Completely broken.This is a crazy story.

[broken19901]

Hey, I don't know how long this is going to be but, hey here we go.

 

Is my first serious serious relationship. She was 17 and I was 20 when we met. We was together for 1 year. I know what you're thinking "Ah, this is just another silly young relationship"..maybe, but what has happened in this relationship has made me compeltely nervous, terrible anxiety and I don't know how to recover....here is the story:

 

She is Spanish. I'm English. I was living in Spain, staying at my sisters house there, because she married a spanish guy. Well, at their wedding my sisters husbands cousin was there, and we well.....

 

We was both told that we was attracted to each other etc, so when I heard she liked me I added her on facebook the next day, etc. Went on dates, started to meet everyday....then we went into a relationship after about 1 and a half months of dating.

 

Was my first love, and hers...I think....it was hers, who knows.

 

In the relationship, well, it was slow......physcially it was slow, but we really loved one another, we became best friends. And, we spent everyday together, for at least 2-3 hours. It was quite magical because she lived in a beautiful spanish village, and we use to spend the time in the countryside, all the romantic stuff:(

 

BUUUUUT, I neevr felt she showed me much affection. She had a best friend, a girl, and well.....they had a strange relationship....my ex's Mum always said to me she is worried about her with this girl because they always seemed so "close".

 

Throughout the relationship I would get frustrated that she showd me little love and affection and I showered her in it. But, because I would get so frustrated I would do stupid things some nights and say "Ah, if you can't show me love, how can I be with you?"....and 2 times I finished the relationship. But although it never seemed natural to her to show me love she always told me she loved, so much, all the time, and just moments of kissing and looking in one anothers eyes so deeply was sometimes enough for me to believe it.

 

Throughout the relationship she refused sex. She said she felt too young and not mature enough. Me being the guy so in love, I repsected it, and I never did get to take her virginity

 

As time went on, we had weeks of being really close, and the odd show of affection from her, then other weeks I just felt like her friend. I started to feel she was tired of me.

Then one day, I just had enough....I went to her house and said "When was the last time you initiated something? A hug? A kiss?...etc".....she said "I don't know if I'm prepared for a relationship, I'm sorry"....."But, when I am prepared I promise I will tell you, I really love you, but I can't give you what you want in this moment...."

 

"I don't want nothing with relationships, or boys or nothing for a long time, I just want to be with my friends and concentrate on my studies"....

 

So, we sort of went on a break type thing. The problem was I had another problem, money. I had to go back to England for a few weeks to work. In the time I was back in England, because I was so far away from her I wanted to be with her, my love for her is so strong, and I asked her countless times, I need to be in a relationship with you.

She got tired and finally told me "I don't love you....."......

 

I was broke. But she said..."I don't want nothing with relationships or nothing, don't worry"....

 

3 weeks later, I find out she is in a lesbian relationship with her best friend I talked about before:( Her Mum was right all along.....her Mum is a little distraught....

But, thats not all.......3 weeks after our relationship she has already started doing sexual things with her, and also she has slept with a guy.....

 

 

I don't understand how she can do that. How she lied to me for all the relationship about wanting to wait until she is 18. When really, I think she used me to cover her true sexuality:(

 

I have so much anxiety and nerves now. Every minute of the say I feel anxeity and nerves.

 

And I am so far away from her. I'll probably never see her again.

 

How could she do this to me when she knew how much I loved her? And she lied to me so much about how the reason she wanted to break is because she wanted nothing with relationships and she wasn't prepared for sex and stuff. It was all lies.....but I don't understand......becuase now she is doing crazy things.....

 

She was so innocent and timid, yes she had a crazy side to her. but just like any normal bubbly teenager. Now I don't recognise her. She speaks down to me, she laughs at me. She says to me "I'm doing things now, me and you never done;)"......"How does it feel to be dropped for a girl;)" "hahaha"....

 

I'm broke...

 

Completely....

 

I thoguth I knew this girl. Now I feel completely empty...so empty. Has been over 2 months since we broke now. I found all of this out yesterday.

 

How can I recover from this? And, build my confidence again? I feel I was treated like a complete mug, and I feel so angry at myself. But I lvoed her with all of my heart and I guess I still do, although we have said so many bad and bitter things. .

 

Help?

[CarrieT]

She is young and just discovering who she is. The fact that she couldn't tell you her lesbian tendencies is nothing to be surprised at; she probably didn't understand them herself and needed time to explore them.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting, but I think she treated you honorably by not letting you do things to her that she wasn't ready for.

 

Take it as the learning experience it is and you will move on in good time...

 

BTW, I was married at 20 and came home early from work at the age of 25 to find my husband having gay sex. I totally understand how it feels to have lost your confidence regarding the opposite sex. It will come back and know that it was not your fault.

 

Good luck.

[rnichols]

You are lucking that you are out that relationship. I can imagine this turning into a bad love triangle. Being a Devil's Advocate and looking from her point of view of her life. She made this decision early in her life rather than live a lie for years. Including marriage and children. The same as men leaving there family after the children are grown. The same could have happened to you. Can you imagine this happening to you 20 years from now! Older and less desirable with a lot of baggage. Now you have a whole lot of life to explore a lot of relationships.

[broken19901]

You are lucking that you are out that relationship. I can imagine this turning into a bad love triangle. Being a Devil's Advocate and looking from her point of view of her life. She made this decision early in her life rather than live a lie for years. Including marriage and children. The same as men leaving there family after the children are grown. The same could have happened to you. Can you imagine this happening to you 20 years from now! Older and less desirable with a lot of baggage. Now you have a whole lot of life to explore a lot of relationships.

 

Yeah I understand that. But, that doesn't take away what she has done now...and what I am feeling now. It feels this is going to be very hard to recover from, why?

 

1/ Maybe she didn't love me, and was using me to cover her trueself?

2/ I showed her so so much love, and was silly enough to think we had something special. We always said things like living in this village when we're older and she wanted twins...

3/ She didn't allow me to have sex with her, nothing sexual, making out is as far as it went. And then 3 weeks later she goes and starts her sexual adventures after telling me "I'd only ever have sex in relationships, and sex in love, I like things to be special"....

 

The last has damaged my confidence the most to be honest....I don't know why. 3 weeks after always telling me "I want to wait" she goes and does that?

Why?

[broken19901]

She is young and just discovering who she is. The fact that she couldn't tell you her lesbian tendencies is nothing to be surprised at; she probably didn't understand them herself and needed time to explore them.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting, but I think she treated you honorably by not letting you do things to her that she wasn't ready for.

 

Take it as the learning experience it is and you will move on in good time...

 

BTW, I was married at 20 and came home early from work at the age of 25 to find my husband having gay sex. I totally understand how it feels to have lost your confidence regarding the opposite sex. It will come back and know that it was not your fault.

 

Good luck.

 

OK, But why 3 weeks after telling me "I want to wait, I'm not ready" and her 18th birthday being 5 months away did she go and start doing crazy sex stuff? Doesn't make sense.

 

What is more special than losing your virginity with your first love? And being intimate with someone you love?

 

3 weeks!