I want alittle revenge for my heart break!

[mike588]

Hi all,

 

I've made several other posts here and I thank all of you who have helped. Alot of you know my situation. I've made it thru the heartbreak stages of denial, sadness, anger the but now I'm going thru the "revenge stage" if there is such.

 

Short story: My now ex g/f of 10 months dumped me 7 weeks ago to go back with her ex b/f. This is her 3rd time back with him.She told me I treated her so very well,made her feel special, loved, appreciated, no problems with sex blah blah blah and her ex did'nt do half of that.Thats why she left him.

 

I know now that I was her rebound guy cause they had only been apart approx. one month before we hooked up. I was/am heartbroken but getting better every day. Were both in our 40s.

 

I let her go without begging, pleading, constantly calling, harrasing her and all that other stuff. I have been in N.C for about 5 weeks now.

 

Now when I say I want alittle revenge it's NOT in a bad way,, keying her car, stalking, or messing with her in anyway. I really DO NOT want her to come back but if, and only IF it doesn't work between them again (3rd time back to him) and she does make an attempt to contact me or wants to try it again?

 

I want to say GO F**K YOURSELF,, Thats my revenge!! I will have had the last laugh, I will feel so justified by all the pain she put me thru by telling her that. God hope I don't cave in, ha.

 

Anyone else here feel this way? Happen to you?? Normal feelings???

 

By the way anyone have an ex.(my now ex) leave to go back to a former ex. then back to the previous ex (me) ??? I know she has issues. and am almost afraid she may come back.

 

Thanks again for any response, hopefully in several months I'll be completely healed and won't have to ask anyone else for advise, ask questions etc.

 

By the way Wilson X you should be a shrink.

[Mack05]

Don't sink to her level Mike. Be the better person. Forgive her and move on. Take your power away from her and back to you. Forgiving her will remove the grip she has over you. Sending that 'crap' makes you look bitter and even pathetic. Rise above her and show real class.

[mike588]

Don't sink to her level Mike. Be the better person. Forgive her and move on. Take your power away from her and back to you. Forgiving her will remove the grip she has over you. Sending that 'crap' makes you look bitter and even pathetic. Rise above her and show real class.

 

I really have forgiven her and shes knows it. In her last email weeks ago she said that she was glad that I took "the high road" by not hating her and forgiving her.

 

I dont want to have these feelings but right now thats how I feel. Maybe I would'nt say GO F**K YOURSELF,,, I'd say sorry you had your chance, goodbye or maybe the best thing to say would be saying nothing at all!

 

I had an ex 12 years ago come crying back to me, I said NO and it felt soooooo good.

[novus69]

"I'm going thru the "revenge stage" if there is such."

 

There most certainly is. I am in that stage myself. But as you said, it's not about wishing the ex harm. It's about the need to say this final "GO F**K YOURSELF" , as you call it so precisely.

 

Unfortunately I know this is an unhealthy wish of mine, as it is really just my ego wanting a final boost. My ex (both of us in our 40s as well) seemed to have moved on rather quickly (after a relationship of 1 ½ years, lived together for 7 months) and was on dating sites before I knew it was over for good.

 

After I moved out, we tried a couple times to “re-start” the relationship = bad idea!

It didn’t work. It is hard, if not impossible, to mend a relationship if one is already focused on finding your “replacement” and both harbor resentment. So that was very painful.

 

How are some people able to just move on this quickly? In my opinion, because they simply don't want to deal with the pain, disappointment, whatever it is they experienced. I can't answer that for my ex. I actually pity him in that regard that he needs to find someone so quickly. I could never even conceive going into another relationship right away….but then we all cope in our own way.

 

I've been in NC for 2 months now, haven't seen him in 4 months, and it is getting easier, but I still have my days where I like to feel sorry for myself, were I reminisce,

feel duped, stupid, and yes, angry (mostly at myself for ignoring red flags and not ending it much sooner and preserve my sanity).

 

I really think at this point it is my ego more than anything that I need to get over. I don't want him back, I know it would be a hopeless situation and impossible to mend. As you said, I just would like to have that one final satisfaction of knowing he realized he f$%^ up.....but I realize that I should not hold my breath, that it is really just wishful thinking.

 

By holding out for this wish, my final opportunity for righteousness , I am just allowing him to continue to be in my life. I need to let go of that, and that has been the hardest part. And I think that is where you are as well.

 

It does get better ☺

[A7X]

Sup Mike!! Yeah I think we all want a little revenge for a broken heart that we don't felt like we deserved, or treated in a way that was disrespectful. I think that the best revenge and being happy without them. They will hear threw the grapevine how happy you are and that will make them miserable.

[mike588]

Thanks, both of you. It's almost like I won't have total closure until that happens,, if,, if it happens.

[ConfusedT]

i would love revenge, love love love, but honestly- i heard some good advice!

 

you life is not a coincidence, it is a reflection of yourself!! you will receive exactly what you give out. so if you continue to give out hatred and revenge, you will get it back in some form. instead, be the bigger person, step back and realize your worth and how if they dont appreciate it, then they are the one losing out!

 

F***** em and move on!

[mike588]

i would love revenge, love love love, but honestly- i heard some good advice!

 

you life is not a coincidence, it is a reflection of yourself!! you will receive exactly what you give out. so if you continue to give out hatred and revenge, you will get it back in some form. instead, be the bigger person, step back and realize your worth and how if they dont appreciate it, then they are the one losing out!

 

F***** em and move on!

 

There is NO hatred towards her at all. Really.For some stupid, beyond STUPID reason I still have strong feelings for her but not enough to get back together. The damage has been done!

 

As far as receiving what you give/gave out,,, well I gave her so much LOVE !!

[A7X]

As far as receiving what you give/gave out,,, well I gave her so much LOVE !!

 

I feel you on that one and don't get me wrong, I would love nothing more then to tell her off like she deserves. It's just not worth it and living in anger is not living a happy life.

 

Instead I've surrounded myself with great friends that make me happy and have kept busy with projects.

 

Sometimes I think of her coming back and just lol'in in her face, but that gets me down again so I stay clear of those thoughts

[ConfusedT]

you gave her love, so you will get love back, just not necessarily from her. good things happen to good people, but it doesnt happen when you WANT it to, it happens when you NEED it to...

 

trust me, i feel your pain and i am still bitter, but by standing back and being the better person, i feel like i, and he, will both get what we deserve.

 

in my case, he literally abused me (emotionally), disrespected me beyond belief and lied the entire relationship, & i didn't, =/, so im thinkin something good will come from this... right? sighs...

[mike588]

I feel you on that one and don't get me wrong, I would love nothing more then to tell her off like she deserves. It's just not worth it and living in anger is not living a happy life.

 

Instead I've surrounded myself with great friends that make me happy and have kept busy with projects.

 

Sometimes I think of her coming back and just lol'in in her face, but that gets me down again so I stay clear of those thoughts

 

The only anger I feel is directed towards me for being so stupid and not seeing the "red flags" I have no anger towards her,,, well maybe just a very little amount for not dumping me earlier.

 

I guess she was having such a good time being wined and dined and feeling special and appreciated. Feel like I wasted many months of my life and can't help but wonder,,,,, did she ever love me at all???

[mike588]

you gave her love, so you will get love back, just not necessarily from her. good things happen to good people, but it doesnt happen when you WANT it to, it happens when you NEED it to...

 

trust me, i feel your pain and i am still bitter, but by standing back and being the better person, i feel like i, and he, will both get what we deserve.

 

in my case, he literally abused me (emotionally), disrespected me beyond belief and lied the entire relationship, & i didn't, =/, so im thinkin something good will come from this... right? sighs...

 

Thanks. As far as good things not happening when you want it but happens when you need it,,, well I NEED IT!

[Trimmer]

"I'm going thru the "revenge stage" if there is such."

 

There most certainly is. I am in that stage myself. But as you said, it's not about wishing the ex harm. It's about the need to say this final "GO F**K YOURSELF" , as you call it so precisely.

 

Unfortunately I know this is an unhealthy wish of mine, as it is really just my ego wanting a final boost. ....

 

I really think at this point it is my ego more than anything that I need to get over. I don't want him back, I know it would be a hopeless situation and impossible to mend. As you said, I just would like to have that one final satisfaction of knowing he realized he f$%^ up.....but I realize that I should not hold my breath, that it is really just wishful thinking.

I think it's good of you to be able to acknowledge your feelings (of wanting revenge, in whatever form) and balancing that out, I also think it's very healthy of you to be self-aware enough to know it's coming from your need to soothe your ego.

 

Another way you can look at it, is to let everybody own "their stuff." If a partner leaves without apparent warning, if they leave on bad terms, don't wait for them, don't wait something to change who they are, don't wait for them to come back so you can have some kind of closure - let them own their stuff. Let their issues be a reflection on them, and not on you.

 

That's not to say that you shouldn't have an ability to look at your own contributions, both positive and negative, to an ended relationship, but what your hurt ego is really doing is convincing you that "he left me, so that must mean I'm no good" or some variant on that, and as long as that is in play, you are leaving your closure in the hands of someone else. Own your stuff and use that to move forward, and it helps if you can let go and let him own his stuff, too.

 

Thanks, both of you. It's almost like I won't have total closure until that happens,, if,, if it happens.

My advice is not to convince yourself that you need something from her to get "closure". Don't rely on anyone but yourself to move on.

 

I'm not saying that"s easy, but it's something you can do. As novus wisely said:

By holding out for this wish, my final opportunity for righteousness , I am just allowing him to continue to be in my life. I need to let go of that, and that has been the hardest part. And I think that is where you are as well.

[ConfusedT]

you think you need it, but do you really? is this really as bad as you think it is?

 

look at it like this, if you continued to be with the wrong person, how could you ever find the right one? the one who will appreciate you, the one who will love you, the one who is for you?

 

everything happens for a reason, you may not see it now, because you are in so much pain, but you gotta find that inner happiness, that inner strength and when you least expect it, BOOM, what you were really searching for is going to be there for you!

 

i started focusing internally on myself and how i can make myself better, stronger, wiser bc you have no control over external circumstances. in the end, all you got is you.

[A7X]

in my case, he literally abused me (emotionally), disrespected me beyond belief and lied the entire relationship, & i didn't, =/, so im thinkin something good will come from this... right? sighs...

 

Totally feel the same way... Gave her everything and got my heart dragged in the mud when I could of just been left to roam free instead of keeping me as a fall back...

[mike588]

Thanks again all. I keep having these feelings of betrayal, of being used(not intentionally though) until the last month. I was her "emotional bandaid" during her time of loss, grief and sadness when she brokeup with him the 2nd time.

 

Now I'm the feeling like she did and am left to pick up the pieces and it hurts to know her heart was never mine!

[2.50 a gallon]

Who ever says don't sink to their level, has never had revenge.

 

I have had the pleasure several times, it is awesome.

 

My marriage was broke up by several OM's from her work place, and our next door neighbor. When we broke up and I kicked her out, the next door neighbor, in order to rub it in my face, invited my Ex, several of her workmates and her new BF over for a BBQ, while his wife was out of town.

 

Unfortunately for the next door neighbor, his wife got wind of what happened and four week later, when it was her turn to take care of her ailing mom, she left a day early, but she didn't leave, as I snuck her into my place. Even more unfortunate for the him we shared a bedroom wall and his wife and I kept him up all night.

 

Listening to him pounding on the wall telling me and my partner to keep it quiet, and him not knowing that it was his wife was one of the erotic nights that I have ever experienced.

 

Then the next night, the neighbor again invited my Ex and her BF over to party. She came by our apartment supposedly to visit with out cats, but actually to rub her affair in my face, then as she was leaving discovered an empty champagne bottle in the trash and instantly knew that I had had sex with someone else in our bed and instantly wanted us to reconcile.

 

The final cap was about a month later after I had moved out, his wife, with her friends, and me and my truck came by to move her out. She served him with a TRO and the cops kept him at bay. As, the commercial says, the look on his face was priceless

[novus69]

.Now I'm the feeling like she did and am left to pick up the pieces and it hurts to know her heart was never mine!

 

I am there as well... The reason I moved out after over a year into the relationship, 7 months of which we lived together, is that I discovered he's been in contact with his ex for the entire year! And I'm not just talking a text or call here and there, it was morning day and night...I honestly don't know how he kept the two of us apart. It didn't help at all that she was also 20 years younger than me. Talk about putting a dagger in your heart....

 

He gave me some lame story how she black-mailed him about something, how he "had to" keep in contact with her and keep her "appeased", claiming he did not see her the entire time....I can't even explain the emotions I felt...it was just too much. I've been betrayed before, but this certainly topped it. I never moved that fast in my life..

 

Did he ever love me? I don't know. I don't know if he even understands what love is. It was all about him. He needs women to "appease" him to make himself feel worthy. That 's my take. He craves female attention. I never even thought of another man while with him...he's the one that lost someone that was loyal, faithful, even in thought, and only wanted him "for him", not to use him for my own benefit.

 

On the other hand, I had to take a hard look at myself. Why was I so willing to still be with this guy? What level of desperation had I reached and why? Why did I let myself down? To what degree was my motivation selfish?

 

It is painful, and yes, I still get very emotional sometimes when I think how easy it is for him to switch to another partner so easily. He has had a very promiscuous past, that in itself should have been a warning to me, but I didn't want to judge him on that and he was very good at making you feel like you are "the one".

 

I am just waiting for the moment when I will have determined that I am done analyzing this whole thing and the switch will flip. I do feel it coming.

Edited September 16, 2011 by novus69

[Besmy]

Hi Mike,

 

I curse my ex the sloth every day from the bottom of my heart, that's part of my therapy.

When I feel the urge to vent my anger, I also pretend that I send him imaginary nasty txt messages telling him what I really think of him and his sick behaviour.

 

One example would be - just to make you smile:

 

"You have to explain me mate, why didn't you return my brand-new cooking pans? Are you such a fk...n lice-covered beggar that you cannot afford to buy new ones or did your sick mind suggest to keep them in the morbid hope that I would claim them back? Now get them and put them deep up your a... I know you're never gonna use them. Go back to your dogs food you were having before meeting me and do us all a favour, choke on it!."

 

As for my previous ex, the ape, the one that "one day cared for me, another day didn't", when we broke up I thought, one day I'll show him.

Well, when one full year after the break up that "one day" arrived and he (apparently, cannot be sure eh!) realised what he had lost and called me, I had moved on, so much in fact that hearing him telling me that he still loves me and answering that it was too late didn't give me any satisfaction what-so-ever.

 

So I think there is one stage when we would be glad to have our ex contacting us and wanting us back, followed by the stage when we have moved on and we don't care whether they want us back or not. Once reached that stage, even if they beg us to get back and we can finally tell them to get lost it gives us very little or no satisfaction.

At least this is my experience.

 

[novus69]

One example would be - just to make you smile:

 

"You have to explain me mate, why didn't you return my brand-new cooking pans? Are you such a fk...n lice-covered beggar that you cannot afford to buy new ones or did your sick mind suggest to keep them in the morbid hope that I would claim them back? Now get them and put them deep up your a... I know you're never gonna use them. Go back to your dogs food you were having before meeting me and do us all a favour, choke on it!."

 

That is funny:D....thank you!

[M2155]

Yes I feel this way, though it's not so front of my mind as much anymore. I have had a guy or two come back (it's always ages later after you've long moved on though) and it IS extremely gratifying to have the last laugh, at least for me.

 

I think it's wrong to wish bad on anyone but I'd be absolutely lying if I said I hope my ex and his girlfrend (he went back to his ex) workout for the best. I ask forgiveness for those thoughts! I'd love to regain the power in this just to show the strong, independent me that disappeared in the end and have my way (which may very well be f*ck off, we'll see how I feel;))

 

But I think the more I think about this, the less likely it will happen. What I mean is like someone said, I shouldn't wish negative on my ex because that's just me putting out negative energy instead of focusing on attracting something better into my life. Me thinking about this is him having control. So I'm hoping to reach the bliss of indifference one day soon and hope that what goes around, comes back around. I'm pretty sure if that day comes I will certainly hear from him and hopefully too happy with my new guy to even gloat.

[mike588]

Yes I feel this way, though it's not so front of my mind as much anymore. I have had a guy or two come back (it's always ages later after you've long moved on though) and it IS extremely gratifying to have the last laugh, at least for me.

 

I think it's wrong to wish bad on anyone but I'd be absolutely lying if I said I hope my ex and his girlfrend (he went back to his ex) workout for the best. I ask forgiveness for those thoughts! I'd love to regain the power in this just to show the strong, independent me that disappeared in the end and have my way (which may very well be f*ck off, we'll see how I feel;))

 

But I think the more I think about this, the less likely it will happen. What I mean is like someone said, I shouldn't wish negative on my ex because that's just me putting out negative energy instead of focusing on attracting something better into my life. Me thinking about this is him having control. So I'm hoping to reach the bliss of indifference one day soon and hope that what goes around, comes back around. I'm pretty sure if that day comes I will certainly hear from him and hopefully too happy with my new guy to even gloat.

 

Thanks M2155 I can't wait till that days comes when I dont even have thoughts like this. I still feel so BETRAYED for all the things I did for her then she dumps me for her ex. I'm humiliated.

[Spices]

 

By the way anyone have an ex.(my now ex) leave to go back to a former ex. then back to the previous ex (me) ??? I know she has issues. and am almost afraid she may come back.

.

 

Yep, it's happened to me.

 

If she comes back, do not take her back! You'll most likely regret it. People like that are confused & unstable. It's more trouble than it's worth.

[mike588]

Tell me more! She actually came back after going back and forth?

[wilsonx]

Revenge is nice and all but does not help at all with moving on, actually it prevents you from doing so.

 

I watch friends come up with these revenge tactics to get their ex's back for the pain they cost them, they spend days, weeks, etc coming up with plans, thinking of ways to hurt them back, get even or whatever you want to call it. Even I did it but my revenge period was short lived probably a week right after she told me she had feelings for another guy. Say after you spend all this time doing this you go forward with the plan, what then? You are still at the same part of the healing process if you haven't backslid. YOU ARE STILL HURT. The problem is you are focusing on your ex and not yourself. You are putting all this emotional energy into your ex and nothing into you. For what reason? For those that say they feel better afterwards, its actually extremely masochistic. It's a temporary patch for the hurt that is still there.

 

The best "revenge" you can have towards an ex is to move on without them in your life. It accomplishes one big thing. It is about you. You will have moved on. Your ex has no control over you. They have lost that string that they have to drop breadcrumbs on you, use you as FWB or even a door mat.

Edited September 17, 2011 by wilsonx