does she care?

[00Ws6]

hey i need some advice badly i am currently 21 years old, but When i was 17 i was dating this girl and we only dated for 4 months but we lost our virginities to each other. We broke up and she has been in contact with me ever since we broke up. Every few weeks or month or so she will end up txting me or caling me, asking how i am if im dating anyone, she will tell me about how shes with something and stuff. About after a year after we broke up we ended up having sex again twice. She sometimes tells me she loves me, misses me and stuff but she says she only sees me as a friend. She will just txt me but she will never hang out with me except on rare occasions. Well this past weekend she ended up staying over at my house and we had sex 3 times, when we were having sex she kept telling me how she loved me and wanted to marry and have kids with me, how she couldnt find anyone like me and stuff. So she ends up txting me how she loves me for a few days, but then today i takled to her and told her i loved her and she was like dont tell me that were not dating. I have tried to tell her to stop taking to me and she will be like fine but then a couple weeks later or a month she will txt me again. i just dont understand why she wont leave me completely alone? weve been broke up for 3.5 years and we only dated for 4 montsh and she still txts me and cals me. I have asked people about it and they just tell me she probably still has feelings for me since i took her virginity but she doesnt want to be with me, she just wants to keep me in reach and stuff while she has fun. We have both dated and hooked up with other ppl since then but i just dont understand why she wont leave me alone? somedays she tells me she loves me/misses me and other days its i just see you as a friend and then she comes over sleeps with me tells me how she loves me and all this stuff and then it just goes back? i dont understand?

[allite]

dont get emotionall attached but enjoy the free sex

[DazyDaisy]

Because she likes reminiscing on her first time.

[AniD5061]

I can give you my honest opinion in that the behavior that she is doing to you seems to scream the message that while she probably loves and cares about you, she is not sure if you are the one. Being 21 years old, maybe she realizes that its too young to settle down, get married, and have kids. When I first turned 21 it was a scary thought to think that I had found the perfect person when all I really wanted to do was be single, go to clubs and bars, and have fun. It could also be that she will contact you to make sure that you are still there, and when some other guy has rejected her. So she doesn't want to lose you, but cannot commit to you. A very tough place to be in.

 

The way to deal with this on your side would be to continue to be her "friend" if it is not costing you anything emotionally, but keep your options open. In other words, date other people.... and if you are single when she texts and wants to hang out then go. But if you are in a exclusive relationship when she contacts you, you have to be honest about it and tell her. Never cheat on your new relationship with the girl of the past. She will most likely try and pull you out of the new relationship because she will feel loss, but don't give in because once she has what she wants and is not truly ready, it will only end prematurely. If you two decide to reconcile it has to be because she is ready and not because she is jealous of your new girlfriend.

 

Sometimes timing is everything. Especially when we are young and people are still discovering who they are and where they will end up.

 

Hope my two cents helps. Good Luck.