DenumChkn Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 When you end a relationship (not because of cheating or anything tumultuous, just clinginess/neglect/loss of attraction etc) and you or the other person decides to go NC, how long does or did it take you before you made contact with the other person? If you wanted to get back together and felt you'd made a mistake, how did you go about approaching it? What about if you were just lonely and making contact on a friendly level without any romantic intentions? Does some part of you feel that reconnecting just as friends could rekindle the romance? I'm 3 weeks out of the relationship and just over 2 weeks into NC, I want to just move on and not wait around for her but it has been hard. I don't feel the desire to contact her, but feel like a large part of me is still clinging to the hope of her realizing she made a mistake. I feel like this whole NC thing is kind of a catch 22: you do it to allow yourself to get over the loss, pick up the pieces and ultimately move on with your life; however, it also seems to universally be the only way to get your ex back according to LS and other things I have read. I am having a hard time motivating myself to want to be better just for me, and not for the fact that im holding out this hope it will impress my ex and she will want me back. I know that until I let go of that hope, I won't be able to truly move on and she probably wouldn't want me back.. Does anyone have any advice on how best to confront this quandry? Link to post Share on other sites
GaHeartbroken Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 (edited) When you end a relationship (not because of cheating or anything tumultuous, just clinginess/neglect/loss of attraction etc) and you or the other person decides to go NC, how long does or did it take you before you made contact with the other person? If you wanted to get back together and felt you'd made a mistake, how did you go about approaching it? What about if you were just lonely and making contact on a friendly level without any romantic intentions? Does some part of you feel that reconnecting just as friends could rekindle the romance? I will offer my advice as a dumpee if you do not mind. Being friends could rekindle the romance, but do not become friends with the purpose of that going to happen. Go NC until you feel that your romantic feelings do not get in the way any long. Live your life like those feelings will never be rekindled. I'm 3 weeks out of the relationship and just over 2 weeks into NC, I want to just move on and not wait around for her but it has been hard. I don't feel the desire to contact her, but feel like a large part of me is still clinging to the hope of her realizing she made a mistake. It is very difficult and mentally agonizing, especially in the early stage that you are in right now. It will get better with more time passing. I know that may not be what you want to hear or be recognizable right now, as you are going through the different stages of grief, and it is not in consecutive order you go back and forth, some times feeling all at once even. We all want them to realize their mistake. But we have to try with every ounce of our beings not to live clinging to that hope, we have to better ourselves, incase she does return, or even if she does not we will be better for the next person, or just better able to handle life on our own. I feel like this whole NC thing is kind of a catch 22: you do it to allow yourself to get over the loss, pick up the pieces and ultimately move on with your life; however, it also seems to universally be the only way to get your ex back according to LS and other things I have read. I am having a hard time motivating myself to want to be better just for me, and not for the fact that im holding out this hope it will impress my ex and she will want me back. I know that until I let go of that hope, I won't be able to truly move on and she probably wouldn't want me back.. Does anyone have any advice on how best to confront this quandry? There is no fail-safe way to get your ex back. But from a lot of experiences that people have had on this forum, it does not work to fix the relationship for long-term unless you do NC - begging, pleading, being friends right after the break up, just does not work - maybe temporarily but you do not want to suffer another break-up talk just when another little problem arises in the relationship. I know when it is still fresh you will do just about anything to just have her back, but that would not be healthy for you or her to just have a temporary fix. Please be patient with yourself, it takes time to heal, and to get over the inital shock. Please keep yourself busy, try different things that help get your frustration out - like exercise; surround yourself with people that care about you. Try to do things that keep your mind off the memory of your ex. Good luck to you, and keep your head-up high! All of us will get through this and be better for it! Edited September 10, 2011 by GaHeartbroken Link to post Share on other sites
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