mat2468 Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 i split up with my girlfriend about 3 days ago, she finished with me because i tried to lock her away and never gave her any time with her mates, i tried to stop her been her, i only did it because i was insucure and scared of loosing her, but she warned me how she was fealin on a number of ocassions but i never took any notice till she actually finished me,we were together for 3 years and i miss her so much already, the funny thing is if i got another chance i could change i no what iv done and it wasnt worth loosin her. she says we can be friend and we can still got out for drinks and stuff i said ok hoping that will lead to us getting back together, but im afraid that by being friends with her shell get to like it and want to keep it that way, she has txted me every nite saying how hard it is but she knows its for the best, and shes so happy that she has still got me as her best friend, but i cant cope with that its killin me, should i go along with been friends in hope that shell remember the good times, or could i be just helping her get over me better? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 You think you could change and perhaps you could but the odds are against it. If you can really change, why not do it right now...right this minute. Stop being possessive of people and the world. Stop being insecure. The same dynamics that you used to chain your girlfriend and bar her from her mates are the same as those in place now that seek her instant return. Why not change and free her to her own devices...let her be...let her make her own decisions without your control and interference? If you take ANY action whatsoever right now, she will see that action ONLY as an extention of your former ways and will instantly dismiss it and be further angered. Your ONLY salvation in this case, your ONLY chance...is to leave her alone and not contact her. That's the only strategy that will show her you've changed. Women go through this crap with men all the time, the men promise to change, the ladies get coaxed back, and the men go right back to their old ways. Most don't fall for that anymore because their girlfriends wise them up. So it's all up to you now to show her you have changed, and have changed permanently, by letting her go. Take this opportunity to realize you don't own other human beings and that any effort to try same will result in trouble and perhaps a broken heart for you. There are no free lunches. You do something counter to nature and you will always pay a price. Work on yourself this minute to let people go...let them be themselves...give them space to be the free human beings they were designed to be. If you get that quality out of all this, YOU will be the main winner here. Clearly understand that no other person is going to pay a price for your jealousy and insecurity. You own that and their consequences exclusively and you will pay a heavy price for your subscription to them until you cancel it. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
mat2468 Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 i havent contacted her first at all, its killed me but iv let her make the effort, she wants to go out for a drink next tuesday to start the process of being friends, but i cant stop fealin like i wont it to start the process of us startin a fresh, do u reckon theres a chance of that? Link to post Share on other sites
look forward Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 I agree with Tony..... you need to give the girl space and that means "no contact" its the only possible chance you have to better yourself not just to get your ex back but for yourself.. You have to be strong and tell her nicely that even though there is nothing you want more in the world than to be her friend its all too raw and you think no contact will be better and that you need time.. then see what happens all the while evaluating yourself and what you can do to reduce the controlling side to your personality becuase even if you do reconcile and you havent changed this will happen again and again.. I dont think your heart can take it so change now... Wishing you all the best of luck XXX Link to post Share on other sites
mat2468 Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 this all makes sense my friends and i understand what needs to be done and that she needs space but on the side of getting her back, how should i go about it? Link to post Share on other sites
look forward Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 mat2468 there is no gaurentee you will get her back.. give her time and space this is the best possible chance you have to get her back.. I know its hard but she isn;t a possesion you cant just go and collect her.. she has feelings and has her own mind only she can decide if she wants to come back in order for this to even possible happen you need to be out of the picture a bit no matter how tough it gets someone once said in the forums which i thought was very apt " it you want to be missed you need to be missing"... If you want her back the best thing you can do is give her space and have no contact.. if you two are truely man to be together she will return.. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 14, 2004 Share Posted January 14, 2004 The best way to get her back is not to try. You keep asking this question. The begging answer would imply some sort of contact with her and that's NOT what you want to do. Just keep living your life and move on. Any attempt to contact her or take any other action in favor of getting her back will backfire on you. STOP ASKING THE QUESTION, HOW CAN I GET HER BACK??? The answer is do nothing. End of thread ! Link to post Share on other sites
mat2468 Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 hey tony letting her have space has been working great, i havent called her once, she called me last nite and asked her if im still going to her brothers 21st birthday party on this weekend, she says she is confussed and she doesnt no what she wants no but i can go as her friend, i think i should say no but my ex is going to be there and last time me and me girlfriend had an argument she tried to tell my girlfriend that iv been having lunch with her at work (my ex works at the same place), this isnt true because me and my ex split on bad terms so we dont talk, if i go i no she wont say anything but i might mess up my chances of getting back together with my gf, as not callin or seein her seems to be workin, but if i dont go and the ex trys again i think it will mess up any chance that ive got, what do i do? Link to post Share on other sites
AZNNTYCE Posted January 15, 2004 Share Posted January 15, 2004 i would say im in a simular situation as u. im gettin advice as i go but i do find it best if u give her time and see what happens from there. best of luck to u Link to post Share on other sites
lattimershotgun Posted January 16, 2004 Share Posted January 16, 2004 k guys but if the girl originally just said she wanted time and wanted to get back together.....and she gives you a deadline when you were suppsoed to get gback together. and then during the breka time lets jsut say you aruge a lto with her and get in some drama. then weeks pass and all seems well again but you are still on break. woudl it be ok to ask if the drama disruppted teh normal getting back together process? or if things are right on track still? dont u think i coudl ask her to be upfront with me and see waht she is thinking and where we stand? Link to post Share on other sites
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