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Does this forum assist ?? Thoughts on a postcard :)


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English-Rose

So whats the verdict on these forums? Do they help or do they become just another medium to talk about the ex rather than to your family/ friends? Another obsession? I'm not sure! That's why I'm asking :)

I'd say they help a bit..... But I guess we are all wanting to hear what we WANT to hear..... Thoughts??

:)

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So whats the verdict on these forums? Do they help or do they become just another medium to talk about the ex rather than to your family/ friends? Another obsession? I'm not sure! That's why I'm asking :)

I'd say they help a bit..... But I guess we are all wanting to hear what we WANT to hear..... Thoughts??

:)

I think it's a good way to get opinions from anonymous people that can see things from an unbiased perspective and don't have any investment in the situation, so they are more likely to give an honest response.

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Ginger Beer

This forum has been amazing to me. It definitely assists. I like that I can read about other people's problems and not just post my own, I don't know much about relationships so don't really have anything to offer but I learn a lot on this board.

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thelovingkind

Yeah this forum has been great. After my first real break up I found my way to NC on my own, but only after much, much agony and needless self-torture while naively trying to maintain a friendship with my ex. People coming here immediately after break ups are in a great position to cut out a lot of that pain if they run with the advice we give.

 

I think this is better than talking with friends in some ways. Because of the anonymity we can offer more no bullsh*t advice, which is sometimes exactly what people need. Sometimes with well-meaning friends there's a little too much "Oh, well if you love her, and if you think she's the one, then go after her!" kind of thing.

 

On the other hand, people here are also really, really understanding of the grieving process and the patience required. I've had friends say "Nevermind, onwards and upwards, you'll find someone new!" after just two or three days after a break up. I've even seen friends "like" changes in other people's relationship statuses and post things like, "Ohh you're back on the market!" Sadly, when you're grieving, even close friends sometimes don't really understand or want anything to do with that sadness, but people here are either going through it or have been through it recently enough that there's massive amounts of empathy underlying everything we say.

 

And, frankly, in those dark, terrible days in the first couple weeks post-break up you are going to be obsessing whatever happens, no doubt about it. If you obsess on Loveshack rather than over-loading your friendships or, God forbid, trying to use your ex as a source of support, then that can only be a good thing.

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I think it is an enormous benefit. When people are alcoholics they join a support group to help them cope. This is an online support group for people who have suffered broken hearts. Our friends and family love us but there comes a stage when they get tired of us repeating the the same things over and over again. Plus, it is very theraputic to write and put your thoughts out on paper. I find this one of the best websites on the web, because most people are genuine and are here to help you. It's also great when you can help other people they way you have been helped on this site.

 

The only negative I would say is that people can spend to long posting here. It's like a delaying tactic to avoid dealing with emotions/feelings from the actual breakup and the fallout from that. I am guilty of probably posting here too long. I am not going to be posting as much going forward. I would of course like to try assist people, going through this horrible phase but posting here always reminds me of my ex and has probably slowed down my recovery in the past 3-4 weeks. I have finally healed and let her go from my heart. I am ready (in everyway) to meet someone else and posting here now, is probably not helpful for me anymore. Therefore I won't be posting as much going forward.

 

Great site, but I think you have to know when enough is enough.

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Ginger Beer
I think it is an enormous benefit. When people are alcoholics they join a support group to help them cope. This is an online support group for people who have suffered broken hearts. Our friends and family love us but there comes a stage when they get tired of us repeating the the same things over and over again. Plus, it is very theraputic to write and put your thoughts out on paper. I find this one of the best websites on the web, because most people are genuine and are here to help you. It's also great when you can help other people they way you have been helped on this site.

 

The only negative I would say is that people can spend to long posting here. It's like a delaying tactic to avoid dealing with emotions/feelings from the actual breakup and the fallout from that. I am guilty of probably posting here too long. I am not going to be posting as much going forward. I would of course like to try assist people, going through this horrible phase but posting here always reminds me of my ex and has probably slowed down my recovery in the past 3-4 weeks. I have finally healed and let her go from my heart. I am ready (in everyway) to meet someone else and posting here now, is probably not helpful for me anymore. Therefore I won't be posting as much going forward.

 

Great site, but I think you have to know when enough is enough.

 

I've seen this mentioned before... what if you like posting on here? Are you supposed to just stop? I like posting on here, I don't think it's slowed my recovery down at all, if anything it's helped.

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Ginger Beer
Ginger that is just my personal opinion. If you like posting. Post away my friend!

 

:laugh:

 

No problem mate.

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English-Rose

The point that Mack made is exactly what I was thinking. Yes it's helped me to vent here rather than rant at my mates/ poor mum lol. But the delaying of dealing with it is the bit that is in the back of my mind.... And I defo wish I'd gone looking for advice at the time of the break up before I had embarked upon text terrorism!! I couldve saved myself months of anguish had I been more open minded about seeking advice..... Thanks for replying to my thread, it's interesting getting other users perspectives :)

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Ginger Beer
The point that Mack made is exactly what I was thinking. Yes it's helped me to vent here rather than rant at my mates/ poor mum lol. But the delaying of dealing with it is the bit that is in the back of my mind.... And I defo wish I'd gone looking for advice at the time of the break up before I had embarked upon text terrorism!! I couldve saved myself months of anguish had I been more open minded about seeking advice..... Thanks for replying to my thread, it's interesting getting other users perspectives :)

 

Same, like you I initiated NC myself, by the time I found the forum I was 4 months into it and realised if I found the forum about 6 months previous, I'd have saved myself a lot of trouble.

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lalalandman

I was with my girl for 5 years. I came to this forum when she broke it off with me in May. I've recently left the "Breaks and Breaking Up" Forum and moved on to the "Dating" Forum. I'm currently bummed about a different girl and a lot less worried about my ex

 

:)

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