arbrne_vet Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I feel really really f#(*$$* pissed right now. not sure if i am mad at myself or what. i went nc last week. my last conversation with her was when she was on vacation. i think she took someone with her, because she sure was not herself on the phone. i shot her a text, and an hour later when i got no response, i called. she talked to me like a business associate. events leading up to that day pushed me over the edge. so i did not call her all week. never heard one thing from her. no text, no call no nothing. so..... last night she sends me a text and asks me how my event over the weekend went. i thought, that is it, that is all you have to say. so i did not respond. then, a couple hours later, i get an, oh, your not going to talk to me text. i still did not respond. then about 1/2 hour later i get a, oh, must be the wrong number or wrong person text. to hell with her. an expert from the "NC Manual" Q. I've been on NC for some time and my Ex just contacted me, what do I do? A. The question is: Why are they contacting you? If it's just to get something back, box up their stuff and have a friend give it to them. Otherwise, there's no need to reply. No matter what, don't contact them back right away. Don't answer if they call. Show them you have a life and you don't need them in it. Yes, it's kind of a game but at this juncture, it's a necessary evil. I know a lot of people might disagree, but first of all, I would want to know why the ex is contacting me. If they are having doubts, they will make it clear. If you respond to them, be sure to take a day or two to do so. This will give you time to think clearly about what you want to say. When you reply, make sure that it's polite and to the point. Don't make any small talk. Don't bring up the past (big no-no). Don't volunteer any information about yourself. Be the first to end the conversation. Do be happy, do smile inside (CBT) and know that you'll be fine. Trust me, if your ex wants you back nothing will stop them from getting in touch with you. And this is ideally what you want. You want them to initiate the contact because it will be their heart that has changed. If they really want you back, then you have to listen out for the apology. The complete 180. "I'm really sorry for what I did. I don't know why I didi it, but all I know, is that it was the most stupid thing I've ever done. I want to try again, and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, prove I'm deadly serious, and regain your trust. Please, can you find it in your heart to try again?" Anything other than this - any small talk, any "so how are you?"s, any tentative chit-chat - is just breadcrumbs. Mostly, to appease their own guilt, make them feel better, and confirm that they can still yank your chain. I am digging in, and sticking to my guns, and digging in. Link to post Share on other sites
danceallday Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Thanks. Reading these posts really help. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I am digging in, and sticking to my guns, and digging in. good for you! yeah - - eff her. i would be angry too . she's playing some extremely childish games. if she keeps this up you may want to consider blocking her number or changing yours. you don't owe her any explanation whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 This is typical just trying to get a response out of you with all these stupid texts. Good to see it's not working Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Texts you after vacation huh...suspect she's feeling guilty...Good for you, stick to your guns! Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Vet, if you really want to make N/C successful change your phone number. Let the right people know it's changed and do not forward to her and those that have anything to do with her. This will assure she can't find you. I did not change for a month and the temptation was too strong. Once I changed it it was at first very tough but now I know that it is really working. JMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 i agree that changing your phone number could really, really help! but theres no way i could, ive had it for ten + years, so i just have to be REALLY STRONG. but forget her, not worth your time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author arbrne_vet Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 I appreciate all the comments, very very much!! i should have done this long ago. i am sooooooo tired of this crap. i am not sure if she had someone with her or not,but whatever the case, whoever she was with, she did not want them to know who she was talking to. And.... never called once when i called to make sure she got there ok. no text, no nothing. so, something was up. i have let her manipulate and have total control over me. she knew how much i loved her, she knew i would do anything for her, and she used it all against me. the things she did, the things she said, and all my friends and family asking me what i was doing it for. Just wanted it to work. i suspect i will never hear from her again, or it will be some nasty texts. OR, it will be the "i tried to talk to you' crap. anything to make herself feel better. i too have had my phone number for 10+ years. not going to change it because of her. so, she can text all she wants.... (but do appreciate the advice!!) unless i get that complete 180 "i am sorry blah blah blah" which will never happen. she has NEVER admitted to doing anything wrong in this relationship. it has always been my fault, and she is justified for what she did because i ________________ (fill in the blank) anyway...... Thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
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