Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I'm new here. I love my EX we we're divorced ,in April 2011. He wanted it I didn't ! He just started seeing a women but hasn't slept with her yet. She has young kids and he doesn't really want anything to do with that. Any way I just slept with him trying to get him to come back. He still has something for me but will not say he loves me ! I will climb the mountain, slay the dragon, and fight for him ! I will not sit back with this " NO CONTACT" bull---t ! I did that for about 2 months and it didn't gain me any ground. It's over when it's over ,and for me that 's forever I will go after him !! I have not met anyone in one year and I'm not willing to play the love games with any one else ! This has been hard why mix it up with other men ! So go ahead all of you out there let me see the light ! A fallen Queen of Hearts~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Please HELP ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Thanks Nohbody ! I live in Colorado too ! I have trouble meeting men here. I think there is a man shortage here ! Any way. will my sleeping with him mess up his new relationship ! i hope so it puts me closer in his head and heart now that I did it ! I want him back I want him back ! Queen of lost hearts~~~ Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 you're kinda coming off as desperate, and that's not good. if there is another woman in the picture you should back off for now imho. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 All right, look: He wanted to divorce you, you didn't want to divorce him - and you got divorced. You slept with him to try and get him to get back. He didn't tell you he loves you. I don't know what your story is, but based on what you've said, and based on what I've seen here at LS, I'm going to tell you that the more you pursue him, the less likely this is going to work out. And I don't think your chances are great right now. You have to understand that if you are open and available to him, he will take what he wants from you because he knows that he doesn't have to do anything more than give you the slightest glimmer of hope. He doesn't have to commit to anything, he can see other people, and if it doesn't work out he can come right back to you until he finds something else. No Contact is not bull****. I know this is painful for you, and I know this is hard - because EVERYONE here has felt exactly like you have. The only way he is going to come back to you and be with you in a committed relationship is if HE DECIDES that is what he wants to do. And nothing you do, say, or offer is going to help him decide in your favor. If only it were as simple as slaying a dragon or climbing a mountain. There is NOTHING you can do. You can beg and plead, or you can disappear. Disappear, get your head on straight, and improve who you are for yourself. If he wants you, he will find you. Then the decision will be yours to make. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265350/ "Every decision you make right now is guided by your emotions and the first thing they say is fight as hard as you can for the relationship. Well they couldn’t be more right. Fight, by going into NC" Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 That is somewhat noble that you seem to love your ex enough that you are willing to "fight" for him but know this, is he willing to fight for you? Sleeping with your ex while he has another woman doesn't make him think that he wants you over her or vice versa, it just makes him feel like a king to know he has the option of sleeping with two women. Don't be used. Your self worth is about to be put into some serious jeopardy and you must know that or else you wouldn't have went online to seek help on LS. It doesn't matter HOW long it takes to find the right person. DON'T give up on yourself. The reason you haven't found a nice man is because you refuse to let go of the broken relationship yet. It is hard, hellish, hurtful and above all excruciatingly difficult but you must spend more quality time alone without contacting your ex. You will never get out of the feelings you feel right now until you take action. Do you like where you are RIGHT NOW? Lay down in the quiet of your room and really think about your answer... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 To lay down the sword is hard to surrender. I have not been able to walk away from him. The only way to win here is keep in his head in his phone, and his heart ! He will decide. She is new in his life so more excitement in a new person ,there to keep his attention. He did come my way today which is a first in a long time. I will listen to all of you ! Thank you for writing me back. The tears fell as I read the posts. I will say he had the worst hair cut ever today ! But he is cute he looks like Ty Pennington the give the house away guy. I love him, he knows my desperation for us to reunite. I want the tables to turn. I told him I want us to remarry. He said not right now !!! Remaining hopeful and in his life for now ! Thank You Nohbody too ! You are somebody !! Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 All right, look: He wanted to divorce you, you didn't want to divorce him - and you got divorced. You slept with him to try and get him to get back. He didn't tell you he loves you. I don't know what your story is, but based on what you've said, and based on what I've seen here at LS, I'm going to tell you that the more you pursue him, the less likely this is going to work out. And I don't think your chances are great right now. You have to understand that if you are open and available to him, he will take what he wants from you because he knows that he doesn't have to do anything more than give you the slightest glimmer of hope. He doesn't have to commit to anything, he can see other people, and if it doesn't work out he can come right back to you until he finds something else. No Contact is not bull****. I know this is painful for you, and I know this is hard - because EVERYONE here has felt exactly like you have. The only way he is going to come back to you and be with you in a committed relationship is if HE DECIDES that is what he wants to do. And nothing you do, say, or offer is going to help him decide in your favor. If only it were as simple as slaying a dragon or climbing a mountain. There is NOTHING you can do. You can beg and plead, or you can disappear. Disappear, get your head on straight, and improve who you are for yourself. If he wants you, he will find you. Then the decision will be yours to make. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t265350/ "Every decision you make right now is guided by your emotions and the first thing they say is fight as hard as you can for the relationship. Well they couldn’t be more right. Fight, by going into NC" I agree. That's one thing I don't like about women (having sex to influence a man), and I'm sure I'm not the only man who feels this way.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Sedated Calamity and John Michael Kane Thank You for writing me back ! I do need very much to hear from the men out there. I have been a very bad girl using all of my weapons to get him back. We we're married so the sex part feels like being at home again. He is the only one I have slept with since we have been together in 2008. Any way how can you guys ask me to go into PRISON and sit there and make "NO CONTACT" he is passive agresive it's easy for him to stay away. I did do NC for 2 months maybe a little longer and it was me who broke it !! What does it prove he hurts me with or with out it !! Today was a big event to get into his head and heart a little bit. He has some reluctance and did not call me yet tonight. More games ! So I'll try and wind up this long e-mail. Why do you tell me to stay away ?? Queen of Bad Hearts right now !! Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I think that's been explained. If you haven't yet, read this: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/ Otherwise, do whatever you want. You ask for advice, advice was given. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Nohbody~ Ok Thanks I just now read that link and what a killer it is !! A flood of tears~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I don't think I can do it !! It's unrequited love, & so PAINFUL !! Bleeding Hearts can heal. Cold blue hearts like the EX never revive !! Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 . . . If you think you can be happy with him, and you believe that if he did come back to you, he WOULD stay... and not repeat this situation --- then by all means, wield your weapons and fight the beast. It is your fight... My only question to you is... what kind of treasure is one that leaves you, for something they at least perceived to be more ideal... what kind of "treasure" are you gaining? Honsetly, only you know what could have possibly caused him to desire a divorce. If you are licking up most of the responsibility, then perhaps there's some kind of hope --- otherwise, just wait for freaking gold --- not suffer and strive for fools' gold. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 I should move on as you said. I'm just stuck and NC is painful. I'm trying to be brave he is not coming back and I'm pushing for more pain by stalling out the burning ashes when all of the fire is gone. Thanks for your post. QOH-10 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 NC is harder but I know that you know going through heartache is MUCH harder...so much more. Your ex is not fighting for you at all. He knows that you are easy to put on the shelf and come and get it when it is convenient for him. Your ex sees no real value at all in the relationship no matter what you do. To chase him will only make him stray further. The new woman in his life will look more stable in comparison since she doesn't have to chase him around...he GOES TO her, not away. NC is your biggest fight and worth it. It works in two ways. Either you stay NC and move on to someone better and who will love you more than the sun and the moon OR you are in NC for a good amount of time and your ex( as MANY do) misses you. From there you can assess if his intentions are noble and he wants to fight for YOU! Ask yourself if YOU are worth fighting for. If you're not, continue being used. I surely hope that the latter is not what you choose... Link to post Share on other sites
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