Janik Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Happy Birthday Chris.. I would love to be able to find you, hug you, and tell you happy birthday like I've been planning to for months but it's not my place anymore. I still love you, probably just as much as before, but realizing now how ****ty you've been treating me for the last few months, I just can't bring myself to even talk to you on your birthday. Not that you would care right? You can be an amazing guy, but you are such an ass hole at times that it hurts. You think you've been hurt by me, well join the club. The whole getting hurt bit was never a one sided thing like you made it out to be. One day we'll be friends again, but for now just seeing you is impossible. Whenever I see you at school I want to run up to you and kiss you like I never have before, just lay in your arms and cry, run away screaming and crying, or punch you so hard in the face. You'll always have a place in my heart, but I look forward to the day where it doesn't hurt this much to see you or even think about you. So happy birthday, I really do hope you're doing alright. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 *Big hug* to ya! PS, did you send this message to him or was this just to vent? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janik Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 It was just to vent. I'm going 60 days without talking to him what so ever. I won't go out of my way to talk to him after, but if I run into him face to face I may stop and ask how he is, but for now I need my space. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Think that's the best way. You're not contacting him so it shows you've moved on (or at least gives him this impression), plus being civil shows you're a strong person. Good for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janik Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Thanks (: it's hard, but there's no way I'm going to turn spiteful or go out of my way to hurt him. It's just not who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
gbadboy Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Wow, the way you are feeling is exactly the way I'm feeling too with my ex. The difference though is that I dont think I can ever ever be his friend. Even after significant time passes, the moment I see him, memories will resurface. Like your situation, we both hurt each other. I hurt him more during our relationship and he's hurting ME more after our relationship. Everytime i see him, I can't take stop crying and huggin him. One thing Im so glad though is that i dont have to strength to actually see him. In fact, if I know he'll be somewhere, I can easily say i wont go. Why? BC i know the consquences that will come out of it. Sorry to hi-jack your board. As for the birthday, well my bday is coming up end of December, so i dont have to worry about recieving/not recieving a message from him.......by then i might not even care if i or do.........but a huge part of me wants to hear from him. LUCKILY his bday has already passed while we were together, or else i think id be tempted to txt him for his bday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janik Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 It's so good that you go out of your way to avoid him! Sometimes it may seem like a good idea to "accidentally" bump into them, but it hurts ten times more afterward. Over time you guys might be able to be friends again, but it'll take a long time. Right now just keep doing what you're doing and try your best to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
gbadboy Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Thanks. I find the error a lot of ppl make here is that they go on their fb page. Thats the first thing you do - block them' I actually went a step further and just deactivated my account...bc my ex and I share a lot of mutual friends - last thing I want to see is him posting or commenting something, or them posting a picture of them and him . After the initial break-up. I relished to see him. In fact, id ask my friends to invite him out as well . No way in hell i can do that now. I dont even want to. I wish I could be as long in NC as you are with yours - sigh its only been a week and a few days for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janik Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Even though you didn't make the best decisions in the beginning, at least you changed your ways before it got really bad. I haven't deleted him off fb, but I've made it so that none of his posts show up, and I've gotten into the habit of only going on once a week and avoided my gaze if I know there's a picture of him on someone's page. The last time I talked to him was about two weeks ago when I was asking him for the money he owed me. On Thursday it will have been three weeks since we broke up so I'm not much more ahead than you are. Just keep yourself really occupied, it helps a lot. Realizing that he was a jerk and doesn't deserved you will help a lot too. Link to post Share on other sites
gbadboy Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Ahh I hear you. What sucks is that I think I'm the jerk. If the table was turned, I wouldn't like done to me what I did to him. And even still he asked me out again and I rejected him - so it was a double blow to him. You're right though, at least I have remorse and I'm trying to fix it. I think what's important to note is that after a break up, its ok to harrasses them, chase them b/c it shows that you love them.......its ok to cry in front of them, beg for them because it shows you love them. THe thing though, is that you can only do this up to a certain point and then you stop. But it is important to chase them a bit rather than not chase at all, or it will show that they dont care. No matter how much my ex is upset at me, at least he can say I never cried for him, or tried to make us work or fought for us.......he can never say that and throw it in my face. I dont know how you have him your fb! For me that's too dangerous. Im so paranoid over seeing the slightest thing of him that I deactivated my entire account. WHen I do re-activate it in time, i need to get someone to block him for me, b/c i wont be able to even type his name. Thank you for the encouraging words - right back at you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janik Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 The thing is, chasing them and making a fool out of yourself isn't a good thing. Yes it's showing them you want them back, but if they were dumb enough to let you go then they're not worth your effort and tears anymore. Personally I think not going after them and holding your head up high shows so much more character and is commendable. We go to school together so already in the last two weeks I've seen him three times. I figure it's just part of the healing process. Thanks (: Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 (edited) Glad you came here to say all that, and didnt contact the ex. You seem like a wise gal, and know it is better not too. My ex's bday is coming up (then mine is soon after his). I see him often as we are in the same social crew (him and his new gf wahh), but we surely are not friends, and although i will be thinking of him on his bday, I am not giving him my "well wishes" nor do I expect that on my birthday. Keep your chin up, and vent here, or in a journal or where ever. Our guts always tells us to reach out to our ex, when in reality, it is best to not too! Edited September 19, 2011 by shortee143 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janik Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I made the mistake of contacting and hanging out with him regularly the first time we broke up and I knew this time I couldn't do that. Thanks for the support (: Link to post Share on other sites
gbadboy Posted September 20, 2011 Share Posted September 20, 2011 You're right. I suppose I didn't mean "chase" persay. I never chased him, I did however try a bit to get him back but I did so in a dignified away. In fact that last 2 encounters we had, I said my peice about trying to work it out and then when I was ready to leave, on both occassions he asked me to stay back and both times I found the strength to say no - even though I wanted so bad to stay longer. The thing is, I don't even have the desire to phone, text him anymore........nor do I even want to see him physically. I wouldnt go anywhere where ill suspect he'll be - no way in hell. Which I think is progress for me. And the reason why I dont have that desire is not because im angry , on the contrary im in love and im AFRAID and its scary to make contact with him.......so scary that ill just avoid it completely and save my heart ache. Also, I think with my situation, I had to try to "chase" a bit more, seeing that im the one that screwed up big time. Had he been the one to do me wrong and dump me, I would never never never chase him - because he's the one that did me wrong. But in my case, Im the one that did wrong and im trying to rectify so it involves some "chasing" - but no worries, it was done to a very small degree with class/dignity still in tact but still able to show him how much im hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Janik Posted September 20, 2011 Author Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm really glad to hear that (: It shows that you're already moving forward so much! Breakups are always hard all around and we all cope with them differently, but the most important thing is learning and growing from them. Link to post Share on other sites
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