Email Breakup?!? How wrong is that?

[gld84]

My girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me over email while I was at work! How wrong is that? I was irate! Relationship had become somewhat distant but I still had a lot of feelings for her. She had a lot going on in her life and I don't blame the reasons for breaking up, but how she did it was just plain wrong. A lot of me wants to reach out and still be friends, I think it could really happen, rest of me could really care less and thinks its time to move on. My thoughs on the breakup have finally cleared and I was going to send her a kind (honestly) letter about how I felt we got to the point we were at in our relationship but she made a comment about wanting it to be respectful and mature towards maintaining a friendship!?! Guess I felt my intitial response was matched appropriately to the way she broke up with me. Any thoughts??

[befuddled1]

What she did was thoughtless, cowardly, immature and rude. And then she has the nerve to suggest you should maintain a friendship? That's a laugh. She might want to take some kind of course on what it means to treat someone as a friend, first. If I were you, and I couldn't resist the urge to send an email, I'd calmly and politely inform her that her method for ending your relationship was disrespectful and not all that mature, given your 8 month history together; that she owed you more respect than that. Nevermind explaining your thoughts on why you feel things ended up the way they did, it doesn't matter now. What matters is that she treated you like crap. Tell her that you can't maintain a friendship with someone who has such little regard for your feelings. Then have no further contact with her.

 

To maintain a friendship with her will send her a message that it was "okay" of her to disrespect you like she did and that you're a desperate chump and will put up with it.

 

You don't need a friend like this.

[Fancy]

Like befuddled said, it's totally rude and cowardly, but you're not alone. It's happened to many people.

 

If you're smart, you'll forget this immature person, not make any reply at all and move on to someone who has a little class and consideration.

[iceprincess]

Hi, gld84. Hey, at least you got something! j/k. My ex-BF just stopped calling me and it was two weeks later, when I realized that he broke-up with me. But it's really rude, mean and cowardly of your girlfriend to just break it off like that. It's no closure and it leaves the mind to wonder and think a lot. If I were you, I'd just forget about her and move on. Why waste your time trying to be friends with someone, who didn't have the nerve or responsibility to talk to you first, before bailing out on you? Do what's right for you, and find someone new who appreciates you. You were saying something about writing her a letter? What do you think that's going to accomplish? Most likely, it'll just conjure old feelings for her. I hope things work out for you. Best wishes.

 

iceprincess

[gld84]

ok update, basically I had misunderstood some of the things she had said in her email and it read completely different. We argued back and forth over email, I got accused of playing "victim" because in my mind I was, and now she wont even talk to me. For various reasons, I had overreacted based on what she actually meant but my reaction was perfectly justified based on what I thought she meant. Even if I had understood what she said I still would have been very upset about the email thing even if I had interpreted what she said correctly.

 

What I'd like opinions on is this, should I feel bad or at all responsible for this? Her reasons were valid for breaking up and on one hand, from her perspective I overreacted, didn't handle things maturely in terms of not being able to walk away and deal with the break up (no stalkin involved, not much sobbing and groveling, just bitter feelings for a long time, kinda the get over it already thing) and now she thinks much less of me and doesn't want to even deal with me. On the other hand, we never actually spoke person to person, I had perfectly good reasons to read her email the way I did, I was devistated because of what I though she meant (what I read was all you mean to me is sex, what she meant was the relationship wasn't going the direction she felt it needed to be going, valid reason but her words didn't sound like that!!!!), and everything was misinterpreted on both sides after that because we each saw the picture of what she said entirely different. Its amazing how frusterated one can feel when they feel disrespected, misunderstood, and ignored.

 

Open communication and respect for one another would have made everything much cleaner. If it was my choice that's how it would have been but I wasn't given that choice and now I'm the one who feels like it was all my fault?!? Ladies does she have any bad feeling too about how she was or is she cold heartless and only thinks of herself in how she understands things??

 

And one more thing, for everyone reading this. Email is so easy to misunderstand because there are no other senses that go along with it. What ends up happening is that the person on the other end reads into it what they want to read, not what you are actually saying. Don't ever break up over email if you have any decent thoughs left for the person you are breaking up with because it will end up all screwed just like my experience. I really think we could have still been friends if she would have just come talk to me but at the same time I do recognize that she didn't and therefore she's not worth friendship.

[dario]

True, true, true. Face to face or nothing. But then again, can you forgive a person for being a genuine coward...if they admit it? I mean, we're all diffrent people and handle things differently. My ex admitted she was a coward...but...hell, I don't know.