takemedrunkimhome Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 we both share the same social circle. what do i do? does this mean i have no choice but to become friends with her? i have been hanging out with different people so that i don't see her, she's doing the same, but sooner or later something has to give. i had to tell my friend that i couldn't go to her birthday next weekened, since she will be there with her ex. i feel bad, but i have to look out for myself, especially since i don't think i could handle seeing her with someone else. she is the flirty type and would try to make me jealous. hearing about her from my friends has also been hard, it's like a constant reminder. any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGurl1973 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I'm going through the same thing. I think the social impact of the breakup hurts more than actually loosing my bf quite honestly. My advice (which I am following) is to steer clear of outings where you both will be there. It will take some getting used to, and your friends should be sympathetic and help coordinate this. They can give you a friendly heads up if your ex will be around so you can make a logical decision to go or stay away. This only has to last for little while, eventually you will find someone else and you won't care whether you are even sitting next to your ex one day. Be strong...just takes a little time. Link to post Share on other sites
depplover_1980 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 Did you always share the same social circle? Link to post Share on other sites
Author takemedrunkimhome Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 yep, even before we got together. Link to post Share on other sites
depplover_1980 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 yep, even before we got together. Surely there are just places that the boys go together etc? It is annoying but you will have to give it some thought and plan for a while until you're stronger and can handle seeing her out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author takemedrunkimhome Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 Surely there are just places that the boys go together etc? It is annoying but you will have to give it some thought and plan for a while until you're stronger and can handle seeing her out. my mistake for dating a good friend, i guess. it either works out, or it doesn't and you lose that best friend... Link to post Share on other sites
depplover_1980 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 As I said, avoid her in the short term, as you true friends will understand and work on yourself and getting stronger. Eventually you'll see her out and hopefully by then you won't care so much. As for trying to make you jealous - pathetic springs to mind, ignore her childs play. Link to post Share on other sites
Nita10 Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 my mistake for dating a good friend, i guess. it either works out, or it doesn't and you lose that best friend... aww.. i'm on the same boat.. very painful! Dated my best friend.. went NC for 2 months.. things were just awkward when we were both around and not talking.. spoke to him last week for the first time and for the sake of our friends.. wasn't ready to speak to him.. messed things up today.. and now i'll have to go NC again.. I'd like some advice as well! I guess don't friends but be civil when you come across eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
Author takemedrunkimhome Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 sorry to hear, nita. i want to hang around her, like you said, for the sake of our friends. i haven't seen her since we broke up, i'm not sure how it would be. im certain it would be awkward though, i can only imagine. she flipped just seeing my car parked at one of my friends house.. how do you know if you're ready or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Fern Posted March 24, 2011 Share Posted March 24, 2011 I'm in the same situation and (as mean and manipulative as this may sound) I'm currently 'winning' the breakup. Here are my tips: 1) Avoid her completely in the short term (at LEAST 4 months) but make a big effort to see your mutual friends in situations without her present. 2) Stay in close touch with mutual friends but at ALL costs avoid dissing her to them or being negative about her around them. No matter how much you feel she deserves it - be the bigger person, your friends will appreciate you not trying to make them take sides. 3) When you feel able to be in her company, (no sooner than 4 months I think) don't be too gung-ho. Be polite but distant. Avoid talking to her and subtly keep your distance. It may take about 6 months for things to settle down but your mutual friends will naturally gravitate to the person in whose company they feel most comfortable. If you conduct yourself in a dignified way this will be you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author takemedrunkimhome Posted March 24, 2011 Author Share Posted March 24, 2011 I'm in the same situation and (as mean and manipulative as this may sound) I'm currently 'winning' the breakup. Here are my tips: 1) Avoid her completely in the short term (at LEAST 4 months) but make a big effort to see your mutual friends in situations without her present. 2) Stay in close touch with mutual friends but at ALL costs avoid dissing her to them or being negative about her around them. No matter how much you feel she deserves it - be the bigger person, your friends will appreciate you not trying to make them take sides. 3) When you feel able to be in her company, (no sooner than 4 months I think) don't be too gung-ho. Be polite but distant. Avoid talking to her and subtly keep your distance. It may take about 6 months for things to settle down but your mutual friends will naturally gravitate to the person in whose company they feel most comfortable. If you conduct yourself in a dignified way this will be you. i try to avoid saying spiteful things. i honestly can't remember if i have or not, but i can imagine since all of us are so closely knit, im sure it got back to her. thanks for the advice though. Link to post Share on other sites
Anna86 Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 Hey, I am in EXACTLY the same situation.....It is POISON!! Well, for me it is. We have so many of the same friends and get invited to the same places.....So it is REALLY hard when u have to see your ex when you are trying to get over them. I have made the stupid mistake of flirting with him, it has done no good, it has only harmed our friendship. I feel it can work if u keep things simple and don't talk too much, try focus on other people...Also, try to avoid alcohol around the situation. It just makes things messy. Good luck and I am curious to see how it works for you as I am in the same boat as you. Link to post Share on other sites
robinseggblue Posted March 25, 2011 Share Posted March 25, 2011 I dunno, I don't think avoiding her and her new boyfriend is the best thing to do. As painful as it might be, and it will be soooo hard, I think you should go to the party with all the strength that you have. Seeing her with someone else, might be just what you need, even though it won't feel like it. Tough love for yourself. If you can make it through the party, then there might not be this big ominous "situation" waiting to happen, when you see her elsewhere with him. I would walk up to her and say hello, and start talking to her boyfriend. I would ask him some polite questions, and then say good bye to both and continue socializing. Just my opinion. You might just feel stronger after the party, than you would if you had avoided it, and feeling strong is everything in this situation, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author takemedrunkimhome Posted March 25, 2011 Author Share Posted March 25, 2011 Hey, I am in EXACTLY the same situation.....It is POISON!! Well, for me it is. We have so many of the same friends and get invited to the same places.....So it is REALLY hard when u have to see your ex when you are trying to get over them. I have made the stupid mistake of flirting with him, it has done no good, it has only harmed our friendship. I feel it can work if u keep things simple and don't talk too much, try focus on other people...Also, try to avoid alcohol around the situation. It just makes things messy. Good luck and I am curious to see how it works for you as I am in the same boat as you. it's been hell trying to avoid her. on the other hand, my friends are helping me out in some aspects. i don't know how your ex is, but my is extremely flirty with anyone she see's. i don't want to fall into her trap of feeling jealous because she'll definitely get an ego boost. funny you should say alcohol.. my friend's birthday is next weekend and i decided not to go. im afraid of what will happen if one of us gets too intoxicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Nita10 Posted March 26, 2011 Share Posted March 26, 2011 sorry to hear, nita. i want to hang around her, like you said, for the sake of our friends. i haven't seen her since we broke up, i'm not sure how it would be. im certain it would be awkward though, i can only imagine. she flipped just seeing my car parked at one of my friends house.. how do you know if you're ready or not? You said you can't handle seeing her with someone else so i'm sure this means you're not ready. If you're not sure I suppose you can give it a try like i did. I knew i wasn't over him but didn't think i'd be hurt to see him spend so much time with some girl (they're not together and don't plan on getting together yet it hurt me a lot). I guess sometimes you need to be hurt like that to be able to accept things. I've just agreed with him that we'll keep it civil when we bump into eachother, we can have a little chat to catch up, but we won't be actively keeping in touch. To be honest, i'd really want us to get back together. Would you say you'd hope to get back together with your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Author takemedrunkimhome Posted March 26, 2011 Author Share Posted March 26, 2011 You said you can't handle seeing her with someone else so i'm sure this means you're not ready. If you're not sure I suppose you can give it a try like i did. I knew i wasn't over him but didn't think i'd be hurt to see him spend so much time with some girl (they're not together and don't plan on getting together yet it hurt me a lot). I guess sometimes you need to be hurt like that to be able to accept things. I've just agreed with him that we'll keep it civil when we bump into eachother, we can have a little chat to catch up, but we won't be actively keeping in touch. To be honest, i'd really want us to get back together. Would you say you'd hope to get back together with your ex? i have my days. sometimes, i really do, really, really, do. then, i'll look back on how hard it was to be with her and then i suddenly don't want anything to do with her. it's confusing, really. Link to post Share on other sites
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