Case of GIGS?

[RodG]

My ex-girlfriend and I (she's 21, I'm 24) were together almost three years, known her almost four years. It started off as a LDR. It was much less long distance when she came to school about 8 hours away from where I live. So I could go see her regularly. After that she came to live with me for a year. Anyway, we lived together for a year and she moved back to her home at the end of April 2011, and it was going to be another LDR. I hadn't told her but I was going to move there in the fall.

 

So anyway, within a week of moving she became distant. Unresponsive. Still saying she loved me though. About three weeks in she out of the blue ends it in the middle of May. Saying the relationship just feels over. She said she never intended to break up with me when she left. She did this over TEXT.

 

Anyway, I was NC for all of 4 days. After that it was downhill, the usual. Though I did get some 'answers'. She said we were 'never right together, she just couldn't see it', 'she truly feels we've run our course', and that 'I didn't stop loving you, the relationship is just not what I want anymore' she also says now that 'she hates who she was with me' and 'we had zero physical chemistry' wtf?? are you kidding? where the hell does that stuff come from? AND that I was too much work to be with. Oh come on, yeah no one is perfect. But that is being really nit picky. I was really laid back. She completely and utterly ignores me now. Blocked phone, e-mail what have you. Though I've stopped harassing her. This girl liked when I got down on one knee, as if proposing..

 

The main thing is that she said she now has to rebuild relationships, that she missed out on her life at home and she has to wait until she's 'in the memories again'. She's always out with her friends now, and meeting new people, going to parties. When she was here she was content with just being with me. She was even a little leery of going back. She made no effort to try and fix anything that was wrong with us. I had NO idea this was coming. She did initially say 'I'm sorry, maybe someday we will be together again, but not right now'...for the life of me I don't know why I didn't stop there. She hates me now for chasing her and bugging her, and I know I won't get her back because of it. She wants nothing to do with me.

 

Sounds like GIGS? I'm going through really tough times. I'm so lonely and I just know she's having the time of her life. She's probably met someone and I'm sitting here in the depths of despair.

Edited June 20, 2011 by RodG

[TheHurtProcess]

It appears as though your instincts may be correct. I believe you may have a case of GIGS on your hands.

 

I'm sure Homebrew will be around any minute since GIGS is his specialty. He'll be able to tell you for sure. From my perspective, she's showing all the classic symptoms of GIGS.

 

Your best bet is to try and get on with your life. The faster you accept the fact that it's over, the sooner you will heal. My ex and I broke up about a month ago. I've accepted our demise a few weeks ago and have been steadily moving along the road to recovery since. I find that now I don't think about her as much as I used to. I've picked back up quite a few hobbies that I put down while her and I were together. I've also set a few short and long term goals to work towards. It's as if I don't have time to think about her, the relationship as well as the problems anymore.

[RodG]

It happened almost exactly a month ago. I've had good and bad days, but as a whole it is getting better. I saw a picture of her on Facebook though, hair done up, make-up and happily with her friends. I'm just really jealous at the thought of some other guy. We were each others first love. It's going to be a long summer, knowing she's out there having fun not even thinking of or missing me at all.

[TheHurtProcess]

It happened almost exactly a month ago. I've had good and bad days, but as a whole it is getting better. I saw a picture of her on Facebook though, hair done up, make-up and happily with her friends. I'm just really jealous at the thought of some other guy. We were each others first love. It's going to be a long summer, knowing she's out there having fun not even thinking of or missing me at all.

 

I'm so glad my ex completely deleted her Facebook profile. She also was sure to drop me as a friend a couple of weeks beforehand. I made sure that I went through my profile and removed any/all tagged photos, messages, wall posts and comments, etc. I didn't ever want to look at her picture again. I suggest you do the same. This way, out of sight, out of mind. Don't drive yourself nuts by staring at her Facebook photos of her and her friends and continuously monitoring her page to see who's been leaving her comments and so on. It's only going to make matters much worse for you, my friend. Sever all contact and move on. Block her if you have to. Trust me bro.

 

It seems as if there have been a plethora of breakups since this summer began. I've noticed that girls (and guys, to be fair) tend to want to be single in the warmer months and then come the winter months, they like the thought of cuddling up next to someone in a warm house, bed and so on. I have a slight feeling that these boards are going to be flooded with threads pertaining to relationships being reconciled when this summer comes to an end. I can almost count on it. I'm not trying to get anyone's hopes up, it's just something I've noticed personally.

[RodG]

She doesn't even have a Facebook. It was on one of her friends that I have added. Only the one picture. She's not much for pictures. I only have one picture of her.

 

It sucks knowing that she probably will find out the grass is greener. Because we did have some problems, but I always thought I'd get the chance to right them with her. I thought she'd always be with me. I did get complacent, and we did get stale. I was always thinking, I had lots of time to make things right. Now it seems like a huge misunderstanding and I can't even explain to her. I've tried and it means nothing to her. I mean nothing to her now.

[wilsonx]

My ex-girlfriend and I (she's 21, I'm 24) were together almost three years, known her almost four years. It started off as a LDR. It was much less long distance when she came to school about 8 hours away from where I live. So I could go see her regularly. After that she came to live with me for a year. Anyway, we lived together for a year and she moved back to her home at the end of April 2011, and it was going to be another LDR. I hadn't told her but I was going to move there in the fall.

 

So anyway, within a week of moving she became distant. Unresponsive. Still saying she loved me though. About three weeks in she out of the blue ends it in the middle of May. Saying the relationship just feels over. She said she never intended to break up with me when she left. She did this over TEXT.

 

Anyway, I was NC for all of 4 days. After that it was downhill, the usual. Though I did get some 'answers'. She said we were 'never right together, she just couldn't see it', 'she truly feels we've run our course', and that 'I didn't stop loving you, the relationship is just not what I want anymore' she also says now that 'she hates who she was with me' and 'we had zero physical chemistry' wtf?? are you kidding? where the hell does that stuff come from? AND that I was too much work to be with. Oh come on, yeah no one is perfect. But that is being really nit picky. I was really laid back. She completely and utterly ignores me now. Blocked phone, e-mail what have you. Though I've stopped harassing her. This girl liked when I got down on one knee, as if proposing..

 

The main thing is that she said she now has to rebuild relationships, that she missed out on her life at home and she has to wait until she's 'in the memories again'. She's always out with her friends now, and meeting new people, going to parties. When she was here she was content with just being with me. She was even a little leery of going back. She made no effort to try and fix anything that was wrong with us. I had NO idea this was coming. She did initially say 'I'm sorry, maybe someday we will be together again, but not right now'...for the life of me I don't know why I didn't stop there. She hates me now for chasing her and bugging her, and I know I won't get her back because of it. She wants nothing to do with me.

 

Sounds like GIGS? I'm going through really tough times. I'm so lonely and I just know she's having the time of her life. She's probably met someone and I'm sitting here in the depths of despair.

 

its a ldr... i dunno... at least with my EX who is TEXTBOOK GIGS from homebrew's posts all 5 bullets, she wants to string me along and still remain friends with me. I wanted to still remain friends with my ex 6 years ago when i went through this

[RodG]

I wouldn't put it past this girl to come back in some way shape or form, in the fall. She has done it before, when we were not really a couple or anything. Nothing like how close we were recently. But I need to let go of that hope that she'll still come back, even after all of the chasing I've done. Because when the time just keeps passing with no sign of her, it'll hurt all over again.

 

Knowing I most likely will never ever see this girl again in person, is a really hard pill to swallow. I put all my eggs in one basket. Too dependent on her for my own happiness. I have reconnected with some friends, but that only temporarily soothes the pain.

 

She absolutely does not want to be friends. She said it'd be easier if we didn't...back when she'd actually reply.

[RodG]

It bothers me how fast and how easily she could just move on and wipe her hands of something, I thought, meant a whole lot to her. She was completely over me in days. I really hope it catches up to her at some point.

[TheHurtProcess]

It bothers me how fast and how easily she could just move on and wipe her hands of something, I thought, meant a whole lot to her. She was completely over me in days. I really hope it catches up to her at some point.

 

That's how we all feel. We wonder how someone who claimed to love us so much could be so self-centered and betray/abandon us in the times we needed them most. You're definitely not alone my friend.

 

If she does ever come back, you'd best be cautious. It may just be to string you along or perhaps boost her ego. My ex came back for a little bit and within three days she was gone again.

[RodG]

That's how we all feel. We wonder how someone who claimed to love us so much could be so self-centered and betray/abandon us in the times we needed them most. You're definitely not alone my friend.

 

If she does ever come back, you'd best be cautious. It may just be to string you along or perhaps boost her ego. My ex came back for a little bit and within three days she was gone again.

 

I just don't see it. She used to be so self-conscious. She used to need me. She used to crave my attention. Now I've been replaced by friends and possibly some other guy. She has people to turn to. I don't ever see her needing or wanting to talk to me about anything. It feels like every day goes by so slowly. She changed at the snap of her fingers it seems like.

[wilsonx]

I FELT just like you man for the past 3-4 weeks I felt like you until I finished reading this book http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=getting+past+your+breakup&x=0&y=0 I have been journaling every day to keep NC and vent my anger,frustrations, goals and affirmations and it has helped me tremendously...

 

I did the relationship inventory and I realized there were a lot of red flags that the relationship should have been ended by me a long time ago.

 

You know hindsight is 20/20 but this is a learning experience for me... buy this book buy a journal... (you can go to barnes and noble and get it) and start working on healing yourself and not about her. I finished reading it today and finished the relationship inventory and actually feel just ok. I was angry with her later on in the day when my mind was wandering but I promise you this book is a godsend look at the reviews

[RodG]

I FELT just like you man for the past 3-4 weeks I felt like you until I finished reading this book http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=getting+past+your+breakup&x=0&y=0 I have been journaling every day to keep NC and vent my anger,frustrations, goals and affirmations and it has helped me tremendously...

 

I did the relationship inventory and I realized there were a lot of red flags that the relationship should have been ended by me a long time ago.

 

You know hindsight is 20/20 but this is a learning experience for me... buy this book buy a journal... (you can go to barnes and noble and get it) and start working on healing yourself and not about her. I finished reading it today and finished the relationship inventory and actually feel just ok. I was angry with her later on in the day when my mind was wandering but I promise you this book is a godsend look at the reviews

 

Thanks, I might look into getting it. I think the hardest thing is losing the companionship. Not having that person to tell about your day. Not having them to go to when something happens. Not knowing what that person is doing or how they are. I have no idea where she works or anything. She was my confidante. Obviously it meant a lot more to me than her.

[wilsonx]

Thanks, I might look into getting it. I think the hardest thing is losing the companionship. Not having that person to tell about your day. Not having them to go to when something happens. Not knowing what that person is doing or how they are. I have no idea where she works or anything. She was my confidante. Obviously it meant a lot more to me than her.

 

 

Get some male friends and DONT EVER LOSE THEM to a relationship.

 

Also look you are worrying about someone else when you say not know what the person is doing or how they are. This is a big problem. You should be worrying about yourself and what you are doing and how you are.

 

Get a new confidante. Mean more to yourself then the new confidante. Dont rely on other people to make you happy. Thats probably the one thing that we all here fail on including myself

[TheHurtProcess]

I FELT just like you man for the past 3-4 weeks I felt like you until I finished reading this book http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=getting+past+your+breakup&x=0&y=0

 

I might pick this book up used from amazon. Thanks for the recommendation.

[RodG]

Get some male friends and DONT EVER LOSE THEM to a relationship.

 

Also look you are worrying about someone else when you say not know what the person is doing or how they are. This is a big problem. You should be worrying about yourself and what you are doing and how you are.

 

Get a new confidante. Mean more to yourself then the new confidante. Dont rely on other people to make you happy. Thats probably the one thing that we all here fail on including myself

 

So true. A learning experience I guess. I really just wish I didn't have all these regrets with this girl, because I wish I had done it differently and I think it could've turned out differently. She was something special and it's so hard to swallow.

[Renard99]

It bothers me how fast and how easily she could just move on and wipe her hands of something, I thought, meant a whole lot to her. She was completely over me in days. I really hope it catches up to her at some point.

 

I felt exactly the same. After nearly 8 years together all it took was 1 month for her to appear bright and happy with a new wardrobe and new hair cut.

 

However, the brutatlity of the truth is that, when GIGS is involved, they've probably had the feelings for months, even though it seems out of the blue to us. They just manage to keep it hidden, especially as many of them hope that the feelings may go away.

 

My ex certainly went cold on me a few months before the split. It was only when I asked what was up that I got 'I don't love you any more' speech. If I look back on it now she probably had 4 months head start to mentally detach from me. Now, if I compare how I felt, 4 months after the breakup, I can see she was at that point right at the breakup because of that head start (if that makes sense).

 

To sum up, we (the dumpee) fall from a great height and hit the floor with a sickening 'thud', however, the GIGS sufferer (dumper) is slowly parachuted down, comforted by the thoughts of that greener grass and what it may bring. After we've hit the floor we have just enough time to look up and see our ex touch down gently and walk off.

[sunshine103]

Renard99, very well put, but one thing is not mentioned. Most dumpers that decide to go with GIGS, usually fail in their new relationship. WHY?

 

They go in thinking with their emotions and jumping on the first person that fills their "void" from their past relationship without properly checking out the new guy/girl. Also, they go into the new relationship with such high expectations that the new person is much better than the past relationship, only to find out months down the line when the "honeymoon" period is over, that they made a big mistake. TOO LATE!!

 

I have been on both sides and the one time i was a dumper, i regretted my actions 6 months later and tried to patch things up with my previous relationship, but it was to late.

[AlisaMarie]

It bothers me how fast and how easily she could just move on and wipe her hands of something, I thought, meant a whole lot to her. She was completely over me in days. I really hope it catches up to her at some point.

 

Number one, she probably didn't wipe her hands clean of you. I am telling you after all of the crap I have been through in relationships I FAKE happiness until it comes true.

 

I have pics on my fb having the time of my life just so if he stumbles across them he thinks I am better off. My smile is fake and my pain is real, but I will NEVER let him know that. I was the dumpee in this case, but she's just putting on a front to get over you because something in her head is telling her to get out there and party... and something in you kept her from doing that.

[RodG]

Number one, she probably didn't wipe her hands clean of you. I am telling you after all of the crap I have been through in relationships I FAKE happiness until it comes true.

 

I have pics on my fb having the time of my life just so if he stumbles across them he thinks I am better off. My smile is fake and my pain is real, but I will NEVER let him know that. I was the dumpee in this case, but she's just putting on a front to get over you because something in her head is telling her to get out there and party... and something in you kept her from doing that.

 

Hell, I'm getting out and partying now too. It's just something we didn't do. We kept to ourselves. It's something I regret, I missed out on experiences with her. No I'm alone for them. She's good at putting up 'walls', she can completely forget about me. It also helps that she is always busy now with her friends. Oh well. I worked a long day today and that helps, but I still think of her a lot.

[RodG]

I felt exactly the same. After nearly 8 years together all it took was 1 month for her to appear bright and happy with a new wardrobe and new hair cut.

 

However, the brutatlity of the truth is that, when GIGS is involved, they've probably had the feelings for months, even though it seems out of the blue to us. They just manage to keep it hidden, especially as many of them hope that the feelings may go away.

 

My ex certainly went cold on me a few months before the split. It was only when I asked what was up that I got 'I don't love you any more' speech. If I look back on it now she probably had 4 months head start to mentally detach from me. Now, if I compare how I felt, 4 months after the breakup, I can see she was at that point right at the breakup because of that head start (if that makes sense).

 

To sum up, we (the dumpee) fall from a great height and hit the floor with a sickening 'thud', however, the GIGS sufferer (dumper) is slowly parachuted down, comforted by the thoughts of that greener grass and what it may bring. After we've hit the floor we have just enough time to look up and see our ex touch down gently and walk off.

 

The funny thing is that she said she never intended on breaking up with me when she left. She said it was 'stupid' for me to think that. Because I lashed out at her and told her she led me on. She also said that she had thoughts of breaking up with me when she was here. So a bit of a discrepancy there. I really don't think she meant that. It was just an excuse to try and make her look less guilty.

 

It all went downhill in two weeks. I could feel it coming though. She distanced herself from me, still talked to me though but I guess her heart was lost in that time because it just wasn't the same. I guess she learned that I am baggage and she no longer wants to carry it. I wish I didn't chase, because I still love this girl and I know she's happier now. In the end I guess that's all I want.

[RodG]

I have been watching this thread... and I am currently in the process of answering many of the questions and having several comments of my own. So a GREAT response is coming soon!

 

Most likely, I will start a new and improved G.I.G.S. thread though... So be on the lookout.

 

Thank you. Really appreciate it. It's so nice to have this forum to come to.

[RodG]

To quote a song I heard on the radio, "Love is a curse".

 

So easy for the ones who dumped us. Like they don't understand why we're so hurt. "I want nothing to do with you". Oh yeah, because it's so easy for you to just flick me from your life. Smoked me like a cigarette, got tired of it and flicked me to the ground. Emphatically squashed me into the pavement. Thanks for understanding that it might not be so easy for me.

 

I can't even picture her anymore. She was the cutest, sweetest thing. She had the cutest faces, and the cutest voice. Now she's turned into some kind of monster to me.

 

She had not one nice thing to say after the break-up about the relationship. Nothing. Cold, no empathy, heartless.

Edited June 22, 2011 by RodG

[TheHurtProcess]

I have been watching this thread... and I am currently in the process of answering many of the questions and having several comments of my own. So a GREAT response is coming soon!

 

Most likely, I will start a new and improved G.I.G.S. thread though... So be on the lookout.

 

Good to hear homebrew. I can't wait to see how you improve upon what you've already touched upon.

[TheHurtProcess]

To quote a song I heard on the radio, "Love is a curse".

 

So easy for the ones who dumped us. Like they don't understand why we're so hurt. "I want nothing to do with you". Oh yeah, because it's so easy for you to just flick me from your life. Smoked me like a cigarette, got tired of it and flicked me to the ground. Emphatically squashed me into the pavement. Thanks for understanding that it might not be so easy for me.

 

I can't even picture her anymore. She was the cutest, sweetest thing. She had the cutest faces, and the cutest voice. Now she's turned into some kind of monster to me.

 

She had not one nice thing to say after the break-up about the relationship. Nothing. Cold, no empathy, heartless.

 

Love can be a curse in the worst of times and a blessing at it's best.

 

Six months ago (hell, two months ago), I never would have imagined that I'd be sitting here, seeking the advice of those in my position and/or giving advice as well. I never could have imagined that the person I was with would ever, in a million years put me through this. But, something is telling her that she needs to move on from what we had, perhaps to find out for herself whether the grass is greener or not. Perhaps there are other reasons. I never did get all of the answers I was looking for and the ones she did give me ended up contradicting themselves at some point. I will most likely never fully know or understand. But, you tend to find your own answers and create your own theories at some point.

 

If/when she comes back, I'm afraid that my trust will be far too gone to consider reconciling. I constantly question myself, "How can she be so self-indulgent? I thought she loved me." However, you can't force someone to love you or even care for that matter. Besides, why would you want to be with someone, knowing that they want nothing to do with you?

 

I'm with you bro. We will get through this, one second, minute, hour, day, week and month at a time, we can do this. In the end we will be much happier for it and one day we will meet the one person who does genuinely love us to the point where they could never put us through what our exes did. Trust me!

[RodG]

Good to hear homebrew. I can't wait to see how you improve upon what you've already touched upon.

 

thanks for all your comments everyone. It has been a big help. Everyone goes through this at some point, the nail always comes out the other side. Day by day it gets better. Some days down, some up.