Lonely_lonely Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/314035-dumped-one-week-before-wedding That's my original story My birthday was 4 days ago , he sent me a text wishing me happy birthday Should I respond ? Or just ignore it Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Did he just send it today or did he send it 4 days ago? Either way you were left in a horrible way and responding will only open the gate to either hoping for a response or actually getting one and causing more pain. Delete the text and change your number so he can not continue to contact you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely_lonely Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 No he contacted me on my actual birthday , but I ignored it , and now I'm thinking if I should have responded ,is it rude to not reply ? Link to post Share on other sites
fallenenvy Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Must you ask? I'm sure you must know the answer will be a resounding NO! I went back and read your other thread and it just shocked the hell out of me.... he dumped you before a wedding he had paid for and seemingly committed to (ie. the house and car etc.) You've been doing the right thing not talking to him.. and screw him for wishing you a happy birthday.. hes still just trying to play to your emotions to get you to take him back... don't let it get to you! In reality you are probably going to have to talk to him EVENTUALLY.. such as to cut all ties.. like your joint bank account... and if you still want to dump his car and house back on him.. (which i don't blame you i wouldn't want them either!) or if you are feeling particularly vindictive sell them yourself.. (although i don't think i'd want the money either)... Anyway, keep not talking to him.. its good for you.. be nice if you could just flat out block his # 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I've read your previous thread lonely. It's one of the saddest threads I've ever read. It sounds like he was your first and true relationship and that it ended very bitterly. That is a very hard pill to swallow. You must feel very hurt, rejected and heartbroken. I know that feeling too well. And just like you, my ex-bf also wished me happy b-day after we broke up, he sent all kind of stupid text messages like 'happy new year', 'how are you doing?'. Like those texts we're meaning anything... it's just him feeling guilty. When I received those texts, I didn't do anything, I just let him contact me and eventually he stopped contacting me. He has contacted me through a year and the messages stopped in July 2011 when he meet someone new. I truly hope you find the courage to go no contact and to find the support in the people you love. Take every day as it comes and if you need to cry, just do. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I agree he's just feeling guilty, making a sorta "kind" gesture since he knows how wrong he did you. "Thanks" is really the only response I can think of for that...and since that's not something you really wanted to say, you were correct not to say anything. If he had not texted you, you would be thinking the jerk didn't even wish you happy birthday (it would have been impossible for you not to think that!). He thought of you and knows a text doesn't make anything better- he's probably thinking she hates me so much that she didn't even say thanks! I agree on leaving it alone. (One day you can say at least you guys avoided the headache of a divorce). Link to post Share on other sites
tgr172 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I dont see sending something like "BTW almost forgot... thx for the birthday wishes" and no nore exchanges.. # one u are letting him know u are calm and really over it. one can only do that when they can be curtious but not interested. It will eat the heck out of him. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 NO don't! Silence sends the strongest message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
volkl1996 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 +100000 to all of the Nos! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely_lonely Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 I was thinking like tgr172 When I got the text I didn't think about it much and just erased it But today I was thinking that maybe by ignoring it and saying nothing back it will make me seem like I'm still angry or like I'm still hurt ? I want to seem cool about the whole thing and like I'm moving on I'm really damaged from all that but I feel better now I'm seeing a therapist and working out and focusing more on me Would ignoring it like that make me seem like I'm still angry at him? I guess a part of me wants to let him know that I'm 'happy' and civil and accepted that whole thing and moved on . What you guys think ? Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 I agree he's just feeling guilty, making a sorta "kind" gesture since he knows how wrong he did you. "Thanks" is really the only response I can think of for that...and since that's not something you really wanted to say, you were correct not to say anything. If he had not texted you, you would be thinking the jerk didn't even wish you happy birthday (it would have been impossible for you not to think that!). He thought of you and knows a text doesn't make anything better- he's probably thinking she hates me so much that she didn't even say thanks! I agree on leaving it alone. (One day you can say at least you guys avoided the headache of a divorce). Yep I agree too. My ex. dumped me in a very cruel way 7 months ago and I went N.C. never expecting to hear from her again. In the past month she's contacted me several times with emails and a note filled with I'm sorrys....regrets..she thinks about me everyday blah blah blah. All it really meant was she's trying to dump the guilt she's been carrying around for months now. Yours may be doing the same...Don't reply. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Better_Days Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 Wow, my gf broke up with me yesterday over another guy, and I thought my case is messed up. After reading about your story, I felt so bad. Ignore this guy. He doesn't deserve anything from you. Better_Days Link to post Share on other sites
loveydove Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I dont see sending something like "BTW almost forgot... thx for the birthday wishes" and no nore exchanges.. # one u are letting him know u are calm and really over it. one can only do that when they can be curtious but not interested. It will eat the heck out of him. I totally agree with this. Show no emotion, just play it cool if you decide to text him back. By the way, do you mind if I ask what his text said? was it simply happy birthday? you're way better than him, and I hope he knows it. Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I was thinking like tgr172 When I got the text I didn't think about it much and just erased it But today I was thinking that maybe by ignoring it and saying nothing back it will make me seem like I'm still angry or like I'm still hurt ? I want to seem cool about the whole thing and like I'm moving on I'm really damaged from all that but I feel better now I'm seeing a therapist and working out and focusing more on me Would ignoring it like that make me seem like I'm still angry at him? I guess a part of me wants to let him know that I'm 'happy' and civil and accepted that whole thing and moved on . What you guys think ? Ummm....you are still hurt and should still be angry. Do you want him to think..hmm, I guess we're ok now. I don't feel so bad anymore. Its really just one measly text. Im all for a simple thank you and call it a day. But we all know you will be waiting for a reply and then, and then, and then... He needs to make all the moves here. You have every right to be angry, hurt, etc. He knows this! You're texting thank you or not is not going to change that. I also agree with Mike that in time this guy will come around when the guilt of how he let you go is too heavy for him to carry. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 NO!! Who CARES if he thinks you are "cool and over it"?!?! You need to STOP worrying what he thinks and worry about how you ARE! Please don't respond! You'll sit and wait for a response from him, and if it doesn't come you will be crushed. Just don't! Even if he responds, it's a whole tangled mess you'll get back into. Please don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely_lonely Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 he texted me again asking me if 'I'm ok ' it seems that I'm not strong enough to block him Any advice is needed please Link to post Share on other sites
Linda Lee Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 @Lonely_lonely It is obvious that you are still unable to take this man out of your mind, this could be for many reasons, but the one main reason without a doubt is that you do not have other choices, if you only look for other activities to keep yourself busy , instead of checking your mobile every few minutes, you can speed your healing process. Have you ever thought of getting involved in a new relationship? In my opinion this is the best way to heal a broken heart. You should know that every empty space must be filled, if you don't find the appropriate ways to fill the empty space your ex has left in your heart, It will saty for longer filled with the past memories. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamila Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 he texted me again asking me if 'I'm ok ' it seems that I'm not strong enough to block him Any advice is needed please My ex-bf texted me also something like that a month after we broke up. I responded by lying that I'm okay. I shouldn't have, but I didn't know better at that time. If you're not okay, the best way to show it is to NOT RESPOND. Silence speaks louder than words. Like fluorescent said, it's okay for you to be hurt. You wanted to marry the guy ! I remember my father wanting to go up to my ex and wanting to slap him. But my mother managed to change his mind. You'll have to change your set of mind. You are a nice woman and a man took advantage of that, now he's doing it again. He's pulling at your strings. Try to block him, he's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
brazilian Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) You want to pretend youre ok to make him want you back... but if he does come back, how long will you be able to pretend? Will you be able to laugh at his jokes or even smile if he bought you a gift? I went through a breakup very similar to yours... we had our honeymoon trip all planned and paid for. We had just finished decorating the apartment we had rented together. As much as I love him, I wish he would disappear from this world so that I could heal properly. It has been six months, and just like you, right after the breakup I cried and pleaded for a few weeks and then I went NC. Every 25 days or so he sends me an email or SMS and I never reply. I don't even want to know what he wants, because if he wants to relieve his guilt, I dont owe him help with that. If he wants to be friends, I could never do that and don't want to. And if he changed his mind, oh well, that would drive me crazy and bring me more pain, because I know things will never go back to what they were. I am seeing a therapist, and I was even on antidepressants for a while (they did help with the anxiety and the sleep). I have recently started dating but Im far from being ready, I just cant trust anyone right now. But I will eventually. Even if I never do, I can make some new friends, and the attention is doing me good. I still think about him everyday, but everyday I know more and more that it was his loss. And don't torture yourself thinking he will just meet someone else and be happy and forget about you. It's easy to look happy if you look at my FB page you would never tell Im completely broken inside. He will be thinking of you for a long time, and there is nothing worse than something preventing you from being proud of yourself. They know they can't be proud of who they are after what they did to the woman they said they loved. And when they meet someone, even if they were to fall in love, they would question themselves. Anyways, you have to focus on yourself now and believe that you are a good person and you deserve the best. You can be proud of yourself. You don't have to pretend to be ok. You are hurt because you have feelings. And he is the most selfish person in the world to be contacting you. Go out, make friends, I subscribed to some online dating sites and I am making friends. It feels good to have people listening to me, simpathizing, sending me sweet "good morning" and "how was your day" messages. I know that in time I will meet someone special. Don't rush. Take your time. You have a beautiful future ahead. You will be in my prayers :-) Edited March 7, 2012 by brazilian 2 Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 See he knows... There is nothing you need to tell him right now. I think one day you guys will talk, he will continue to try because of his guilt. Right now you will have to be strong in order to keep him at bay until that time comes where you are healed enough to deal with him. If he keeps contacting you, maybe you will have to ask him to simply leave you alone as you need time to heal (because the contact will continue to anger you). Don't worry if he thinks you are ok or not. Affected or not. Own your real feelings and leave the worrying and wondering to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lonely_lonely Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 Thank you so much all for this tough love , hard to swallow but I'm a big girl , I won't be contacting him ever and I'll continue no contact and ignore him You all amazing and very helpful 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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