extremely sad and hurt

[sunkh]

i just broke up (reallllyyyyy painful) i want to distract myself and move on with my life. although it is so hard! just talked to him yesterday night and said good bye. Although he wanted to remain friends but i said i can not. we started dating in december 2011 and he broke up with me just now saying that he cant accept my past. i was engaged to a guy in canada and i broke it off in december when i met this guy because i never felt like this. With the guy in canada, i was never myself. he was veryyyyyyyyyyyyyy nice and caring but at some level i was not attracted to him but i still said yes just because he was my best friend for 2 years and because i thought its important to get married to someone who loves you and not who you love. but i was never happy. i never felt myself. i would start crying just like that because i felt suffocated and just i was lost. even when we were together i would think of some other thing. although he was extremely nice, just my heart never connected with his. when i came to pakistan in december, i met this guy, his name his yildrim, we instantly hit off really well. in just a week i knew this was it. he was my twin. more like a soulmate. i felt it in my heart and to some level so did he. we would talk all the time on messages and every night till morning on the phone. it was perfect. he lived in another city. he would come like 3 times a month. we talked about everything, said the lamest things and laughed. just we could tell eachother anything and everything. initially i did not tell him about my enagement in canada but later on after like a month i did because i wanted him to know the real me and accept me for who i am. i wont lie to you i really wanted to get married to him. i know it sounds crazy but it was one of those things u just know is meant to be. he gave me mixed signals, sometimes he said im not sure and some days he would talk about kids. he was a little old school, his thinking was conservative. im not like that at all. anyways we said i love u all day and just were inseperable. Then about 2 days ago, all of a sudden he said he wants to be just friends and he tried to give us a shot but he cant accept my past relationships with men. i was devastated....when you love someone dont you accept them with their past???? its about who they are as a person right? if hes willing to let me go then he never loved me...am i right? what do u think? he said i know ill regret it later and we r soulmates, we r perfect but i will always have this at the back of my mind that you have a strong past. but i thought there are people in this world who even get married to prostitutes. anyways these last 2 days were extremely tough. i literally screamed and cried lying on the washroom floor. i just couldnt get up. and he was not acting the same way and when i asked how come you are not even sad, he sad i am not i have not registered it in my mind yet. it ll hit me in a while. anyways last night we talked and he said i know ill regret this later and i swear i think we r soulmates and were destined to meet, y dont we stay friends forever and talk everyday but ofcourse not be lovy dovy. it just broke my heart to even hear him say that! friends????? after all we ve been through just friends????? anyways i thought for a minute but then i said NO. i will not let myself get used. if he wanted me so much he wouldve gotten me but he chose to let me go and now since he just wants a friend to talk to and laugh with he wants to use me. he said think about it. ill call you tomorrow. he said itll be tough right now but our feelings will eventually fade away with time and we can even remain good friends after we both get married to different people. just listening to this stuff was making me want to cry. just 2 days ago he could not even imagine me being with any other guy and now he was okay with me getting married to someone else? i know that he will regret later in time. probably he will get a wife with a clean past but i know it in my heart that he will neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr have the same connection as we did. i know deep inside he knows it too. well but the thing is that even though he wont find anyone like me, neither will i. i told him never to regret his decision becuase he made it and now atleast he should be happy and not let my tears go to waste. anyways we said goodbye on a good note and he said ill always wait for your email, call, text if you want to be friends. today is a new day for me ive decided to let it go and just start fresh. what do you think? you think i did the right thing? or should i have stayed friends and slowly backed off rather than just cutting off immediately? what is less painful?

just i am in shock because i really thought he felt the same way and i swear i neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr felt this way about anyone. i just loved waking up in the morning, living life, loved doing everything. just my heart was happy like never before. i felt myself. just im scared i will never be like this ever again. but i dont want him to get what he wants, talk to me when he needs me since i did not get what i wanted. i feel insulted too. he shouldve seen my beyond my past...thats what love is. anyways im extremely passionate about love. i think when you really love someone you should be able to travel across 7 seas to get to them, there should be no boundaries, just go the extra mile. what do you think?

[JoeyArnold]

Just 2 days ago he could not even imagine me being with any other guy and now he was okay with me getting married to someone else? i know that he will regret later in time. probably he will get a wife with a clean past but i know it in my heart that he will neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrr have the same connection as we did.

How long have he known about your past mistakes? More than just the past two days? Does he also know that you confuse to make those mistakes anymore? Did you ever ask him to forgive you for making mistakes since nobody is perfect & we all mess up at times, right?

[sunkh]

yes he knew about my past relationships since the fist week we met. he asked me out after he knew everything which is probably like after 2 weeks of meeting. although he told me he needed time to accept my past but the thing is that during this whole time he gave me mixed signals. he would talk about kids and marraige and somedays he would start choking with the thought of marriage. i did not tell him that i was engaged to a guy because i knew this was going to be a huge deal for him until a month ago. he initially broke up with me after hearing it but came back the next day saying that he missed me. i just dont get it!!! what happened in just two or three days that his feelings have gone so badly??? or maybe was it just me who was blind??? but the thing is he called me 24/7 and he was after me to talk and meet and wat not. he cared so much. and yes i have told him many times that noone is perfect and he knows i love him so much but i think hes scared that i will end up making out or smtg with any guy i like which is not true. but can else can i do, hes known me for three months, if he couldnt see the real me and that i wouldve given the world for him then what can i do? also i talked to him last night again. he said i love you on the phone and was being jealous that i will meet new guys and stuff so i got confused and said wait you still have feelings for me then why are you saying this. he said because i havent accepted the break up but YES I HAVE LET GO OF U and we have broken up. so i got reallllllyyyyyy hurt and deleted all his numbers from my phone and broke my sim. before i broke my sim, i texted him im breaking my sim and he replied nooo not yet! so i thought he just wants to talk and use me because hes used to talking and he needs a friend. so i thought im going to suffer anyways, while talking and without talking so now he should suffer as well. a whole day has passed and i do not have a phone. i feel like the healing process has started but yyyy after all this does a part of me misses him??? i just woke up and its evening and the first thing i thought of was him!!! my heart sank for a while:(

[JoeyArnold]

He knew about my past relationships since the fist week we met. I got reallllllyyyyyy hurt and deleted all his numbers from my phone and broke my sim.... he needs a friend. so i thought im going to suffer anyways, while talking and without talking so now he should suffer as well. a whole day has passed and i do not have a phone. i feel like the healing process has started but yyyy after all this does a part of me misses him?

Since nobody is perfect, nobody understands love perfectly. He wasn't being patient enough with you. He didn't want to give you enough time for you to show your loyalty to him. He was struggling with forgiving you. He should have put himself in your shoes. Guys make mistakes too. He was asking for too much out of you. He was hoping for a perfect woman. He should have came down to earth & realized how special you are. Love is less about feelings or perfection & more about choice & commitment. Love means looking past the flaws in order to cherish the things that you are in love with in the other person.

 

Whatever you do, just don't put yourself down. Don't tell yourself that you are a horrible person. Actually, you are pretty wise because you are doing your best to teach him a lesson. You need to be open to the future & the possibilities of the future. I'm not exactly sure what should happen next for you but I do know that you are in a hallway full of open doors. You're at a fork in the road in your life. You have a bunch of choices that you need to make.

 

The feelings is always going to be the toughest part. Emotions is what makes you human, they're precious, unique, & please don't wish you didn't have emotions. I know emotions hurt but they help you appreciate the good things in life.

 

You have to choose between taking hold of your emotions & feelings or letting your feelings & emotions take over you & control you & dictate what you do, what you say, how you feel.

[sunkh]

thank you for the reply:( im just sad because we wont ever find this connection. anyways im trying to be strong but i have my weak times...likes right now. arghhh wish i could talk to him again. ill try to be strong and take your advice:) thankyou again for reading:(

[JoeyArnold]

thank you for the reply:( im just sad because we wont ever find this connection. anyways im trying to be strong but i have my weak times...likes right now. arghhh wish i could talk to him again. ill try to be strong and take your advice:) thankyou again for reading:(

I really want to encourage you. I want you to not settle for less. Don't ever lower your standards for what you need in a man. Don't ever give into pressures or feelings or time or people or situations or anything. Don't beat yourself up for the past. Don't make fun of yourself or blame everything on yourself for being in unfair situations. Don't put yourself down. Try your best to learn from mistakes but don't take life too serious. Learn to appreciate the little things in life, the good things that you have instead of dwelling in the bad things all around you. It's about perspective & attitude.