im talking about....dont even know me nor know the history but quick to judge

im the one coming in asking for a certain bit of advice and you go way off the scale and unnecessarily too!

[Ajax]

It sounds as if you want to succeed with this woman specifically (and women in general) while risking as little as possible.

 

You mentioned that you don't chase. If that's the case, how is any woman supposed to know you're interested? It's not a game to pursue someone that you're genuinely interested in. Of course you risk getting rejected or hurt, but nothing ventured nothing gained.

 

I also seem to detect an undertone of bitterness directed at women, i.e,

 

I guess this is how typical british women are (sorry but you know its true!)

 

I'm neither British nor a woman, but I can tell you that a remark like this just feels negative.

 

Additionally, you seem to blame your physical characteristics for your past rejections. If you don't feel

hot, fit or "sexy"

then do something about it! Start taking care of yourself by exercising and eating more healthily. The better you feel about yourself the more attractive you'll be to other people. If you're negative about yourself then others will pick up on it, and it's not fun to be around.

 

And you'll never know whether or not she'll get back to you, how long it will take, or if she'll come up with an excuse until you ask. It's not just going to fall in your lap.

 

Good luck, man!

[HollyBolly]

and this is exactly what im talking about....dont even know me nor know the history but quick to judge

im the one coming in asking for a certain bit of advice and you go way off the scale and unnecessarily too!

 

I don't know about you, firehawk, but I am LMAO over here. It seems you don't even listen to yourself. How can anyone know you? You're afraid to ask them out! And I don't think we need to know your whole history to know that your attitude sucks. You came for advice. You got advice. You veto advice. You just want to hear what you want to hear, which is British women suck eggs and are all racists. Well, that's just not true, is it? I know plenty of white women - British, Irish, American, Canadian, South African - who are married to non-white men. And why do you have to only date white women anyway? If they're so racist, date someone from your country. So, that leaves one reason why you can't seem to get laid - YOU. Trust me, hon, if you don't look at yourself, you will never be able to find yourself a woman, white or otherwise.

 

You don't believe me? Go over to the dating board and ask the women there.

[firehawk_1]

I appreciate that Ajax but i guess its difficult to explain and something no one will get because they think its easy to fix it when really, its not. sure i may make such remarks but for the right reasons because its the truth and far too unreal people over here. FACT. not my fault, nothing I can do about it.

 

as for "hot, fit, sexy" - well, everyone has a different definition of that, again, nothing i can do. i cant change the color of my skin. i cant change the color of my eyes etc... etc....

you see where I am going with it. yes I do go to the gym etc... etc... but still at the end of the day, unrealistic "wants"

 

holly: once again, you just dont see it. laugh away but at the end of the day, you are only laughing at things which you want to make up and laugh at but not actually understand. then to be hypocritical...well thats another thing.

you think im after "getting laid" - far from it. again, quick to put words in someones mouth. take a step back for once

 

im not even going to bother anymore. and this is exactly why. next time, dont moan and complain if you cant "find a decent guy" and all the rest of it, because you wont listen or get it.

 

in the end we are here for a reason, to support each other, not to jump down the throat and start abuse. maybe you are like this, but i aint. deal with it.

Edited April 22, 2012 by firehawk_1

[HollyBolly]

 

you cant "find a decent guy"

 

 

God, I hope you're right! I'm gayer than KD Lang!

 

Look, I hope you find what you're looking for. All I'm saying is you won't find it with that attitude. That's all.

[Ajax]

I appreciate that Ajax but i guess its difficult to explain and something no one will get because they think its easy to fix it when really, its not. sure i may make such remarks but for the right reasons because its the truth and far too unreal people over here. FACT. not my fault, nothing I can do about it.

 

as for "hot, fit, sexy" - well, everyone has a different definition of that, again, nothing i can do. i cant change the color of my skin. i cant change the color of my eyes etc... etc....

you see where I am going with it. yes I do go to the gym etc... etc... but still at the end of the day, unrealistic "wants"

 

 

I would invite you to challenge your own preconceptions of others, and yourself. Maybe your lack of success with dating has less to do with your physical qualities than you think. If you can't accept your skin color, eye color, etc... then how can you expect anyone else to?

[M2155]

ASK HER OUT. If she takes a long time to get back to you it's her loss. All that is happening here is you are that ok guy, not the guy she's praying calls her or dying for him to ask her out. Maybe you can change that, maybe not but you have to step up. There are 24hrs in a day, don't hang your rejection on her changing her number the same day she cancelled a date.

 

Plan something and ask-i.e. I have two tickets to the XYZ Friday and I would love to take you. I can pick you up at 7pm, does that sound good to you? That's confident, as opposed to "do you want to see me again? No worries if not"

 

If she can't make it, you say it's unfortunate and depending on her reaction, ask her to what night would work better (although if it were me being asked, I'd suggest another time if I really wanted to go). And then you contact her the next evening after XYZ and tell her she missed a great event and are planning to go to the ABC next.

Edited April 22, 2012 by M2155

[Green Light]

You guys ARE being too hard on the OP. If this was reversed and a woman came on here saying the same things other women would come on here and tell her not to waste her time with the loser who won't call/text her back. They would tell her that she is a goddess and that she deserves better. Maybe us guys should start thinking like this.

[Kamila]

"Hey, long time no see, you want to grab a coffee sometime ?

I know a great place..."

 

Try it.

[HollyBolly]

You guys ARE being too hard on the OP. If this was reversed and a woman came on here saying the same things other women would come on here and tell her not to waste her time with the loser who won't call/text her back. They would tell her that she is a goddess and that she deserves better. Maybe us guys should start thinking like this.

 

Hmmm....my post mysteriously disappeared. Anyway, I'm a woman and I would be telling any woman the same thing if she comes on here whining like this. We are not being hard on him, Green Light. We are trying to help him and he is vetoing all the advice that he doesn't like. All the advice given to him was sound advice. Basically for him to grow a pair. Did you read everything he posted? This is what he's saying:

 

"Women don't like me because I am not white. Women don't like me because of my skin and eye colour or because I am not sexy or fit. I want to know if this most recent woman will go out with me but I am too chicken to ask. I want to ask her out but I want to know the answer first. I am not afraid. I just want to know the future first. Why can you people not understand this?"

 

Does that not frustrate you, man?

[jennisfora]

firehawk, you view yourself as the hunchback of Notre Dame, that is your problem. you need to work on your self esteem issues. women are drawn to confident men, people who seem sure of themselves, you don't like yourself, and it is hurting you.

 

i really think you are your worst enemy. i have self esteem issues as well, and am seriously thinking of possibly therapy. i would recommend working on that, i think when you no longer see yourself as ugly you will have more success.