safetyv Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I made a post in the second chances forum if anyone is interested in the story. However I have basically decided that having this girl in my life is the most important thing, wether we are together or just friends. I want her around, so... I have read the magic of making up. Am currently in nc, and am going to start hanging out with her with the idea that if our relationship develops further than friends then great! But I'm not going to push it. I know I will have a second chance one day, maybe I will just have to wait 5 years. So can I get some people's ideas on moving on from a first love? How long will it be before I will enjoy other women and not compare them negatively to my ex? How long before the thought of her with someone else won't hurt like it does? (she isn't with anyone else but I create senarios in my head constantly where she moves on and it makes me physically ill) Can ex's be friends? Really? I want our relationship to be like Ted and Robyn from how I met your mother hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I don't believe you can be friends with your ex if you still have feelings for her. Imagine how hard it's going to be to hide those feelings when she starts dating again, it'll kill you buddy! What will happen is you'll likely freak out which will make you look jealous, beta and ultimately more unattractive to your ex. (ps, she left you because she lost attraction - this is true whether you want to believe it or not - now your job is to look MORE attractive, but hanging around as a friend will do nothing but weaken any attraction left) If you ever want her back you need to see her less frequently, try and get your life together, read some good books on dating women and what attracts them and you'll be in a much better position... but DON'T be friends with your ex if you want her back. I know it's hard not having her to share your life anymore but if you stay friends she will never get the chance to miss you, which will make moving on much easier for her PLUS you will wind up forever in the "friend zone." As I tell all guys in this siutation, read David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice." Think someone in the "Coping" forum posted a thread the other day with a free link to a PDF of this. This book has turned my life around. No tricks, just simply tells you what women find attractive and unattractive. Gurantee you in five minutes reading you'll know why your ex left you! Link to post Share on other sites
petal28 Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 I don't believe you can be friends with your ex if you still have feelings for her. Imagine how hard it's going to be to hide those feelings when she starts dating again, it'll kill you buddy! What will happen is you'll likely freak out which will make you look jealous, beta and ultimately more unattractive to your ex. (ps, she left you because she lost attraction - this is true whether you want to believe it or not - now your job is to look MORE attractive, but hanging around as a friend will do nothing but weaken any attraction left) If you ever want her back you need to see her less frequently, try and get your life together, read some good books on dating women and what attracts them and you'll be in a much better position... but DON'T be friends with your ex if you want her back. I know it's hard not having her to share your life anymore but if you stay friends she will never get the chance to miss you, which will make moving on much easier for her PLUS you will wind up forever in the "friend zone." As I tell all guys in this siutation, read David DeAngelo's "Attraction isn't a choice." Think someone in the "Coping" forum posted a thread the other day with a free link to a PDF of this. This book has turned my life around. No tricks, just simply tells you what women find attractive and unattractive. Gurantee you in five minutes reading you'll know why your ex left you! Hey Dovic, would you mind posting the link to this thread you mentioned above. I'm not keen on getting my ex back my just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author safetyv Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 Dude you sound like a pua. If not then read the game, by Neil Strauss. You will love it. Btw I broke up with my ex. I believe she is scared to give me a second chance because I already hurt her once (I.e. She doesn't trust me). Anyway I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. How long do you think a good amount of time to go no contact? I don't wanna overcook but at the same time undercooking can't be good either. I guess realistically I should have a decent crack at it before I commit to being friends with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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