Nohbody Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 Hi. this is my first post. I'm a three time Iraq War veteran, and I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was discharged in 2006. I met M in 2008 after leaving a bad marriage, and we lived together for the entire relationship. She's from a relatively small town, and is kind of a townie there. The first 6 months were great, stress free and I wasn't symptomatic. I felt so good I thought I'd go back to school. So we moved to California so I could pursue a specialized degree in San Diego. Problems began as stressors piled up. I wasn't on my meds, and I became angry, frustrated, and depressed over a 2 year period of constant school (overloading all of my credit hours and taking no breaks - big mistake!) culminating in me climbing into bed and having something of a breakdown for about a week. Minor hallucinations, etc. Two months ago she left to go and teach in a foreign country, and although things had been strained, after my breakdown I felt we had hit a big upswing. Before she left, we spent time together like we had previously, and I felt a renewed sense of closeness with her. She had always referred to me as 'the most wonderful person in the world', and in spite of what I've written about my problems.... I'm a pretty good guy. After about a month and a half, she began to become distant, and I began to get angry and depressed fearing I was losing her. Finally, she sent me an email blaming me for all the problems in the relationship and ending it with "I remember a time when the most you wanted out of life was more than to not to kill yourself". She told me it wasn't worth it anymore, and that she was leaving. I immediately sought help and am currently in therapy with the VA to treat my problems. Now, we had a very intimate relationship. When one of us farted the other would think it was cute and say "Your butt is telling me it loves me" and things like that. We knew each other's email passwords, and after a few days I checked her facebook. She told her Mom she left me for another guy. Two days ago she called me and told me she felt like a piece of **** and wanted to make it work and would do anything she could. I told her I could forgive her for what she's done, but it would take time. Yesterday I waited by the phone for her to call. She didn't until 10:30 at night. And she told me that when she tried to tell the guy she didn't want to see him again, she couldn't. So she dumped me instead. After 2 years and 8 months I got dumped for someone she's known for 2 months. Who doesn't have the problems I have. She told me she chose him over me, and she doesn't want a life with me. I've made mistakes, and I didn't take care of myself. I am doing that now, but if she's gone forever I just don't see the point. All I want is to make a future with her, and I feel so guilty for my problems from the war.... but I don't think I did anything to be treated this way. I'm trying to cope as best I can... but I have no friends, I'm living with my parents for the first time in over a decade, and all I do is go to therapy and cry (I haven't cried since I was 12). I'm initiating NC starting today. I don't want to lose her forever... but at the same time I hope I never see her again. I'm so hurt. She doesn't feel like she's betrayed me, but I feel so betrayed by her. I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
NSDNQ Posted May 18, 2011 Share Posted May 18, 2011 first and foremost, thank you for your service. if your going through hell, keep going. I can relate on alot of levels. stay strong and do things to keep you busy, and her off your mind. stay strong and dont break NC like my dumb ass did Link to post Share on other sites
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