Is the reason im still so hung up because we became friends

[livingitup23]

Today has been my worse day knowing she's with someone! But is the reason I havent got over her is because we were friends still meeting up? And I never did no contact properly. Most it has been is eleven days but now she's met someone else I know I have to move on. But do I feel so bad because she kept texting me and giving me hope saying oh there's a good chance we will get back together. And I did come across as needy but she gave me false hope! I'm not weird am I for what I've done! She shouldn't have given me false hope. And yes I've looked at her new guy on Facebook and I'm not being funny but I think most women would go for me. Another question. There's this woman who really wants me and she would do anything for me! But I just don't feel the same way! I'm not physically attracted to her but I want to feel good about myself and I do enjoy spending time with her. But I don't want to treat her like I have been treated. But at the moment my confidence is at such a low that I just like being wanted but I don't want to hurt her. I love her company but I dont want her in that way. So so confused. Anyway's I will get over her won't I? Those images as well with her with someone else? Will they go or not? Want this butterfly to go from my stomach but every thought is dominated by her and this new man in bed, her texting him eleven kisses like she did with me, her hugging him in bed like she did with me. And I hate her so much. You don't get with someone in 5 days do you? Why did she lie to me? That's what I need to know. And why was she asking me favours and going to the cinema with me only 2 weeks ago! Just help I'm so confused. I've got my closure but I'm feeling like rubbish

[livingitup23]

So so sad at the moment

[MissMoni]

LivingitUp, don't want to be cliche, but NC (complete and total NC) will do you a world of good. I know it's still fresh and you want to be "friends" but I really think that that won't and can't happen until you are truly, truly over her. And she will know the difference. I know that I rejected this idea in my own breakup, even laughed at my friends when they told me that we probably shouldn't talk to eachother for a very long time.

 

The thing is, without doing complete NC you won't really heal. Your healing will be superficial at best. I learned this the hard way - I thought I was getting over him only to get offended when he wouldn't pay as much attention to me as I would like..NC will heal you. When you don't have a chance to worry about what she is doing or who with, the images will go away. Believe me, I thought about these images for months before I forced myself to go NC. No, I didn't stop thinking of him instantly, and yes it still hurt, but it got better each day. Until one day, you will wake up, and you will realize that they were little more than an image of your past.

 

I know you question her actions, but they weren't about you - they were about her and her needs, and how she felt she best could fufill them. I know it doesn't seem like that. But you've got to realize, she was going to do what she did anyway because that is HER personality and HER choices and you can't change her decision. I feel that they are able to "change" so easily because they had already been changing and distancing themselves without us really knowing it in the first place..

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. I know. I wish that I could make you believe that it will be alright, but it's something that will come in time.

[M2155]

is the reason I havent got over her is because we were friends still meeting up? And I never did no contact properly. Most it has been is eleven days

 

11 days is too fresh, that's why you haven't gotten over her. Furthermore, you are NOT friends. You may become friends, but your feelings right now are not that of a friend. Most people don't jump into being friends without some cooling off.

 

she kept texting me and giving me hope saying oh there's a good chance we will get back together

 

She gave you words while she is with another dude. "Hope" is what YOU wanted to believe. I don't know why they lie to us when they have already began planning to move on, it's very cold.

 

As for your new friend no you don't sound like you are in a position yet to give her a fair chance. Maybe you could tell her that you are just out of a painful breakup so you can only see her as a friend right now.

 

It is normal to question everything and you will in time see it for what it was. Right now it's just too fresh. I would go NC for real.

[MissMoni]

Yeah, 11 days is wayyy too fresh. Do not go jumping into anything new, casual or not. This time is for YOU. Go out with friends, try new things, but don't try to start any relationship - esp because that wouldn't be fair to the other person or you. You don't need to prove anything to your ex or any one else!

[livingitup23]

Only one question now! I said no to her, the only time I ever did about getting her something for her dad. I ask her sunday if she's with someone or been with anybody. She says no. It get's to Thursday and she's with somebody. Has she lied to me? You don't get with someone in 5 days! This guy's always been around hasn't he? Do I have a reason to hate her for how she's been with me? I thought she might be lying to make me feel bad but her friend confirmed it to me last night. But she only got with him this morning. Why did she lie? I did text her telling her I'm no ones second choice and that we are officially done and that I don't want to be friends and that I will get with someone better. Was that a good idea? She's such a cruel person. As if you dont say sorry for leading someone on like that. She must deep down not like me and not be bothered about me never speaking to her again. Will it hurt her eventually that I won't be around?

[M2155]

She probably DID lie. My ex was "in love" before he "dumped" me...something was going on. Or maybe she did just meet the guy, it's really none of your business though so trying to make sense of it gets you nowhere. She doesn't really owe you an explanation.

 

You need to stop texting her because it looks weak to her. You did it already so don't worry about if it was the right thing to do, you said your peace. Just don't do it again.

 

She made a choice and nothing you can do right now will change it. You are very hurt. All you can do is try very hard to get your mind off of her. It's okay to be angry right now.

 

It sucks

[livingitup23]

I won't text her again. I've told her we are done. Disagree with it's not my business though. She said to me "I don't want anyone, I'm happy by myself, there's a good chance I want to get back together with you, I just want to be alone for a while" So she can have me in her life, tell me that she doesnt want me to get with anyone and then just discard like me that. She was about to be with somebody, why was she getting me to run errands for her, why did she ask to meet me and then text me 5 minutes before saying I can't make it! All she had to do was tell me she never wanted me which she didnt but she just wanted me there until she met somebody. It's evil playing with someone's feelings like that! She knows I adore her. And all this being a man and not being needy doesnt wash with me! If you want someone you have to tell them and I kept telling her to leave me alone but then she would get in contact with me saying " I want to meet up, I miss you" Obviously now I've got my closure I won't be contacting her again but it stinks how someone can be so evil. I would never do that to anyone. I'd let them down gently and understand if they couldn't be friends. Sorry for rambling but I'm hurt and I'm disgusted at her lying to me. And I've also told her don't come back to me when it goes badly.

[livingitup23]

If she texts me something inane saying hi two months down the line what do I do? Tell her she made her choice and to leave me alone or just ignore completely?

[MissMoni]

I would ignore it.

[olivec]

You must go no contact its only gunna get worse for you if you dont do this. Shes also clearly using you so if she contacts you again just ignore her. Also i would block her on facebook because those pics of her with the new guy will only keep you in a depression. Ultimately you cannot be friends with her its too hard for you and your only gunna make the pain last longer. What you need to do is focus on yourself and move on.

[livingitup23]

I'm not going to text her or ring her but if she does get in contact with me isnt it best to tell her straight to leave me alone and that she made her choice so she can see explicitly how she has treated me? Something along the lines of you made your choice what gives you the right to talk to me? But then again she would probably just say ok which would stall the process of getting over her so yeah I think you are right. Better to ignore her. I wouldnt get back with her now because there I would never trust her so yeah she will never hear from me again. Actions speak louder than words.

[Dark Phoenix]

Let me attempt to give you some insight on your situation and the events that have taken place.

 

 

Today has been my worse day knowing she's with someone! But is the reason I havent got over her is because we were friends still meeting up? And I never did no contact properly. Most it has been is eleven days but now she's met someone else I know I have to move on.

 

NC is a must in order to move on. You know in your mind that you need to do it but often times peoples hearts distort and take over their logic, and they break NC. You've already witnessed first hand how this will affect you so I'll spare you the details.

 

 

But do I feel so bad because she kept texting me and giving me hope saying oh there's a good chance we will get back together. And I did come across as needy but she gave me false hope! I'm not weird am I for what I've done! She shouldn't have given me false hope. And yes I've looked at her new guy on Facebook and I'm not being funny but I think most women would go for me.

 

Dumpers suffer after a breakup too, not to the extent that dumpees do because they start distancing themselves and coping while in the relationship. They feel tremendous guilt after the breakup. By giving false hope and staying in contact it feeds their ego while easing their guilt. If you stay in contact with an ex it will ease their guilt completely while you become more hurt.

 

No, you're not weird. We've all been in the needy/desperate stage, and like you a lot of use took the bait.

 

 

Another question. There's this woman who really wants me and she would do anything for me! But I just don't feel the same way! I'm not physically attracted to her but I want to feel good about myself and I do enjoy spending time with her. But I don't want to treat her like I have been treated. But at the moment my confidence is at such a low that I just like being wanted but I don't want to hurt her. I love her company but I dont want her in that way. So so confused.

 

You already know your answer. It's best to take some time for yourself after a breakup. Use this time to evaluate your past relationship as well as yourself and find areas where you want to improve. Otherwise, you'll carry those flaws into your next relationship.

 

Typically, you find that next LTR material person after you stop looking. So stop looking for a rebound and focus on yourself... that next someone will come around when you are ready.

 

Anyway's I will get over her won't I? Those images as well with her with someone else? Will they go or not? Want this butterfly to go from my stomach but every thought is dominated by her and this new man in bed, her texting him eleven kisses like she did with me, her hugging him in bed like she did with me. And I hate her so much. You don't get with someone in 5 days do you?

 

First two Bold: You will get over her with time and self improvement. The images of her and someone else will go away in the same fashion. I completely understand the struggle you are going through here, as I was haunted by these images a lot after my breakup... still am when I'm having my low times. But they will go away little by little, until they stop completely.

 

Second Bold: No, you don't get with someone in that short period of time (unless you are insane). She had someone lined up before she pulled the plug on your relationship with her. It's a hard reality but very true. A friend told me this after my breakup and me explaining to him that my ex had already found someone else: "Guys flock like birds, Girls pick which one to feed"

 

Why did she lie to me? That's what I need to know. And why was she asking me favours and going to the cinema with me only 2 weeks ago! Just help I'm so confused. I've got my closure but I'm feeling like rubbish

 

She lies to you for two reasons: her way of not hurting you, and she's keeping you around to help HER heal.

 

She's asking you favours because she is testing your boundaries and making sure she still has you on a leash. She's going to the cinema with you to make sure you don't stray away from her... she has you on her finger.

 

Only one question now! I said no to her, the only time I ever did about getting her something for her dad. I ask her sunday if she's with someone or been with anybody. She says no. It get's to Thursday and she's with somebody. Has she lied to me? You don't get with someone in 5 days! This guy's always been around hasn't he? Do I have a reason to hate her for how she's been with me? I thought she might be lying to make me feel bad but her friend confirmed it to me last night. But she only got with him this morning. Why did she lie?

 

She may not have lied to you in the fact that their relationship may not have become official until recently. Yes this guy certainly has been around for a while and long enough to create an emotional bond with your ex, but she may have told you the truth in that sense.

 

I did text her telling her I'm no ones second choice and that we are officially done and that I don't want to be friends and that I will get with someone better. Was that a good idea? She's such a cruel person. As if you dont say sorry for leading someone on like that. She must deep down not like me and not be bothered about me never speaking to her again. Will it hurt her eventually that I won't be around?

 

It was a good idea to let her know that you're no one's second choice and you don't want to be friends. As for telling her that you will find someone better... not so much. You basically told her that you are in competition with her and yourself, causing more conflict AND telling her that you will never get over her.

 

You may hurt her later on, presumably after her rebound falls through. I've seen countless people post about their ex's coming back after X amount of time... but all were too late and the poster did not want them any more. Basically if you find yourself wanting her she's not going to be coming back any time soon. Once you are completely indifferent towards her she might come back.

 

I won't text her again. I've told her we are done. Disagree with it's not my business though. She said to me "I don't want anyone, I'm happy by myself, there's a good chance I want to get back together with you, I just want to be alone for a while" So she can have me in her life, tell me that she doesnt want me to get with anyone and then just discard like me that. She was about to be with somebody, why was she getting me to run errands for her, why did she ask to meet me and then text me 5 minutes before saying I can't make it! All she had to do was tell me she never wanted me which she didnt but she just wanted me there until she met somebody. It's evil playing with someone's feelings like that! She knows I adore her. And all this being a man and not being needy doesnt wash with me! If you want someone you have to tell them and I kept telling her to leave me alone but then she would get in contact with me saying " I want to meet up, I miss you" Obviously now I've got my closure I won't be contacting her again but it stinks how someone can be so evil. I would never do that to anyone. I'd let them down gently and understand if they couldn't be friends. Sorry for rambling but I'm hurt and I'm disgusted at her lying to me. And I've also told her don't come back to me when it goes badly.

 

The underlined bold is what my ex said to me, almost word for word. I'm in practically the same boat though, or I was in that boat a few months ago. It's just another plot to keep you around so they don't feel guilty for hurting you. And yes, dumpers lie a lot. Get used to it because I'm sure you'll hear a lot more of her lies and probably look back and uncover that she lied a lot during the relationship.

 

 

 

If she texts me something inane saying hi two months down the line what do I do? Tell her she made her choice and to leave me alone or just ignore completely?

 

Just ignore it completely. if you respond with ANYTHING it shows her that you are still attached in some way.

 

I'm not going to text her or ring her but if she does get in contact with me isnt it best to tell her straight to leave me alone and that she made her choice so she can see explicitly how she has treated me? Something along the lines of you made your choice what gives you the right to talk to me? But then again she would probably just say ok which would stall the process of getting over her so yeah I think you are right. Better to ignore her. I wouldnt get back with her now because there I would never trust her so yeah she will never hear from me again. Actions speak louder than words.

 

If she gets into contact by text, call, email: Just ignore her completely.

If you bump into each other in person: simple "hi", then walk away and continue with your day.

[olivec]

Dark Phoenix makes great points about what everybody goes through when getting dumped. My ex did the samething to me texting me asking how i'm feeling and telling me she feels bad and ofcourse i fell for all of her garbage which led to a painful period for me. It takes a very long time to get over a person, but the main keys is no contact and erase any reminders you have. Listen this week has been extremely dramatic for me and i hit rockbottom and was drinking heavely to numb my pain. However I know all this depression and anger i had towards my ex had to stop as it was destroying me from the inside out. If you continue to allow your ex to suck you in it will get worse and worse and it'll be harder to break free of the depression. You gutta stay with no contact and start focusing on yourself. I've actually made the choice to get help as i've been sevwerly depressed for 5 months. I've seeked help from carolinthe love coach. Shes extremely helpful and has over a hundred vid on youtube. Heres her main site as well. www.coaching2love.com

[M2155]

By giving false hope and staying in contact it feeds their ego while easing their guilt. If you stay in contact with an ex it will ease their guilt completely while you become more hurt.

 

I broke NC once and I regret it for this reason:mad: He had been feeling guilty up to that point. Now I've let him off the hook by having a convo that made it like we "ended on good terms" which we really hadn't before that crumb of a conversation.