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Going to move 3000 miles away w/o telling ex-fiancee goodbye...


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Old 5th May 2011, 4:16 PM   #1
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Going to move 3000 miles away w/o telling ex-fiancee goodbye...

Should I see her one last time, or just move on and never look back?
She has BPD so she pretty much hates me, but she did say that she wanted to see me one last time. Any suggestions? Should I see her one last time despite knowing what's going to happen, or should I refrain from seeing her for the sake of my safety and getting hurt? I mention my safety, because she has threatened to kill many people when we were together, so yeah... input would be nice.
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Old 5th May 2011, 4:20 PM   #2
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Should I see her one last time, or just move on and never look back?
She has BPD so she pretty much hates me, but she did say that she wanted to see me one last time. Any suggestions? Should I see her one last time despite knowing what's going to happen, or should I refrain from seeing her for the sake of my safety and getting hurt? I mention my safety, because she has threatened to kill many people when we were together, so yeah... input would be nice.

Personally I wouldn't see her one last time. All it would do is send me off into a sad and depressing mood again. I would just leave and not bother telling her either.
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Old 5th May 2011, 5:05 PM   #3
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I'd be absolutely devastated if S (I just can't call him my ex) moved away and wouldn't see me. After spending so much time with him and being so close at one point, I'd need a proper goodbye.

If somebody you loved was about to pass away, would you want the opportunity to say goodbye? Whether a break up of a relationship or a death, it's still a bereavement. I'd want to be able to say goodbye.
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Old 5th May 2011, 5:08 PM   #4
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Wink

Hahaha... I wouldnt see her! Dont put yourself in that position, worry about your emotional well being! Member you are now starting a new life all fresh...
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Old 5th May 2011, 6:01 PM   #5
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I'd be absolutely devastated if S (I just can't call him my ex) moved away and wouldn't see me. After spending so much time with him and being so close at one point, I'd need a proper goodbye.

If somebody you loved was about to pass away, would you want the opportunity to say goodbye? Whether a break up of a relationship or a death, it's still a bereavement. I'd want to be able to say goodbye.
I know where you're coming from, but so many awful words have been exchanged between me and her that it's like I don't even know this girl anymore (it really doesn't help that she has BPD either). I wish I could say goodbye to her, but I really don't want to go through that whole depression again. It's not what I need when I'm trying to start fresh elsewhere.
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Old 5th May 2011, 6:23 PM   #6
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I am moving 3000 miles away too!
I understand that you want some closure, and that she wants some too. But if she's really unstable, then a tender, bittersweet closing scene is NOT what you're going to get. And anything less than that would just be upsetting for both of you - and for no good reason.
Send her some flowers and good luck on your long-distance move.
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Old 5th May 2011, 11:38 PM   #7
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she just asked me if she could see me tomorrow... do I reply and tell her that I can't, or do I keep NC?
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Old 6th May 2011, 12:09 AM   #8
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she just asked me if she could see me tomorrow... do I reply and tell her that I can't, or do I keep NC?
NC, you dont need the pending drama.
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Old 6th May 2011, 1:51 AM   #9
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Do what feels right for you. If you want to say goodbye in person you'll probably regret it if you don't. Otherwise just tell her that you don't want to see her again. I would at least reply to her saying that you aren't going to see her and then go NC, rather than just ignore her all together.
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Old 6th May 2011, 3:25 PM   #10
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So after a lot of thinking, I decided that I am going to see her. She was my fiancee after all, and I think we should try to get that bittersweet closure that we both need (I doubt this is going to happen, but it's worth a goodbye at least). I am going to see her in about 2 hours, so I will let you guys know how it went. Thanks for all of the advice that was given to me, I will make sure that I don't let my emotions get to me too much.
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Old 6th May 2011, 3:30 PM   #11
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So after a lot of thinking, I decided that I am going to see her. She was my fiancee after all, and I think we should try to get that bittersweet closure that we both need (I doubt this is going to happen, but it's worth a goodbye at least). I am going to see her in about 2 hours, so I will let you guys know how it went. Thanks for all of the advice that was given to me, I will make sure that I don't let my emotions get to me too much.
The bitter sweet closure was when you dumped her for having BPD. I think its rude when the dumper does something like what you are doing. This will only bring drama. What next you going to call her up when you meet some one, then when you get engaged, and again when you are married, maybe a little more closure if you have a kid.
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Old 6th May 2011, 3:37 PM   #12
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She's the one that wanted to see me.
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Old 6th May 2011, 3:37 PM   #13
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The bitter sweet closure was when you dumped her for having BPD. I think its rude when the dumper does something like what you are doing. This will only bring drama. What next you going to call her up when you meet some one, then when you get engaged, and again when you are married, maybe a little more closure if you have a kid.
+1, nothing to be gained here
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Old 6th May 2011, 3:39 PM   #14
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Also, I didn't dump her for the sole reason of her having BPD... and no, we didn't get that closure when I broke up with her.
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Old 7th May 2011, 12:45 AM   #15
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Well, that went a lot better than anticipated. It was a very bittersweet ending, and I enjoyed cracking jokes and laughing with her one last time. Unfortunately, we had to part ways quick because I could see the tears start to roll out of her eyes, and it was getting to me too. NC starts now. Thanks for all the advice given, it was appreciated. I have a feeling that I'll never get over her as she was my first and true love, but life goes on...
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