qqqttt Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Lately my ex has been really interested in whether or not I've been with another guy yet... We broke up less than a month ago... He texted me fot at least an hour trying to get anything on the subject out of me. I was at work, so I texted back slowly. I got double texts like "I asked you something!" "hello?!" He also tried pretty hard at one point to get me to admit I still wanted him sexually. I kept to my guns and said no. I could tell it annoyed him at least a little bit. We were supposed to hang out today, but he said he needed to paint his room. He said, "it would be nice to hang out, but I'm busy all week (which he is). We'll need to plan something." Last night we spoke from 11pm to almost 3am. He brought up me trying to get with other guys again. I called him out. "Why are you so concerned with my sex life? I would never let you know about it because it's really none of your business. You just want to know I'm still attracted to you. Which I'm not..." That's a lie, but I pulled it of well. His response was, "I just want to know if he's better than me! I'm like this with everyone!" That's not really trye either... Well, the rest of the conversation was spent talking about what we did wrong in our relationship. It was pretty much summed up with "it happens!" I spoke to him about how the mistakes from this relationship will always be remembered so I don't make them in the next. For example, I told him that I've finally seen how jealousy makes things worse and that I cab't set a double standard. In all my relationships I've told the guy they can't talk to their exes while I continued to talk to mine. He said he'll always be a pushover for that type of thing. I told him I've worked on getting my anger under control as well. Regarding the jealousy/talking to an ex thing, I said when we found new people, they probably wouldn't be cool with us talking. He said, "hopefully I will date someone cool!" This conversation about future relationships just... Didn't feel right. We both sounded okay, but I felt there was an over-emphasis on exclaimations and a "whatever" type of writing. This was all on text by the way. To me, I know I felt horrible, but wrote like nothing was wrong and even like I was excited. He did too, but I have no idea how he was actually feeling. I just know we both have a tendency of doing this. After we were finished talking about all that, I was telling him about the side effects of this new medicine I have been taking. I told him I had been retaining a lot of water in my breasts and they had grown a lot as a result. He went right back to "that's good for trying to find other guys!" I said, "wow, you're really stuck on that, aren't you?" No reply. Now... I have no clue if any of this is an indicator that he still cares. I have no clue if he's just trying to hurry me up in moving along, although I doubt this theory as I told him I had no more hopes of getting back together with him and he's very adamant that he has no interest in dating for "a long time." He also has very low confidence and girla tend not to be attracted to him. The last, and most probable, theory I have is that I'm just over-analyzing and that he couldn't care less about what I do. Regardless, I think I'm going back into a limited contact for a while. I would go none, but we work together. Any opinions? Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 Lately my ex has been really interested in whether or not I've been with another guy yet... We broke up less than a month ago... He texted me fot at least an hour trying to get anything on the subject out of me. I was at work, so I texted back slowly. I got double texts like "I asked you something!" "hello?!" He also tried pretty hard at one point to get me to admit I still wanted him sexually. I kept to my guns and said no. I could tell it annoyed him at least a little bit. We were supposed to hang out today, but he said he needed to paint his room. He said, "it would be nice to hang out, but I'm busy all week (which he is). We'll need to plan something." Last night we spoke from 11pm to almost 3am. He brought up me trying to get with other guys again. I called him out. "Why are you so concerned with my sex life? I would never let you know about it because it's really none of your business. You just want to know I'm still attracted to you. Which I'm not..." That's a lie, but I pulled it of well. His response was, "I just want to know if he's better than me! I'm like this with everyone!" That's not really trye either... Well, the rest of the conversation was spent talking about what we did wrong in our relationship. It was pretty much summed up with "it happens!" I spoke to him about how the mistakes from this relationship will always be remembered so I don't make them in the next. For example, I told him that I've finally seen how jealousy makes things worse and that I cab't set a double standard. In all my relationships I've told the guy they can't talk to their exes while I continued to talk to mine. He said he'll always be a pushover for that type of thing. I told him I've worked on getting my anger under control as well. Regarding the jealousy/talking to an ex thing, I said when we found new people, they probably wouldn't be cool with us talking. He said, "hopefully I will date someone cool!" This conversation about future relationships just... Didn't feel right. We both sounded okay, but I felt there was an over-emphasis on exclaimations and a "whatever" type of writing. This was all on text by the way. To me, I know I felt horrible, but wrote like nothing was wrong and even like I was excited. He did too, but I have no idea how he was actually feeling. I just know we both have a tendency of doing this. After we were finished talking about all that, I was telling him about the side effects of this new medicine I have been taking. I told him I had been retaining a lot of water in my breasts and they had grown a lot as a result. He went right back to "that's good for trying to find other guys!" I said, "wow, you're really stuck on that, aren't you?" No reply. Now... I have no clue if any of this is an indicator that he still cares. I have no clue if he's just trying to hurry me up in moving along, although I doubt this theory as I told him I had no more hopes of getting back together with him and he's very adamant that he has no interest in dating for "a long time." He also has very low confidence and girla tend not to be attracted to him. The last, and most probable, theory I have is that I'm just over-analyzing and that he couldn't care less about what I do. Regardless, I think I'm going back into a limited contact for a while. I would go none, but we work together. Any opinions? limited contact? you shouldn't talk to him at all, i guess he dumped you?. and if thats the case i will stand even more to my opinion. there's absolutely no respect from his side as far as i can tell. i dont know if it's love or if he's just being jealous, but i can tell you its one of those two, i would be really turned off if my ex asked me about my privatelife all the time. of course thats only me. he's desperate like a teenager. if you want him back, dont talk to him cause he might just be interested in you now cause he's jealous. but show some respect to yourself. he got nothing to do with your lovelife. Link to post Share on other sites
Author qqqttt Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 I'm more having to do no contact, but with cordial greetings at work. I don't want any tension in the work place. The boss already never liked the fact that we work together. I'm not giving him any answers when he asks. I just say it's none of his business and we can both do what we want! Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 I'm more having to do no contact, but with cordial greetings at work. I don't want any tension in the work place. The boss already never liked the fact that we work together. I'm not giving him any answers when he asks. I just say it's none of his business and we can both do what we want! yeah, just try to act happy even if your not. you dont have to be rude if he asks you something. but if he starts asking questions about anything out of his business walk away Link to post Share on other sites
Author qqqttt Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 I am actually am happy right now! It's just you know during a break up you still feel something is wrong... I would really like him back, but I'm tired of taking the initiative. So I think letting him go a while will help. I'm actually going on vacation for two weeks to a place with no phone or internet service, so even if I get weak, I won't be able to break! Link to post Share on other sites
M2155 Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 What I think your ex is really showing is his insecurity. And not telling him is making him feel even more challenged. You are doing well minus the hours long on the phone (shouldn't you be out with other guys? ) You are right about taking initiative, let him do the work. He's already worried he's losing you. That's his problem, not yours. (Wow what guy really wants to know if your new guy is better than he was? So insecure) Link to post Share on other sites
Author qqqttt Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 He acually started that conversation! I refused to speak to him unless he took the initiative! I told him I would never let him know about other guys I'm with when I choose to be with someone else. I told him, also, I would never even let him know if there was another guy. His response, "I see how it is. Why not?" My response, "It's really none of your business anymore. You obviously knew it would happen someday when you let me go." We were both each other's first and have been together since highschool, and like I said girls put him in the friend-zone more often than not. He only had two girlfriends before me. One he met on the internet and never met her. The other one was the typical "highschool whore," but he never even kissed her. So this makes it even worse for him. I'm constantly told he left because he wanted other girls, but he really just wants freedome to be with friends and focus on his schooling. Link to post Share on other sites
chados Posted November 23, 2011 Share Posted November 23, 2011 He acually started that conversation! I refused to speak to him unless he took the initiative! I told him I would never let him know about other guys I'm with when I choose to be with someone else. I told him, also, I would never even let him know if there was another guy. His response, "I see how it is. Why not?" My response, "It's really none of your business anymore. You obviously knew it would happen someday when you let me go." We were both each other's first and have been together since highschool, and like I said girls put him in the friend-zone more often than not. He only had two girlfriends before me. One he met on the internet and never met her. The other one was the typical "highschool whore," but he never even kissed her. So this makes it even worse for him. I'm constantly told he left because he wanted other girls, but he really just wants freedome to be with friends and focus on his schooling. the first real love, it hurts more then anything. you see, he might not feel like he will get another girl anytime soon and he's afraid of being alone. dont get your hopes up to much, because if you do take him back to easy, he might just dump you again. let him work for you, wish you the best Link to post Share on other sites
Author qqqttt Posted November 23, 2011 Author Share Posted November 23, 2011 He made me work for it when I broke up with him before, so I plan to do the same. Maybe this practice with will power will help me stick to healthy eating too! Win-win Thank you very much! Link to post Share on other sites
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