Good lesson to not send angry emails during NC

[Shtubes]

The break up was semi mutual (whatever that means). I didn't want to break up with her but she had hurt me one too many times. During the break up she insulted me about the clothes I wear and dirty dishes in my sink. However, she handled the break up classy. Gave me a farewell note and a lovely poem on this special paper that she had wrote all of her poems to me on (which just crushed me). I at first handled it ok but was very angry that she insulted me about my clothes. I should have let it go but could not. I held out for 3 wks of no contact and then lashed out with 3 angry emails. I initially felt good about "giving her what she deserved". She responded with two emails, the second of which just eviscerated me. She said ...

 

"Why all of a sudden you are so angry with this break up? I thought we were all done with the talks and we said our good byes and that is it. What the hell is up with you?

 

You know after reading the 'I see you" email, I'm really glad that we broke up now. Cause now I see you, what kind of person you are. At first I was had this regretful feeling that I should have tried harder. You know, I thought so much of how I would go to you and tell you that I rather live with your flaws then to live without you at all. I thought of it so often that I dreamed of myself going to your house and seeing the kids there and waving to them and then begging you for forgiveness, and only to have you turn me down, then I would I run away in tears and hopped into an elevator (yes this is a dream) and you would come after me and stop the elevator door. Then we were walking and talking and in the end we were holding hands and kissing. Then my dream ended.

 

I take back about what I said "I wish it didn't have to end" I'm glad it ended now. I have no regrets for my actions. I only wished that you had never stepped into the store that day. Then I wouldn't have wasted my time and effort in pursuing the love that I thought I spend the rest of my life with. I've wasted countless hours in searching for the perfect poem to express how I feel about the love of my life. I've wasted countless amount of tears over the love of my life. All my efforts for nothing. In return only to be called "heartless, selfish, uncaring etc."

 

I really wish I was heartless, then I wouldn't be crying for hours each night. Thinking about you every waking moment, everyday, since the day we broke up.

 

You can call me whatever you can come up with. I really don't care anymore! I may not be as confident about my looks or my body, but I'm D^&* confident about who I am! I don't have to prove myself to you. I know I have a great personality and I'm a good person.

I rather spend my life lonely than to be with someone like you.”

 

 

Ouch.... Let that be a lesson...Go no contact, stay no contact and keep your dignity...unlike me.

[Rorschach64]

What did you exactly say to her anyway?

 

Plus like I said in the other post you made, sometimes a letter needs to be sent after someone exposes the truth over a bullcrap excuse especially if someone falsey accuses you of something though it should be done with a cold and sterile hand without the use of profanity.

 

Granted even if you do what I said just above you are most likely to get a similar e-mail you have shown here, natural self defense mechanism of the mind plus naracissistic behavior.

Edited September 29, 2011 by Rorschach64

[Shtubes]

What did you exactly say to her anyway?

 

Plus like I said in the other post you made, sometimes a letter needs to be sent after someone exposes the truth over a bullcrap excuse especially if someone falsey accuses you of something though it should be done with a cold and sterile hand without the use of profanity.

 

Granted even if you do what I said just above you are most likely to get a similar e-mail you have shown here, natural self defense mechanism of the mind plus naracissistic behavior.

 

How do you send a Private Message on this board? Is it possible?

[Rorschach64]

You have to be an established member.

[fuzzbella]

This is a lesson i wished i had learned when he first broke up with me. It may seem like a good idea to write those angry messages, but sometimes its better to say nothing at all.

[carhill]

How do you send a Private Message on this board? Is it possible?

A recent perusal of member stats indicates that the 30 day/100 post parameter appears to still be in place for PM status. New member to member status changes at ten posts. If an established member is moderated, their status reverts to member and their PM privileges are revoked for the moderation period.

 

I penned a lot of angry letters (long before e-mail) during various NC periods but never sent them, save for one time when I sent all of one MW's cards and letters, along with a nastygram from myself, to her husband. After that one mistake, never did it again. I do have some real gems stored away in my 'drafts' folder though

 

It's OK to be imperfect OP. It's a great learning experience.

[Shtubes]

What did you exactly say to her anyway?

 

Plus like I said in the other post you made, sometimes a letter needs to be sent after someone exposes the truth over a bullcrap excuse especially if someone falsey accuses you of something though it should be done with a cold and sterile hand without the use of profanity.

 

Granted even if you do what I said just above you are most likely to get a similar e-mail you have shown here, natural self defense mechanism of the mind plus naracissistic behavior.

 

I sent her this...quite stupid and overly dramatic but i was so hurt and angry..

 

 

I see you...and I don’t like what I see.

 

I feel so sick for having ever believed you. All of those poems and words of love, all just bull****. “My Forever Love” what a joke. “Keeper of my Dreams” what a joke. “I love you my dearest K___, and yes I do have a soul and a heart. And they are both only for you.” wow...

 

You see, if you didn’t mean any of those things you should have just said “**** you *******, I really DON’T LOVE YOU” and then held out for Mr Perfect to arrive. “That wouldn't have hurt me so much, than to lie to me, make empty promises that you can't even keep”. Sound familiar. At least I tried.

 

Love doesn’t give a **** when you shower. It doesn’t care what kind of clothes you wear. It’s not about money or looks or CONTROL. It’s about honesty, caring, compassion, unselfishness. Things you don’t understand and are not capable of I see now. And one things for sure, Love doesn’t just GIVE UP and ****ing BAIL when it is not getting its way. It’s not weak, shallow or superficial, like you.

 

So that means you never loved me at all. And I am sick.

 

Say hello to Mr Perfect for me. He will be sure to give you everything you need. Because I sure as hell wasn’t.

[carhill]

A recent perusal of member stats indicates that the 30 day/100 post parameter appears to still be in place for PM status. New member to member status changes at ten posts. If an established member is moderated, their status reverts to member and their PM privileges are revoked for the moderation period.

 

I penned a lot of angry letters (long before e-mail) during various NC periods but never sent them, save for one time when I sent all of one MW's cards and letters, along with a nastygram from myself, to her husband. After that one mistake, never did it again. I do have some real gems stored away in my 'drafts' folder though

 

It's OK to be imperfect OP. It's a great learning experience.

OP, ETA, if you want PM access immediately, pay 2.50 for a month's subscription and you'll have it, with a 250 message limit.

[Shtubes]

A recent perusal of member stats indicates that the 30 day/100 post parameter appears to still be in place for PM status. New member to member status changes at ten posts. If an established member is moderated, their status reverts to member and their PM privileges are revoked for the moderation period.

 

I penned a lot of angry letters (long before e-mail) during various NC periods but never sent them, save for one time when I sent all of one MW's cards and letters, along with a nastygram from myself, to her husband. After that one mistake, never did it again. I do have some real gems stored away in my 'drafts' folder though

 

It's OK to be imperfect OP. It's a great learning experience.

 

MW?? OP?? new to this stuff...

 

I am sooo imperfect...I feel lower than snail****...I ****ed this up so bad...

[carhill]

Here's a thread which lists some of the commonly used acronyms on LS

 

OP is you, the original poster. MW is married woman.

[Rorschach64]

I sent her this...quite stupid and overly dramatic but i was so hurt and angry..

 

 

I see you...and I don’t like what I see.

 

I feel so sick for having ever believed you. All of those poems and words of love, all just bull****. “My Forever Love” what a joke. “Keeper of my Dreams” what a joke. “I love you my dearest K___, and yes I do have a soul and a heart. And they are both only for you.” wow...

 

You see, if you didn’t mean any of those things you should have just said “**** you *******, I really DON’T LOVE YOU” and then held out for Mr Perfect to arrive. “That wouldn't have hurt me so much, than to lie to me, make empty promises that you can't even keep”. Sound familiar. At least I tried.

 

Love doesn’t give a **** when you shower. It doesn’t care what kind of clothes you wear. It’s not about money or looks or CONTROL. It’s about honesty, caring, compassion, unselfishness. Things you don’t understand and are not capable of I see now. And one things for sure, Love doesn’t just GIVE UP and ****ing BAIL when it is not getting its way. It’s not weak, shallow or superficial, like you.

 

So that means you never loved me at all. And I am sick.

 

Say hello to Mr Perfect for me. He will be sure to give you everything you need. Because I sure as hell wasn’t.

 

I honestly see where you were inappropriate for taking what she did as a kind gesture and throwing it back in her face.

 

Though, you are right later on in the letter if she truly felt that way she would not have abandoned the relationship. She was probably just saying that stuff to cover her own ass and make herself feel good, not you.

 

It is excusable to a point when someone is lashing out at you during the break up, 'cause let's be honest people are very violate during that, but it is not excusable to not apologise for it!

 

Over all name calling and vulgarities shouldn't have been in there, though it was totally appropriate in my opinion to call her out on stuff. If you don't mind I'll show you what I wrote my ex-fiancee after I discovered she was seeing someone else after 4 days of being broken up with me.

[Shtubes]

I honestly see where you were inappropriate for taking what she did as a kind gesture and throwing it back in her face.

 

Though, you are right later on in the letter if she truly felt that way she would not have abandoned the relationship. She was probably just saying that stuff to cover her own ass and make herself feel good, not you.

 

It is excusable to a point when someone is lashing out at you during the break up, 'cause let's be honest people are very violate during that, but it is not excusable to not apologise for it!

 

Over all name calling and vulgarities shouldn't have been in there, though it was totally appropriate in my opinion to call her out on stuff. If you don't mind I'll show you what I wrote my ex-fiancee after I discovered she was seeing someone else after 4 days of being broken up with me.

 

Are you saying I should apologize for the email?

 

And certainly I would like to see what you wrote.

[Rorschach64]

Okay here is what I wrote to my ex fiancee after I found out she was seeing someone after 4 days and continue to bad mouth me and any attempt to make her see the truth.

 

I know you orchestrated this whole thing just because you had some other guy in your eyes. I find it incredibly offensive that you would actually put me through all this because you were interested in someone else. I should have realized that you cared so little for me and our relationship that you carelessly threw it all out the window and without even working on things between us. No one in the world would have done what you have chosen to do. You chose to hide so much from me and did not want to be a mature adult and talk things out. That is truly sad to me. Then you pushed me in to a situation where I was grief stricken, miserable, and questioning everything because of your actions, words and your disposition that you exhibited in Singapore. You have been sitting there playing the victim card left and right, plus saying I have no right to be upset or even judge your decisions when you do not even want to look at yourself because of your own guilt. No more will I allow you to behave like this and get away with murder. You have behaved selfishly, childishly, and actions unbecoming of a great person. You have lost my trust, my heart, and even our friendship because you have shown no respect for me and what our relationship stands for.

[Rorschach64]

OH and also yeah I will show her response after that is absorbed. Oh and no you should not apologise for standing up for yourself plus you know it will make you look wish washy!

Edited September 30, 2011 by Rorschach64

[Rorschach64]

Stupid editing....

 

To explain a bit when I mention Singapore...I flew from New York City to Singapore, had to sleep in JFK and the airport in Tokyo and spend 4,000 USD to go see my ex and third day in to the trip after we had sex and all that her acting weird after the first day she pulls this whole thing about wanting a break and wanting to be single to respark the feelings in the relationship because we got to the end of the relationship fast, she no longer was attracted to me, she feels I lost myself in the relationship. From there on out she acted totally cold towards me and basically gave off the impression I was an inconvience being there for the remaining 5 days I was there.

[Shtubes]

Okay here is what I wrote to my ex fiancee after I found out she was seeing someone after 4 days and continue to bad mouth me and any attempt to make her see the truth.

 

I know you orchestrated this whole thing just because you had some other guy in your eyes. I find it incredibly offensive that you would actually put me through all this because you were interested in someone else. I should have realized that you cared so little for me and our relationship that you carelessly threw it all out the window and without even working on things between us. No one in the world would have done what you have chosen to do. You chose to hide so much from me and did not want to be a mature adult and talk things out. That is truly sad to me. Then you pushed me in to a situation where I was grief stricken, miserable, and questioning everything because of your actions, words and your disposition that you exhibited in Singapore. You have been sitting there playing the victim card left and right, plus saying I have no right to be upset or even judge your decisions when you do not even want to look at yourself because of your own guilt. No more will I allow you to behave like this and get away with murder. You have behaved selfishly, childishly, and actions unbecoming of a great person. You have lost my trust, my heart, and even our friendship because you have shown no respect for me and what our relationship stands for.

 

Is she Asian by any chance? How long were you guys together? Those are some very good words. No childish profanity and much more descriptive than my email. You sound "less hurt" than I do in my email and much more in control of yourself. It didnt make any difference did it. Wow 4grand. What a bitch! Yea we had just had sex too. And she told me she loved me during. Why I bring that up is even tho I was breaking up with her, I DIDNT want to. I wanted her to show me some feelings and empathy. (After all, she had just given me the silent treatment for 3 days for something I didn't know even know what I did. And I was just hurting so bad from it.) All I got was a tantrum with her packing her stuff and a storm out. What was your ex's response?

Edited September 30, 2011 by Shtubes

[Rorschach64]

She is Tamil, Southern Indian, so technically yes to the asian question. We were together for about 1 year and knew each other for 2. She accused me of cheating, which was her original premise for breaking up with me even though I didn't. After the e-mail she sent me, which I will show in a second, I finally realized what the hell am I doing I didn't cheat I am not THAT guy. Funny thing was she did not fight me about not being a cheater, also during the break up she ADMITTED that she may have been over reacting with this decision which I said "UH YES YOU ARE!" which caused her to explode in complete anger.

 

I see where you are coming from, I probably would have done the same exact thing as you did after what I went through. Since she just randomly started acted cold like that?

[Rorschach64]

I'm sorry but if I asked you that I wanted a break-up and you demanded reason after reason and asked me so many questions and I had the ****ing courtesy to reply to them, then you better have that courtesy to explain all this as well. Don't think that you can get away with saying stuff like that to make yourself feel better. You, Robert Collier, are the biggest loser I have ever met in my life. You cannot accept the fact that I didn't give you another chance. You cannot accept that fact that I am trying to move on with my life. If you truly have prove that I cheated on you, then show it. Dont' come around in this manner and write me pathetic emails about stuff I never even did. If you have courage or any ounce of remaining shame, then talk to me on IM atleast because I have been trying to contact you. I don't know when you are coming back from NYC but when you do, you better have the ****ing nerve to show up on Yahoo because I need proper reason from you for acting this way. I don't need a genius or a time machine to know what you have been doing behind my back ever since we broke up. You are so mentally and emotionally unstable yourself, you don't even know what you are saying or doing. Bhavani told me things today about how you went around assuming that I was seeing someone else. I don't know where you get your ideas from. Everyone has a right to move on in their life, and so do I. I'm not dating or seeing anyone right now because I'm still getting over this whole thing, but atleast IM GETTING OVER IT. If you cant accept that, then that's really not my problem. Just because you stupidly and dramatically left for a week with that whole email message of yours, you expect me to sit here for a week and wait till u come back and talk? Hell ****ing no. I'm getting on with my life. And that means getting over you and hanging out with my friends, going back to school and involving more in my work. If you think that means I found a new lover, then you are seriously the most ****ed up person I have ever met in my life. I'm not someone who goes and finds a new beau after I break up. That's not me. If you honestly think I cheated on you, then you're just blind. If I cheated on you and didn't want you, why the **** would I even ask for a short break between us so I can revive a spark in our relationship again? Why would I have even bothered? If I truly didn't love you and didn't care, I'd have gone MIA without any word. But I didnt because I loved you and cared about you. But I see it now. I see your true colors. That you would go to great lengths just to get what you want and say the most hurtful things ever. I'm not the one who cheated, YOU DID. You went behind my back talking to other girls and even your ex girlfriends. I'm not stupid, I know what you've been telling them. I even know you have profiles on dating sites, and you actually denied it to me the other day. Get a ****ing life and see the damn truth. I'm getting over you. I don't wish to see you ever again. I regret every moment I spent with you, I regret even offering friendship with you after we broke up. You are a clingy, awful, hurtful, disgusting, vengeful, childish and selfish person. I have never met someone as dramatic and idiotic like yourself. You'll never see the truth and you'll never accept it. So you can dwell in your own ****.

[Rorschach64]

Explainations to some of the stuff she said,

 

Yes I was on dating websites but with a clear indication that I had a gf and I loved her very much but was looking for friends and I always indicated that to people that contacted me. I did not tell her about it because I was literally shocked by this accusation she pulled on me initally and simply forgot.

 

I told her I went NC and said I do not for how long and if I am going to talk to her again.

 

Her friend told me to go and break no contact and not give up on her which I followed her advice and broke it and we had a conversation that indicated to her friend that there was someone else, later her friend found out that was indeed true after 4 days of being broken up with she was seeing someone else and I put all her behavior together, such as being insanely defensive as who she was texting to, she kept going out with a 'friend' she would not identify or tell me what they were doing nor would she text me back when she went out with this person.

 

Yes I asked her why the hell isn't she giving me a second chance because I knew at the back of my mind that this is jacked up and someone that loves you doesn't do what she did!

 

Her reasons for breaking up with me changed three times during the break up. I cheated on her (bull crap) > she can't be in a relationship right now she can't handle it > (After i cleared my name of cheating using her friends as a way of getting her to listen to me about this and finding the truth out) Her words "This situation is like past relationships but different, there is too much hurt."

 

I talked to my one ex gf that I have for advice on the situation when I was in Singapore and she told me to get the hell outta there but I didn't listen. I wish I had.

 

Oh and also I've been declared by the U.S. Army and a counsler of being of sound mind.

Edited September 30, 2011 by Rorschach64