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Dating sites while still heartbroken - big NO


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So I bet my ex is already dating or God knows what. Even though he said he wants to be alone now and just concentrate on his friends and work.

 

It has been a month and it has been hard , I always loved being single but he was just different and I wanted to get married.

 

 

So I was feeling bad and signed up to a dating site. It was fun at first and I was just looking around , but it is just depressing. I know no one would make me forget him , as I am still in love. And if I meet a nice man it would be unfair to string them along while I am still heartbroken.

 

So I guess I will take as much time as I want and just look after myself.

 

 

Has anyone else done the dating profile thing ?

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Sure but yeah, it's kinda stupid to go out on a date and then go home and cry.:laugh: You have to reach that end stage of grieving first...which is acceptance.

 

It's pretty easy to spot the online dating guy who is still getting over his ex. I've met some good friends that way but thank goodness I can spot them (they usually give it away by talking about their ex almost immediately, lol) because they are no where ready to be in a relationship and have anything to give.

 

After the acceptance stage and you are back on your feet (in every way) then sure, go out. Keep it casual in terms of having fun with no expectations and watch out for the ones who want to dive into a LTR quickly. When it's the right time (and right everything else) it will happen. One day, you will fall in love again!:)

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yes, i set up a dating profile on ok cupid not long after the break up. he actually urged me to do it when he dumped me. i didn't open the account for that reason - - or maybe i did to shut him up. i got tired of hearing him yammer on about it (we had tried being friends sometime after the b/u).

 

but my heart wasn't in it. i rarely logged in or responded to inquiries and deleted my acct after a few months. i've never really been one to go looking for a relationship - - if i meet someone and something happens, great. if not, that's ok too. i'd rather concentrate on being happy with me and where i am than go looking for something i may or may not find.

i would rather use that time to get myself together and re-build my self-esteem.

 

i agree, it's not fair to the people who are on those sites and are serious about looking for a relationship. and i don't want to lead anyone on. although homebrew pretty much hit the nail on the head regarding the types of guys i came up against on that site. most of them cut to the chase and just wanted to hook up :rolleyes:

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Am on match.com probably too soon. I am going on my first date in twelve years tonight. I think one of the reasons is that I let my ex do such a head trip on me that I felt really, really unattractive and old. It wasn't so much ego strokes on the site, it is more like "oh. That's right, I am an okay person and I have a lot to offer." Sometimes when you fall off of the bike you have to get right back on and ride.

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I have thought about online dating, and I surely may end up there. I def agree it is not best to do til you feel ready. I, too, like radiodarcy said above, am not quite the type to seek out a relationship. I miss it, and enjoy it, but I dont think I have enough "motivation" to online date, as least right now.

 

I have to disagree with homebrew, I mean sure there are plenty of not so good people, but 4 of my close friends (all smart, pretty, normal), used online dating, and are happier than ever. Some in shorter term relationships with the guys they met, and others going on several years! i think it is always something to try, if it isnt for you, than so be it. People do it I think for a variety of reasons.

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Yup, did the same thing. Nearing a month after he dumped me I set up a profile and lurked for a little while...but my heart just wasn't where it needed to be and I eventually stopped logging on.

 

Even now, sometimes I think about logging in and putting actual effort into in and my heart just sinks. Not ready yet. Nope. It'll just end in disaster.

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ButterCup hey a-lot of times the ''i just want to be alone'' thing is just b.s., if you're in a good,loving relationship then why the hell would you rather be alone ,when someone says to you they want to be alone,consontrate on work or school or whatever it's basically you're broken up -you'll probably see the ex around somewhere with his friends or even a girl soo much for wanting to be alone huh .....

 

 

that on-line datting thing is a joke [might work for some people ] BUT you're wayy better off meeting someone in person anyone can sit behind a computer and type words and send pictures BUT you don't hear or feel where their really comming from you don't hear the emotions or sincerity of their words [ i hear a-lot on those datting sites are filled with married people , or people in relationships anyways ]

AFTER break up just go out doesn't need to be a date or anything just socially a friends b.b.q. a party whatever see what's out their see who may be intrestead in you , or who you're intrestead in ,make a friend or two ur ex doesn't want to be with you then why waste feelings on him

hang out with some cool people that want to be with you and you'll start feeling good and maybe even want to be with someone you met ,break ups happen ,quicker you move on the better and less painful it will be

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lovesickmonkey

It's definitely too soon for me but I did open an account on match and have begun looking. At first it was quite painful and I just stopped. But a month went by and I'm looking at the ads again. I'm trying to look at them critically. In my humble opinion, yes, everyone that homebrew mentioned can be found on dating sites. But that's not all you will find and usually, the ads contain plenty of clues. Clues about self-esteem are abundant. Clues about if the person has plans for the future or is ambivalent are evident. Some women have 15 photos that are essentally pictures about their breast implants. Some women are after money ($200,000 or higher only, please). Some only want men younger than themselves. Some are clearly still heartbroken and will list traits that sound like a laundry list of shortcomings in their exes. Some women have only one photo of themselves and it is at a distance and blurry. But you will also find ads from men and women that show a stable, mature, realistic person, who know what they want, and who are optimistic about getting it. If it's too soon for you, and you know it, it actually takes the pressure off. Just relax, have a good time, knowing you are not ready and maybe you will reconnect with this person when you are.:bunny::bunny::):bunny:

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I was against the online dating thing up until a few months ago. I got dumped on Easter from a 5.5 year relationship that was scheduled to be sealed in marriage later this year. After 2 months of healing, I said what the hell and signed up for the online dating site. I got contacted by about a dozen girls within the first 24 hours. And half dozen more trickled in a few days later. Out of those 18 or so girls, I scheduled dates with 3 of them. I connected ok with girl #1, but I really felt a strong connection with girl #2. I already had a date set up with girl #3, I told girl #2 that i wanted to cancel that date, but she said she wanted me to go on it since she was only the 2nd girl I had dated since my break up. I went on date #3, was the worst date of my life. I have now been dating girl #2 for almost 8 weeks now and I can honestly say I have never been happier.

 

So I now think online dating is great!

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my ex had a new girlfriend within 7 days. The last time we broke up, he had a new girlfriend within 7 days. My ex doesn't examine his behavior so that he can treat the next girl better. He doesn't look back. I on the other hand go to coping sites and read coping books. He's running around happy. I am suffering because I'm grieving, but in the end I'll come out of the break up better than him.

 

I have a lot of healing to do. I'm not going to jump into another relationship and bring my baggage. That's unhealthy and selfish. People should take time to heal first.

 

Also every man I have ever met on online dating has turned out to be a weirdo and a creepoid.

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Sure but yeah, it's kinda stupid to go out on a date and then go home and cry.:laugh: You have to reach that end stage of grieving first...which is acceptance.

 

It's pretty easy to spot the online dating guy who is still getting over his ex. I've met some good friends that way but thank goodness I can spot them (they usually give it away by talking about their ex almost immediately, lol) because they are no where ready to be in a relationship and have anything to give.

 

After the acceptance stage and you are back on your feet (in every way) then sure, go out. Keep it casual in terms of having fun with no expectations and watch out for the ones who want to dive into a LTR quickly. When it's the right time (and right everything else) it will happen. One day, you will fall in love again!:)

 

 

Hope so ! think I will let it happen when it is the right time :) thanks x

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And I wonder why EVERYONE I know has had bad experiences with online dating. Of all my friends who tried it all but one has quit. These are both women and men.

 

Rebounder (tons of these), cheaters, desperate, socially awkward, married, committment phobes, perverts, liars, looking for someone to make them happy, jealous freaks, etc. Mostly "unhealthy" people.

 

I did have one friend that married someone from he met online and she pulled a complete 180 after getting married. Still hasn't gotten a job and gain 75 pounds in a year and a half. All she wanted was a wallet and a kid. He is miserable and the divorce is well on the way. His first marriage and her second. He now knows why her Ex husband left but thought he was "different".

 

 

Yeah I am not a fan , I prefer to meet guys in person and not look for love. Let love find me x

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yes, i set up a dating profile on ok cupid not long after the break up. he actually urged me to do it when he dumped me. i didn't open the account for that reason - - or maybe i did to shut him up. i got tired of hearing him yammer on about it (we had tried being friends sometime after the b/u).

 

but my heart wasn't in it. i rarely logged in or responded to inquiries and deleted my acct after a few months. i've never really been one to go looking for a relationship - - if i meet someone and something happens, great. if not, that's ok too. i'd rather concentrate on being happy with me and where i am than go looking for something i may or may not find.

i would rather use that time to get myself together and re-build my self-esteem.

 

i agree, it's not fair to the people who are on those sites and are serious about looking for a relationship. and i don't want to lead anyone on. although homebrew pretty much hit the nail on the head regarding the types of guys i came up against on that site. most of them cut to the chase and just wanted to hook up :rolleyes:

 

 

Sorry about your ex , the last thing you want to hear is your ex giving you dating advice ! good luck with getting happy again. The dog in the picture is so cute !

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Am on match.com probably too soon. I am going on my first date in twelve years tonight. I think one of the reasons is that I let my ex do such a head trip on me that I felt really, really unattractive and old. It wasn't so much ego strokes on the site, it is more like "oh. That's right, I am an okay person and I have a lot to offer." Sometimes when you fall off of the bike you have to get right back on and ride.

 

 

How did your date go ? sorry your ex made you feel that way , sure you are not like that at all.

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I have thought about online dating, and I surely may end up there. I def agree it is not best to do til you feel ready. I, too, like radiodarcy said above, am not quite the type to seek out a relationship. I miss it, and enjoy it, but I dont think I have enough "motivation" to online date, as least right now.

 

I have to disagree with homebrew, I mean sure there are plenty of not so good people, but 4 of my close friends (all smart, pretty, normal), used online dating, and are happier than ever. Some in shorter term relationships with the guys they met, and others going on several years! i think it is always something to try, if it isnt for you, than so be it. People do it I think for a variety of reasons.

 

Yes I guess there are the rare normal people on there lol.But it can be good just to make friends I guess. Good luck x

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Yup, did the same thing. Nearing a month after he dumped me I set up a profile and lurked for a little while...but my heart just wasn't where it needed to be and I eventually stopped logging on.

 

Even now, sometimes I think about logging in and putting actual effort into in and my heart just sinks. Not ready yet. Nope. It'll just end in disaster.

I am sorry you are feeling like this. I hope you feel better soon , lots of love x

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ButterCup hey a-lot of times the ''i just want to be alone'' thing is just b.s., if you're in a good,loving relationship then why the hell would you rather be alone ,when someone says to you they want to be alone,consontrate on work or school or whatever it's basically you're broken up -you'll probably see the ex around somewhere with his friends or even a girl soo much for wanting to be alone huh .....

 

 

that on-line datting thing is a joke [might work for some people ] BUT you're wayy better off meeting someone in person anyone can sit behind a computer and type words and send pictures BUT you don't hear or feel where their really comming from you don't hear the emotions or sincerity of their words [ i hear a-lot on those datting sites are filled with married people , or people in relationships anyways ]

AFTER break up just go out doesn't need to be a date or anything just socially a friends b.b.q. a party whatever see what's out their see who may be intrestead in you , or who you're intrestead in ,make a friend or two ur ex doesn't want to be with you then why waste feelings on him

hang out with some cool people that want to be with you and you'll start feeling good and maybe even want to be with someone you met ,break ups happen ,quicker you move on the better and less painful it will be

Thank you for that ! x

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It's definitely too soon for me but I did open an account on match and have begun looking. At first it was quite painful and I just stopped. But a month went by and I'm looking at the ads again. I'm trying to look at them critically. In my humble opinion, yes, everyone that homebrew mentioned can be found on dating sites. But that's not all you will find and usually, the ads contain plenty of clues. Clues about self-esteem are abundant. Clues about if the person has plans for the future or is ambivalent are evident. Some women have 15 photos that are essentally pictures about their breast implants. Some women are after money ($200,000 or higher only, please). Some only want men younger than themselves. Some are clearly still heartbroken and will list traits that sound like a laundry list of shortcomings in their exes. Some women have only one photo of themselves and it is at a distance and blurry. But you will also find ads from men and women that show a stable, mature, realistic person, who know what they want, and who are optimistic about getting it. If it's too soon for you, and you know it, it actually takes the pressure off. Just relax, have a good time, knowing you are not ready and maybe you will reconnect with this person when you are.:bunny::bunny::):bunny:

 

 

Thank you , I think the problem with these sites are that you look for specific things in a person and can miss out on someone great because of one little thing you do not like in their profile.So that is why I prefer meeting someone in real life . But if someone meets the one on there , good for them :laugh: good luck x

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my ex had a new girlfriend within 7 days. The last time we broke up, he had a new girlfriend within 7 days. My ex doesn't examine his behavior so that he can treat the next girl better. He doesn't look back. I on the other hand go to coping sites and read coping books. He's running around happy. I am suffering because I'm grieving, but in the end I'll come out of the break up better than him.

 

I have a lot of healing to do. I'm not going to jump into another relationship and bring my baggage. That's unhealthy and selfish. People should take time to heal first.

 

Also every man I have ever met on online dating has turned out to be a weirdo and a creepoid.

I am sorry about your ex. Doubt he is really happy , people like that are just ignorant. You need to deal with break ups , regardless if you were the one who left or if you are no longer in love , because you still bring baggage and will always have the same result in relationships if you do not try and work it out.

 

So you are right , you will be happier and better off than him as you are working through it. I am reading good books too and they will help

 

All the best.x

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