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she has feelings for last boyfriend


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After almost nine months of dating and talking on the phone several times a day,

she says she still has feelings for last boyfriend and not fair to me. What do I do? Apparently, he treated her like s**t, bad boy syndrome? A week ago we were talking marriage and living together for ever. I told her to sort out her feelings and let me know. I am going full no contact.

Edited by redblack66
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After almost nine months of dating and talking on the phone several times a day,

she says she still has feelings for last boyfriend and not fair to me. What do I do? Apparently, he treated her like s**t, bad boy syndrome? A week ago we were talking marriage and living together for ever. I told her to sort out her feelings and let me know.

 

I can only wish I would of said the same. My now ex g/f and I dated almost a year and she told me that she also had feelings towards her ex b/f.

 

2 months ago she dumped me to go back with him,, we/she also talked about a future together and she mentioned to me he wasn't right for her. Yea right!!!

 

My advise is to tell her how you feel,, I'm sure you have,, what you want then go STRICT No Contact.

 

Move on with your life, let her figure out what she wants, don't wait for her. She needs to resolve her feelings towards her ex.

 

Don't be her emotional bandaid when she still has feelings/love for him. You will always lose!

 

You cant make her love you when her heart is else where,, believe me, I tried and no it's not fair to you.

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I can only wish I would of said the same. My now ex g/f and I dated almost a year and she told me that she also had feelings towards her ex b/f.

 

2 months ago she dumped me to go back with him,, we/she also talked about a future together and she mentioned to me he wasn't right for her. Yea right!!!

 

My advise is to tell her how you feel,, I'm sure you have,, what you want then go STRICT No Contact.

 

Move on with your life, let her figure out what she wants, don't wait for her. She needs to resolve her feelings towards her ex.

 

Don't be her emotional bandaid when she still has feelings/love for him. You will always lose!

 

You cant make her love you when her heart is else where,, believe me, I tried and no it's not fair to you.

 

She is very depressed. I will re-iterate in couple of minutes what I feel and will ignore any phone calls and emails, unless I have a clear indication she has her act together. She seems to navigate to men that cheat on her, kind of a needs a challenge and something to worry about.

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Hey guys, may I know how did they break up in the first place? And what they did after breakup? Maybe you I can learn from their experience, and get back together by usig the same way if you want

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Hey guys, may I know how did they break up in the first place? And what they did after breakup? Maybe you I can learn from their experience, and get back together by usig the same way if you want

 

He cheated on her and was drinking a lot. She left him but met me two months after. I do not drink and do not cheat.

Any FEMALE perspective?

Edited by redblack66
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Hey guys, may I know how did they break up in the first place? And what they did after breakup? Maybe you I can learn from their experience, and get back together by usig the same way if you want

 

He cheated on her and was drinking a lot. She left him but met me two months after. I do not drink and do not cheat.

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I'd go back to my ex too if he came back within6-12 months (assuming he convinced me he left his GF and serious about us) even though I know he didn't treat me the best. The emotional bond is fresh enough to remember and you could never know if she completely got him out of her system as she had you to focus her emotions on. If he came crawling back, he'd promise to right the wrongs and in the time apart I've learned things and withall this good will and education, we reconcile thinking we can make it work. (That's not happening with me but I can guess that's what she was thinking.)

 

You did the right thing.

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He cheated on her and was drinking a lot. She left him but met me two months after. I do not drink and do not cheat.

 

She's looking past all that because she still has feelings for him. If you read on here, there are dumpees, that have been treated shabbily in their Rs and they still pine and wish for that person back. She's emotionally attached to him therefore is blinded by love and will take him back if given a chance. I'm sure he promised her the world, and most cheaters and liars do that to get their "benefits" back. She has to learn the hard way.

 

Any girl, emotionally and mentally healthy would chose someone who respects them. She's not where she needs to be.

 

I'm sorry. You're a strong person knowing that you need to go full blown NC. Most will hold on to a string for dear life. You're doing the right thing.

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She's looking past all that because she still has feelings for him. If you read on here, there are dumpees, that have been treated shabbily in their Rs and they still pine and wish for that person back. She's emotionally attached to him therefore is blinded by love and will take him back if given a chance. I'm sure he promised her the world, and most cheaters and liars do that to get their "benefits" back. She has to learn the hard way.

 

Any girl, emotionally and mentally healthy would chose someone who respects them. She's not where she needs to be.

 

I'm sorry. You're a strong person knowing that you need to go full blown NC. Most will hold on to a string for dear life. You're doing the right thing.

 

I agree 100%. All her relationships have been with cheaters and drinkers. She is a very good person. I have learned the hard way that NC must be in place. I will drop off from the face of the earth.

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I'd go back to my ex too if he came back within6-12 months (assuming he convinced me he left his GF and serious about us) even though I know he didn't treat me the best. The emotional bond is fresh enough to remember and you could never know if she completely got him out of her system as she had you to focus her emotions on. If he came crawling back, he'd promise to right the wrongs and in the time apart I've learned things and withall this good will and education, we reconcile thinking we can make it work. (That's not happening with me but I can guess that's what she was thinking.)

 

You did the right thing.

 

I agree with you. I don't believe in second chances, though.

Edited by redblack66
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I agree 100%. All her relationships have been with cheaters and drinkers. She is a very good person. I have learned the hard way that NC must be in place. I will drop off from the face of the earth.

 

That's unfortunate. I think her sense of value and believing what she truly deserves and should be seeking is very distorted. If she has always gravitated to cheaters and drinkers, most likely, that is all she knows and toxicity is what she feeds on. Without it she does not feel normal.

 

You deserve someone who has a sound head on her shoulders as you sound like a strong individual. You can't rescue her. She has to do that herself. But you on the other hand are making sound choices for yourself and in the long run will reap from them. I am sorry you are hurting.

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That's unfortunate. I think her sense of value and believing what she truly deserves and should be seeking is very distorted. If she has always gravitated to cheaters and drinkers, most likely, that is all she knows and toxicity is what she feeds on. Without it she does not feel normal.

Funny, exactly the same occurred to me at the beginning of the relationship that

subconsciously she needs to suffer and worry to feel existing. Then I come problem free, supportive, understanding, loving, good lover, you name it.

Not a doormat though.

 

Yes, I am hurting, but should be OK.

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You can help her even further by showing her what a clean break feels like, which is what you've done. Most people who pine for closure and such like lack self-confidence and crave attention from the opposite sex and, in fact, actively keep several relationships on the brink. By making it clear you are not interested in nor need to be part of such (frankly) tedious sort-of relations with someone, you'll show her how someone tidies up loose ends and makes their life better. Cleanliness is next to Godliness and that goes for how you look after your heart too.

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You can help her even further by showing her what a clean break feels like, which is what you've done. Most people who pine for closure and such like lack self-confidence and crave attention from the opposite sex and, in fact, actively keep several relationships on the brink. By making it clear you are not interested in nor need to be part of such (frankly) tedious sort-of relations with someone, you'll show her how someone tidies up loose ends and makes their life better. Cleanliness is next to Godliness and that goes for how you look after your heart too.

 

Yes, I agree with you.

Last night I sent a message saying "I think you need time to sort out your feelings and figure out what you want. If you miss me and want to continue, I am here." That's it.

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I couldn't be with a woman if she still had feelings for someone else. You are playing with fire with a girl like this and more often then not you will get burnt. I think like the posters above said, you need to go No contact and stay contact...Even if she comes back, I would be VERY sceptical. Relationships are all about trust and could you ever feel secure if she is out clubbing?..I know I cound't..

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I couldn't be with a woman if she still had feelings for someone else. You are playing with fire with a girl like this and more often then not you will get burnt. I think like the posters above said, you need to go No contact and stay contact...Even if she comes back, I would be VERY sceptical. Relationships are all about trust and could you ever feel secure if she is out clubbing?..I know I cound't..

 

By the time she would ever want to come back, very likely I will be with somebody else anyhow, so it is done practically. I am kind of sad, we had good times.

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Redblack, did she respond to your message?

Yes. She says she must be 100% sure what she is doing, and will stay 100% away from men until she figures out her stuff. She may never contact the other guy, and he is probably having young chicks around him anyhow.

 

She asked me if I want to stop by her house to talk. I am not going. I am sure she will call me tonight. We have talked on the phone every day, when not together, for 8 months, a few times a day.

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This thread is full of red flags and things to learn from, all over the place, ill respond in greater detail tonight when I have free time

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This thread is full of red flags and things to learn from, all over the place, ill respond in greater detail tonight when I have free time

 

Good links. Looking forward to reading your insights.

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After rehashing the last 8 months, it is so weird. It feels I was a good rebound, although both we were loving each other. Problem was she is 45 and wants a baby, which I cannot handle. I guess the mess up is pretty good.

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After rehashing the last 8 months, it is so weird. It feels I was a good rebound, although both we were loving each other. Problem was she is 45 and wants a baby, which I cannot handle. I guess the mess up is pretty good.

 

Ummm ? How old are you?

 

A good rebound? seriously? Red Flag Maybe?

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Ummm ? How old are you?

 

A good rebound? seriously? Red Flag Maybe?

 

Same age. I am totally puzzled. A week before we were discussing how both of us see each other together in a long term, and even getting married. None of us ever wanted to marry again, but the thought appeared. Any insights? I am NC steady, for my own sake. I am hurting big time.

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Friends, I am meeting her this Friday. I don't know what in the world to talk about. Certainly, I am not begging, not saying love you, not taking flowers, etc.

I will be cool.

What can I say so there is some chance she comes around. I am pretty sure she has made up her mind. I am praying to God to bring clarity in my and her minds. Female perspectives?

Edited by redblack66
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