good terms... why?

[Dblock10]

what is the actual point breaking up with someone on "good" terms. and then to never hear from that person again...

 

like my ex, she wanted to end on "good terms" for the "future" so that we can meet again or be friends or maybe more. yet its been 6 weeks of nothing from her and she leaves the country to travel for 6 months very soon.

 

really am i ever going to hear from her again.. why did i bother let her get out easy and not have my emotions of how she has hurt me doing what she did, if i am not going to hear from her.

[MisterB]

IMO , it's just to have peace of mind from her part. I wanted to end on good terms too with my ex too , just because you never know what life may bring you. She might come back to you later on in life as a friend , or a lover you just never know.

 

I know how you feel though about wanting to let her have it. But I think sometimes things are better left unsaid. I know when I was feeling like that about my x I would just write down stuff , made me feel better. So just write out your emotions here , or on paper. It really should help.

[ken_25]

probably to ease any guilt she may have and/or keep you on the back burner sort of speak. it would be a good idea to write out all of your feelings, emotions, your side of it, etc. in a letter. do not send this letter, do it to get it out. write it over and over in different ways if you must, talk to friends and family about it, just release it. since you didn't tell her it might eat you up that you didn't and I don't want to see you breaking down to her, calling her or whatever. go NC, use writing as a tool and speak to friends and family about it, it will help.

[Dblock10]

yeah so if its to ease guilt then thats rubbish. its like i was lied to.

 

i feel like i should "let her have it" and just burn the bridges. as the bridges will be burnt anyway once she moves on, cause i probably wont be able to handle it. i am already struggling.

 

i dont want to hold onto false hope and at the same time though you are right, no one knows what the future holds. unfortunately.

[Dark Phoenix]

I have a feeling that if you did "burn the bridges" after the breakup you would be on here struggling with that as well. Leaving on good terms does ease some of the guilt from the dumper. But let this stir in your head for a little bit, leaving on good terms will also spark some curiosity in the dumpers mind. Dumpers don't expect to make a clean break, they expect some sort of begging, pleading, and desperation on the dumpee's part. When you don't give them this benefit (they get an ego boost), they begin to wonder "did they really love me?", "didn't I mean ANYTHING to them?", "why are they so content with my decision?".

 

To an extent it reverses the roles on them so they feel like they lost someone involuntarily. Obviously this isn't the case for all breakups, but I think most would fit this scenario nicely IF the dumpees (myself included) had made a clean break.

[silly_panda]

yeah so if its to ease guilt then thats rubbish. its like i was lied to.

 

i feel like i should "let her have it" and just burn the bridges. as the bridges will be burnt anyway once she moves on, cause i probably wont be able to handle it. i am already struggling.

 

 

 

Don't do it man... If you truly love her, you won't wan her to feel sad or hurt her... Just let her have an ease of mind and a good trip around the world...

[Dblock10]

yeah actually thats true. so maybe it was a good thing to end on a semi mutual ground..

i see what you mean about easing some guilt, but it could also spark curiosity, but she doesnt seem bothered. she is a bit different to other girls. doesnt really use face book and isnt much of a txter or communicator..

 

Dumpers don't expect to make a clean break, they expect some sort of begging, pleading, and desperation on the dumpee's part. When you don't give them this benefit (they get an ego boost), they begin to wonder "did they really love me?", "didn't I mean ANYTHING to them?", "why are they so content with my decision?".

 

not sure if i did get a clean break, due to her indecisiveness and not letting me know if she truly wanted to make it work (which in the end she didn't) i initiated the idea of breaking up/break, or at least put that idea in her head (even though she must have known it wasn't truly what i wanted as i did suggest i wanted to wait for her and tell her i would meet her in oz after 3 months). she then thought about it seriously and what she wants in life and decided that a break/breakup would be for the best, staying together wouldn't be practical and she cant make me any promises as to what she is doing once back.

 

i guess i didn't beg to be with her, but i did go to tell her in person i didn't want it to come between us and i wanted to stay together but her mind was made up. so i had to respect that decision. i then told her i would always be here for her and we both playfully suggested that neither one of us would actually want to see the other again once she's back. i told her if she would like to meet up again before she leaves then she knows where i am.. not heard anything from her though.

 

she never told me she loved me. so i assume she didn't.. :S i told her i had fallen for her and she said she really likes me.

 

To an extent it reverses the roles on them so they feel like they lost someone involuntarily. Obviously this isn't the case for all breakups, but I think most would fit this scenario nicely IF the dumpees (myself included) had made a clean break.

 

 

so yeah its a bit of an up and down break up where she never initially dumped me, but she certainly wasnt making the right noises about really wanting it to work.

 

i think she was very confused at the start of all of our relationship talk and future. she doesnt like making decisions, so i had to put out the negative stuff based on my personal concerns and insecurities. i mentioned i didnt think it would work and that she wouldnt want ties etc, although i also told her i would wait for her and that i wouldnt just get another gf at the click of a finger and that i really want to keep in touch and meet once back and take off where we left off. but ultimately she decided she didnt want to make it work and that she wants to be free from all stresses and to leave her life behind her whilst travelling.