This will be harder than I thought....

[PositiveNegative]

Long story short GF of 1 1/2 years broke up with me two weeks ago. Main reason is to date other guys in order to learn how much she actually loved me.... just bull****. I've met up with her a few times during that time but have been trying my best to initiate NC. Well here is the biggest problem, we go to the same school. Today I was walking on campus and saw her. We started chatting and of course I bring up the subject of our breakup. I still haven't really let it go and really I'm still confused about it. Now, when she broke up with me she said that it was "only for now". I asked her if this was still true and she said yes. Basically she has been saying that she knows that we will eventually get back together. I am sick of this thought in my head because I want to know the truth of its meaning so I ask her. She responds that while it is something she believes is true, it would take her at least one year until she thinks she would be ready to do that. Now, I feel like a dumbass. A complete tool or puppet. I truly am a safety net for her. This conversation continues and I basically feel worse about myself as the conversation progresses, she states how she is ready to date and knows this one guy who likes her and states that she has been feeling "emotionally detached" from me for awhile. Obviously we didn't hit everything we needed to during our previous meetings. Out talk was cut short by class but she agreed to meet up with me tomorrow.

 

While I have been following the "if you love her, let her go" saying for this breakup I find myself pissed now. I loved her so much, she is taking advantage of that and knows how I would've done anything to get her again. She isn't by any means a mean spirited person but I really don't think she realizes how unfair this once and future relationship talk is! The truth is, I liked the idea of us dating around and one day getting back together, in fact it has kept me relatively happy during this breakup. But.... anything can happen and I'm starting to realize that this is most likely not going to happen! She will probably be caught in a string of relationships, none involving me! This is coming from the same girl would say she knew she would never break up with me and marry me. I'm at a dilemma now, I know what I must do but I don't know if I am mentally prepared yet. I know that I should tell her that this is it. Over. That in order to fully get over her I know that I cannot think she will come back to me. On the other hand, the thought of her coming back to me, which she did promise, is a nice safety net of my own. Tomorrow WILL be the last time I see her for a long time. What should I do!?

[geegirl]

You are a puppet. It's manipulation. She may not be mean spirited, but certainly selfish. She manipulates because it is easy. You allow it.

 

You continue holding on because she made a "promise" but at the end of the day, her actions towards you don't speak of loyalty. It's not a safety net. It's hope and in this case, you know it's not worth holding on to as you already know deep down how it's going to turn out. If your gut is screaming at you, listen.

 

NC. Use the time to heal and find perspective. Get mental clarity as you're emotionally confused. In time you'll be able to decide if you want to be with her or not. If she comes back you'll be able to make a wise decision if you want her back or you'll be so far into realizing she is just not worth it.

[lymtal1]

PN,

 

I agree, she is saying what she is saying for a couple of reasons. She feels guilty and doesn't want to hurt you. She wants you as the safety-net. Either are nothing more than bull****.

 

I lived it, I held on to the same hope. We hold on to hope because we are blind. We hold on to hope because we are afraid of reality. Hope makes us not face our fear of the loss. Hope keeps us from realizing that our ego and self esteem have been trampled. We don't want to let go because loss of control is very scary. We don't want to admit we are with the wrong person because we think we are "in love". We are living an illusion, and denial keeps you feeling somewhat ok.

 

Bottom line is she is not the right person for you. She wants to go out with other guys. I heard the same thing. I heard I don't love you, I don't want to be with you ever again, and I don't miss you. I still justified why she and I will be together at some point in my life. What the he** is up with that? Don't go there. Save yourself and your self esteem and go No contact and start the healing process.

 

It is the only way at this point.

[PositiveNegative]

I think I know what I have to do. Tomorrow when I see her I will tell her that this is over. The end. She cannot do this to me anymore. I need to let her go completely, despite how hard it will be. I want her to feel guilt as she HAS hurt me, badly. She is essentially leaving me for other guys! No way to sugar coat it. I know that she is trying so hard to feel like she didn't do anything wrong and I know that I have, so far, let her do that. I texted back good night and good morning, I apologized to her for my angry letter, I have chased after her and begged. I am done. I am ****ing tired of being dragged and emotionally manipulated! I'm sick of being so blinded by the love I had for this girl. She texted me today after I saw her.

 

"I am sorry. I hope we can straighten everything out tomorrow so that you aren't so upset."

 

She has absolutely broken my heart. How could I not be upset? Thank you all for the advice and wisdom. I'm eagerly looking forward to finding myself after this is over.

[seibert253]

These best cure for getting over Girl A, is Girl B.

 

Next!

[PositiveNegative]

These best cure for getting over Girl A, is Girl B.

 

Next!

 

 

Haha, the funny thing is I started dating THIS girl a week after I broke up with my previous ex. I never got to grieve that lost, I immediately went to her and even though this girl made me so happy for the past year I should've given myself that time to heal.... it kinda feels like this break up is the accumulation of both of my break ups... I'm really paying for it now.

[PositiveNegative]

The title of this thread proves true again! The girl has now ditched our meeting because she didn't know she had to work. One of the hardest parts of a break up really is acceptance.... It's so hard for me to accept that this girl is the same girl who would stay at my house until 2 am knowing she had to drive an hour and a half away to go home. She won't even spare a night to talk to me.

 

It truly is so hard to accept that your previous best friend has suddenly become a total stranger. God, it really is heartbreaking.

[geegirl]

The title of this thread proves true again! The girl has now ditched our meeting because she didn't know she had to work. One of the hardest parts of a break up really is acceptance.... It's so hard for me to accept that this girl is the same girl who would stay at my house until 2 am knowing she had to drive an hour and a half away to go home. She won't even spare a night to talk to me.

 

It truly is so hard to accept that your previous best friend has suddenly become a total stranger. God, it really is heartbreaking.

 

I've been there. There was a time he couldn't stand not to see me and would drive for two hours to get to me and wake up at 4am to drive home to get to work on time. It happens. Feelings change. People change. Wants change.

 

She's ditching because she doesn't want to deal with your emotions because she is not interested in caring for them. All she wants is for you to dance to her tune. Now that she knows you're starting to see the situation for what it is, she doesn't care to invest anymore energy in making you see otherwise.

[PositiveNegative]

Yup, and there you have it, really. Feelings do change. She was the most caring girl in the world. What the **** does love do to people?

[geegirl]

Even "love" changes. Sad but true.

[PositiveNegative]

I know I shouldn't have but I waited for her after work because I just was not sure if she would ever get back to me. She saw me as she was walking out. I have never seen such disgust her eyes. She went on and on about how she just cannot meet tonight because of homework. She just looked so angry the entire time, I told her to meet me tonight. She said she couldn't spend 5 hours seeing me about this, I told her it would the last time she would ever have to see me. Then she said "I didn't say that!" and the look in her eyes changed to sadness. The whole conversation just confirmed it even more, this girl would never ever come back to me but deep inside is terrified of completely losing me. I told her to meet me tonight, she said "We'll see". She then got on the bus and we just stared at each other through the window. I was so ****ing frustrated that I just threw my hands onto my head and walked away.

 

A month ago this girl would've no doubt gotten off the bus and walked to my apartment just to apologize. Jesus, this is so damn hard.

 

She asked if I could meet early tomorrow morning, but going home I'm for the weekend just to be with my family and there is no way that I am giving a day up with them for her. I have to come back next week to A LOT of school work and the most important job fair of my life. I cannot wait to see her, I needed to do this TODAY. Life is just testing me so much right now.

Edited September 8, 2011 by PositiveNegative

[M2155]

I lived it, I held on to the same hope. We hold on to hope because we are blind. We hold on to hope because we are afraid of reality. Hope makes us not face our fear of the loss. Hope keeps us from realizing that our ego and self esteem have been trampled. We don't want to let go because loss of control is very scary. We don't want to admit we are with the wrong person because we think we are "in love". We are living an illusion, and denial keeps you feeling somewhat ok.

 

Wow that's a message worth keeping. I'm posting this on the fridge:bunny:

 

PositiveNegative, please do not waste anymore energy trying to get this girl to confirm/accept/confess what she wants with you. Once she realizes through your actions that you are no longer ready-in-waiting for her she will in time come back and tell you that she regrets it. Take some time for yourself, focust on school and date for fun until you meet someone that shows you how much she enjoys having you in her life.

[windmask]

hey man read ur post and i was a little disgusted yea its true that she kept u around in case things didnt go as she planned in the future.

 

no offense ur doing stupidness as well u keep asking her what this is doing is only enforcing her decision to leave you. and listen when she said we will be together in the future honestly thats a lie she said that to let u down easy.

 

i know ur emotions are running high bro and u wont see or even listen to me ur just going to keep seeing her and shes going to keep getting pissed off.

 

listen man she broke up with u i highly suggest u just vanish from her life if she sees u dont say anything and walk away if she says hi say hi and then leave. great a massive difference because theres nothing else u can do man shes crazy.

 

ignore her emails ignore everything just focus on u if she ever comes back dont get back with her because it never works out that way its done.

 

i know u wont listen to what i wrote ur going to be still running after her and still trying to see her and getting humiliated further. so good luck with that. however if by chance u do decide to forget this girl i think it would be the smartest move from u so far. good luck

[allite]

yo me and my ex broke up after a year and 3 months even though we were deeply in love, we really connected but out of the blue, she breaks up with me and says she just handle the stress and school and wants to break it off with me so its easier for her. =(

sigh... really painful 4 days of begging and pleading but then i initiated NC for barely a day -.- and we talked once and added her on fb again

recently shes been posting on my wall but ive been keeping my reply slow. and i dont text her everrrr since talking to her once

but right now ive been feeling like its me time, i focus on myself which helps ease the pain and bring back that self-esteem.

 

the main thing is just keep yourself busy. force yourself to go out and do stuff. i have work from 8-5 so after work i run for an hour then work out for an hour and by the time the rest of my home stuff is done, time to sleep. its really nice cause i never use to do that. so just force yourself to be busy.

[PositiveNegative]

Hey windmask, I'm sorry, did I ever insult you? Take it easy and don't assume anything as you don't know me.

 

Well, I guess as a testament to her kindness she surprisingly texted me asking if I was ready to meet up, she promised me and was truly good to her word. Skipped homework and everything for me. It was nice to know that she still cared. Basically I was able to lay it all out. I told her that there was no future, that in order for me to move on we needed to officially declare this dead, no chance for a future relationship. Her eyes filled with tears, she was heartbroken. She honestly wanted to give us another chance someday, after dating around and finding out what "love really is". Her reasons for this future talk included my once sure thought that she was "the one" and the fact that we ended so abruptly. It was so hard to not fall into her trap again, but I stayed strong. Earlier in the week she told me that if she ever wanted me again she would throw pride out the window. So I just told her that if that were true then this shouldn't change anything, that if she truly wanted to be with me that she would do whatever it took, it shouldn't matter if I was telling her this. She started turning the tables and got mad at me saying that this is what I wanted. Of course that was earlier this week and I was still desperately wanting her, I've had time to think about everything. Then it really hit me, how emotionally unstable she is and always has been during our relationship. She has always turned the tables on me like this and I never noticed it until now. She was pissed that I was villainizing her, tried to make me feel like the bad guy, I wasn't having it. I tell her to calm down as she would regret being so mad at me during our potential last ever meeting. She does but we still leave on a bad note somewhat. I'm able to catch up with her and finally end it on a good note, true to our once great relationship. She was in tears, I hug her three times. I thanked her for all the incredible love that she gave me, told her I would miss her, told her that one day I am sure that we could be friends and that I would definitely see her before I graduate in May. Said goodbye. As I walked away I thought about the image of us together at a wedding altar. Suddenly the image I had once cherished had become silly, I can't explain it, but it suddenly was wrong. I realized all of our differences and all the emotionally growing that she truly needed.

 

She mentioned how this will be good for both us, I realize this is true now. She is, in reality, doing me a huge favor. I harbor no hate for her. This was a natural human feeling, I was her first love. I couldn't force her to continue to love me and she really deserves the right to search out for her actual other half, I realize it was never me to begin with.

 

On the bus ride home I felt so much stronger and better about myself. Her angry antics helped me see through my love blinds. She allowed me closure and now I truly feel like I got everything off my chest. I'm ready to heal now and I am excited for the future.

[PositiveNegative]

Everyone. Please tell me this is the hardest it will be for me. As strong as I felt two days ago I've succumbed to weakness again.

 

I've surrounded myself with family this weekend but I know as soon as I head back to school I will continue to be devastated. It's only day 3 of NC and I am already thinking to myself that I will cave in. I went online and saw 1 photo of her that was taken recently, where she was dressed up and smiling. My heart sank, my first realization that I don't have any idea what she will be up to from now on. It's all so unfair. How come she gets to be happy and move on while I spend every waking moment thinking about her? Every morning so far all I can do it torture myself thinking about how she might already be dating this other guy that she already knew liked her and how he is on the top of his world thinking about her every night. Then I remember this one specific time where she told me that if I asked her to marry me right then that she would've. Please, tell me it gets easier.