Broke up, almost back together, now nothing again.. what do I do now?

[live2demo3k]

We broke up last November, my girlfriend and I, we had been together for almost a year, the times we had together were awesome, we had our fights but it was always about stupid stuff and we'd always look back on it and laugh, nothing major. Well we broke up because she just needed some space to see what else was out there, we had been together for so long she just felt she was missing out on life, we had spent almost every minute of everyday together since we got together so I can kind of understand where she is coming from. Anyway, the month after was really hard and I wrote her notes all the time and tried to convince her to give me another chance all the time, never worked, finally I gave up and just stopped calling, stopped wondering all the time, after a while I wrote her again and said how have you been, etc, I said I would still like to give this a try but I can't be the only one trying. A few days later she called and said she thinks we could start hanging out a few days a week, so we started spending a few days together. After a while we were spending more and more days together, then she started staying the night at my house again, and we both talked about getting back together real soon, it was just a matter of time. Then, all of a sudden I go over there one day and we get into a little fight, and she says it isn't going to work. Just like that, we're back to the beginning all over.

Since then stuff has gone downhill, a few weeks ago we decided we should just be friends for now, but that we wouldn't date anyone else and we definetly would go back out, but we needed some time to our own lives first. Well since we decided that, like I said, stuff has gone downhill. Sometimes she likes to be affectionate still and other times she says we can't do that, just very back and forth, her mom and her close friends don't think we should be together right now, etc. The odds seem against us, so we got in a few fights about all of that, and it kind of seemed like we were drifting apart again and I didn't want to go through that again. She's always wanted to go to a rodeo so I went out and got tickets for PBR, that night I called her to tell her I got her one and all, she says she's kind of dating someone now, that's where I am at now, I was speechless and she said just write her a note/letter.

So I am trying to figure out what to do, I really cannot be her friend while she dates someone else, she says that isn't fair but I think it is. I wrote her that letter and basically said I love you, but I can't keep going with things like they are going, I said that when she's ready to start trying to fix things and save us, to get ahold of me, until then I am going to start moving on with my life. She called me later and said she really did want to be friends but that she had to go, and she would call me later, I didn't have time to say or ask anything, except bye.

What do you guys think I should do? On a side note, we had always said we would get married, have kids, etc, it was a real serious relationship.

[Velveteel]

I'm sorry you've been going through this. It sounds as if your ex is very attached to you, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings or lose you. This is why she's gone back and forth so much lately. But it also sounds as if she is not in love with you. Women in love want to spend time with you, and they don't begin dating other men.

 

It isn't fair to ask you to keep up a friendship when your feelings are so unequal. That's like asking you to stick around and be hurt some more. She needs to accept that she may have lost your company in exchange for her freedom.

 

Put yourself and your feelings first, just as she has. Stay away from her until your heart has healed. If you need to, tell her that a friendship may be possible in the future, but that for now, you have to move on and recover. As long as every move you make is in reaction to her--what she says today, what she feels tomorrow, whatever--you can't begin to center yourself and feel stronger.

 

Good luck to you.

[live2demo3k]

Wow, that is really good advice, thanks a lot.