miss jennifer Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 **Moderators: i posted this under break ups as well as second chances, as i'm not exactly sure where it should go. please feel free to erase the miscategorized post) i was going out with my boyfriend for about six months and we were very much in love. in the beginning of the relationship, i wasn't very secure, and i was emailing some rich guys that i could have possibly gone out with. i stopped about one month into our relationship. my ex found the emails one day and dumped me, saying that he was so sick that i came to him with false information, i was planning on meeting other guys, he couldn't trust me, my stories didn't add up, etc. i never would have met these guys or gone out with any of them. i was doing it because i was insecure in our relationship and i was scared of being abandoned. as i never would have met them, i don't even know why i was looking. to him, the fact that i would have even considered doing this was bad enough. obviously, i was heartbroken. i know now what i've done and i feel horrible for it. i betrayed his trust, and though i know why i did it, he sometimes continues to talk with me. he tells me that i need to get my life together.. that he can't help me fix myself because he's dealt with dishonest people before and doesn't want to get hurt again. so, i've moved back home to my parents house and i'm pursing my aesthetics license. i'll be finished in 9 months. after that, i plan to finish my last year of nursing school. i've quit my stupid job as a dancer (which i was initially not truthful about with him -- again, feeling ashamed) and i'm working on making myself a better person, strong, independent, with routine and a career. he tells me that i'm an amazing girl, but i need to get my priorities straight and my life on track.. and that he can't do it for me, i have to do it for myself. he told me to call him when i'm in a better place. he recently sent me a message saying, "i know that i can love you again. but i cannot be w someone like you. right now. i'm sad to see you are not taking this seriously. call me in a year. i think that's how long it's going to take for you to be independent and strong." i still write to him and he answers sometimes, but hes still very angry. sometimes he tells me i'm amazing, other times he calls me a lying stripper. i realize what i've done and i've made changes to send my life in a better direction. but now, one month after the break up, he's still as angry as he was the first day. i guess i don't know where to go from here. i really, really, really want to make this work, but he's still angry and he won't consider it just yet. he knows it won't take me 6 weeks to be a better person. can anyone give me some advice, please? i'm stuck in a rut and all i do is cry all day. i don't want to do anything and i'm constantly checking my phone to see if he has read my messages or responded to them. i'm feeling horrible. Link to post Share on other sites
tom1990 Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 Well the first thing that jumps out at me is that you were together 6 months .. I know 6 months is enough time for true feelings to be generated and a lot can happen ... But in terms of relationships and the severity of the problems you 2 encountered it wasnt that long ... Anyway I think its good that you realise that you have done wrong , and are trying to change , I think that is the first step ... Have you sat down with him and had a full conversation about whether or not you 2 still have a future ? I find with my ex that when we split up in the past the ONLY way to get her true feelings was to meet her in real life to talk to her and see where our relationship was going ... The thing going for you is the fact that you didnt cheat on him but i feel as though he is being a bit harsh ... Saying it would take a year for you to get right is a little extreme considering you were only together 6 months , you didnt commit a crime you simply sent a few messages that you may at the time of thought were harmless ... He must of some bad experiences in the past to feel this strongly about it ... If he is still angry maybe he needs a little more time to calm down... My advice (not that you should listen to me lol ) is to not text him or contact him at all ... Let him see what he is missing ... If he genuinely loves / loved you then the love he feels for you would surpass the anger he feels and he would be inclined to contact you and resolve the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss jennifer Posted May 6, 2011 Author Share Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) he won't talk to me for a year, he says. i ask him if he will reconsider us and tells me to call him april, 2012. he says he still loves me and still cares about me, but he can't be with me right now. i know he has been hurt in the past. when we were getting together, he asked me to please be open and honest with him. whatever it was, he could deal with it. i chose not to tell him certain things because i was ashamed.. who would be proud of looking for a sugar daddy? i didn't tell him about dancing right away either, because i wasn't sure it was going to go anywhere and my ex before that had called me a whore and a cheap slut for dancing. i can't exactly meet him in person either, as he lives in san francisco and i'm currently in az. i know i have made a mistake, but if i try to talk to him about it now, he either tells me to get my life in order, or calls me a lying stripper. i never cheated on him, that's right.. but i still feel bad for what i've done.. even now as i'm writing this, tears are streaming down my face. Edited May 7, 2011 by miss jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
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