I feel hopeless and numb for what i did and want her back

[Bazamu]

Well after reading about a lot of threads on here, I got the balls to. Finally put up a post.

 

My girlfriend and I were together for 1 1/2 years. I know its not long, but it feels like it is. How we met was probably one of the worst ways you could do. I recently came back from a divorce and started talking with all my friends I dropped for my ex wife. I was reconnecting back with my friends I have known for 13 years or so and one of them was getting married. I talked to my friend and was so excited for him to get married to this girl. I wasn't invited to the wedding because I was not living in the same state at the time. After a few weeks and getting back to my normal self, I asked his fiance on facebook when was the wedding. From there on out, we talked day and night.her and I were intriged by eachother and kept talking for hours upon end. It seemed like it was okay to talk to her, since she was about to get married in a couple months, but things got worse. I was running in the park one day and she decided to drive out of her way to come see me, while I was running. Everything turned awkward and I didn't want anything else, other than just a friend. It kept getting more intense day by day and eventually we did the unthinkable.I slept with my friends fiance and felt so much guilt, but at the same time. I loved it. Some people say I did this, because I wasjust recently divorced, and had no one to latch on to. Yes, I know I am a bad person for what I did to everyone. They broke the wedding off and then we started dating. It was perfect for 8 months until I went to vegas, so I could have some fun. The last night I was there, I was gambling and drinking wanting to get as much fun as possible. I ended up sleeping with a random girl while I was there. I eventually told my girlfriend and we broke up a week later, then got back together, we broke up again and got back together, then for the third time. We ended it for good. She has already been talking and sleeping with this guy and it has only been 3 weeks. I wrote her poems and notes for those 3 weeks. Hoping I would get back with her. I know this whole story is really f***** up, but for these 3 weeks, all I could think about is how I could be a much better person and try and understand what she is going through. We spent everyday together and its so hard to not contact her. I recently blacklisted her number to try and help me nc, but hurts just to think about her. I have learned a very good amount from this whole experience, but I still want to try.

[Bazamu]

Anyone? I'm a a human being as well

[fucpcg]

Dude you shouldn't have touched that, but its okay you get that without my help.

 

The girl wasn't ready to get married, as they say it takes two to tango. That relationship was doomed without your help. Maybe here is a good example.... I don't even accept dates when I'm 9 months out from being dumped by my ex, cause I still love that girl. If someone would suggest that I would have cheated on her while we were TOGETHER, haha what a joke. Didn't matter who came along, I loved my ex, I loved her children, I loved the life we had together. Some random hottie couldn't have split me from her with a crowbar.

[fiat500]

Control is a hard concept for you to grasp. It got you in and out of this relationship you had. Was it the reason for your divorce as well? You're acting like a sheltered kid who goes away to live at college for the first time ever. Stealing your ex friend's ex fiance is just terrible, sure. But to top it all, you couldn't even stay faithful. You're just a bad catch all around. You not only f##ked up your friend's relationship, you also f##ked up yours. You're not getting anyone (back or otherwise) until you grow up and learn some self restraint.

[Bazamu]

Very well put Fiat, and no. My wife cheated on me, so I left. I tried to stick with her and work things out, but it was too much for my wife at the time. About restraint, yes, I still have a lot to learn, which is what I am doing right now. It sucks and even though she is with another guy (who has a girlfriend on the side) right now, I will still fight for her and this NC for even 1 day is a killer. I end up finding stupid things to say to her, so she knows I am still thinking about her. I am willing to risk a lot. Call me stupid, but I feel she needs to find herself and I as well.

[Eeyore79]

The fact that she cheated on her fiance, and the fact that you cheated on her, are two separate things. Your relationship ended because you cheated on your girlfriend, end of story. Sorry, but she's an idiot if she takes you back after that.

[Berlington Bob]

Well even though your intentions were horrible, you ended up doing your friend a favor. And although you don't see it right now, you did yourself a favor in Vegas. A person who will shack up with someone else while they are engaged won't last long in a marriage. If you or your friend ended up marrying this girl it would have ended in divorce. Period.

 

As someone above said, this girl is not ready to get married if she can't even make it to the wedding before she cheats (like my ex). At the same time, like another poster said, you also aren't ready to be serious with anyone. Give yourself a year or so before getting into any sort of commited relationship. Sleep around if you need to and get it out of your system. At least that way there will be no heart break on your end or a girl's.

 

As for getting her back, (not that I am advising it) I'm sure you have read the posts on here. About 25% of them somewhere in the thread say something about not giving someone who broke up with you space. Say what you need to say to her. But say it once. Appologize if you need to and then walk away from it. It may take a week, a month, a year or never but repeating yourself in poems and stuff will just drive her away.

[PinkPunkCosmo]

hi there, seems she was unsure since the beginning about getting married, marriage is something quite serious that the person has to be absolutely 150% sure about since you are in fact spending the "rest" of your life with that person, however she did not hesitate to cheat before actually getting married, how do you know she is serious about anything if she did this to your friend because like the other person said it takes two to tango. If she did this to your friend with you what makes you think down the line eventually she won't do it to you. She seems unsure, in the mean time i would focus on you for now and stay away from relationships until you are fully healed. Until then it will be difficult to keep a relationship since the scars have not healed. Do not try to get her back, go NC and be strong. Focus on your healing and helping yourself other wise what is the point of getting her back and messing up again later. If you still say who cares about healing and all that i just want her back, then give her space when you ignore someone it catches their attention more than smothering them. so go NC and see how it goes, she will be curious enough to ask dam haven't hear from him for a while wonder if he is thinking about me, if she really cared about you she will contact you again even out of simple curiosity if not try your best to move on. hope everything works out

[Bazamu]

I appreciate the negative and positive inputs that you guys tell me. Working on myself is hard, specially when you were around that person everyday and dropped everything for them. This NC is so hard to do, even when I block her from my phone, I find ways to beat around it, as in restrict my number and she picks up. She will always picks up the phone and it feels nice for that split second I talk to her, but then goes back to the same way it was before. I have learned a good amount. I haven't learned this NC though, that's for sure. I went on the coping forums and posted a couple angry things I would like to say to her hoping it would make me not want to contact her. Yeah, that didn't last long. Its like the only way to stop this is if I go through a coma, which I wish sometimes it would happen, so I could stop running my brain for its money. When I called, I only asked one thing, "what do you think of me?" Her response was, "I don't know what to think of you right now." I know this is pushing her even more, but someone out there must have some type of answer for this. My guess is, just do NC and that's it. Easier said than done. I am a hopeless loser and feels that it will never change for some apparent reason. I can't forgive myself what I did to this girl.

[PinkPunkCosmo]

I know it is hard but you can do it, it just really does take time. By contacting her your only hurting yourself more and more every time she denies you. DO not do that to yourself. You need to also forgive yourself, you can not undo what has already happened you cant change the past. Live in the present, stay strong do not contact her no private calls, no nothing just go NC and things will get better. You cant force it if she does not want to so give her space to think a little. It will get better i was with my ex for 6 years we were inseparable and i went NC at all and he started contacting me and sending me text messages because remember curiosity is really strong. So let her make the moves you did your part.

[Bazamu]

Pinkpunkcosmo- thanks for your advise, you are right, I have done everything I can and left the ball in her court, I just hope she throws it back. NC starting today! I want to unblock her number, so if she ever does want to call, she would get a hold of me :\

[kaleidoscope]

The question I have is did you actually love that girl?

 

Or was it just lust/infatuation?

 

Do you feel like you know the difference?

 

Personally, the best thing you can probably do is go to the bookstore and pick up some good relationship books to give yourself a paradigm shift on what a healthy relationship means.

 

Its easy for someone to say "just grow up" but your behavior is likely to just continue. I've seen people with your behavior before and they pretty much DON'T change. They justify and justify what they have done internally even though they feel bad. And they don't really know why they do it either.

 

I don't think you're trying to be bad. I just think you're an emotional mess and can't handle yourself.

 

And because of that you hurt people. People you care about the most.

 

Without knowledge and a bit of hard work on your self you are doomed to do it again.

 

Just based on what I've seen.

 

Of course I don't know you. You could do a 180 degree and actually build some standards for a relationship.

Edited December 2, 2011 by kaleidoscope

[Bazamu]

kaleidoscope- in the beginning it was a little hectic, because of how we started. I never have been asked that question before. Lust and infatuation was in the beginning, it eventually turned into something amazing. Yes, I know, if it was so amazing why did I do what I did? I can not express enough about my horrible lesson that I put upon me. I ****ed it up pretty bad because of that. I feel in love with the girl and I'm pretty sure if it was lust or an infatuation, I wouldn't be feeling like I do now. She was my all. I try everyday to understand and try to forgive and forget, but it doesn't really work. It makes me want to call her even more. She said she needs time and space and I try to give it. I guess I'm a little more selfish than I thought. It just feels as if I stop trying to contact her, she will forget faster. I hate to say it, but she kind of already has. She is like a monkey. She was grabbing on to another branch before letting go of the other one. I know her so well and her ins and outs. I will never stop trying to get with her.