LSgirl Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I found this on another advice forum, but it's one story about a dumper's point of view. It got really popular, but he updates his story 3 years later towards the end, it's a good read and worth it! http://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=219184 Link to post Share on other sites
perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 Oh wow...It has been almost a year since my ex bf and I broke up, but at the time I never stopped to think about what he felt too. We were together a year and a half, at the time I was applying to colleges out of state and preparing to open that door into adulthood, while he still had his Junior and Senior year of high school left. We had a very happy relationship, but towards the very end we started to drift apart because he became very cold. We fought over so many stupid things and I regret all that till this very day, but I have been able to forgive myself for it. I knew the whole college thing hurt him. I would try to talk to him about it, but he would always get really quiet and say he was fine. He broke up with me after he found out I made it into my out of state colleges, and for the next few months it was a nightmare of us fighting and hating each other. He dated another girl for about a month, then reached out to me over the summer. We missed each other and tried seeing each other again, but once school started up, we drifted apart and started fighting again. Just about a month ago I found out he was seeing another girl who was at school with him, so I told him I we couldn't see each other anymore. It was hard, he cried and told me she meant nothing, but I still walked, and I let him know he still meant the world to me. We haven't spoken since and I know he is still seeing that other girl. I found out though recently that when we broke up, he started taking up drugs and alcohol again full force, and turned into a really mean person. He was never truly happy according to a friend of his, and he said a very long time ago when we broke up that he felt bad because I didn't do anything, it was all him that caused us to fall apart. To this day, I always wondered what his real feelings are, and I question if he is truly okay. I plan on remaining NC for a very long time, but I wonder if he will ever be in my life again in the future Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I think the majority of us dumpees wonder if they think about or still have some feelings towards us. Seems like it would ease some of the pain if we knew that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LSgirl Posted October 26, 2011 Author Share Posted October 26, 2011 Hi! Is he the one you been talking about in your posts on LS? I, too, question what my ex thinks about, but I feel like he feels relieved it's over. He couldn't give me "love" which was everything he gave his relationship of 8 years before he met me until she cheated on him. He didn't want to hurt me and ended it. However, a long time ago (another ex) that I dated for over 2 years while I was in college, I went NC for a month. One night I went to a downtown block party and met somebody (I ended up dating that guy for only 2 months) but right after we exchanged numbers, I ran into my ex that same night, we talked and no hard feelings. He apologized and then that same night as the new guy took me home, my ex kept calling me. For about a few weeks after that, he tried desperately to get back with me, but since I met the new guy I wasn't interested anymore. I can't believe he waited a month to get back with me! I was in so much pain, wonder what would have happened if I never met the new guy a few minutes before running into the ex. Later in life he apologized saying he was too young to be tied down and blah blah blah, but they DO come back! Unfortunately, he too got into drugs and finally went to rehab but we don't talk. As for my most recent ex (i'm 26 now), as much as I want to be with him, i don't know how I can be happy in a relationship knowing he's not fully invested in it since he was hurt in the past. I do still hope he contacts me at some point just to hear from him even if I don't respond. But after reading this guy's article on the other forum, I feel like he just didn't get that feeling with me like he did with his ex-fiancee and he didn't want to string me along. Link to post Share on other sites
perfectlyflawed459 Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I guess it always best to assume they don't though, so you don't give yourself false hope. That way it gives you more of a reason to move on ya know? I dunno I would love to hear what my ex feels but I think that has to come at their own will of course, which is where NC comes into play. I read a quote one time, "sometimes the best way to get someone's attention is to stop giving them yours" Guess we have to be long gone before they can realize anything Link to post Share on other sites
kittenkit Posted October 26, 2011 Share Posted October 26, 2011 I like to think I'm open minded. I don't hate my exes. I can view things from a philosophical point of view and think that I don't want to be in a relationship if he's not committed so he's done me a favour by ending it. But reading that thread made me feel sick. He had an amazing girl but he just couldn't see a future??? He felt like he needed to play the field before he could settle down??? It's so hard to be a man and watch a woman do everything for you knowing that you're going to break her heart??? Boo f*&%ing hoo! Link to post Share on other sites
futuregopher Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 It seems like this guy had a massive case of GIGS. It makes sense when you read his update on page 22 I think. Link to post Share on other sites
infinity8245 Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 PerfectlyFlawed...I can relate. I was with my ex for over four years. We started dating my sophomore year of college and were together long enough for me to graduate, get my first job, go through my first layoff, and start graduate school. I watched her change majors, change colleges, and start her last semester at school. The last few months of our relationship were rough...it was almost like an extended breakup. Prior, we had an amazing relationship but with me being laid off and her dealing with serious health issues of her father, the stress seemed to tear us apart. We never really shared our true feelings about our situations with each other...but one way of another they came out. More often than not in alcohol fueled fights. I even remember during the last months of our relationship realizing that I was not happy and considered ending it. She was probably thinking the same thing. It's odd, because I think the only thing that kept us together through those months was because we were able to still see a future together. But even though I saw it coming, when we finally fit a breaking point and in one final fight she broke up with me, it still hit me like a ton of bricks. We talked a bit over the week following the breakup and the entire situation was very difficult on both of us. It became clear that it certainly wasn't an easy decision for her to make and that it crushed her inside for the same reasons it was crushing me. While there was a time to probably deal with the issues of the relationship, that opportunity came and went before we realized what the real issues were. The ****ty thing about hindsight is that it's always 20/20. As hard as it was (and in some ways, still is) to admit, ending our relationship was the right decision. We had gotten to a point where there was too much pain and anger, and we had unresolved issues of our own to deal with. We did talk about hope of reconciling in the future...but more on that in a bit. That all being said, it still hurts like hell, and I miss her every day. But it's getting better, albeit slowly. About one month after our breakup, I felt I was making progress, and then I found out through a friend that she already started dating someone else. It was a huge setback in my healing. I already had a million questions and things I wanted to say to her, and this only raised more questions. But, I can't say that I was necessarily surprised that it happened, because if there's one thing I learned about my ex after being with her four years, is that she can't ever really face her inner demons and pain. She just buries things deep down without truly experiencing the full swing of emotions and drowns herself in alcohol. I'm sure that this is the same situation with her. At first I was angry that she was dating someone else...I felt like she threw away four years in four weeks. But now I remember what I know about her, and I know what she is doing. I truly want her to be happy, but at the same time I'm worried about her. I'm concerned that she has only continued to drink heavily (and I mean VERY heavily) as a way of coping and that she is only filling the void. She may be superficially happy now, but if she doesn't face things, I think that will prevent her from truly being happy in the future. My ex and I are now at practically NC. The only correspondence we have had in the last few weeks was regarding tying up loose ends financially and logistically with our old apartment (I moved out upon breaking up). I do still wonder if she thinks about me, what she thinks about me, what she thinks about our relationship, and if we'll ever have a future together. If nothing else, I think we can take solace in the fact that we are facing our pain head on (as awful as that is to do), which is the only way to truly heal. It may not feel like it now, but I'm confident that we'll be stronger and happier people in the future that will have more fruitful and healthy relationships in the future because of it. I can see the appeal of rebounding and filling the void and burying my feelings, but my experience with two serious relationships has taught me that past demons that haven't been properly dealt with will eventually surface in one way or another in a new relationship, and I just don't want that to happen anymore. Having been victim to it, and having done it, it will ultimately lead to nothing but misery. My advice (which I'm trying my damnedest to take myself) is to accept that getting the last word or clearing things up with our exes really won't bring us closure. We may get answers to some questions, but the answers will either be inadequate, or only raise further questions. It's best to just let go and move on with our lives. As for future reconciliations with our exes, never say never, but we probably shouldn't hold our breaths. Good luck to you and everyone out there struggling. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 I read the whole thread and still doesn't make much sense to me. If there is always "something missing" with their exes, how do they know when it's right? What do they want perfection or something? People like my ex are ALWAYS the dumper, jumping from person to person. I don't think these people will ever be happy. There is something missing, but they don't know what it is? WTF? Leaving good ratio ships for no reason? We all deserve so much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 My only hope is that someone dies exactly the sane thing to these people. How would they like that? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 It hurts that these people couldn't wait ti get rid of us. Link to post Share on other sites
kittenkit Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 People like my ex are ALWAYS the dumper, jumping from person to person. I don't think these people will ever be happy. There is something missing, but they don't know what it is? WTF? Leaving good ratio ships for no reason? We all deserve so much better. Absolutely right!!! Nothing will ever make them happy because they don't know how to be happy. It's a shame they can't wear signs so that these types of people can fool around with each other and leave the rest of us alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 Absolutely right!!! Nothing will ever make them happy because they don't know how to be happy. It's a shame they can't wear signs so that these types of people can fool around with each other and leave the rest of us alone. If only! They really should! Instead of lying to us that they want a relationship, when they really don't at all. Why lie in the first place? Why can't people Just be honest? Link to post Share on other sites
Coupedriver Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 The lying..... Link to post Share on other sites
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