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Dumped After Spark Mysteriously & Suddenly Gone


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GaHeartbroken

I'm new here, hello everyone!

 

Thank you in advance for any advice!

 

Here is my story:

 

I had been dating a lady for three months long-distance. We started as friends, chatting online for about two weeks before we decided to start dating as things were going so well and both of us were really excited about getting to know each other more. We dated (calling on phone, sending through mail, video-chats) about two months before an actual meeting in person. We talked every day since we started dating, both were so excited to talk each time and we couldn't wait to meet. After the meeting going well and four days into dating in person, she tells me that she has some doubts about what she thinks she should be feeling about me, especially when she kisses me, says that some times she feels really into it but at other times she doesn't. Things seem to me to be better for the remaining night and day after, and as I'm leaving she says she can't wait to meet me again and is going to miss me. Then I'm back home and things are still going great, but about a week after I am back, and have asked her if she is ready to be my girlfriend yet, she begins to tells me that she is having doubts again as to what she is feeling about me, if she feels the way she thinks she should feel about me, having that head-over-heels feeling. I say that I'll be patient with her and give her the time she needs to decide on her feelings as we keep dating, and not rush her in a decision about becoming my girlfriend. The next night she rehashes almost the exact thing as the previous night. Then the very next day, she calls me and tells me that she wants to keep dating but not as exclusively- with me only, she has talked with her friends about her doubts and wants to have her options open with the doubts she is having. She says, that her friends think she should take it slow and see how she feels. One friend thinks she has cold feet about me, and that she is possibly thinking about what else might be out there, before he talked with her about this he had mentioned about her meeting a man friend of his, as he did not know we were dating (she says that this has nothing to do with our break up, that she had these doubts before knowing about him, and anyways she doesn't know anything about this man; but I think it is why her surety about breaking up came so quickly, as I think she wants to get to know him, but I could be wrong). I say I will think about us still dating but her having the option open to not be exclusive. She calls me back later that night, saying that she wants a break, I try to get her to go back to lets keep dating but even if it is not exclusive. She still says she wants a break, as she has been torturing herself about what her feelings have been about me for the past week; as the conversation progresses she tells me she wants to break up. She says, she still has a little romantic feelings for me and that she likes me and really cares about me, that I'm a great guy and she hasn't had any man treat her as good as I have; but that the romantic feelings she has are not the same anymore that she once had for me (she isn't nearly as excited to talk on the phone anymore or dying to see me in person again), and she doesn't think they will return, and she doesn't want to try for them to return because she doesn't think they will, that the romantic feelings for me she does have are not enough for us to keep dating, that she would be leading me on. She says that I haven't done anything wrong, that I did everything right, and that there isn't anything for us to work on to fix. She says she would like to be friends, as it would make her sad to never hear from me again as she cares a lot about me (so she says). I told her that I didn't want this, I want to keep dating, that I think we could work this out with more getting to know each other and more time together in person. But she was now 100% sure of her feelings and what she wanted to do, she told me. I finally told her that I would respect what she wants and that I wasn't sure if we could be friends or not.

 

During the breakup talk she looked as hurt as I felt. It was a very civil breakup not a fight. We even prayed at the end of talk, asking if this is God's will for our lives and that it would work out the way He wants it to.

 

I think she may have tried to have too many feelings too quickly and tried to rush them instead of letting it all come naturally, and I don't understand her torturing herself and the hurrying of why the breakup had to happen so quickly. I tried to get her to think about things over night or over a few days but she was sure that night that she had finally made up her mind.

 

Also, she stopped (I encourged her to go back) seeing her therapist for her anxiety issues about the same time period the continual doubts started, she told me he kept focusing the talks about her relationships; could that have had an affect on what is happening?

 

It's been seven days of no contact since the breakup (although I did text her once afterwards, after hearing of tornados in her area, just to check on her well-being; she responded that she was safe, and hoped I was doing well). And I may need to contact her again for her to mail to me something she has of mine (how should I do that?). I'm confused as of what to do. And I'm still in shock and extreme denial that it is over. I need closure and I don't have any, it makes no sense! How do I get closure? Should I wait for her to contact me? Should I contact her to see how she is feeling, if we are really in a break or totally broken-up? I think if she changed her mind she would've contacted me already, correct? Should I try to be friends after healing some, and being able to get on the friends level? I want to get back together with her, I don't want to lose her and what we've built already, even though it hasn't been that long compared to other relationships that I've read about on these forums that have broken up. We had so much in common and got along so well. I've worked hard and done all I could to try to win her. I still believe in my heart that God wants us together, even though this may be a huge rough patch.

 

Thank you so very much for any advice you can give me!

Edited by GaHeartbroken
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Ah. The text monolith. We meet again.

 

Well, if she in therapy for anxiety issues then that is something of a red-flag, I'm afraid. I should know. I'm in therapy. For anxiety issues.

 

No one can force feelings (as far as I'm aware), and it is very difficult to repress them. It may have just been too emotionally taxing for her to be in a committed relationship - I don't really know. I can't do more than speculate and that isn't really going to help you.

 

Right now what you can do is focus on you, your happiness, and your health. Send her a message (email, text, other impersonal manner) and simply tell her you need your stuff and to leave it out by the door at such and such a time so you can come pick it up (or have her mail it to you) be direct, to the point, and include no emotional content in the message.

 

As long as you want to be with her romantically, I wouldn't recommend trying to be her friend. It will be very hard for you -especially if she meets someone else. Continue No Contact, get your stuff back, and carry on as you are.

 

Good luck.

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I think you already had your closure when she said she is 100percent sure that she do not wanna date you anymore... I know this is hard for you to take... But I think she is nice enough to tell you the truth and telling you not to hang on to any hope... This is just what I think from reading your post...

 

No one knows what's going on with her other than herself... If you think the reason she break it off with you is because of another guy, then take it this way... She likes this new guy more than she likes you... I know by saying this will really hurt you... But it's true... What Nohbody said is true... Focus on yourself... You can be friend with her but only when you have completely moved on and you do not have any emotional attachment towards her... Good luck...

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i heard something similar 40 days ago she thought she was in love but she lost the feeling...try to find the strenght in you to move on. you cant make someone love you if they dont feel it. i wish we could!!! i know the pain i still feel it. wish you the best

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I can hazard a guess as to why she did this to you. One of two reasons. She either was just dumpd recently and was trying to fill the void and get over her ex with you (which she realized quickly didnt work), or she found another guy that she would rather date than you. when people dump you, they leave out the part about leaving you for someone else because they think it will hurt you worse, and they dont want to deal with it. So while you may think tha there is no one else involved, people are sneaky and well, you didnt know this woman that well anyways.

 

So dont contact her, dont be friends with her, she doesnt deserve any attention or friendship from you for using you the way she did. ive seen it time and time again in life and on this board. I believe She never really had feelings for you, she knew she wouldnt, but she said the words to try, and it didnt work. teh words fooled you, but it didnt fool her. You wont get this one back, she is still tortured by her ex, still in love with him perhaps, and she wont be ready for a relationship for a while. Even then, her choice to be with you looks like it was one of an agenda, not of genuine personal interest.

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Ah. The text monolith. We meet again.

 

Well, if she in therapy for anxiety issues then that is something of a red-flag, I'm afraid. I should know. I'm in therapy. For anxiety issues.

 

I hope therapy will help improve your anxiety issues. Yes, it was a red-flag at first, but her condition seemed to be under control. That is, until she decided to stop seeing her therapist, and her medication is now not being monitored as regularly as it was by the therapist (her M.D. seems to dispense it like an assembly line). Our relationship seems to have went down-hill ever since she quit, even though I encouraged her strongly to go back. He kept focusing the talks on her relationships, now I certainly see why, even though she thought it was not helping.

 

No one can force feelings (as far as I'm aware), and it is very

difficult to repress them. It may have just been too emotionally taxing for her

to be in a committed relationship - I don't really know. I can't do more than

speculate and that isn't really going to help you.

 

Yes, that is true. And I would not want her feelings if it would be forced.

It may take a long while for my feelings for her to go away. It has bewildered me to try to understand how hers left for me so quickly. I could possibly understand better if she never had any, but she did at one time.

 

I think now in retrospect, it is the romantic inflactuation that left (which she believes should still be there, even when maybe it was time for our relationship to move on to another level). Although for what reason it left, I am not sure why. And why she did not want to continue to work on some of the romantic feelings that remained, for it to bloom more, I am not sure why. There must be some reason, even if she does not know it yet herself.

 

Right now what you can do is focus on you, your happiness, and your health. Send her a message (email, text, other impersonal manner) and simply tell her you need your stuff and to leave it out by the door at such and such a time so you can come pick it up (or have her mail it to you) be direct, to the point, and include no emotional content in the message.

 

That is what I am trying to do now. Move on with my life, as if she will never come back. If she does come back, then she does, I will be a better man that she comes back to.

 

Good advice. Thank you!

 

As long as you want to be with her romantically, I wouldn't recommend trying to be her friend. It will be very hard for you -especially if she meets someone else. Continue No Contact, get your stuff back, and carry on as you are.

 

Good luck.

 

Good advice. I realize that now in retrospect. During the intial shock, I just wanted her back or to take her as my friend immediately. But I know that is now not what to do. I am starting to come to realize more things over the time I am reflecting, since the intial shock is wearing off some; even though I am still getting waves of panic/grief come over me at times.

 

Thank you for your advice, and kind words!

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I think you already had your closure when she said she is 100percent sure that she do not wanna date you anymore... I know this is hard for you to take... But I think she is nice enough to tell you the truth and telling you not to hang on to any hope... This is just what I think from reading your post...

 

You may be correct. It does not really matter the reason, the fact is, she does not want to date me any longer. Even though my mind still is plagued by wanting to know a concrete reason for the break-up, so that I could improve on the next relationship.

 

No one knows what's going on with her other than herself... If you think the

reason she break it off with you is because of another guy, then take it this

way... She likes this new guy more than she likes you... I know by saying this

will really hurt you... But it's true... What Nohbody said is true...

Focus on yourself... You can be friend with her but only when you have

completely moved on and you do not have any emotional attachment towards her...

Good luck...

 

True, although I wish she would share with me when she does know what the real reason was. I think I deserve it.

 

It may very well be another man, or that she just wants to date other people. Possibly the grass is greener on the other side syndrome. She said, she had not even met the other man that was mentioned, and I think she was being honest with me, but it is difficult to tell for sure.

 

Good advice. I plan to not be her friend until I have moved on enough to where the romantic feelings do not get in the way.

 

Thank you!

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i heard something similar 40 days ago she thought she was in love but she lost the feeling...try to find the strenght in you to move on. you cant make someone love you if they dont feel it. i wish we could!!! i know the pain i still feel it. wish you the best

 

I am truly very sorry for your lost. I sympathize with you.

 

I would not want to force her to love me, I need it to be her choice. Even if I still care about her romanticly and she does not, I must deal with it in time.

 

I hope your heart will be made whole again. I will say a prayer for you.

 

Thank you for your advice!

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I can hazard a guess as to why she did this to you. One of two reasons. She either was just dumpd recently and was trying to fill the void and get over her ex with you (which she realized quickly didnt work), or she found another guy that she would rather date than you. when people dump you, they leave out the part about leaving you for someone else because they think it will hurt you worse, and they dont want to deal with it. So while you may think tha there is no one else involved, people are sneaky and well, you didnt know this woman that well anyways.

 

Actually, she broke up with a man about a month before we began to date, and dated him as long as she now dated me. And seems to have broken up for a similar reason. Which should have been more of a red-flag to me. I was blinded at the time, I guess, but now I see it. Maybe I was somewhat of a rebound just for her to have somebody again.

 

I think she would tell me if there is another man. Although I do think she wants to date other men. Especially, since I believe she was interested in who her friend wanted her to meet. I think she may have the grass is greener on the other size syndrome, especially after her having low self-esteem about her beauty and I reinforced that she was beautiful, maybe too much. I think now that maybe she thinks she can get better after that.

 

So dont contact her, dont be friends with her, she doesnt deserve any attention

or friendship from you for using you the way she did. ive seen it time and time

again in life and on this board. I believe She never really had feelings for

you, she knew she wouldnt, but she said the words to try, and it didnt work. teh

words fooled you, but it didnt fool her. You wont get this one back, she is

still tortured by her ex, still in love with him perhaps, and she wont be ready

for a relationship for a while. Even then, her choice to be with you looks like

it was one of an agenda, not of genuine personal interest.

 

I may be friends with her once my romantic feelings for her do not get in the way. I will make that decision when I come close to that occuring, right now that is far away.

 

I think you may be right. She did talk about her ex quite a lot, even though she did dump him, and he is now dating somebody else. But I really think she is still in love with her other past ex, even though she dumped him as well, she had dated him for six years, she talked about him quite a bit. I think she wishes he had changed into a better man that she could go back to, especially since all they once had, and she thought she would marry him.

 

I hope she does not have another relationship for a while, she needs to work on herself. No man needs to be subjected to this again, she needs to get back to her therapist and improve herself.

 

What kind of agenda do you think it was?

 

Thank you for your advice!

Edited by GaHeartbroken
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visualbasicide
Actually, she broke up with a man about a month before we began to date, and dated him as long as she now dated me. And seems to have broken up for a similar reason. Which should have been more of a red-flag to me. I was blinded at the time, I guess, but now I see it. Maybe I was somewhat of a rebound just for her to have somebody again.

 

I think she would tell me if there is another man. Although I do think she wants to date other men. Especially, since I believe she was interested in who her friend wanted her to meet. I think she may have the grass is greener on the other size syndrome, especially after her having low self-esteem about her beauty and I reinforced that she was beautiful maybe too much.

 

 

 

I may be friends with her once my romantic feelings for her do not get in the way. I will make that decision when I come close to that occuring, right now that is far away.

 

I think you may be right. She did talk about her ex quite a lot, even though she did dump him, and he is now dating somebody else. But I really think she is still in love with her other past ex, even though she dumped him as well, she had dated him for six years, she talked about him quite a bit. I think she wishes he had changed into a better man that she could go back to, especially since all they once had, and she thought she would marry him.

 

I hope she does not have another relationship for a while, she needs to work on herself. No man needs to be subjected to this again, she needs to get back to her therapist and improve herself.

 

What kind of agenda do you think it was?

 

Thank you for your advice!

 

From what I can tell, she has probably been rebounding for a long time. Possibly from her first real relationship. Just take care of yourself first and foremost.

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From what I can tell, she has probably been rebounding for a long time. Possibly from her first real relationship. Just take care of yourself first and foremost.

 

I am starting to think that is quite possibly true. Her first real relationship was somewhat emotionally abusive from the man's side. I am not sure she knows how to have a healthy relationship that lasts, or if she likes being treated badly. The man she dated before me seems to be the only decent relationship she had before me, and she got rid of him for a similar reason as me. Even though she told me, I am the best she has ever been treated by a man. And she gave me up. I am bewildered.

 

I am trying to better myself and move on.

 

Thank you for your advice!

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visualbasicide
I am starting to think that is quite possibly true. Her first real relationship was somewhat emotionally abusive from the man's side. I am not sure she knows how to have a healthy relationship that lasts, or if she likes being treated badly. The man she dated before me seems to be the only decent relationship she had before me, and she got rid of him for a similar reason as me. Even though she told me, I am the best she has ever been treated by a man. And she gave me up. I am bewildered.

 

I am trying to better myself and move on.

 

Thank you for your advice!

 

This is probably because she has abandonment issues. When people suffer from this, they are so scared they will be abandoned again that when they start to get "too close" to the other person, they end it so there isn't a chance they get hurt. Seen a few of those in my day too. Very sad.

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This is probably because she has abandonment issues. When people suffer from this, they are so scared they will be abandoned again that when they start to get "too close" to the other person, they end it so there isn't a chance they get hurt. Seen a few of those in my day too. Very sad.

 

Hmm... not sure about abandonment issues. Do not believe she has ever been abandoned. She has ended all of the relationships she has had.

 

But about getting "too close" too soon, that I can possibly see how she would run away from it (although we did get quite emotionally close, but then she ran eventually, without any cause, at least so she says, just that the feelings went away, which must have went away for some reason, even if she does not know it yet). Given that her longest relationship was somewhat emotionally abusive from the man's side. I'm afraid she does not really want to try or does not know how to open herself up completely to a healthy relationship, with the fear of how he was with her, especially after having given him six years of her life and her having had to end it. I really think she wishes he would have changed so she could have went back to him, but he has not. Even though her relationship with him ended over a year-and-a-half ago.

 

I am still so bewildered, I can not make sense of things. How can somebody have such romantic feelings for you, so much in common, done so many things together, and then the feelings nearly die to the point that you never dated and you do not exist to that person anymore, without a deal-breaking cause, it just happened - boom chemistry gone (I am not excited anymore to date or call or see you, so I want it over)?

Edited by GaHeartbroken
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I know not many people on here might believe it, but I had like this huge prompting feeling to get to know her when I knew nothing about her, and there has been other signs that would be nearly impossible to be accidential. I thought sure that pointed out that things were to be. Maybe it still will be and I need to have faith. Has anybody else experienced this?

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visualbasicide

you don't have to be "abandoned" to have abandonment issues, it's all perception anyway, she just has to FEEL like she was abandoned at some point in her past and has been running from it ever since.

 

and yes I know what you are talking about. In retrospect it is emotions overriding my own common sense, the case might be different for you, or maybe sometime down the line you two might pick things up on more even ground. I don't know. Just make judgement calls on what would realistically be best for both of you in the short AND long term of things and be careful.

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you don't have to be "abandoned" to have abandonment issues, it's all perception

anyway, she just has to FEEL like she was abandoned at some point in her past

and has been running from it ever since.

 

Well, giving all she could to him in six years and wanting to have married him, then having had to end it because the abuse became too much, might have made her feel abandoned.

 

and yes I know what you are talking about. In retrospect it is emotions

overriding my own common sense, the case might be different for you, or maybe

sometime down the line you two might pick things up on more even ground. I don't

know. Just make judgement calls on what would realistically be best for both of

you in the short AND long term of things and be careful.

 

Sorry, not sure which part about what I said you are addressing here.

 

Thank you so very much for all your advice!

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You do seem so nice and genuine and there has been a lot of advice here, but there is something else that may be happening with her. It could be about "chemistry". Maybe she really liked you and valued you (your personality and your inside heart self) but when she met you, she didn't feel that chemistry for you. Anyone who has ever had that, wants that again, because it feels so good to enjoy that with someone. That's why she said that about the kiss maybe. She may have had a relationship with someone who she had chemistry with, but was a creep to her. You are not a creep, but where is the chemistry? This does not mean you will not have it with someone else, you'll have to keep trying and be glad you didn't wast 9 years with her, then have her divorce you with 2 kids when she meets the motorcycle dude she has chemistry with. Congratulations and start living again please.

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You do seem so nice and genuine and there has been a lot of advice here, but there is something else that may be happening with her. It could be about "chemistry". Maybe she really liked you and valued you (your personality and your inside heart self) but when she met you, she didn't feel that chemistry for you. Anyone who has ever had that, wants that again, because it feels so good to enjoy that with someone. That's why she said that about the kiss maybe. She may have had a relationship with someone who she had chemistry with, but was a creep to her. You are not a creep, but where is the chemistry? This does not mean you will not have it with someone else, you'll have to keep trying and be glad you didn't wast 9 years with her, then have her divorce you with 2 kids when she meets the motorcycle dude she has chemistry with. Congratulations and start living again please.

 

It was just so amazing before we met and for me while we were together, I've never had such a connection and so much in common with anybody before, and she thought likewise until the fourth date; that is what is so difficult about giving this up. I think you maybe correct about the "chemistry". Although why did she have it for some of the dates, but then it waned, came back again, then seemed to leave totally once I left (even though she said she was still attracted to me)? I felt it nearly all the time, but some times it was just nice to be with her, and feel her kiss, even if there were not always fireworks; I thought it would grow more over time. I think it might be true from what I read on another post, that some times people try out things to see if they will work just to see how they will feel once they do them, even if before they don't even think they will have feelings from it, they hope they will even if it does lead the other person on (like trying to force it, cause they want to have the feelings even if they do not). But if that is true, she was the best actor I ever saw, because the first time we kissed I've never seen a lady smile in such a way and her eyes light up the way hers did, plus all the in-love-looks and caresses that were there most of the time.

 

Like she told me, I guess, there was some romantic feelings but not enough to keep dating. I do not understand the hang-up about inflactuation, it goes away after a while for any relationship, it does not endure forever, we had so much in common that could have led to an enduring and committed love (but apparently to her inflactuation is more important, too young and experienced maybe, or too much Hollywood romance influence). The advice she received from different people, from what she told me, was for her to go slow and see how she felt. But for some reason she got so hung-up and worried about what her feelings were that it consumed her and made her unhappy (possibly because of her anxiety issues), that it pushed her to just break it off (cause I asked her to be my girlfriend and that pushed her away even though I said I'd be patient for her to figure out her feelings, or the other man her friend wanted her to meet pushed her over the edge since he is local). Advice I received on another forum said, that it was too soon to rush things, and that we overkilled, that inflactuation and feelings develop over a lot more time and being together. But what can I do, I tried to slow her down, make her think things through and over more time, but she does not want to try anymore because she thinks it will not come back. I know I need to move on, and am trying to do so, but right now I just still want her back; even though maybe I should not. It is going to take some time to get over her before I can try again. I think I have learned a valuable lesson to go slower and not get my hopes up, I think too much of it was a fantasy, even though she fed that fantasy with all we had in common, I need to base everything on facts not just what she said or seemed to show but what she truly did.

 

I am very sorry that experience happened to you. :( I will say a prayer for you to be comforted and strengthened. That must be such a bewildering and hurtful experience. I hope you will find somebody that will be faithful to you with an enduring and committed love.

 

You maybe right, it maybe is better for it to be over now then down the line for her to leave me, since she gave up so quickly over this, maybe she would give up quickly with even more serious things when we would be married or something. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise, time will tell, I guess.

 

Thank you for your helpful advice, taking time out of your day to post is much appreciated! God bless you in your next relationship!

Edited by GaHeartbroken
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What kind of agenda do you think it was?

 

Thank you for your advice!

 

Agenda? Easy.... She is still not over the original ex (which might be the ex -ex) and has been dating around to try and find someone to make her forget about him.

 

What she doesnt realize is, bouncing to new people only postpones the pain, like drinking and drugs. Once the lil high is over, it comes back. It doesnt eliminate it. So until she stays by herself and faces the full pain of heartbreak, she will never get over that guy. Thats if this is the case. Thats where Lulu's advise comes in, your ex is looking for the "chemistry" to sweep her off her feet to make her forget about one guy, but it will never work. See how that works?

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Agenda? Easy.... She is still not over the original ex (which might be the ex -ex) and has been dating around to try and find someone to make her forget about him.

 

What she doesnt realize is, bouncing to new people only postpones the pain, like drinking and drugs. Once the lil high is over, it comes back. It doesnt eliminate it. So until she stays by herself and faces the full pain of heartbreak, she will never get over that guy. Thats if this is the case. Thats where Lulu's advise comes in, your ex is looking for the "chemistry" to sweep her off her feet to make her forget about one guy, but it will never work. See how that works?

 

Yes, the original six-years ex, so ex - ex.

 

What you are saying is very probably true. Even though it was a year until she dated again, which lasted only for two weeks, then the next was three months, and then me for three months.

 

I think you are correct, as soon as the high (newness) begins to slow down, then the relationship is over because she still has not dealt with the original ex break-up. And she cannot fully form a new relationship with that still in the way, correct?

 

It seems when the newness wears off just a little for her, she tries to find an excuse to break-up. Because the last man she dated, it sounded like she really liked him and had a good time with him (she mentioned him quite a bit to me), then after three months (enough time for things to cool a little) she made up an excuse to not date him anymore - how they liked to do different things was the break-up reason; but they had some things in common that she enjoyed doing with him for three months, it just sounds like a fake excuse, instead of a real deal-breaker (same with her excuse with me - I think it was too soon for her to even expect to have head-over-heels "chemistry" after five days in person). Then they stayed friends directly afterwards, then about a week later we started talking as friends and it progressed. I plan on not helping her move on to another man (if there is not one already) by being friends with her right way, and not until my romantic feelings are no longer in the way, if I even do at all.

 

Do you think she is not even able to develop that "chemistry" she so wants, because she has not gotten over her original ex? Or maybe she wants that exact same "chemistry" she had with him, but it will never be the exact same "chemistry" with any other man?

 

Any other advice you can think of would be most helpful. Thank you so much for your help!

Edited by GaHeartbroken
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Thank you everybody for your advice so far!

 

Update:

 

I texted her on September 6th due to tornados in her area, letting her know I was praying for her. She responded that she was safe, and thankful for my prayers, and she hoped I was doing well. It did make me feel uncomfortable getting a response from her; but since it was an emergency I thought it was alright to break NC. What are your thoughts?

 

I then had a serious bicycle accident on September 12th. I was not totally thinking straight at the time due to having just suffered a concussion. So I asked my mother to leave a message for my ex, asking her to pray for me (as I was awaiting head and back C.T. scan results). My ex then texted me, and then called me the next day to check on me. My ex said, she was really worried about me (but only as a friend); and regretfully, I asked if her feelings where still the same towards us, she informed me that she has moved on and is talking with another man (this conversation less than two weeks after she broke-up). I am guessing it is the same man that her friend talked about introducing her to the day she broke-up with me. I am now nearly certain this is the reason she made up her mind so quickly about her romantic feelings towards me, even though her feelings for me were still unsure. Why she left me for him, when she supposedly had not even met him or knew anything about him is a mystery to me. She told me, she is good and doing fine, although I heard a lot of doubt in her voice (even though I may not be the best at reading her). She told me, that she wants to be friends, and wants to know updates on my condition. I told her, that she could call me if she wants to know, which I probably should not had done (but bear in mind, my metal state at the time we talked on the phone was not well). It has been a week since that talk and she has not called.

 

I wonder if my limited contact, even though it was just for emergency, gave her the clean break she wanted, and I should had been friends with her instead, even though she did and does want friendship. This being a LDR break-up, is not being her friend just allowing her to move on and forget me? I also have doubts about, if I would had been her friend it would had helped her move on more to this new man.

 

Also, what are your thoughts about contacting her after several weeks of NC (if she does not contact me) and trying a reconnecting email? Or should I just wait for her to contact me, if this new man does not work out for her? I also, have not asked her to sent my shirt back that I left at her place when I visited, any thoughts on when I should ask?

 

I am trying to move on and improve myself, even though this bicycle accident has set me back. I do want her back, but am trying to live as though she is never coming back.

 

Any advice or opinions are greatly appreciated!

Edited by GaHeartbroken
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She doesnt want to be friends with you just to be buddies, or to work on rekindling your relationship. She wants to be friends to ease her guilt, so that she knows youre not slitting your wrists. Also when youre being "friends' with her, youre making it ok for her not to feel guilty about lying to you about why she broke it off. She was probably seeing this guy before you broke up. So even if you are friends with her, it wont be for long. Once she knows youre fine, she'll blow you off. She forgot about you and moved on to the new guy way before she broke it off with you, so no matter what you would have done, you lost her permanently.

 

Do not contact her about anything, she doesnt want to hear from you, no matter what she says. She is seeing a new guy, and HE is who she wants to hear from. NC is for you to heal and move on, not for her to miss you, because she wont miss you. You already know the psychology of why she dumped you, you have to accept it and try top forget about her. Go find someone who isnt trying to bury her depression in other men.

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