Confuse by Ex

[Gabari0219]

Hmm..let me first say sorry for making this long.

 

So me and my ex of 10 yr broke up in Oct, we have to wonderful kids so the NC is kind of hard to do.

 

Quick background on the break up..so back in July I lost my job and things just went out of control for us..We had to move in with a friend (which was the worst mistake we made) ..at the friend house it was hard ...but this amazing woman (my ex) was our family rock..while I was in this anger mood..(i felt like I let my family down..I was moody...upset...depress..I felt like less of a man)

 

At her friend house we couldnt spend any time with each other..for her friend would always get in the way...and having two young kids (3 and 4) was hard...we would try to sneak in time with each other when everyone was asleep..but sometime we would be beat (i was going to school)

 

I would try my best ..to show her I love her..and let her go out on mini get away from us (me and the kids) and let her go with her friends out to foxwoods or out out with her friends. And I would watch the kids..

 

So in begin of Oct I discover she was cheating on me...with a old friend of her..they met through FB and at first it was just flirting than he began send pic of his private to her...and I confront her about it...she said she was sorry and didn't kno y we would send that pic...she said she would tell him to stop.

 

I week up to our break up...I realize that it was her fault for her cheating on me..because I was in this Moody and was not being the man she feel in love with and I was losing my family...So I decide to Open MY eye and try to save my family..and be the man they all deserved. We had a wonderful week..Made love..I play with the kids more...I try to go downstair and just be around her...even if it was just to study next to her...but be around.

 

On Oct 9 she told me that maybe I should move back home with my mother...that she was thinking about the flirting with that guy and realize that we are in trouble...because she would have never done it ..if she love me. And the amazing week we had...made her mad..because in her eye ..I should had always been like that..

 

So on OCt 10 we broke up and I move back home...i hated her (I couldnt understand y)..and didnt speak to her for one week..

 

I stop by a week later to see the kids and to drop off some money to her (as I began working) ..My son ask me to come in to see his drawing..and of course her friend had her do a errand..so my son took me to his mother room..and while i was in her room ...I step on her cell phone (she leave that thing ever where..not the 1st time i step on it) So i pick it up and I notice a text..it was from the guy she was flirting with ..the one she told she would stop talking to..

 

I couldnt help myself...I kno it was wrong..but i look at the text...to my shock..the next day Oct 11 this man came by the house and spend the night and they had sex...and he play with my kids.

 

So i ran downstair and confront her friend..and she confirm he slept over..I was mad..as hell...not at her but at me..because I push her to him..by not being the man I kno i could be...because of all the stress I was going through I took it out on my amazing family.

 

So i waited for her to come back and confront her...she told me that she fell out of love with me...and that she hasn't laugh and smile in a long time..I told her that I was sorry..for taking her amazing smile away ..and I'm sorry for the way i been ...it just I was ashamed of not being able to support my family..not having any money...for having to move out of our apt and move in with her friend..

 

she said she was sorry but that it was over..We cry and I beg her to give us a another chances..she said no...that she finally laughing and smile again..and it feel good...I left crying

 

From Oct - Nov I did all the no no's I beg, call, wrote love letters to her..but nothing work. she said she felt nothing..(now all my friend wifes and girlfriend told me it was bull@#% they read my letter and they all cry and said that they wish their man would write stuff like this to them)

 

Ok this is where things get confusing..In nov she would come over and take nap in my bed while i watch the kids.. I would take the kids so she can get a break...but come to find out she would be over his house spending the night...Of course we would fight about it...and I MEAN FIGHT (YELLING..no hitting just yelliing)

 

So thing at happen in Nov:

 

1) She would come over to take naps..I would feel bad for her...and tell her to leave the kids with me...so she can go home and relax..she would end up going to his house (How do I kno..when I call her, she would ask weird..so i would come out and ask her...and she would tell me yes)

 

2) we went to breakfast with the kids and she would kiss me ..but than text me ...u kno that didn't mean anything

 

3) All through Nov we would get into fight..(yell at each other) ..this is weird...I realize that all of our fight happen after she spend time with him.

 

4) every Friday at 3am I would drive to her house and drop money off to her..leave it in her car...so we didnt see each other.

 

5) On Nov 11 one month of begging her back...she told me, that her and this guy are now dating and she said she was sorry and I should go out and find some one to slept with so it would be easy on me.

 

6) On thanksgiving our kids birthday..she invite me up to her mother house for dinner..after weeks of telling me ...she wasn't going to invite me up. So I suprise her and the kids..got a cake for all three of them..as her birthday was in Oct 11 and no one got her a cake...her family told me they wanted us to be together again...on Nov 29 she came over again and took a nap..and I couldn't help myself and look through her phone...and I saw that the next day after the thanksgiving she left the kids at her friends house so she could have sex with him...I blow up...we fought again..and she left

 

All through nov we give each other the chances to draw the curtain on us and just walk away from each other..Hell we both held the door open for each other...but refuse to walk through it. she would send me pic of herself to me and we would talk everyday

 

Dec..came and nothing change..she move out of her friends house and moving into a shelter (motel) and I was by her side all through it..

 

We got into a fight..about some girl on my FB account ..which i was wondering why would she care she dating someone..but we got into a fight..I would ask her back..and she would say things like "its funny how easy it is for you..to claim u love me ..but are seeing all these girls" I wont reply to her...because I felt who is she to question me..and when I would but on my status as going out with so and so text me..and I text her that day..she would say things like "don't kno why u r text me while u are on a date" .I couldnt help myself and told how wrong she is..I told her

 

I told that I was sorry..I was being selfish that I didn't realize I was drowning her with my feeling, I felt like if i didn't show or tell her I love her that she would not come back...but I realize that it not up to me anymore ...it up to her to decide y she should give me any chances..I done every in my power to show her y she should...and now it on her.

 

And that she is right...if it going to happen that it will happen

 

And if I was on a date I won't be texting her..and all the girl on my FB pages...she need to take a closer look...I told them who they was (and she did) but couldnt because they are not her friend and can't see their page just the pic..I even offer to give her my FB password. Basically..they all are my friends wife and GF who take me out...to movies...shopping...cooking class...(and I thank god for their friendship) ...

 

I would continue to stop by and slide money under her door..and we talk everyday in the middle of Dec..I ask her if she love his guy...she said no..but her feeling is growing for him.. Her mother had a dinner and I ask her if she would like me to come...she said no that she was going to invite him to it..I was hurt. The day of the dinner she came by my house (I was going out with friends..and came by to say hi)

 

We went our own way..We talk all that day up until the time of the dinner and I didn't hear from her..Until the next day..and I ask her how was the dinner and how did her family like her new BF..she told me he didnt show up something came up with him.

 

Dec 19th I haven't spoken to her for 1 week. And we don't ask me why ..I look on her FB and saw her status...if any blind person could see it was meant for me...I couldn't help it and I reply...(big mistake)...we got into a HUGH fight...on FB! is was so bad I had family member from FL call me telling me to stop...her mother call as well and told me to stop and not but our business out there.we didn't say anything bad (no name calling) but it was bad.

 

X-mas eve and to my suprise she invite me to dinner at her mother house..I went and she ask me to fix her laptop which..and I saw the new guy resume...and other things...I blow up (because I assume I was fix the pc for him) ...we fought and I was walking out..when she stop me and told me kno i have the wrong idea and not to leave..we made up and ..but she was upset with me still...(kill the night for us)

 

On Dec 27th I left the states..I need to get away..from her ..just need to get my head straight..she was shock..ect

 

Dec 31th came by and I didn't hear from her at all..I left her a text say happy new year...ect.

 

3 days later she reply saying happy new to you as well...and I try calling so I can wish the kids a happy new ..but was unable to speak to them...we got into a fight..i told i have try calling all day just to talk to them and nothing...she said she was sorry but that the kids was crazy and she knew i would have been hurt..because they won't want to talk to me..I told he stop protecting me...and should have told me that...and not annoyed my calls...She said I was right and ect..

 

I was still away from the states ..we got into yet another fight (yup u guess it ...it happen after she slept over his house) this fight was bad...than after a hr she call me back and told me she can't do it anymore..and that we should just pull away from each other and stop talking 100% that (to my suprise) when the kids kno she talking to me..would tell her "mommy no fight with papi" ..and that she something uncomfortable talking to me on the phone because she kno we are going to fight..I was shock..

 

The next day..I told she was right ..but wrong...that I love talk to her and to give me a month to show her that we can talk without fighting...and if we can't I would walk away and wish her and him the best of luck..she agree to give me a month

 

I would figure a way to continue to send her money..and send her thing i think she need..i would go shopping for her and send UPS to her..she would tell me I'm spend to much or sending to much money to her..

 

All through Jan we spoke/text everyday..which her next statement shock me...she told me that I should that we couldn't talk everyday....blab@

 

I told her ok...but it not like I was the one...we just like talking to each other...we always did! even during the break up...all our text and phone talk...would all be for 1-2hr...about nothing ...(just is us) also I would be the one trying to get off the phone with her...and she would just continue talking to me...

 

So on Jan 27.. it been one month sense we last saw each other (I havent return to the states,,but we continue to talk everyday and I continue to send money and things to her)

 

she surprise me by sending me a pic of herself and I sent one back of me...(reply was wow...u look great u been working out again I see..I'm impress..a little )

 

But of course we got into a fight..made up..(yup after she spend time with him...i don't kno y we always get into but we do...it not like im the one who states it...she does...and it not about him..)

 

Any on Jan 28 I sent her and her mother a present from edible arrangements...her mother call me up saying wow it amazing ty so much...and I call her and told her what was she doing today she was like . "going to my friends house with the kids...and so the kids can play with her kids...blab"

 

Little did they kno that I was at the airport about to board a plane to fly home to surprise them...I got home said hi to my mom and father..they knew i was coming back on the 28th..I went to her mother house and her mother was shock/happy to see me. I call her up and she didn't answer my call..so her mother call her and she answer...her mother told her to call me..there was something important i had to tell her..

 

So she did and I told her that there something for her at her mother house and that she should come home to get it ..she was like yes I kno the fruit basket..she told me that I shouldn't have and ty..I told her no that not it..AND if she answer this question I would tell her what it is. I told her..where are you and depending on your answer I'll tell you.

 

she got upset a little told me to stop playing games...is was like what you are at my mother...star trek beam u there..I was like wow good guess...yes I here..phone went silent and she heard her mother voice and than like a light switch her attitude change..she told me she would be there in 20 min.

 

Every 5 to 10 min she would call me to tell me where she was at..Kids was happy to see and she was just overwhelm.

 

So i left the kids at my mother house and me and her went to dinner...during dinner she told me that she wasn't at her friend house that she was his house and that she was scare to tell me where she was..because she thought i would get upset (i was ..but didn't show it)...than this is where I got really shock.

 

She told me that she is single and that her and him are just talking taking it slow..I ask her y for the pass 3-4 month had she made me believe that she was his gf..she told me that she wanted me to stop chasing her. Which I have..kind of did . But she is still talking to him.

 

She told me that ..I should be send her things and send so much money...she ask me if i was try to get him upset. I told her I could care less about this man feeling. I'm just being me and doing what right and continue to take care of my family.

 

I also told her..that im not trying to buy her love...and if that what it took she can go @#$k herself...because I wont want to be with someone like that.

 

We end the night talking and i drop her off at her car..we joke around she slap my butt i pinch her...and she left. I got home to the kids who was super excited to c me and me them.

 

to my suprise again she call me on her way home and we continue talking while i play with the kids...i put them down to sleep and we continue to talk it was 2am and I told her to go to bed...she has the room to herself and to go to bed...but she continue to talk...I finally got her off the phone and than we began texting each other . I text for 1 hr and I told her to stop and go to bed...that I won't reply to anymore text until the sun raise.

 

She has the room to herself and she can sleep...but she continue to text me...finally I told unless she send me pic of herself with a beautiful smile or pic of her bobo...i wont reply no more...and to go to bed

 

I continue to text me...no pic ..but i was so tired from the flight that i pass out.

 

The next morning I call her at 9am I was doing errand and the kids was pass out...I told to sleep in and come by at 12 to get them...I wouldn't be there but my mother would.

 

We text each other ...and got into a little fight about ..our pass. nothing big we made up.

 

At 11pm she send me a text "coffee" I reply "lol u want one" and she said yes please..I stop by and give her the coffee and she ask me to come in..I didn't because on rule at the shelter is u can't have ppl in the room..I told I would love to but there are to many ppl out here and you don't kno who watching.

 

So we text each other for a 1hr...and she sent me pic of her cut she would like to get and ask me what i thought and also of tattoo..

 

So the next day I went to pick her and the kids up and again she invite me in...I tell her no..because just like the night before there was ppl around and i didn't kno who was watching...and I suprise her and paid for her hair cut and wax...as well as the kids hair cut and we went out to dinner...ect

 

She keep hug me all that day..Now this is where it get "OMG WTF".

 

The next day she wake me up with a joke and we talk all that day and we go back and forth ..during that night I was driving from a friend house and I ask her if she wants coffee ..and she tell me no. She than call me and I notice she not home so I ask her and she tell me she went to her mother house and that she didn't kno she had to check in...I was like ok?

 

That following day I txt her if she want to hang and she tell me no..if you want to hang u can hang out with the kids. I don't have to be there..I tell her that not it ..I just want to spend time with everyone...blab. And she than tell me that we can't be talking everyday (ok! now for this week that I been back she the one that has been calling/texting me ..not I)

 

So we make plans to get tattoo together..and than yesterday we get into a fight...this is why:

 

Again she wake me up with a joke and we talk..ask me what time im going for my EMT cold weather training..I tell her and we continue to text each other..

 

Later in the afternoon I text her "Papi has a request ..snow angel pic from the 3 of u.." she reply back " Ur their papi not my papi" so i reply "hmm not how I meant it ....but ok? but anyhow who to say I won't be ur papi again..lol"

 

She tell me she doesn't say things she don't me...but doesn't think it would happen....I tell her that this week has been amazing and im glad i could make them all smile and laugh..and that it felt good. She ask me when am I leaving again and y? I wouldn't answer her question..I just change the subject..

 

She than tell me that this week was ok for her but it when she goes out with me ..it meant nothing to her and that nothing has changes between us. She doesn't have feeling for me. And she is still talking to him

 

I went off on her...and told her that I'm done and that I had enough...I have try and try but nothing work. She tell me she never want me to try and doesn't want me back..

 

I tell her...Fine..but I when I meant I was try...I meant I was not trying to fight with you...I done trying..I told her that ..If it going to happen it will happen...but I can't stop loving her and wanting my family back.."

 

I tell her that I'm done ..I'll flying back Friday instead of Monday ...I dont care how much it cost.

 

We continue to fight and tell me "You are so wrong..this is how u are going to leave ...without telling ur kids bye"

 

I tell her I was going to to stop by and see them and tell them bye...but I don't want them to see us fighting...so sick of them seeing us fight...so i think it better that i see it over the phone to them...they are young and will get over it fast.

 

2hr goes by and she call me and tell me ...Y are you leaving I don't understand Y! (while she yelling at me at the top of her lung)

 

I tell to calm down..im in training my team about to go next...I don't how to explain more to her...she tell me to try and to call her back when I can explain it to her.

 

1hr goes by and she call me again , but this time she is cry and I ask her what wrong...she tell me she drop her cell phone in the water and now is acting weird ...and she spend to much money shopping with the kids

 

I tel her "Honey relax that is nothing to be upset about nothing at all...baby we been through much worst this is nothing..ok?"

 

She continue to cry and I again tell her "Honey relax stop crying let me make some phone call ...my brother as a extra phone and i can get it to u..and baby don't worry about the money..I give u money"

 

She than stop crying and ask me y am I leaving...she doesn't understand y? she thinks it because I got mad when she didn't answer my call or reply to her text..and she has plan to go hang out with her friend and the her kids...and she not going to see him...and I tell her that not it

 

I'm sick of hearing "When I go out with you it doesn't mean anything to me...or how great things are between u and him" (which I come to realize that they are just Fuc@ friends nothing more)

 

She tell me that not it..and she doesn't mean it like that..at all! And doesn't understand Y I'm leaving when we was fine..And we had plan for friday to hang out with each other.

 

I tell her if she want me to stay ...she need to tell me..and I would stay and not leave until Monday..she than ask me y won't I stay I can go back to my old job...they told me they would take back and give me a raise...with all the training I done..

 

I tell her will if you want me to stay forever here...you need to tel me ...she tell me "please don't leave it up on me.."

 

 

I tell her if you want me to stay until monday she has until 3am to tell me and if I stay we will get our tattoo and if she would go have a drink with me

 

she say yes ...around six she calls me and tell me she is check in (yes I kno wierd)

 

I send her a text sorry I miss ur call i was shovel snow...please call me when your home so I can help u shovel ..

 

she tell me she home and that they have plow.

 

From 6pm to 1115p I don't hear from her. I text her I try call you..but you didn't answer

 

she call me at 7am and tell me it my choice if I'm leaving or staying and doesn't understand y? So I tell her again..but I ask her again

 

She doesn't answer me...and I tell her bye

 

she send me a text at 8a saying "hate that its gunna b like this with us sorry u still feel like u have 2 go"

 

I reply to her "U made me feel like this is what you wanted =< "

 

that was at noon...3 hr later nothing from her.

 

 

Also I would like to mention

 

1) her family keep telling me to hang in there and continue to fight for her

2) I even told her family to meet this guy because he is not going any where and from what I'm hearing from her ..her feeling for him is growing. they tell me no! we don't like him and we don't care to meet him

3) during the whole break up we have giving each other the changes to walk away from each other ...but we don't

4) This friday her mother was going to surprise her and watch the kids over night so we can go out.

5) When ever I pull away she use the kids for me to have to contact her..she will send me pic or ask me a silly question..just so I will talk to her

 

So for this post being so long...Im just so confuse and need some advice ...Does this girl want me back? Is she opening the door (just scare to walk through it)? Does she still have feeling for me (even due she claim she doesn't)?

 

Ty so all so much..

Edited February 3, 2011 by Gabari0219

[D78]

Gabari0219,

 

The post is too long! I had to stop reading around Christmas. Here's what I could glean from the July - Christmas events:

 

This chick has made you feel guilty because SHE cheated, because you lost your job. That is so wrong. She should have been more supportive than ever while you found a new job or completed school.

 

She cheated on you because she checked out of the relationship. She decided to stop putting forth any effort to make the relationship work. You were the only one working on things.

 

When busted cheating, she pointed the finger at you and made you feel like it was your fault because you were not "man" enough. That's just a common cheater's technique. They don't like to take responsibility for their actions, so they try blaming others. You should NOT accept the blame for her actions. She is supposed to be an adult.

 

I'm sorry I couldn't keep reading, but if the July - Christmas pattern continued, she's just stringing you along. She doesn't want to be with you, but doesn't want to be without you.

 

You have to stop torturing yourself over this girl. You wrote about so many fights. Maybe talking to a counselor could help you communicate better without yelling at one another. But you are making one another unhappy. Why do you want to continue doing that?

 

I would cut off the relationship. Communicate with her only for your children. Let her realize what she is missing, and she can decide whether she wants to try to work on the relationship again. By the time she makes that decision, you'll probably already have realized what a mind**** your relationship was.

 

Good luck.

[Gabari0219]

Sorry about the long post...It just alot has happen and I'm so confuse by this girl

Edited February 4, 2011 by Gabari0219