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heartbroken in Paris


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Hi everyone.. I'm new but have been familiar with these forums for a while. I'm going through something that I don't really know how to deal with, so I decided to join and post.. so thank you in advance for reading! :)

 

I have been together with my guy since January. We were friends before that. It has been the best relationship of my life (granted, I'm only 23, but its everything I could have hoped for after my past relationships and experiences). He is always 110% attentive to me, always looking to please me, and talk to me, and check up on me. He tells me he loves me all the time, and I genuinely love him as well. He makes it a priority to have me happy. He is sweet, kind, smart, funny and charming. After meeting him, I didn't want to look for anyone else!

 

Well as of lately things have changed..... we recently went on a trip together to Paris with a whole bunch of our friends (like 30). My bf is originally from California, but moved to NY for work last year (I live in NJ). A bunch of his friends from California came as well, and we hung out with them and had a great time. Things were great and perfect, until about the 2nd day. He started getting distant. This combined with me asking him when we are going to spend some alone time together in the City of Love and getting a tad upset, and with each passing day he got more and more distant. He barely looked at me, talked to me, or touched me. It was like a switch turned off. I kept asking him what was wrong, and he said he just misses all of his friends. I kept thinking there was a problem with us, but he kept saying no, even though he still was so distant from me. I even mentioned if he wants to break up with me, and he just said "no, thats not where this is going at all," and got upset. For me, not being able to be lovey dovey in Paris made me pretty upset in return.

 

Since we got home, its been the same. I've been keeping my distance, and he's still been off. We talk only a tiny bit, about general things. He finally told me yesterday "I have some things I've been meaning to get off my chest, I need to talk to you. Nothing is wrong." We talked and he basically said how he is miserable in NY, and wants to move back to California, and being with his old friends this week and having to say goodbye "broke" him. I said thats completely understandable... and proceeded to ask that, since he's looking to move back, if he doesn't want to continue our relationship anymore. I basically thought he was mentioning this as a precursor to breaking up. He said, "no I wouldn't break up just because I moved. What makes you think I want to do that?" So I said how I felt isolated this past week and he just said "I'm sorry." I said I love him and I'm there for him, to which he responded "you too." That was a big ouch for me :confused:

 

My problem is, I don't know how to proceed. My friends say to give him space and not talk to him, which I'm okay with. Some of my friends say he's being a jerk and to totally ignore him, even if he reaches out to me. Others say just to be a friend right now, and he's being upset. Still others say that he's just doing this as a way to cover up that he wants to break up. Personally... I do believe that he loves me, and that can't change overnight. I believe in the love that we have. He still is mentioning future plans with me that we talked about before Paris (he is surprising me for my birthday, and also he invited me to be his +1 to a wedding). If he wanted to end things, I don't think he would bring up that stuff.

 

In 2 days, its his namesday (he's Russian.. its similar to a birthday). Even though we're not on the same level as we were before, would it be wrong to do something nice, like send him a cake? Or just still leave him alone?

 

I just want things to be the way they used to be. Please help!!!!

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keepsmilin74

6 months together, that's long enough to feel deeply - sorry for your pain :(

I'd send him a gift or card on his nameday but leave him alone and let him work it out. The future plans can happen too, just don't push them.

 

You can love each other very much and things still don't work out, it's NOT your fault!! Prepare yourself, this might be the end, sorry :(

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actually, I spoke to him yesterday on the phone for the first time since we got back. he sounds absolutely miserable and told me hes been very upset. the whole reason why he wanted to talk yesterday was because he was talking to my friend about my birthday surprise he's planning (in about 2 weeks) and she asked if it was still happening because "you two seem to be in a weird place." I think it makes him more upset every time I or someone else tells him somethings wrong with our relationship. this is about the 4th or 5th time he's reassured me that nothing's wrong. I think he is just going through a very bad time right now, missing his friends and family and trying to reorganize his life. I just reassured him that I'm there for him. the best I can do right now is be his friend, and have faith that he'll feel better and come around.

 

Has anyone dealt with this before? I don't want to screw it up and be overly attentive.

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