mike588 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 When you are so good to your g/f and treat her so well,, give her your heart and love , do sooooo many things for her and make her feel special then they just walk away from you,,,, well that emotionally wounds you and raises questions of how you should treat your next g/f. I guess my question is when I'm dating someone new, do you NOT do all those nice sweet things for her even thats how YOU ARE but run the risk of her leaving you because your NOT loving, caring , sweet etc. I see so many posts here from men/women leaving because he/she did'nt do those things. Your supposed to "be yourself" in a relationship and if your one of those persons who loves to see your girlfriend happy and it pleases you doing things to make her happy without being a door mat,,,, Well,,, WTF do you do?? Not be yourself,, question everything you do,, walk around on egg shells and wonder/ worry if your doing to much or not enough???? Just wanna be myself,,, but after being recently Dumped I'm not to sure what to do in my next relationship. Seems like damned if you dont and damned if you dont. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 When you are so good to your g/f and treat her so well,, give her your heart and love , do sooooo many things for her and make her feel special then they just walk away from you,,,, well that emotionally wounds you and raises questions of how you should treat your next g/f. I guess my question is when I'm dating someone new, do you NOT do all those nice sweet things for her even thats how YOU ARE but run the risk of her leaving you because your NOT loving, caring , sweet etc. I see so many posts here from men/women leaving because he/she did'nt do those things. Your supposed to "be yourself" in a relationship and if your one of those persons who loves to see your girlfriend happy and it pleases you doing things to make her happy without being a door mat,,,, Well,,, WTF do you do?? Not be yourself,, question everything you do,, walk around on egg shells and wonder/ worry if your doing to much or not enough???? Just wanna be myself,,, but after being recently Dumped I'm not to sure what to do in my next relationship. Seems like damned if you dont and damned if you dont. Mike, It's safe to say that when you get into a new relationship that you are not in love with the person right away. So, you need to have a strong sense of yourself. Do things you like to do, express your interests to her and maintain good communication. Keep time with your friends and family too. Then, consider her. Over time you can decide if you really care for her, and THEN she is deserving of that special treatment. But, don't push her to the top of your priority list straight away. Be nice to her in terms of doing things she might like when you hang out, being attentive to what she says and mention it the next time you talk to her (women love that you listened!) It's the little things That said, it's not that you can't be 'yourself', just don't come on too strong. I have had this problem before and will probably battle with it in my next relationship too. I am thoughtful and get great joy from making the man I am with happy, but I end up doing a lot. I don't mind, but in my last relationship in paticular, I felt as though we were married. I was taking on too large a role too soon. You sound like a good guy. Just be sure to always be good to yourself first! Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 When you are so good to your g/f and treat her so well,, give her your heart and love , do sooooo many things for her and make her feel special then they just walk away from you,,,, well that emotionally wounds you and raises questions of how you should treat your next g/f. I guess my question is when I'm dating someone new, do you NOT do all those nice sweet things for her even thats how YOU ARE but run the risk of her leaving you because your NOT loving, caring , sweet etc. I see so many posts here from men/women leaving because he/she did'nt do those things. Your supposed to "be yourself" in a relationship and if your one of those persons who loves to see your girlfriend happy and it pleases you doing things to make her happy without being a door mat,,,, Well,,, WTF do you do?? Not be yourself,, question everything you do,, walk around on egg shells and wonder/ worry if your doing to much or not enough???? Just wanna be myself,,, but after being recently Dumped I'm not to sure what to do in my next relationship. Seems like damned if you dont and damned if you dont. You know, it's kind of like a child. You care for the child, give the child love, affection, some gifts on occasion to show your love, but if you spoil them with too much, and give them too much, they don't appreciate what they have. They take it for granted and develop an entitlement complex. I know a couple of men who did exactly what you did. Showered the gf with gifts frequently. Spent all kinds of money on dating the woman and catering to her every whims. Well, both guys ended up being dumped. They tried too hard. There is such a thing as trying too hard, and it comes across as desperation, doormat, or trying to buy their love. Women respect a man who has a focus on his own life goals and interests, and she is not his whole world. He should show her love, affection, generousity, and attention, but not so much that she starts taking it for granted. Generous moderation is the key, if that makes any sense. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 i hear you. i too did everything i could for guy i loved and he walked all over me and eventually dumped me. i think there's a fine line between doing nice things for someone and being a doormat. yes, you can do sweet considerate things for someone but if they're not doing the same for you or seeming to appreciate it much then that's a sign right there. in the next relationship (if i ever decide to even attempt another after this) i'm going to be myself. yes i'm going to be myself. and i will treat that person with the same respect and consideration i would treat anyone. if i do anything extra it will be for a special event like a birthday or something. but even then i won't be going all out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mike588 Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Yea your right. Even though I know shes not coming back and I don't want her back I hope she appreciated and misses all those sweet things I did for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Cowboy1015 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Next time, I want to be sure that she's into me more than I'm into her. Link to post Share on other sites
gbadboy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 Wow it's amazing because I'm actually the one that didn't appreciate what my ex did. He was really good to me and did more than I did. All he wanted in return was to show him affection which I seldom did. The difference though is that unlike your ex, I DO realize all the good he did and now im trying to rectify it ( I realized this just 5 days after our break up which wasn't that long, so thats good) Hopefully she will (like me) realize all the good you've done. I think if they realize it quickly on their own and not after dating other ppl (like i did) , then you should give them a chance. HOwever if they take weeks and months to realize it while dating other ppl and then try to come back to you, id say forget them. Link to post Share on other sites
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