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How long should I wait to see?


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My boyfriend of 3 months broke things off with me exactly a week ago. I went over to his house, and he said that we needed 'to talk.' He then asked if I remembered what I said Christmas eve..I had no idea what he was talking about. He then said that I said something hurtful when I thought he was sleeping..and he felt that things like that showed that this relationship would turn into one like his previous one, where his girlfriend talked about him behind his back, and the relationship was one that was sour. He said that he really liked me, but thought it'd be best to end the relationship.

 

I didn't get it at first, especially when I didn't even say those things. I told him he must have misheard. He didn't want to listen to me.

 

I asked what other motives did he have...he said none. At first, it all seemed silly to me, his reasons.

 

Well the next day I wrote him a letter to what it was I remembered I said (definitely not what he thought) , and no I wasn't being hurtful and whatnot, and how I cared for him and how I wish things didn't end over misunderstanings and how i wish he would've talked to me first. I tried giving him the letter, but he wouldn't look at me, let alone talk. I had to give it to one of his coworkers to give it to him.

 

About 3 days later I called him at work to ask if it's still ok to use him as a reference while appying for a new job (we worked together (I know...bad idea)). He said yeah, and we chatted a little bit. I asked if he read the note, and he answered yes. I then asked if there was a chance for us. He said he didn't know, and for me to give him time. I said "ok. Well i'll let you go then, bye."

 

Yesterday I had to go into his work so I could get my last paycheck from that place. He had to let me in the office. He sat at the desk and we talked for a little bit, asking how things were going and what we'd been up to...how new years went, and all. You'd think we had been broken up for a month, not a week. He talked to me like his normal self, like a friend.

 

This past month has been stressful on us both. Not our relationship, but work and just things going on in our lives. That's why when he decided to break it off with me it was a major surprise, and other people. I didn't see it coming.

 

Overlooking the month of December, we didn't communicate as well as usual due to our stresses. I think thats what brought it on, maybe?

 

What do you think? I think he just needed space to himself to think and things. I think there's more to it than he's been letting me know. He's a straightforward type of person, and if he just didn't have interest anymore he would have told me...at least I think so.

 

Am I being naive to think he might come back?

 

I don't know...I really care for him and want to make things work (I now know we needed better communication). But I want to get over him so I don't get hurt in the end, with waiting.

 

I'm letting him get his space and time to think, to see what he wants. how long should I hold on to this? I want to get over him and move on...but I want to let a little bit of me hold because i want to make it work. But I can't force him into it if he just doesn't want it anymore.

 

How much time should I let pass by to see if he comes around? and should I not contact him? I'd like to call just to say hi, maybe in a week if he hasn't called....is that a bad idea? would that be invading the space i said i'd allow him? If he doesn't mention anything at all, should I just get over him?

 

Also, I don't want to give up our friendship. In the end, I'd like us to sometimes hang out and be friends...is that possible? How should I go about asking him if he would want that? I can't be a friend until i move on, but i dont want to move on just yet. Is it even possible to go back as being friends, even though the breakup wasn't bad? Im also afraid it'd be hard.

 

I dunno just what to do, because there's nothing I can do.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

--Lotti

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Lotti - I feel for you girl you sound fed up..

 

firstly i think you need to give this guy space i think there is alot more to this than meets the eye and if he not willing to tell you there is nothing you can do... you have tried to talk to him and even written him a letter.. now you have to leave it and let him come to you when he is ready.. in the mean time dont wait around girl.. yes i know you have feelings for the guy but you have to get on with your life or you will never progress and will be in a state of limbo... i'm not saying dont lose hope just be practical if he is acting like this he leaves you no choice..

 

as for the friends thing give it time.. it is possible as you guys didn't date for long but i think you will need to get over the hurt first..

 

start thinking of yourself not just what he is doing or thinking.. and go out with your friends and try and have fun and keep your chin up... if its meant to be he'll come back :-)

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