Something to think about

[wing81]

For those of you thicking about breaking up with someone here is something to think about. This has been on my mind for a long time and even after 4 months is still frustrating. Whatever you do don't do it over the phone. I understand that there may be cases during long term travel where you can just let the other person think things are going ok and need to tell them. However, the first chance you have to see them in person, get together and talk to them.

 

As some of you have read from some of my other posts my girlfriend of 2 years told me over the phone but has never talked to me in person about it even though she had numerous chances to. If we could have atleast talked in person I think we could stil have been close friends, at this point I don't even want to hear from her. It just plain sucks.

 

For those of you thinking about breaking up with someone over the phone here is an idea of what the person breaking up with you may think and feel afterwards. Of course the initial phone call may not be a shock but it is tough to respond to, you may have spent all this time preparing what to say and the person you're breaking up with is defenseless.

 

The next time you see each other may be like old times, talking about different things but the other person is waiting for you to tell them in person about breaking up. Atleast it gives them a chance to see that it wasn't something that you took lightly. Of course if that doesn't happen that person may be confused as to the status of the break up. The less you talk the more the person that was dumped feels disrespected. Especially after two years, its almost like they meant nothing to the other person. It also makes it harder for the other person to let go of the relationship. You may have said your goodbyes but the other person may not have had the chance to say everything they wanted.

 

After a while the person you broke up with my start to have very strong feelings of dislike for numerous reasons, even if they don't show it right away. In my case I would have felt better about the break up if we talked, at this point I don't even want to be friends. I just feel disrespted and that I meant nothing to her at all during those two years.

 

I don't mean to rant but just something to think about for those of you considering a break up. If it really did mean something to you, prove it by talking to the other person.

[dario]

I agree with you. That makes total sense. Over the phone is strange...the excuse I got was that she was, in her words, 'a coward'. Her excuse/reason changed...it never became clear cut. But I got what I wanted eventually...I don't want to hear, speak, see you etc. Her words and that's all I needed to move on.

 

She broke up with me over an email. And I will never forget that day. I was at work, it was hot and my counters to her emails were hurried and rushed. I kept on saying we should

talk about it...or work it out...or meet.

 

When the eventual face to face came....it was like, in that hurried email state, everything had been wrapped up and it was just a handshake deal. I couldn't/didn't have a chance to get my point across...it had been destroyed by the emails which hold no weight if it's not face to face.

 

And then I tortured myself a little. I did call...tried to get things out to her to the point of stupdity and freakishness (not stalking or anything....) Just things went strange. And I found the only way to get her out of my system was for her to say simply 'F*ck off'. Which has lifted me beyond anything that she's said. Cause now I know that I can just live.

 

Whether she continues to think me a freak is beyond the point. The point is I needed that initial face to face. I could have given some views and just (well you know) accepted it. That email business and the chopping and changing of excuses ruined a slight chance.

 

Phone - no. Email - no. Face to face - yes. Maybe I'm wrong and people are weak...not purposefuly weak...but I can imagine that breaking up with someone is a hard thing to do too. But out of respect there must be courage.

[ukgirl28]

Well if you thought breaking up over the phone was bad, then what about over text message!!

 

My friend got dumped by his lover over a text and it came as a complete shock!! I suppose you could say eveything you wanted just like an email but, the thing with text messages, emails...its worse coz everything is distorted in the message...you cant hear or feel any real emotions - so it appears as really cold and harsh whereas, with a phone call, at least you can hear their voice...by I agree with you there, face to face is the better way..

[ziggue]

I agree that a face to face brake up is way better too. Maybe you get more closure that way. Even if it doesn't sink in till a couple of days later for most people. Plus you know at least the person had the guts to tell you upfront. Even if it did hurt.

 

I wonder if it shows that the future ex does care about what happens to the dumpee when they actually brake up with them face to face?

[greentea]

people have different ways of showing things... my (now) ex just disappeared. No text, no call, no email.

 

such a coward.