dolemite Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 OK guys, need some help here, hurting BAD. Three months ago, I was alone, lonely and depressed after 5 years without a relationship but things quickly turned for the better when I met a wonderful girl online and we began dating. It got pretty hot and heavy pretty quick ... we were making love by the second date. Things went wonderfully for the next two months or so ... I wasn't sure if I was in love, but it sure felt like it. We were planning on going on a NYE trip to Arizona and just hanging out a lot. I was shocked ... she contacted me and was the best thing to appear in my life in years. Things started to get a little hairy for her career wise in September when her company put itself up for sale and the state AG's office began an investigation into possible criminal activity in her unit. She got a subpoena and that was the beginnning of our problems. She was fully anticipating getting fired in December and waited around for basically a month to find out that she was indeed being fired. I happened to be away on a trip at the time and didn't get to see her for a few days afterward. She said she wasn't feeling well and basically blew me off for a couple of days but then I met her parents the next Sunday. That evening, she was very distant, said she was still sick, so I went home and left her alone for the night. It was a bit strange ... she felt distant ... but I chalked it up to the job/holidays/relationship stress. (things were starting to get a bit serious between us and I think I might have pushed it a little.) anyway, two days later (two days before xmas) she said she couldn't afford to go to Arizona ... something I completely understood. But when I asked her if everything was OK, she said no, that she needed some time to think and that I needed to ``step back'' from her while everything was going on. I got pretty upset, told her how much I cared for her and that it sounded like she was breaking up with me. She said `I'm not sure what's going on in my head.' I let her go that night, as much as it felt like a goodbye. She didn't give me an Xmas present ... and told me to take back the one I bought for her. I gave her several options to end the relationship ... I said `If you don't want to do this anymore, that's cool' and she sighed and replied `I just need more time.' I told her I loved her ... I had to tell her ... and she said `I can't say that to you right now.' (even tho I'm pretty sure she said that to me in bed a couple of weeks ago.) 10 minutes later, she invited me to come over. I said OK, if she was sure she wanted to see me, and then 5 minutes later she called back and said she needed more time and that she was `just playing head games' to invite me over then. She also confessed to me that she doesn't like my pot smkin (even tho she alwyas maintained she had no problem with it) and had been having doubts since she found me smokin it in her house one morning. But she said `I miss you when you're not around but I don't want to be mean to you while I'm going through all of this.' She also said something was keeping her from falling in love with me but she ``doesn't know what it is'' and that she thinks its ``2/3rds stress and 1/3 that we're not right for each other.'' also confessed that her idea of a good night out is different than mine. Anyway, I let her go. It's been two weeks since we spoke last and it's killing me not to contact her just to let her know how I feel. I've been taking advice to not contact her and am trying to let go but I honestly was never more comfortable with a person than I was with her and just can't see myself finding someone as smart, funny and sexy as she was. I never met anyone before her that I liked both as a lover and a friend as much as I did her and it's really chewing me up inside. I have dreadful thoughts for the future and I just want to know if everyone thinks this relationship is down for the count or if I should continue to hold on to the slim hopes that I have. For the record, she updated her online personal ad recently, which gives me little hope for the relationship, but I don't know if she did that before or after I did and I wonder if this isn't just a little test to see how serious I am about it. I just want to send her a note telling her how much I do care since it's been so long but I don't know if I should just give up and move on for good. Link to post Share on other sites
confused_and_worried Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 then go for it don't her go . Cuzz hes probably going thrue some really difficulties. Try helping her out thru them. Link to post Share on other sites
Errol Posted January 12, 2004 Share Posted January 12, 2004 You updated your online personal ad? If she saw this then she probably figures you are not interested. The pot smoking could be a big factor- are you willing to give it up permanently for her? You could call her and tell her how you feel and that you would like to see her again, but that you understand if she doesn't feel like you two are right for each other. If she says that she feels something isn't right then you have your closure and you will just have to make yourself move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dolemite Posted January 12, 2004 Author Share Posted January 12, 2004 Yeah, I updated my personal ad ... I was very hurt by what she did to me and I just needed to find some way to cope ... maybe that was a very revengeful thing to do but I need to protect myself and if I wait too long I'm afraid of getting depressed for another five years because of a breakup. I am willing to give up the smoking for her and I told her that absolutely. I know she was the woman for me when I instantly knew I would give it up for her. I would always make that choice. I'm even considering making that choice even if it is over because if pot cost me this relationship, I never want to smoke it again. Link to post Share on other sites
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