Need help dealing with Break-up

[Disastor]

Hello LS,

 

I need some tips on dealing with a break-up. Just for some background, I met this girl about a year ago and we instantly hit it off. Three months later we were dating.

 

And not just dating, I mean we spent the better part of 3/4 of a year solidly together. We did stuff together, ate together, studied together, slept together. Almost everything. After six months of this, we are forced to go long distance (about 3 months ago). We hold it together for a bit, but then she starts having feelings for someone she works with.

 

It's slow at first, but eventually the lies start and everything comes crashing down. We try to stay friends (after all, we do really enjoy each others company), but it just leads to me getting jealous about her new guy. They went official on their relationship a few days ago and I just couldn't take it anymore.

 

I told her that by going with him she was losing me. She acknowledged that fact and did it anyways. Trying to do NC, but it is really really hard.

 

I know it's bad, but she was my world. We had so much fun together. It's hard to lose something like that.

 

Any tips on helping me through this?

Edited March 28, 2011 by Disastor

[Layzie89]

Hey Disastor welcome to LS man.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation, tough isn't it? I went though the exact same thing with my ex girlfriend too. She was back home, I was off at college. We tried the whole long distance thing but about 3 months into the semester I notice she started drifting. Phone calls from her became less frequent, high tension conversations became more frequent. Eventually I discover through some mutual friends that she's been talking and hanging out alot with this new guy. She broke up with me and I found out she cheated on me...just a bit of back story to reassure you that I know exactly what you're going through bud.

 

It was hard for me...****ing hurt like hell. I couldn't sleep, I barely ate. The only thing that kept me chugging along was the fact that I was going back home in a few weeks (yes, it all happened just a few weeks before I was going home for break) and that I'll be able to see her face to face. I missed her so much...

 

Anyways...you're hear for advice so I'll just tell you what I've learned from my situation: Don't be calling her or texting her. Right now she's attracted to this other man and if you're constantly trying to contact her..it'll only push her further into his arms. She'll see you as clingy...and it'll remind her that much more of why she wants to leave you. Just keep your cool for now...eventually this 'honeymoon' phase that they're in will fade and when he starts putting pressure on their relationship (which is bound to happen in ALL relationships)...she'll be thinking of you. Thinking of all the good times you've had together and begin to question her decision. By going NC and doing nothing, you cease yourself from pushing her away any further. You stop yourself from being able to make any new mistakes that can possible hinder your chances at reconciliation. Just focus on yourself now man...one thing that helped me those 3 weeks I had to deal with it was I was training Muay Thai (martial art) at the time. Boy, that helped alot...you have to fight to get yourself out of bed and into the gym but once you're there...endorphines are pumping..adrenaline going...it helps cope with the pain. Scientifically proven. SO get in a gym or start being active if you aren't already.

 

I have to bring up though...if she ever does come back to you...would you really want to get back with her? Girls like your ex and mine are dependent lovers. They can't stand being alone and they need that physical aspect in a relationship or else feelings begin to dwindle and they begin to stray. I took my ex back when I went back that break. We had a wonderful christmas break together, I went back to school in January and come mid March, it happened all over again. She dumped me for a new guy...I took her back again after that relationship didn't work out......and guess what, it happened AGAIN a year later and this is when I discovered LS.

 

I hope I can say I've learned my lesson. But only time will tell. NC for 60+ days now and it has helped a ton.

[Disastor]

Thanks for the response

 

Frankly, I'm kicking myself for not going NC sooner. I should have done it weeks ago but was too weak. Now she is all over this other guy and I feel even worse about everything.

 

What she did wasn't even malicious. Two months ago she cried in my arms as I left, now she "really likes" this other guy and is willing to just not talk to me at all. I'm just shocked. I tried to reason with her, tried to make her understand that I loved her, nothing worked.

 

She still cares about me, but just doesn't feel what we once had.

 

Will she be thinking about me? I'm not so sure. It's sad, but I'd take her back in an instant if she wanted to get back together. I miss her so damn much.

 

Should I consider visiting her in a few weeks/months? Think she will see reason? I called her a fool the last time we spoke, but we didn't end on awful terms.