Stuck in the middle.. Unsure of what path to take?

[JadenMia]

To try and cut this story short, i broke up with my boyfriend of one year around 2-3 months ago..We split because of his horrible temper, both of our jealousy and basically him not paying enough attention and effort into my daughters life.

 

During that time we completely stopped speaking and i began to see someone else. I met him through a friend and he is an awesome guy.. Mature, he has drive to do well in life.. He just seems a great person.

Even though i was still very upset over my breakup.. Everytime i was with this new man i felt just good inside..

 

We had a relationship which went from great friends, to flirting and we ended up sleeping together. Things were awesome for a while and i really started to feel happy.

Other than feeling jealous every now and then when i heard about my ex, things felt good.

 

New years eve, i was out with my girlfriend, and my ex started bombarding my phone with texts.. All night. Telling me how much he missed me, loved me, how hard he was going to try.

Its completely rocked my situation, as the new guy i have been seeing just told me he was in love with me. And i have strong feelings towards him too now..

 

I have spoken to my ex and have told him about everything that happened whilst we were broken up, he is angry... but instead of trying to make it work like he said, he is more interested in making me telling the other guy to get lost. Everything has become about how iv hurt him.. When i see it the other way around, i think he is the one that hurt me, not making the effort to be with me as a family rather than a couple. He just seems more content on making me be mean to this guy... When i am quite hesitant to do so, when he has treat me like gold.

 

Do you think a relationship will work after its already failed?

I am completely stuck on what to do.. I am still in love with my ex.. but i know deep down he is no good for me.. I am constantly been told by everyone that cares about me to drop him.. That must mean something right?

 

I am so scared to make a permanant decision, i am scared i will drop my ex and i will miss him and be miserable like i was before..

But i am scared because i know the new guy is really all for me, he wants everything in life i want.. And i know he will be good for my daughter..

 

Has anyone been in the same situation?

Any advice or opinions?

 

I keep posting here as i think it is so helpful to hear from u guys.. It helps alot!

Edited January 4, 2011 by JadenMia

[Jake99]

To try and cut this story short, i broke up with my boyfriend of one year around 2-3 months ago..We split because of his horrible temper, both of our jealousy and basically him not paying enough attention and effort into my daughters life.

 

During that time we completely stopped speaking and i began to see someone else. I met him through a friend and he is an awesome guy.. Mature, he has drive to do well in life.. He just seems a great person.

Even though i was still very upset over my breakup.. Everytime i was with this new man i felt just good inside..

 

We had a relationship which went from great friends, to flirting and we ended up sleeping together. Things were awesome for a while and i really started to feel happy.

Other than feeling jealous every now and then when i heard about my ex, things felt good.

 

New years eve, i was out with my girlfriend, and my ex started bombarding my phone with texts.. All night. Telling me how much he missed me, loved me, how hard he was going to try.

Its completely rocked my situation, as the new guy i have been seeing just told me he was in love with me. And i have strong feelings towards him too now..

 

I have spoken to my ex and have told him about everything that happened whilst we were broken up, he is angry... but instead of trying to make it work like he said, he is more interested in making me telling the other guy to get lost. Everything has become about how iv hurt him.. When i see it the other way around, i think he is the one that hurt me, not making the effort to be with me as a family rather than a couple. He just seems more content on making me be mean to this guy... When i am quite hesitant to do so, when he has treat me like gold.

 

Do you think a relationship will work after its already failed?

I am completely stuck on what to do.. I am still in love with my ex.. but i know deep down he is no good for me.. I am constantly been told by everyone that cares about me to drop him.. That must mean something right?

 

I am so scared to make a permanant decision, i am scared i will drop my ex and i will miss him and be miserable like i was before..

But i am scared because i know the new guy is really all for me, he wants everything in life i want.. And i know he will be good for my daughter..

 

Has anyone been in the same situation?

Any advice or opinions?

 

I keep posting here as i think it is so helpful to hear from u guys.. It helps alot!

 

JadenMia, sounds like a tough situation for you because you have feelings for both men but remember this, A leopard never changes its spots!!! You have a daughter who is your number one priority and the new guy in your life knows what he wants in life. Do you really love you ex who has a horrible temper? Is that a good role model for your daughter? You have a guy who loves you and your daughter. Your own little jealousy will fade if you focus on the guy you're with!

[JadenMia]

JadenMia, sounds like a tough situation for you because you have feelings for both men but remember this, A leopard never changes its spots!!! You have a daughter who is your number one priority and the new guy in your life knows what he wants in life. Do you really love you ex who has a horrible temper? Is that a good role model for your daughter? You have a guy who loves you and your daughter. Your own little jealousy will fade if you focus on the guy you're with!

 

 

Yes i agree with you, its hard to believe hes going to change, he has shown no effort yet with me and my daughter. Which is what i really needed him to do

 

He just keeps saying nothing is going to happen between us until the other guy is completely out of the picture..

Which i understand.. Because i dont think i would be too happy if i had learned he had been seeing anyone else.. But i also really need to do what is best for my daughter. And i would do *anything* for him to be the man i really needed in my life right now..

But he just keeps promising he will do this.. Yet i see no changes.

 

I know what i am doing is wrong between these men, i feel guilty because of it everyday.. But i just want to be happy..

 

I am thinking of taking 2 weeks to myself and my girl.. Not really speaking to either of them. Speaking about anything serious or important anyway.. See at the end of this 2 weeks what it is i really want, without being talked into anything by either men..

Ugh.. Im just a little confused I just want to do the right thing..

[Jake99]

Yes i agree with you, its hard to believe hes going to change, he has shown no effort yet with me and my daughter. Which is what i really needed him to do

 

He just keeps saying nothing is going to happen between us until the other guy is completely out of the picture..

Which i understand.. Because i dont think i would be too happy if i had learned he had been seeing anyone else.. But i also really need to do what is best for my daughter. And i would do *anything* for him to be the man i really needed in my life right now..

But he just keeps promising he will do this.. Yet i see no changes.

 

I know what i am doing is wrong between these men, i feel guilty because of it everyday.. But i just want to be happy..

 

I am thinking of taking 2 weeks to myself and my girl.. Not really speaking to either of them. Speaking about anything serious or important anyway.. See at the end of this 2 weeks what it is i really want, without being talked into anything by either men..

Ugh.. Im just a little confused I just want to do the right thing..

 

JadenMia, The most important person in your life is your daughter. You are suggesting to do anything for an ex to change but the reality is we are who we are in life and as I said, a leopard doesn't change it's spots.

Here's an anology for you. If someone came up to you and handed you a million dollars with no strings attached, would you accept it? Of course you would because it would benefit you and your daughter offering you stability and security for both your future.

So now look at what your present boyfriend and what he brings to your life. He gives you stability, security, a drive for life and loves you. Does that beat an ex that isn't a positive role model for your daughter and you?

The question you have to ask yourself is whether you really love the ex or are you one of these gals that goes back to be emotional abused by his temper because you don't believe in being treated good.

Good luck!

[Rose T]

After a relationship which has really rocked us emotionally - like your ex - I think we often try and think with our head for the next relationship. Sometimes this gets called a rebound although it's not always that cut and dried and I'm certainly not judging your situation... but maybe the new guy isn't perfect for you, even though he's great on paper, good for your daughter, etc, and that's why the contact from your ex is giving you doubts?

 

The ex is definitely being selfish though - it's a pure stag-stag battle for him and he wants to see you humiliate the new guy. He is not making positive, loving gestures towards you.

 

Maybe neither guy is really the one for you, but you could definitely give the new guy a chance because he merits it - your ex doesn't really deserve another chance, and deep down I think you know that.

[Jake99]

After a relationship which has really rocked us emotionally - like your ex - I think we often try and think with our head for the next relationship. Sometimes this gets called a rebound although it's not always that cut and dried and I'm certainly not judging your situation... but maybe the new guy isn't perfect for you, even though he's great on paper, good for your daughter, etc, and that's why the contact from your ex is giving you doubts?

 

The ex is definitely being selfish though - it's a pure stag-stag battle for him and he wants to see you humiliate the new guy. He is not making positive, loving gestures towards you.

 

Maybe neither guy is really the one for you, but you could definitely give the new guy a chance because he merits it - your ex doesn't really deserve another chance, and deep down I think you know that.

 

I agree with Rose T, the new guy deserve to show what his worth is and your ex has already deomonstrated he isn't going to win for you but only for himself.

Give the new guy a benefit of the doubt. He hasn't done anything wrong except share love with you.

[JadenMia]

I agree with everything you have said here.. I know i dont really have much love for my ex.. Its just because i am so used to been with him.. And a lot to do with my jealousy also.. I have left him so many times.. But always ran back to him either when i know hes seeing other girls or when he begs me and confesses his love.

I just want to be on my own really.. Be happy with myself before getting into anything else serious. I would like to take it slow with the new guy though.. He is such a positive person to be around. When i leave him i just feel so warm and excited inside Its a nice feeling instead of being hurt and heartbroken.

 

The ex just always seems to talk me into everything, i end up truly believing anything he says.. When he's upset i will do anything for him.. And then later when i am on my own i am angry for been so naive.

 

I and yes, i think maybe this is just a battle with the new guy, as he will do *anything* to stop me from speaking to him.. seeing him.

The last time i saw my ex we got into yet another fight, resulting in him pinning me down and giving me 'love bites' .. One ended up being on my chin so it just looks bruised.. But the other is right on my neck.

I was devastated as i HATE love bites. I look like a tramp.. No toothpaste or cold spoons is getting this off me. And he just laughed at me while i sobbed.. saying 'awe, your new guy isnt going to want you now!!'

 

Thats the side i hate about him. His selfish and just nasty side.. But then he completely changes and will cry and get upset if i try leave him.

I am going to try SO hard to just leave and have no contact with him, sometimes i go days and then i have a change of heart all of a sudden and im back in this mess again..

I am really going to try set my mind to it. Keep reading back at these posts i have written, the answers.. I know i need to do it.. Its just so hard..

Edited January 4, 2011 by JadenMia

[JadenMia]

Although, that being said..

 

WHY does it have to be when we are together and good, why does it feel so special??

The sex is unlike anything i have experienced, there is something between us that is just like fireworks..

When on a night we are together and my girl is in bed. Why does it feel so good to be in each others arms and why do we have so much fun together alone.

Its this that brings me back too.. Its the thought of this 'crazy in love' feeling that brings me back to him.. I always think, it has to mean something..

And also, my jealousy.. I cannot bare to imagine him being like this with anyone else.. Its our thing.. It hurts when he says that he will give another woman his love.. who deserves it. I was nothing but good to him while we were together for the year.. Why didnt i deserve it..

Its frustrating that something SO amazing is SO wrong for me.

Edited January 4, 2011 by JadenMia

[Jake99]

And also, my jealousy.. I cannot bare to imagine him being like this with anyone else.. Its our thing.. It hurts when he says that he will give another woman his love.. who deserves it. I was nothing but good to him while we were together for the year.. Why didnt i deserve it..

Its frustrating that something SO amazing is SO wrong for me.

 

get over your own jealousy! Right now you refuse to let anyone else in because of him and he has a leash on you. If he is offering it to another woman who deserves it he's playing you and that in itself is emotional abuse! read what you are saying about him! WOW!

[JadenMia]

I do desperately need to drop this jealousy i have.. Its destroys me as well as my relationships and my happiness.

I have never had jealousy like this before though.. Which is another reason i know something is wrong here.. In my last 4 year relationship with my daughters father.. There was no jealousy between us.. So i just dont know quite how to handle it.

 

I will try though.. I find just getting out of a situation where i feel jealous and upset, read a book or even just go and watch tv. Anything to get my mind of this sickening feeling.

[Jake99]

I do desperately need to drop this jealousy i have.. Its destroys me as well as my relationships and my happiness.

I have never had jealousy like this before though.. Which is another reason i know something is wrong here.. In my last 4 year relationship with my daughters father.. There was no jealousy between us.. So i just dont know quite how to handle it.

 

I will try though.. I find just getting out of a situation where i feel jealous and upset, read a book or even just go and watch tv. Anything to get my mind of this sickening feeling.

 

IMHO, I think you need to give the new bf an honest chance without baggage of an ex! As much your ex said he would give another female his love, you need to give some of yours to a guy who is willing to be there for all parts of your life!

[JadenMia]

IMHO, I think you need to give the new bf an honest chance without baggage of an ex! As much your ex said he would give another female his love, you need to give some of yours to a guy who is willing to be there for all parts of your life!

 

Thanks i agree, the new guy has shown nothing but love, happiness and stability to us and im going to give him a try, i definitely think he deserves it and has stuck around this long for us.. I know hes in it for us and not just himself.

 

I just hope i can keep away from my ex.. I say it now.. But i need to stick to it.. Wish me luck! Thankyou SO much guys

[Jake99]

Thanks i agree, the new guy has shown nothing but love, happiness and stability to us and im going to give him a try, i definitely think he deserves it and has stuck around this long for us.. I know hes in it for us and not just himself.

 

I just hope i can keep away from my ex.. I say it now.. But i need to stick to it.. Wish me luck! Thankyou SO much guys

 

Good Luck! be confident and remember someone loves you and obviously believes in you. Ignore the pleas from your ex. It's all about himself!

[krymej]

maybe this is a time for you to sit down beside yourself and ask what decision will bring the most happiness and joy into your life.

 

your daughter i am sure is your primary focus, maybe take into consideration what kind figure may be best in your life as far as she is concerned,

 

always wander to yourself... does this person add something to my life.....or take it away all are deepest answers are really within.... outside are just opinions the true answer is within you.

 

year heart is a priceless thing.... spend it wiseley

 

loving regards

 

Krymej