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Spent the night with him...feeling sad :(


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stephmichelle

So, I did what you're not supposed to so, I went and saw my ex lastnight. And now I feel so sad and alone - I knew this would happen and I'm hating myself for it.

 

We've been broken up 2 months (together 3 years) - I have a thread on it if anyone needs more history. We've been in LC but this past week we've either talked everyday or at least text. I told him that I really wanted to see him and spend some time together, and he said we could. The last time I saw him was a month ago.

 

We had such a great night, we were cuddled up on the couch and watching movies with a bottle of wine, stayed up until 4. We were joking around the filling each other in on what we've been up to. I heard he was "talking to another girl" and I asked him about it - he said he wasn't and doesn't plan on it and he hasn't even came to close to so much as kissing someone else. He was calling me babe and tickling my back, rubbing my feet, holding my hand - it seriously felt like we hadn't even broken up. Of course, one thing led to another and we had sex - it was sweet and romantic, layed in each others arms and he said he loved me. We took a shower and then went to sleep. I left this morning, he told me he loved me before I left, and we've been texting a little through out the day. I was so tempted to go through his phone while he was asleep but resisted, I know it's not right and if I did see some girl's texts, it would've hurt me. I had asked where he saw us going, if he thought we might get back together, and he just said he really didn't know what the future holds...

 

His classes are over in about 2 weeks and he'll be heading back to his hometown - away from partying everynight, his manipulative friends...do you guys think he's starting to actually miss me or is this just a false hope and he was lonely? He was so sweet and attentive. Should I feel bad for seeing him? I don't want to think of this as just useless sex because it really did feel like so much more - but I don't know if it was more for him, it seemed like it :( He won't open up to me about how he's feeling, he never has though, he just keeps everything inside.

 

I really need advice here. Was it just sex or do you think by the way he was acting that it was more? Do I still keep LC and let him get through these last 2 weeks of class? Do I continue to act like everything is fine or should I push for more answers? I want to call him and ask all these questions, but I know I probably shouldn't. I don't want to do anymore damage - I've been really good about giving him space and I don't want to push him away anymore. I still feel like if we made the effort to fix the problems we had, our relationship really could be good.

I am so confused... :(

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I had asked where he saw us going, if he thought we might get back together, and he just said he really didn't know what the future holds...

 

 

I wouldn't ask these kinds of questions anymore- that would be a great place to start.

 

You had a nice night, then "boom" a question like that immediately puts the pressure on. Putting pressuer on him right now isn't going to bring the two of you closer.

 

Essentially, by telling him you want to get back together, you're not allowing him the chance to miss you. He knows he can have you back at any time- so you're giving him all the power.

 

As long as he knows he can have you back at any time- he doesn't need to change anything.

 

I think you're being too available to him- he hasn't had a chance to know what it's like to miss you.

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I don't know yor back story, but I don't think the sex means anything.

 

It's something that happens quite a lot with broken up couples. You break up, after a while meet up again, the attraction is still there, one thing leads to another, boom!

But most of the time, that's all there is!

 

So I wouldn't get my hopes up. And wouldn't overthink it. I would also try *very* hard to make it NOT happen again, cause it just causes confusion and doesn't help with the moving on (even if you do want him back... you can't wait around and need to move on with your life!)

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You have allowed him to demote you from girlfriend to friend with benefits and its almost impossible to get back to your original position since he's calling all the shots. Grow a backbone and stop contacting him. He was neglecting you in the first place which caused you immense frustration and ultimately led to the breakup.

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Rosa Tamora

Hi,

I feel for you, it is definitely hard to miss that person you love and cared about and wonder what the future will hold.

Don't hold on, if I were you. Leave it alone and go out and meet new people, indulde in yourself. I got this post from a member here named "Carhill", it's a good guide to go cold turkey, no contact. It's the best thing to help yourself heal.

Read on:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/

 

Good luck, you can do this. If the guy cannot open up about how he feels about you, then just leave it be! Don't you want a guy who will be able to express how he feels, good or bad, and fight for you? You can't and shouldn't be chasing him all the time! Don't push him for any more answers, if he wants to talk to you he can make that effort.

 

Remember, this was the person who looked at your pretty face and couldn't give you a decision about what he wants from the relationship! I know you miss him, but like all our ex-boyfriends, they usually don't deserve the time we spend thinking about them. I can guarantee you they probably don't spend that many hours thinking of us or analyzing our actions.

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stephmichelle

Thank you for the adivce. I agree with all of it - he knows he's in control and I'm letting him. I'm definetly too available and he's pretty much getting everything he wants. I keep telling myself this - I need to STOP being there and letting him basically string me along - and then I morph into this pathetic ex gf and become so weak. Ugh :(

 

I've really got to suck it up and stop contacting him, hoping he'll come back - because deep down inside, I know that's probably not going to happen.

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Hi! :)

 

Hope you are okay? I know what you are going through. The same thing happened with my ex and I. We met up one night after we broke up and ended up sleeping together. This went on for another few weeks.

 

If I had a clock, I would turn back time and after the first time tell him 'never again, if you really love me, fight for me, if you don't, then I won't ever be with you again'.. I didn't consider this until it was too late. I was his toy for a couple of weeks, I gave myself up too easily for him. He never decided he wanted to fight for me. He never had to. He used me to get over me.

 

I think your ex has feelings for you. You should IGNORE him unless he has something useful to say. I wouldn't text him/call him. I am sure he will text you, so you could reply with a short message but play it cool.

 

Bottom line, make him miss you!! And never settle for anything less.

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Rosa Tamora

Everytime you want to text/ call him, just post here. We're here for you!

Don't let him string you along, take back your power and move, move, MOVE on!

You will have a flock of boys coming to you once you get your confidence back.

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