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Masochistic to accept a break????


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My "ex" is moving out in January... but he wants to keep things "open" between us... with a chance for us to "reconcile" while we're living a part.

 

Is it really beneficial for people to live separately and moderately "work" on their mangled relationship (or just spend a great amount of time a part), or is it more often an excuse for the other person to play the field and have something safe to fall back on if that doesn't work out?

 

I don't want to keep some dreaded hope alive either. He's leaving me and my head would rather sever everything........ but my stupid heart wants to hold on anyway. Anyone with any experience or insight with this????

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My "ex" is moving out in January... but he wants to keep things "open" between us... with a chance for us to "reconcile" while we're living a part.

 

Is it really beneficial for people to live separately and moderately "work" on their mangled relationship (or just spend a great amount of time a part), or is it more often an excuse for the other person to play the field and have something safe to fall back on if that doesn't work out?

 

I don't want to keep some dreaded hope alive either. He's leaving me and my head would rather sever everything........ but my stupid heart wants to hold on anyway. Anyone with any experience or insight with this????

 

Onxy, I ex asked for a "break"... with us living apart. I think it most cases it's a chance for them to play the field and have a back up plan.

 

I told my ex, I will give him, his so called "break", but I am not waiting, I will be moving on.

 

For your own sanity and heart, start the healing process.

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Never move in with a man until you are married. If you aren't wife material to him he's not worthy of you.

 

When he leaves make sure he takes everything with him. Help him pack. So if he wants to call you in the future he will call you for you and not his stuff.

 

Don't be a back up plan. You deserve only the best. Start dating.

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Never move in with a man until you are married. If you aren't wife material to him he's not worthy of you.

 

When he leaves make sure he takes everything with him. Help him pack. So if he wants to call you in the future he will call you for you and not his stuff.

 

Don't be a back up plan. You deserve only the best. Start dating.

 

I don't agree with not moving in until your married. I moved in with my ex and we lived together for 5 years happily.

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melodymatters

Nah, no WAY would I accept being " back burnered" like that ! If it's not working, it's not working, you both should move on. IMO opinion this "recipe" sounds dangerous for your emotional and mental health.

 

Besides, the only way he MIGHT miss you and realize what he threw away is if he has no contact with you......

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Yeah he's told me he wants to keep a lot of his belongings here....

 

So I should just tell him it's completely over then, mm? And try to wash my hands clean of all the mess?

 

He keeps telling me it's to "save" our relationship, but......... I think I will just have to inform him that I'm not going to be waiting for him.

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Dude he is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Tell him he needs to SAVE the relationship, but not being a selfish ass and even asking you to do this. Tell him its all or nothing.

 

If he choice is to leave tell him to take all his ****. You don't want him having any reason to contact you.

 

How selfish of him as you pretty much to wait in limbo.

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melodymatters
Yeah he's told me he wants to keep a lot of his belongings here....

 

So I should just tell him it's completely over then, mm? And try to wash my hands clean of all the mess?

 

He keeps telling me it's to "save" our relationship, but......... I think I will just have to inform him that I'm not going to be waiting for him.

 

I Agree with Chelsea below my orig. post : No, he can not have his cake and eat it too. NOW, the question is : is it YOUR fault this is going down, ie, insanely jealous, emotionally unstable, you have a coke problem etc ? I am not being hurtful, but the whole " trying to " save the relationship is either:

A) he loves you but your a f*ck up, and he can't quit you totally...

 

OR

 

B) HE wants a break for his own PERSONAL reasons in which case, no way Jose !

 

Best wishes !!! Tough situation !:confused:

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Yeah he's told me he wants to keep a lot of his belongings here....

 

So I should just tell him it's completely over then, mm? And try to wash my hands clean of all the mess?

 

He keeps telling me it's to "save" our relationship, but......... I think I will just have to inform him that I'm not going to be waiting for him.

 

This is exactly what happened to me a year ago. Except we both wanted to take a "break". But I never thought that she would end up finding someone else so fast. I actually thought we would get back together at some point, but it doesn't look like it's possible now.. I agree with C, tell him that it's all or nothing.. If he really wants to 'fix' the relationship you have to do that together.. Seek couple's therapy or something of that sort. Sounds ot me like he just wants a fall back plan by keeping you around. Have more respect for yourself and don't be there to catch him if/when he falls.

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Separation could be helpful if both parties believe there's a good chance of reconciliation.

You can take space, tackle your individual issues, gain some mental traction rather than continuing to slip slide out of control.

However, both should be equally interested in reuniting.

Is that the case, Onyx?

You mentioned "moderately work[ing]" on the relationship.

What does that mean?

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Thanks for your responses everyone.

 

I left earlier... and he got upset and left while I was getting some of my things together heh.

 

I'm staying at my other exes though - the father of my children :lmao: ... his family is also staying here tonight, and I'll be sleeping in our children's room, so it shouldn't be very strange... though I'm a little concerned because he's always tried to get me to come back to him :rolleyes:

 

I just don't know what to do *until* January.

 

ChelseaLS - I told him that I will be getting rid of anything he decides not to take.

 

melodymatters - :lmao::lmao:... I'm a **** up; I'm emotionally unstable. A lot of it was founded on "reasonable" things (like him taking two of his "old" flames out to dinner/lunch and to movies one on one, while claiming an exclusive interest in me [after he went on hours and hours and hours about how in love he "had" been with them and how great they are but how upset they've made him... and he also told one that he wished she could clone herself so he could have her, since she understands him so much better than I do, etc]... and putting my looks down while extolling other girls [even GAME and anime characters that aren't even real... he lamented when I didn't have a nice gap like Rei Ayanami From Neon Eva LOL... and that his ideal female was a dark elf from linage II etc, and for some reason I was hurt :lmao:) -- etc etc etc, but *I* allowed my sanity to deteriorate to where it currently is. In any case, I had issues prior to this relationship too.

 

BigDumbFoot - Sorry to hear :(

 

yukon - "He might be sincere but the relationship is dead in the water. Nothing is going to improve by less contact that couldn't be worked out otherwise." is what I've been thinking....... for a variety of reasons....... this is what has felt most true to me...

 

cerridwen - I think if he is sincere, that's perhaps what he's thinking. But I don't think I'm interested in reuniting after this... the problem is that I don't trust him and do not see as to how I can trust him when he wants to leave now either... and if I can make it through this, I never want to risk going through it again. It's cowardly, but I can't afford to be distraught anymore...

 

I really just don't know if it's worth it... I'm thinking it's not, but feeling it is....

Edited by OnyxSnowfall
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You should get back with the father of your children, that is what nature intended.

 

Wolfy, the father of my children liked to hit me :p --- we conceived our first child when I was 17... and I had moved in with him (at 16) to get away from my mother (she wouldn't take her medicine and she's schizophrenic) and because I believed the **** he told me at the time. I was used to staying at all kinds of different places when I was a teenager... for better or worse, and just really didn't care what happened to me (until I was with child). Nevermind I had wanted to kill myself since I was 7 lawl... and attempted at 14 and 16.

 

I stayed in that relationship for nearly 6 years taking care of his ass (until roughly the last year) while he mostly sat around playing WoW because I thought it was "the right thing to do". After my savings were nearly gone we ended up moving in with HIS mother, and she was like my husband and I was like her house wife :lmao:. I used the remainder of my savings to pay for half of furnishing the house we all moved into together while his mother paid for the other half (and I left most everything behind, but whatever...... my ex was adamant about me not taking **** and extremely vindictive for a year after I had left --- and I also respected his mother and knew she's always been cleaned of her **** and didn't want to do that to her either heh. Besides, she worked and paid the rent and at some point I was only able to contribute through cooking and cleaning etc... and quite frankly, possessions were and are ultimately irrelevant).

 

I once begged him to take a walk with our first child and I because he never did anything with us (I mean literally weeping and begging) and he said he couldn't because he was in a raid and had another one "scheduled" right after it. At some point I stopped cleaning and cooking for him and I told him I was going to get my **** together and leave him --- he didn't believe me... I tried leaving him before (one of the times he decided to smack me around) and the only place I had to go was back to my mother's.... and she was worse!!! So I came crawling back....

 

I have come a LONG ****ing ways to get to where I am. I have my own place (my recent ex just moved out a couple of days ago.... "early"), I got my first job in 2009 -- I didn't even have my license when I was pregnant with our second child at 22... I was terrified of driving, but I somehow managed to get that **** (after failing THREE TIMES LOL)... I was homeless for SEVERAL months with a newborn baby just TO GET AWAY FROM THEIR FATHER - he went crazy on me, punching my head etc while I was holding our newborn baby because I wouldn't have sex with him (in his "defense", he was upset that I was leaving him and that I was pining for someone else at that point). Too much to bitch about, I don't even know if I have all the timeline here accurate anyway. And during all that time, I had multiple "options" to stay with a few different men (some extremely wealthy heh) but that also didn't seem like "the right thing to do". I was determined to become self-reliant and stand on my own feet. My recent ex was one of the men that offered........ and the only one I even considered. But obviously there's so many reasons why I didn't take his offer up.

 

The baby and I slept in my car a few times and at various family members places etc... I had to send my oldest back home with my ex and his mother because he wasn't adjusting well and that broke my heart. It's still broken from that to this day. I don't know if I can ever recover from that... I haven't so far and it's been over 3 years. The guilt is immense.

 

I swallowed my "pride" and applied for state aid and eventually found a room of a friend to rent out for a few months (until I got into my very own place, I had to pathetically beg the lady to let me in 'cause I had no credit and no former experience with being on a lease anywhere... but bless her heart, she took the risk and I paid every freaking month for over a year until I moved into THIS place with my recent ex).

 

I stopped having feelings for him when I was pregnant with our first child (he physically abused me while I was freakin' pregnant and we were just NOT compatible at all... my feelings could have never survived). I DID try for a few years to make it work, but it was JUST me trying... he was ready to try when it was way too late.

 

I can't imagine going back to him. He still has anger problems. I've really struggled with trying to get my children full-time, because I'm paranoid he'll do something to them. But as it stands, I have no "case" --- there would have to BE an incident... I can't just "prevent" one apparently. Ugh.

 

Yeah... but thanks for the suggestion Wolfy.

 

My recent ex actually gave me the perspective I needed in order to get out of that situation. I really thought I was doing what was best for my oldest at the time........... but there was no love nor respect nor decency within the relationship I had with his father. There really wasn't a relationship. We had lived separate lives at the end (he in his pc) and me in my passions and hobbies etc etc etc... it had been dead for years before I finally left...

 

My sense of "what is right" is very limited. Very ****ing idealistic........ things don't always go the way they "should". I even didn't START things the right way.

 

"Expect the unexpected".... heh....

Edited by OnyxSnowfall
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I don't know who or what is to blame because i'm not in your life.

 

But I will say this, Faye Valentine from Cowboy bepop is hotter than the Dark Elf from linage 2. *adjusts pocket protector*

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I don't know who or what is to blame because i'm not in your life.

 

But I will say this, Faye Valentine from Cowboy bepop is hotter than the Dark Elf from linage 2. *adjusts pocket protector*

 

Lmao :lmao:

 

Yeah you better adjust that **** :lmao:

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