budley12 Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 My ex and I dated for 2.5years. We lived together in the dorms. We slowly started to split apart and 4 months ago he ended things. A month into the break up he wanted to get back... but then he dropped me again. I initiated no contact with him for 4weeks now and I think about him every day. We are just getting back from spring break and I really want to see him. I still love him and I want to hear about his life. He is currently pursuing a relationship with someone else and he wanted to stay friends but I told him it would be too painful. I still care about him so much and want to know how his life is going... Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 Hi Budley, I remember your other posts. Now, maybe it's me and something like this wouldn't bother you as much but... imagine meeting up with him, and having to hear all about his new relationship. Imagine sitting there, having to soak up all the details about his happy pursuit of another, their time together, and how his life is going swimmingly blah blah blah. That would hurt me. Wouldn't it hurt you? Try to envision past those first few moments when it just feels good to be in the person's presence and have some relief from the pain. There's more reality to it and more pain to be had. I wouldn't want you to take that on, B. You don't need it to be harder. Link to post Share on other sites
Author budley12 Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 yeah you're right. I dont think he would talk about his new relationship though but it would still be painful with me not being involved in his life. My emotions are just a roller coaster still and I think I am still obsessing and thinking "what else can I do". So maybe meeting up would not be a good thing at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
BewitchedandBothered Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 yeah you're right. I dont think he would talk about his new relationship though but it would still be painful with me not being involved in his life. My emotions are just a roller coaster still and I think I am still obsessing and thinking "what else can I do". So maybe meeting up would not be a good thing at this point. He dropped you twice, why do you want to be a part of his life? To give him another chance to hurt you? Don't bother with this guy; huge waste of your time. Link to post Share on other sites
cerridwen Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 yeah you're right. I dont think he would talk about his new relationship though but it would still be painful with me not being involved in his life. My emotions are just a roller coaster still and I think I am still obsessing and thinking "what else can I do". So maybe meeting up would not be a good thing at this point. Are you working on strengthening parts of your life, Budley? It could help take the focus off how your ex is, and how he's spending his time. One of the worst parts of breakups, is the feeling of being dis-empowered and shoved aside. The longer the relationship, the more apt some are to see ourselves as having a role, a "place" in life in relation to someone else. After a bust up, we may feel lost and on our own. So, we may cling and have difficulty focusing on our own lives since we're used to making our ex the center of ours. Does that resonate with you at all? I know you loved him. But beyond that (and perhaps I'm wrong), I get the sense he is/was central to your identity. However, you are NOT an audience member to his show. You're the star of your own. I urge you to shift and hold focus back to your life only. Shelve him for now. Concentrate on things you desire. If you find that he's the only thing you do care about, address that with someone. Time is awastin'. You have a lot of life to live outside of him. Best. Link to post Share on other sites
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