Do dumpers realize or even care........

[ThinkPink218]

how much they've hurt you? It seems like they just happily move on in life without looking back to the hurt the breakup has caused the dumpee

[Sustugriel]

They hurt. They care.

 

But they hide it, run away from it, and do whatever they can to avoid it. In my issue that im currently dealing with...she did whatever she could to avoid seeing me hurt so she wouldn't feel guilt in her actions. She even told people that.

 

A question rings out..."If you feel guilty, isn't it possible you're making a wrong decision?"

 

I am sorry you are hurting. Find solace in that I've been there too:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=307345

[silly_panda]

Some does, some don't... Depending on how the break up occured...

 

If it's a long term relationship and the break up is not about leaving for another person, then they probably still care...

 

Sustugriel, feeling guilty doesn't always mean that they will think that they had made a wrong decision... Sometimes it's just the dumper feel bad for hurting the dumpee by leaving... I had been the dumper before and I do feel guilty for leaving because I felt like I hurt her but I have to break it off because there is no more romantic feeling...

[smokey bear]

If no badness happened then yes, they do care etc, but its not enough to come back. So take comfort that at some point yes they will feel it, but it doesnt mean they arent happy with their decision.

[DannyT27]

My gf of 5 yrs Left me then days later got with sum1 else... Do you thk

she feels guilty ? I mean 5 yrs is a long time lots of memories etc.. I really hope if and guilt does kickin it hits her like a ton of bricks!

[ThinkPink218]

If no badness happened then yes, they do care etc, but its not enough to come back. So take comfort that at some point yes they will feel it, but it doesnt mean they arent happy with their decision.

 

What do you mean by "badness"??

 

My gf of 5 yrs Left me then days later got with sum1 else... Do you thk

she feels guilty ? I mean 5 yrs is a long time lots of memories etc.. I really hope if and guilt does kickin it hits her like a ton of bricks!

 

Oh wow I'm sorry to hear that Danny. 5 years is a long time.

[ThinkPink218]

I'm just trying to understand how they can care so much about you and then just let it go with no looking back or remorse about your feelings. It takes two to make a relationship work therefore both people play some type of role in the breakup, but it seems as if the dumper could care less (in some instances) about your hurting feelings. Why is that?

[silly_panda]

I'm just trying to understand how they can care so much about you and then just let it go with no looking back or remorse about your feelings. It takes two to make a relationship work therefore both people play some type of role in the breakup, but it seems as if the dumper could care less (in some instances) about your hurting feelings. Why is that?

 

Simple... They are just not attracted to you anymore... They don't feel the fun and excitement in being in the relationship with you anymore... Or, they don't see any future being with you anymore... Or, you took them for granted and at one point they tell themselves enough is enough...

 

They still care but for them, leaving the relationship is better than staying in it...

[DannyT27]

Thanks thinkpink218, if you would like to read the whole situation there is a thread on it. I just can't understand how she was texting me in the noting sayin " love u " then in the afternoon she just tells me it's over. Very strange, it's been abt 6 wks now and I'm still finding it hard to cope just throwing all my time into work and gym.. I'm not even goin out drinking... Not a bad thing I suppose LOL

[ThinkPink218]

Simple... They are just not attracted to you anymore... They don't feel the fun and excitement in being in the relationship with you anymore... Or, they don't see any future being with you anymore... Or, you took them for granted and at one point they tell themselves enough is enough...

 

They still care but for them, leaving the relationship is better than staying in it...

 

Makes sense. Tough pill to swallow though

[mike588]

how much they've hurt you? It seems like they just happily move on in life without looking back to the hurt the breakup has caused the dumpee

 

Most do care depending on the relationship and why it ended. I dated my ex. for almost a year then dumped me for her ex. and I do know she felt bad/guilty for it and I hope she still does!

[ThinkPink218]

Thanks thinkpink218, if you would like to read the whole situation there is a thread on it. I just can't understand how she was texting me in the noting sayin " love u " then in the afternoon she just tells me it's over. Very strange, it's been abt 6 wks now and I'm still finding it hard to cope just throwing all my time into work and gym.. I'm not even goin out drinking... Not a bad thing I suppose LOL

 

Yea drinking may not be the best coping mechanism lol but wow that's very strange. I'm sure she's trying to figure out things as well though.

[smokey bear]

Well here's a story for you, that should make you think different.

 

I had a best friend, not sexual or relationship interest, we were close good friends for about 3-4 years.

 

He met a girl and she didnt like me, he fell for her hard and cut me out of his life, completely.

 

For about 3 months i was angry at him. Then it hut me hard, i really missed him, the emotion was just like a break up but he was only my friend.

 

I missed him dearly for 2 months and then went on with my life.

 

I still thought of him occasionally and even tried to reach out a couple times over the next two years.

 

Heard nothing from him

 

One day he txt me out of the blue.

 

Said he missed me greatly and was sorry for cutting me out of his life and regretted it deeply.

 

It felt as if we hadnt had all those years apart, we just went back to what we had.

 

He told me he thought of me often, missed me but never reached out because of his now wife.

 

WE WERE JUST FRIENDS, NEVER LOVERS, NEVER HAD THOSE FEELINGS.

 

The point is, someone who has been a big part of your life for a long time, over 3 years ish does and always will have an impact on you and you on them, EVEN if they claim they have fell out of love.

 

 

 

Yes they will still care, yes they will still miss miss you etc.

 

For my friend it took 2 years for him to finally to get back in touch.

 

friends, ex's..... If the relationship was good, no badness, and a major part of your life, yes they still care etc, and some day may come back.....

[M2155]

They still care but for them, leaving the relationship is better than staying in it...

This makes a lot of sense to me for most cases.

 

To answer the question yes I think they care that they realize and care that they hurt you. But I don't know what they could do about it. Thinking back, I can't think of anything he could have done to make dumping me not hurt. "Hey hope you're okay" sounds stupid now, what would he have done if I were not you know. It's just a tough experience.

[ThinkPink218]

Well here's a story for you, that should make you think different.

 

I had a best friend, not sexual or relationship interest, we were close good friends for about 3-4 years.

 

He met a girl and she didnt like me, he fell for her hard and cut me out of his life, completely.

 

For about 3 months i was angry at him. Then it hut me hard, i really missed him, the emotion was just like a break up but he was only my friend.

 

I missed him dearly for 2 months and then went on with my life.

 

I still thought of him occasionally and even tried to reach out a couple times over the next two years.

 

Heard nothing from him

 

One day he txt me out of the blue.

 

Said he missed me greatly and was sorry for cutting me out of his life and regretted it deeply.

 

It felt as if we hadnt had all those years apart, we just went back to what we had.

 

He told me he thought of me often, missed me but never reached out because of his now wife.

 

WE WERE JUST FRIENDS, NEVER LOVERS, NEVER HAD THOSE FEELINGS.

 

The point is, someone who has been a big part of your life for a long time, over 3 years ish does and always will have an impact on you and you on them, EVEN if they claim they have fell out of love.

 

 

 

Yes they will still care, yes they will still miss miss you etc.

 

For my friend it took 2 years for him to finally to get back in touch.

 

friends, ex's..... If the relationship was good, no badness, and a major part of your life, yes they still care etc, and some day may come back.....

 

Thanks so much for this story. I can relate to this in so many ways!! I really appreciate this.

[ThinkPink218]

This makes a lot of sense to me for most cases.

 

To answer the question yes I think they care that they realize and care that they hurt you. But I don't know what they could do about it. Thinking back, I can't think of anything he could have done to make dumping me not hurt. "Hey hope you're okay" sounds stupid now, what would he have done if I were not you know. It's just a tough experience.

 

So so true. It is just a tough experience!

 

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for giving me different ways to look at this situation!!!

[lilyblue]

Well here's a story for you, that should make you think different.

 

I had a best friend, not sexual or relationship interest, we were close good friends for about 3-4 years.

 

He met a girl and she didnt like me, he fell for her hard and cut me out of his life, completely.

 

For about 3 months i was angry at him. Then it hut me hard, i really missed him, the emotion was just like a break up but he was only my friend.

 

I missed him dearly for 2 months and then went on with my life.

 

I still thought of him occasionally and even tried to reach out a couple times over the next two years.

 

Heard nothing from him

 

One day he txt me out of the blue.

 

Said he missed me greatly and was sorry for cutting me out of his life and regretted it deeply.

 

It felt as if we hadnt had all those years apart, we just went back to what we had.

 

He told me he thought of me often, missed me but never reached out because of his now wife.

 

WE WERE JUST FRIENDS, NEVER LOVERS, NEVER HAD THOSE FEELINGS.

 

The point is, someone who has been a big part of your life for a long time, over 3 years ish does and always will have an impact on you and you on them, EVEN if they claim they have fell out of love.

 

 

 

Yes they will still care, yes they will still miss miss you etc.

 

For my friend it took 2 years for him to finally to get back in touch.

 

friends, ex's..... If the relationship was good, no badness, and a major part of your life, yes they still care etc, and some day may come back.....

 

What a hopeful, helpful story.

[Glove_slap]

My gf of 5 yrs Left me then days later got with sum1 else... Do you thk

she feels guilty ? I mean 5 yrs is a long time lots of memories etc.. I really hope if and guilt does kickin it hits her like a ton of bricks!

 

my gf of 3 years left me right after she broke up with me too, it's been about a year and a half and she's still with the guy. he does everything for her and showers her with money. to be honest bro sometimes they find what they're looking for even if it's superficial and pointless, sometimes they find happiness after they leave. sucks don't it?

 

As for answering the thread question, most generally get over the hurt before they break up with you or they rationalize it after they break up with you, they usually place all the baggage on you before they leave. Kind of like a "hey, hold on to all these suitcases and bags full of memories while I take a tour around the world"