What happen

[Hurting123]

I met a Girl. We got on like a house on fire. Everything was fantastic.

 

We were together for two months.

 

However she had organised a trip with 2 of her friends overseas before she met me. It was a part party trip to the beach islands. She is 23 years old.

 

Before she left we agreed the relationship is great. She wants to be exclusive. She doesn't want me hooking up with anyone while she is away.

 

No problem. I really liked her.

 

While she is on the trip she messages me every 3-4 days and let's me know she misses me etc

 

On the final day there she tells me she can't wait to come home.

 

During this time I made sure to give her space.

I only replied to her messages but reciprocated with kisses and miss you too.

 

Anyway she gets back and bam

 

Nothing. She texts me a confession that she kissed another person an she feels so guilty. She was drunk.

I tell her it's cool. I'm very upset but I got over it after a few days.

 

I tell her let's just start again.

 

She says "I like you alot but I'm a bit confused"

 

What happen.

I try to call her a bit later. Message. No reply.

 

I sent her a longish Facebook message telling her how i feel.

Nothing dramatic. Just I really liked you. We had so much fun before you left.

Great company, chemistry, romance, sex. We were so great. Everything was going so well. And that I couldn't understand what happen on the plane back home.

 

I suspected it might have been more than a kiss but I know it wasn't because I am very good friends with one of the other girls that went with her. She told me the kiss was just a drunken kiss that lasted a minute and she felt heaps guilty afterwards and assured nothing else ever happen. They were always together. Definitely none if this girl code and that nothing more happen. They slept in the same bed!

 

I texted her that I need some sort of time frame if she wants some alone time.

 

Nothing for 2 weeks.

 

What happen. Her friend doesn't know either.

The relationship for two months was perfect. It was honeymoon period so I'm just like devastated. It's one thing to be having trouble in a relationship and seeing it coming. It's another.. For her to be so over the moon about me, go on a trip, and now nothing.

 

I know the trip was once in a lifetime trip.

 

I'm so upset that she has just left me in the dark like this.

 

Her friends all say it's very weird but apparently she is fine around them. She looks happier than ever before.

 

I don't understand how such a caring and sweet person just all of a sudden changes.

 

I finally messaged after 2 weeks that I'm moving on because I haven't heard from her. And she just said.. Don't want to be in a relationship... Move on.

Her friends say she"s not partying or anything since she came back.

Seems like she just wants to be alone

Ok. So I just got dumped. Don't know what I did wrong.

 

Is she on a post holiday high. Will she change her mind? Will she ever regret this?

 

This girl was talking about babies before she left. Not that I brought it up.

This girl wanted me to meet her mum at the airport before she left.

This girl is gone

[silly_panda]

Hey... Sorry to ask you this... How long did you know this girl before you got into a relationship with her..? Was she just out of a long term relationship with another guy..?

[Hurting123]

Also. The trip was for one month.

 

She is not a commitment phone. She's been in long term relationships. All if them your standard.. We broke up because he was not giving her enough attention. Or he was a jerk. Etc nothing crazy.

 

She told me before she left that she was so happy.

She told me I was perfect in every way.

"is there anything your not amazing at" after sex. She loved the sex.

 

We would sit for hours talking. We couldn't watch a movie without getting distracted and having sex or have some sort of meaningful conversation. Or laugh. We laughed so hard on the couch and between the sheets.

We were honest to each other which "is why she confessed about the kiss"

 

I can't think of a thing I did wrong. We even skipped work to meet up.

 

And now she doesn't even care to pick up her phone or give me more than 1 line answers with text.

 

Was I overbearing.. No. Smothering no.

What happen on that plane. I can't sleep ever wondering!!!

[Hurting123]

I didnt know her well at all. But I knew her twin sister for 4-5 years. That's how we met.

 

Her previous boyfriend she broke up with 3 months before. It was 18 months relationship which she ended. Before that she had a relationship for 2 years.

 

Her history was quite well balanced 2-3 long term relationships and has had 8-9 different sexual partners.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Hurting123

[silly_panda]

Hmm... I don't know man... Seems like you two got on everything pretty fast... I'm sorry to say this man... I kinda suspect this was a rebound relationship... I hope I'm wrong...

 

Here's what I will do... I will do what she asked me to do which is "move on"... I know you are very confused and puzzled rite now and got a thousands of questions in your mind... But trust me... Ignorance is truly bliss... Some things are better left not knowing...

 

Yes... You really wan her back... We all do... But you have to always remember... She don't wan you... You can't force her to love you rite..? So it's truly out of your power and control...

 

Move on... Improve yourself... Love yourself... Prepare yourself for the girl that really deserves to have your love... Hang in there man...

[Hurting123]

Yeh I am moving on. I have a date this week just as a distraction.

I've been going out on the weekends. Just came back. Clubs and bars. Its hard motivating yourself.

 

I'm just so angry and upset. To end it the way she did.. Just makes it so much harder to move on. So selfish to prolong my healing when I don't know what happen. How can someone get so close to you and then discard you like that without even bothering to say why. Without even saying properly... It's over.

 

Its so much harder to move on.

 

I keep asking myself ... What was reality before she left. Was I deluding myself. I can't see it any which way.

was it a rebound? She didn't say much about her ex unless I brought it up.

I just hate her now. I don't like being bitter about things and I know it's self destructive but what on earth. I think to myself. Did she meet someone on the plane. No. Her friends would tell me.

 

How can this be?

 

I just wonder if the trip just made her feel like she didn't want her old life back.

 

I just want her now to call me and ask for me back so I can tell her no way.

I want her to regret the way she treated me.

Her selfishness has made an easy 2 month relationship split into a mammoth healing process for me

[silly_panda]

Dude... It's fine to be angry now... But just for the moment... Don't let it consume you... Don't hold on to it... Let it go and go for forgiveness... I always think this way - people treat me badly, doesn't mean that I have to treat them back the same way...

 

I'm really sorry to hear your situation man... And I guess you will most probably not get any answer for the questions that you have... Put the pieces down... Don't question anymore and don't think of what went wrong... Even if you do get the answer, but the fact that she left you still remain...

 

Just look back and see if you had done anything wrong, if you do, improve and don't repeat that in your next relationship... Clubs and bars are fine... But try to stay out of alcohol for the moment (well a little bit is fine)...

 

It's good to hear that you are dating again... But take things slow man... you don't wanna hurt the girl like how your ex hurt you rite..? Don't get into a relationship if you are not ready... I guess you know what to do interms of coping... All you gotta do now is to just drop all the questions that you have... Believe me, I too have a lot of unanswered questions for my break up... Just try to drop it slowly...

[intigo]

HURTING 123 almost the same here perfect relationship for 2,5 months ,great sex,chemistry everything.. she wanted to be with me 24/7 i was everything she ever wanted in a relationship (her words). she dumped me,she told me she wasnt in love with me... YOU did nothing wrong believe me i talked with her via msn she doesnt want to see me and she doesnt want to be with me again in the future.

Dont look for answers i know the pain its been 45 days for me living with out her

Getting closure really helped because i understood it is her problem and not mine it doesnt make it any better because i miss her, but the way she treated me turns my love into hate. The way she talks to me so cold like i am a total stranger like we were never together..

Girls are crazy..you ll be fine i wish you the best

[Hurting123]

Thanks for the support guys. It's been 3 days now. Still hurting.

 

Yeh I have gone through the entire thing in my head. What I could have improved on. I can't think what that could be. Of course I know I'm not perfect.. But in 2 months.. There wasn't alot I could do wrong.

She was head over Heals for me. The only thing I might have done wrong was saying I"d like to wait until she gets back before I meet her parents. She was cool with that too.

 

I just can't understand how this girl was so excited to come right back. How she made sure to spend her last night with me before she left and wanted me to take her to the airport. Held me tight before she boarded.

Sent me messages while she was away about how she can't wait to get back.

Right up until her last night overseas. And then bang. Comes back like she doesnt even know me. So cold. Like a stranger.

 

it makes me scared to ever get close to someone again. Second guess everything. I know im repeating myself now.

 

This is the first time ive ever been dropped. 10 years of being in relationships. But I have always been respectful and honest and open when I break up. There's always been a reason. I don't just disappear.

 

The only thing I hold on to these last few days.. Is the solace that at least this didn't happen 2-3 years down the track cause I honestly would have lost my mind had this not been a short relationship.

 

What happen to this stable girl? What happen to her brain on this trip.

Does she feel like she ruined it because she kissed someone else?

Was the guilt tooo much for her?

Can she not forgive herself?

 

Or was the drunken kiss an awakening for her of some type. She just wants to give up a future with me for more fun.

 

Ahhh sorry for the ramble. But I hold this in all day and just typing this let's me sleep better.

[silly_panda]

Yup... It's better that you found out now than later... Well... For her, I think she was already troubled (emotionally) before she met you... And... Sorry to say this... She might be using you to cover her pain and stuff... That's why you both progress so fast... Just my thoughts anyway...

 

We could think of thousands of possibilities of why our ex break it off with us rite..? But it will never bring us any good... I guess you are doing pretty well already... Keep it up... Keep us updated...

[Hurting123]

Yeh I think us moving so quickly has something to do with it.

 

As the days go by ... I'm starting to see thins here.

 

We had sex pretty quickly. On the third date.

I didn't kiss her for the first two dates. And on the third it was like an explosion. We went all the way. In all positions.

 

It might be my only clue here as to her state of mind going into this.

 

Also just from the perspective of me working out how to improve next time.

 

Do you guys think we had too much sex to develop real feelings?

On one weekend I think we counted sex 14 times in 24 hours.

Was that too much too fast after only 2 months.

Burnt out the flame??

[Hurting123]

Wow speak of the Devil.

 

Just checked my inbox.

She emailed me.

 

Basically she didn't want to see or call me because she knows if she does she won't be able to say no, and that she has realized after her trip that she"s just not ready to be with "the one". Because she thinks I am "the one". And she"s not ready.

 

I couldn't help myself.

 

I instantly replied... Yeh partying on the beach in Spain everyday for 1 month will do that you. Goodbye.

 

Oh my god. I can't breathe right now.

[Hurting123]

I can't believe what has happen.

I can't work today and I have clients waiting to see me.

 

How on earth am I suppose to live with that?

She says I'm perfect in every way and I'm the one but she"s not ready for that right now in her life. Gooodbye?!?!

 

I've got a date tonight too. I have to cancel it ... I'm a mess.

 

I've spent 10 years running around dating and the one girl that was perfect is dropping me because it was too good and she doesn't want that right now.?

 

At least now I know

 

I hope she meets the biggest loser when she is ready.

I hope her life ends in misery so that she feels the pain I feel right now.

 

I'm so angry right now again.

[silly_panda]

Hmm... I don't know if too much sex is bad or not... But I do believe sex could cover one person's sadness or make the person avoid thinking any problem/trouble he or she has...

 

Hmm... I think you got your closure... Just take the face value of what she said... She is not ready for you... But you are not hanging around waiting for her... Go on with your life... If or when she comes back, then only you will decide what to do... For now, continue with your life...

 

Being angry with her rite now is fine... But as time goes by... Learn to forgive her... She is just confused with herself... She didn't hurt you intentionally...

[intigo]

Its like saying i lovLe ice cream but i dont eat it!! you are too good and im not ready? so what do you want? Lame excuses shes doesnt want to be with you. My ex told me she forced her self to fall in love with me because im such a good guy... You can force your self to feel. We also had lots of sex too early i think these girls were just excited to meet us and thats it.

[Hurting123]

Well it's been a couple of days since it all went down. I've made sure not to contact her. But I'm still at a stage where I can't help but check her Facebook page. I'm not friends with her anymore on fb but I can still see her wall. It's interesting the vulture guys post messages on her wall to come out with her now that she is single. She is a beauty. Also interesting that she hasn't replied to any of them. She is getting messaged from her friends "are you ok" "hope your ok" .. She doesn't know I can see her wall.

I think she is genuinely hurting like me.

It's so sad. But I guess it is what it is.

It's weird how everyone on the forums have all sorts of relationships but mine feels unique. We weren't in love yet but we were in that period where it was awesome.

 

One step at a time I guess. I will try to stop looking at her Facebook but it's hard right now. I think about her constantly.

 

Funny enough I had to cancel my date on Monday. I just straight up explained the truth to her. From start to finish. The kiss the drama.. Everything. She took it so well and was so appreciative that I was honest. She told me that she had come out of a 5 year relationship last year and it was still hard. Hard to even trust anyone but she was impressed with my honesty. She told me that she would love to catch up for just company.. A coffee. She said we could probably both do with some company with decent human beings.

 

Do you guys think that is a good idea?!

Edited September 13, 2011 by Hurting123

[Hurting123]

This girl is only 22 years old. It's quite impressive to see such maturity in her.

I told her I just need some friends right now.

I want to stay away from rebounding and I know I can get dates easy. I've been a man whore in my past I won't deny. But if anything I feel like this experience has changed me for the better. I've already shrugged off two other girls since my ex disappeared, But I feel like this coffee might be a good thing if not just for some company.

 

I'm just worried that I will end up crying in her arms or something.

Yikes!

[silly_panda]

Coffee is good... Meeting new people especially the opposite sex is always good... I just spoke to a girl who I do not even know today and it just feels good... She is kinda cute too... The only thing that I regret was that I didn't ask for her number..! But talking to her just makes me smile all day...

 

Yea... No rebound relationship and all... Just take it slow with her... And who knows she might really be the girl that you are looking for... Good luck...

[Hurting123]

Sorry fir the triple post. But I forgot to mention. It's also very difficult because I just heard today that my ex girlfriends x-boyfriend is sleeping with my nurse!!! I find this more than coincidence in a city with a population of 2 million people. They met on Facebook. I didn't want to say anything to my nurse poor thing but it sounds very strange if not shocking. I could be paranoid but I wonder if it was purposeful on his part. I know my x-girlfriend dumped him. I wonder if he is trying to return the favor. I know he was very immature and one of those jocks you see in movies ... If you know what I mean. I find it funny. Cause we have shared two girls between us now. Yikes!

[Mack05]

Just don't understand why people just jump into bed so fast nowadays. I mean she is 23 and already has 8-9 partners. Whatever happened to slowly getting to know someone?. Building a relationship foundation?. Establishing trust and a 'REAL' connection before getting serious in the bedroom. For people to behave with class and show respect to one another? I truly believe relationships fail more nowdays because people have forgotten how to build trust and establish real feelings, before jumping into bed together. These days it seems people jump from one partner to the next having great sexual chemistry, convinced they have met 'the one', only for things to come crashing down after the honeymoon period (which can last anything from 3 months to 2 years). When real problems arise, the relationship can't cope because the couple went from A to Z too fast without truly ever getting to know one another.

 

Your bond with her is superficial. It takes more then having sex 14 times in 24 hours (I mean who counts, you both sound so immature) and laughing hard on the couch or under the bedsheets. There is so much more that goes into establishing a real connection. You guys rushed things way too quickly. Relationships based on chemistry and jumping into sex too fast, rarely last.

 

I would put this down to experience and leave it go. This girl (not woman) will never be able to give you the emotional fullfillment you crave. Learn the lessons from this relationship and put them into practice in the next relationship. If next time you feel yourself falling for a girl, show her respect. Take time to build that relationship foundation before getting serious. Try establish trust and real feelings. Once that happens, sudden changes of mind and baffling changes of behaviour tend not to happen..

Edited September 13, 2011 by Mack05

[Hurting123]

I think you are completely correct.

 

And I was coming to the same realization when I said did we have too much sex too soon.

 

I mean having anal sex the first time you get intimate on the third date was a little too much. At the same time this girl was loose that way. She wanted to have sex. She undressed me and jumped on top of me.

Would any if this turned out different if we hadnt gone so quickly? I don't think so. She was always going to go away on her trip. She was always going to kiss some guy. And I think I let it move so quickly because I didn't want her to go away on this trip and sleep with other guys. Not after being with her for 2 months. So I was happy to move quick like she wanted so that we could lock into a relationship before she left. It disnt matter in the end.

I'm sure by the end of the year that figure of 8-9 sexual partners will double for her now that she wants to be single.

 

Yes we did count one time. It was a bit of harmless humor because we were both so exhausted. But it was true nonetheless. However at the same time we spent hours talking about life and our problems, our weaknesses, our ambitions. It wasn't all just a holiday. But I do admit it was all honeymoon stuff. What can I say? From the time we had sex I saw her every third day during the week and spent all weekend with her until she left for the trip.

 

 

I think back to my longest relationship of 6 years and I do recall we disnt have sex for about 6 months. I realise how important that is now.

[Hurting123]

It's interesting what you say about young people these days jumping into bed.

 

Being a young looking 30 year old I've had experience with ages on both spectrums.

 

Older people don't confuse sex with something special. They still do it.. If not quicker but they know what it means.

 

Younger girls not so. They do it quick nowadays. I definitely agree.

But what do you expect from society. Open up a teen magazine and expect an article "is it sex or is it love" ... Etc

Nobody waits for love. Sex is part of the dating process now.

I remember she told me that wish she had waited on our 5th date to have sex with me... What difference did that make?

 

I never cared about this stuff in the past. But when you finally meet someone that you really really like all of a sudden it's hard to put the brakes on.

For the first time it did bother me that we had so much sex so soon.

I wanted it to be different and in hindsight what we did was based on superficial time together I guess. Of course she didn't want me after she went on a break for 1 month to Europe. We didn't have enough time to establish an emotional connection.

 

But what could I have done differently? She was going away in the third month from the very beginning. If we played it slower.. Would this have turned out differently?

[Clarity23]

Hurting123,

 

I found your original post and thought I should comment on it since you have took the time to read mine and gave me your insight.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this and as you know I feel your pain.

 

What I get from your story is pretty simple I guess.

 

First of all I don't think you did anything wrong. I think what may have happened was that she obviously enjoyed spending time with you otherwise she wouldn't. But like you told me, it is was multi factorial.

 

What may have happened is that she just got out of a relationship 3 months prior, she met you and felt that spark right away and rushed into things with you. Just like you said "honeymoon" phase. Things were going great in your mind and you believe in her mind which at the time they very well could have been.

 

Then she went on this trip and maybe it was a wake up call for her that she is not ready to fully commit. I mean look. She basically "cheated" on you. I know you were not officially BF/GF but you decided to be exclusive and she went off got drunk and kissed another guy. Obviously she was not emotionally stable enough to restrain herself. I'm not saying she didn't care about you but maybe she just didn't care enough.

 

So after that trip she may have realized she is not ready for the commitment you were looking for.

 

As far as jumping into sex too soon. That is up for debate. I mean personally I'm a man, I'm horny naturally and I want to have sex. Who doesn't? haha. especially if you are very attracted to that person and I want to know if the sex is good with that person or not because if the sex isn't good that can hurt the relationship, in my opinion.

 

Only problem I see is that it takes the emotions of the relationship to a whole new level. Once you have sex with the girl, if you already like her, it brings out so many more of your emotions and I think you get attached more easily and you may even put more meaning into the relationship then is actually there.

 

I think as far as her emailing you and saying she wasn't ready for "the one". Is BS. First of all I don't think "the one" or "Mr Right or "Mrs. Right" exists. There are 6 billion people in the world there is more than ONE that you can have a healthy relationship with.

 

And I don't mean this to sound harsh but i think she liked you but just didn't like you ENOUGH to be in a relationship with you and maybe going on that trip made her realize that. If she really thought you were "THE ONE" she wouldn't risk losing you and it could simply be that she just wants to be single for a while.

 

I mean look at my situation, when the girl I was dating starting pulling away from me and I confronted her she said that the more she hangs out with me the more she likes me and she doesn't like that feeling. She just wants to be single and she has a lot of stuff going on her life etc.. and even if she did meet someone (which she already had, I found this out later) she would probably not seriously date them either. Then 2 days later she's hanging out with him and shortly after they are in a committed relationship.

 

I could go on for days about this but I think you get the picture. Like you told me just be glad that this happened sooner than later and that she didn't drag it on for another year when she knew she was having doubts. You would be in a much bigger world of hurt.

 

P.S.

 

Thank you for your last response to my post. I have some more things I wanted to say about that as well. I will send a reply later this evening.

[wilsonx]

Ahhh here is the full story, what you failed to realize is that you were just a rebound. She went from one long term relationship to instantly jumping into bed with you within 2 months. That's a rebound. They don't work. You dodged a bullet.

 

Take your time next time. Court her.

 

An instant red flag of a rebound relationship if you are looking for something more meaningful is that you get into bed with them almost instantly.

[Clarity23]

There are certain steps that you could take that could be useful in getting her affection back...

 

I wouldn't buy into this. It is a scam. I've tried books like this and it doesn't work. All you can do is give her space and time. Hit her up in a couple months if you still care to.

 

It would be one thing if you two were in LOVE and in some long term relationship but it was just a short fling.