JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 of how he can be abusive. I am done - don't want him back. I saw him out last night with his new beautiful thin girlfriend. I did just as everyone said to get him back. I went up to him not her and shook his hand and said hi and happy new year. He just looked at me and was polite and then that was it. He was all over her all night long. He was done with me, tossed me aside like an old dishrag. I just won't have it. We were together for 3 years and I helped him over his 2nd divorce. Helped him even renovate his house, cut down a tree. I plan to tear down all the help I gave him. If I can I plan to destroy that relationship. He met her just 5 wks after we broke up. He thinks he can just throw me aside like I am trash he has another thing coming. They looked so good together just like we did when we first got together. It hurt so bad to see them together last night. It was at a club and I couldn't even get one man to dance with me. I went home and created an email telling her all the things I know about him. That he had exposed himself to his ex-mother-in-law not 1 time but 2 times 20 yrs ago and that he did not tell this until I found about it. I was already in love with him, so I stayed but was always scared. I sent her in the email a copy of a legal transcript of his divorce that is posted on the internet b/c he took it all the way to the supreme court so he wouldn't have to pays his 2nd ex-wife alimony and he left her penniless, on foodstamps and welfare and she became physically disabled while married to him for 14 hrs. He is the biggest jerk I've ever met. I am sorry I ever met him, he ruined my life - I let him ruin my life. He was verbally, emotionally and psychologically abusive. He was abusive to me and to his 2 previous wives. So I sent it have it "done" - I don't want him back, he'll never come back anyway. But I don't want him to have her that is for sure. There was enough "stuff" in that email that was verifiable and that if she also asked him, he would breakdown and cry - b/c he is so ashamed of the stuff. She would know he is not lying. I hope it breaks them up I want revenge now. Although I did it and I am happy I did it I do feel a little ashamed of myself. But right now I just don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Colorless Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 When you seek revenge, there is only one person ultimately being hurt. You lose a part of yourself when you commit that act, and it's irreversible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 I am in so much pain it can't get worse. I just want him to hurt as much as I do and he will if he loses her YEAH. I am praying she will leave his ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Colorless Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I don't get why you are stooping to such lows. Is he really worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 I want to hurt him back as much he has hurt me. And he is not hurting, he is in love with another woman - he already has another victim picked out that he can abuse. He won't tell her but I will and I can and I have done it, Link to post Share on other sites
Colorless Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Sounds like you're describing a narcissist/sociopath. If that's the case, you can't and won't hurt him. You will only dig yourself deeper. Take what dignity you have left and avoid him and his life and his involvements with others. You can't hurt him, you are only hurting yourself worse. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Consider moving on. I was already in love with him, so I stayed ... and so will she. Link to post Share on other sites
Analeigh Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I agree, it sounds like you are only going to hurt yourself in this. It hurts but he obviously has long since moved on if he is dating already. There's nothing more you can do at this point. You've sent the e-mail - she will probably ignore it - and you will get more upset. Best way to handle this is to completely cut them out of your life and your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 How do you feel about yourself? After having done that? Do you feel like a better person now? A good person? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 She was smart she has kept him at arm's length. But you can see he loves her already. He is really into her, she is a little more standish offish. But she is interested - none the less. She is cautious b/c I think he has told her things about me and his previous 2 rel/ships that are making her cautious. So we will see - if she stays b/c she is in love with her - she will be miserable as all the other women in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Colorless Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 she will be miserable as all the other women in his life. ...and the ones not even in his life, apparently. Take the advice: have dignity - remove yourself and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 running high right now b/c I am so hurt. That's why I am here pouring out my guts. That's why most people are here pouring out their guts. Need to get it out before can move on. I need to hurt him before I can move on. He took 3 yrs of my life, there will be consequences for what he did. I feel like I have achieved revenge now and ready to move on whether they stay together or no. I'd prefer for her to drop his ass b/c he just can't stand being alone. WHY b/c he's have to feel all the pain I'm feeling now or guilt for the pain he has caused me and his 2 ex-wives. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Sorry to hear about your troubles. Welcome to LS I'd love to read that court docket. Divorce dockets make interesting reading. Having been chewed up by women on a mission like you appear to be on, I'd like to suggest not accepting dates from men until you've destroyed this guy to your satisfaction. Please do not use other men to achieve this goal. Thank you. My sympathies... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 what did you do? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 Mainly cared too much about women who were in your stage of grief and anger. I got used as a tool to get back at their ex'es, then was dumped when they were finished. I stay away from such women now and, at most, keep them at arm's length emotionally. If you meet a guy who's up for the game and compartmentalized (I'm not), you should be fine. I chose to remain celibate and not date while processing my divorce since I didn't wish to subject a sincere and loving woman to that process, along with other concurrent issues. Friends are fine for this time. Hope you have some good friends to help you through this. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 OP I'm sorry you are hurting. I I were in a new relationship and received the email you sent I would assume you were in fact a psycho ex. It would do nothing but to tarnish your own reputation and make me wary of you. I don't understand why after only 3 years, and seeing your ex move on, you feel the need to decimate him. It's 3 years of apparently 2 people in a relationship and then it is no more. That's how all relationships end; one person moves on... Why don't you focus on healing yourself and moving on to happier times instead of holding this grudge and pouring out negativity to make someone else pay for your pain... pain that you yourself are prolonging and feeding? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 How do you feel about yourself? After having done that? Do you feel like a better person now? A good person? How do I feel - I feel relieved - immensely relieved. Some of the pain left my body when i pushed that sent button. Do I still feel pain, yes. Do I feel like a good person - no that's why I here. I have never done anything like this before never wanted to have to do any thng like this in my life. But I am tired of being the good one, the one that never made trouble. That has never gotten me anything in life at all. This will if not anything else I had the last word - I had the last way to "kill" the relationship and he is going to pay for what he did one way or another. Yes I am hell bent on right now on making his life miserable and mine is already miserable so I don't have too much to lose. I've gone to these sites to attempt the NC - it doesn't make the pain go away. It makes it worse. Then to see them together last night - there was no way I was not going to send that emial Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I need to hurt him before I can move on. A person will only hurt if they have something invested in the relationship to lose. If he does not feel he has anything to lose, he isn't going to 'hurt' from anything you do to him. He will only find ways to turn it on you and hurt you with your own weapons. Trust me, I've been down the 'revenge' road before and it does not work if the guy you want revenge on is indifferent toward you. I can honestly understand that need for revenge, but you will need to look for some other outlets here. Turn inward instead of out and try to unravel your anger and hatred that way instead of lashing out with it. Lashing out will only prolong the pain. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 A person will only hurt if they have something invested in the relationship to lose. If he does not feel he has anything to lose, he isn't going to 'hurt' from anything you do to him. He will only find ways to turn it on you and hurt you with your own weapons. Trust me, I've been down the 'revenge' road before and it does not work if the guy you want revenge on is indifferent toward you. I can honestly understand that need for revenge, but you will need to look for some other outlets here. Turn inward instead of out and try to unravel your anger and hatred that way instead of lashing out with it. Lashing out will only prolong the pain. but I do think he is going to hurt - he is deeply ashamed of his exhibitionism. If any woman is not afraid of that they should be. I was deeply afraid of it the whole time I was with him. But I did not find out until I was already with him 2 years . I do think it will hurt him and make her question whether she wants to be in a relationship with her. Right now I don't care if I look like the psycho bitch from hell. He is already telling people that. I have stayed clear from saying anything to any of our friends about him and what he did. I didn't even tell my family. But now the way he has treated me and the way he treated me last night was the last straw. I've been holding on my bare thread for so long. That last night it broke, I broke and did what I felt I wanted to do for a long long time. So now its done and I am glad Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 OP I'm sorry you are hurting. I I were in a new relationship and received the email you sent I would assume you were in fact a psycho ex. It would do nothing but to tarnish your own reputation and make me wary of you. I don't understand why after only 3 years, and seeing your ex move on, you feel the need to decimate him. It's 3 years of apparently 2 people in a relationship and then it is no more. That's how all relationships end; one person moves on... Why don't you focus on healing yourself and moving on to happier times instead of holding this grudge and pouring out negativity to make someone else pay for your pain... pain that you yourself are prolonging and feeding? Really someone telling you the guy you are dating is admitted exhibitionist wouldn't make you wary. I guess you might be very naive. Especially if you ask him and he will admit it. By the way 3 yr is a long time - I'm 62 yrs old sweetheart, I am not 25 or 30. For the last 2 months I have been focusing on healing myself. I have gotten into therapy had and committed to a NC rule. Stayed out of all the place he would be in. I did everything right but all the time I was in pain every single day. Then last night they happen to walk into a club I went to across town from the clubs we used to go to. My heart broke into a million pieces again but they looked just like we did when we first together. He was treating her like her first treated me - it was like watching a live video. It was too much to stand. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 I'll bet he didn't pull permits for that rehab you helped him with. Does he still own that house? BTW, sometimes it is healthy to share one's age. I was just reading a post from another regular poster and was shocked when she started talking about her 43 y/o sons. I had no clue she was that old. So, thanks for that. Check into the permit thing. Code enforcement likes things to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted January 8, 2011 Share Posted January 8, 2011 By the way 3 yr is a long time - I'm 62 yrs old sweetheart, I am not 25 or 30. For the last 2 months I have been focusing on healing myself. I have gotten into therapy had and committed to a NC rule. Stayed out of all the place he would be in. I did everything right but all the time I was in pain every single day. Then last night they happen to walk into a club I went to across town from the clubs we used to go to. My heart broke into a million pieces again but they looked just like we did when we first together. He was treating her like her first treated me - it was like watching a live video. It was too much to stand. You obviously did not come here for a Sunday school lesson on revenge or on healing from within, and you've already heard all that if not now, at some other point in your 63 years on this earth. You're not a kid. I don't know if you've been on any other boards or read other information on the web, but you sound like a victim of emotional abuse, severe abuse, and that you have a victim mentality (not saying you are wrong to feel this way at all!) -- this man was a con artist and conned you for a long time, and when the truth came out ... you did not bail. Thought maybe you could fix him? Or that he was different with you? Or ...? When you learned too much, and you weren't the nice, supportive GF anymore, he ditched you? But your anger is palpable. If you felt better when you pressed the "send" key, not much else to say about that. As long as you know that you "own" what was in that message, not your ex. And if you don't care how you look, whether it be a psycho ex or someone who wants to give an innocent person a warning, then so be it. You might want to look at the NPD boards, emotional abuse, sociopath, etc., b/c you might find some boards where you will see how well your story fits in; my jaw dropped when I read some of those stories. And it dropped when I saw that most of the people on those boards are well into mid-life, many who were with these abusers for long-term marriages. Not much else to say to you, except your pain is raw, you need to take a step back and get support and perhaps, validation for your feelings. This r/l did a number on you, you feel used and abused, he walked off like nothing ever happened and never looked back. It's killing you, that's clear. Keep getting the support you need, it's going to take a while, but as you said, three years is a long time at your age, so start trying not to give him so much of your head space, as he is not worth it, and you need to get your life back on track. Take care of yourself. You come first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JOSIE5555 Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 You obviously did not come here for a Sunday school lesson on revenge or on healing from within, and you've already heard all that if not now, at some other point in your 63 years on this earth. You're not a kid. thanks for your comments. I plan to do all of the things you mentioned. I did find a site called Safe Relationships where women have abused by men like this guy. I sent them an email early this morning. Sandra Brown has already contacted me. I plan to attend one of their retreats and go online with them. I am obviously in pain. I hurt very much and nothing I seem to do takes away the pain very much. Its been over 2 mos. and there are days it feels as raw as the first day. So thanks for your kind comments and concerns. I really can't tell my family and friends what is going on - I will eventually to a certain extent but not the fully story I am too embarrased at this time Link to post Share on other sites
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