My ex-BF lied and cheated on me! =(

[violetRain]

ive been reading the posts and comments here for some time and i decided to share mine as well. and also to have some answers. cant seem to get them right..

 

its a new years eve and here i am at home. emo-ing.

other days had been fine but its only today. extra sad and down.

 

my bf whom i known for 7 years (together for about 5 years) broke up with me not long ago.

 

it was love at first sight for him but not for me. we met during a holiday vacation to china.

after we came back, we started to play online games together and my feelings for him start to develop as we grew closer and closer.

we were together from start of 2004 to end of 2005. 2 years.

during these 2 years i wasnt really satisfied with him.

mainly because we were young that time and we dont get to go out frequently (due to strict parents, we were only 16). i would say one year we only get to see like 3-4 times? although we stay nearby lol (about 10 min drive).

i was also not really satisfied with his looks. starting i thought i can tolerate with it. but as time goes i felt every single thing he does starts to annoy me! (although its a normal thing, i still feel annoyed ><)

so then i broke up with him at the end of 2005. i told him i like his cousin (silly me) and also because we were having major exams that time.

 

every single message that he texted me or calls i would ignore. i even called him a moron (lol) . hahaha! and the years 2006's valentines. he planned with a classmate of mine to pass me a present. when i received it i cried. i called him and scolded him (he was very hurt).

 

in sept year 2007, i started dating this guy which was definitely better than my ex in every way.

however, theres this weird thing. whenever i go out with this guy, i thought of my ex all the time. its dam weird because i thought i was over him.

i felt it was not fair to this new guy so i broke up with him within a month. (it took me alot of courage to do so because he is really a nice person, i felt so bad for breaking his heart)

at the same time, i was already contacting my ex (bear in mind not the cheating type! ><) . contact in the sense that friendly contact because before that we were on NC. i found that he had still had feelings for me.

we were back together in jan 2008.

 

i realized this is actually homebrew's GIG syndrome that i was going through.

but lucky (or maybe unlucky) for me, he welcomed me back. since then i appreciate every single thing i had and did not complain about him being no good anymore. i loved him alot.

it was going good for us from 2008 till 2009.

problem arises in year 2010. however i was not aware of the problem at all. i trusted him too much.

early 2010, he started texting this beech (a girl) alot.

when i first noticed it and asked who is she, he would tell me its his friend and he finds her annoying because she kept texting him.

and he told me nothing can go more between them. they can only remain as friends.

i was naive. i believed everything he said.

 

in mid oct 2010, he told me he needed a break from our relationship. because he said he is tired of us arguing over her. i admit i keep questioning him about her. however i believed his reasoning. as he is going to australia to further his studies in 4th of jan 2011, he wants some time to think over of our past. he said he could not start over with me again because he is going overseas soon. but he said in future when he comes back in two years time, if fated, we can be together again. he said as though next time theres a chance.

i was ok with it at first. i gave him back all the things he gave me (notes, gifts). and told him that i do not want to contact him anymore. but he wants to remain as friends (thats what i want too). but since that day, we contact less (but we still do). his texts or msn chats seems ok and sweet to me as before though.

 

then here comes the nightmare. in the 2nd week of dec he came over to my place. he started blaming everything on me. he blamed what we are today is because of me. because of me questioning his loyalty towards me. because of me keep suspecting him and her. he told me to forget about him. he told me there wont be next time anymore. he told me said he is afraid of relationship and commitment already. he told me he wont want to find love anymore and let love find him unexpectedly.

i felt so freaking guilty after that. really so guilty. because i thought it was my fault. from the previous time and now there were so much difference. from there was a chance to proceed next time became none.

i panicked. i changed totally. from not wanting to become his friend, i wanted to become his really close friend. even though just by his side was more then enough. i did all the donts that the dumpee do after a break up.

i kept texting him all the warm messages but he only replied with cold and hard ones.

i even thought of buying him a christmas and birthday present (29th).

i even asked him out for a movie next week >_>. wth lol.

he too told me he was going on a vacation with his cousins, friends and that beech was going as well. two days later he told me that his friends and cousin were going back first and he was staying with her. at her house, same room.

those few days was really miserable. i cried all the time. even cried when i went to class. because i felt so guilty. i kept telling myself it was my fault and i would do anything to take it back.

 

it was then my brother brought me back to my senses. so does my friends.

they told me it wasnt my fault. it was so obvious he was cheating.

they said i deserved better. alot of people asked me why am i so into him in the first place? the first thing they ask is why him? lol. hes not really very good looking either..

i was relieved to hear that. because i dont feel so bad after that. i stopped texting him right after i knew about it.

but all what my brother and my friends said was just assumptions. there were no solid prove. but its really very obvious.

although i felt better but still, part of me hoped it wasnt true.

 

a week later. their common friend (his and the beech's friend) added me on fb. we chatted.

my heart broke.

he was indeed cheating on me.

the beech texted their friend on 26th of nov telling her that she have a new bf (him ).

both of them can go rot in hell. D:

according to their friend, he made moves on the girl for quite some time.

they went out often.

he lied to me saying he was going out with his other friends but the truth is he went out with her.

actually i caught him lying a few times but still i believed his reasoning after that.

the beech too stays over at his place a few times already.

their friend told me too that she saw them holding hands like months back. wth.

both of them are flirts.

 

actually very long ago, my brother told me not to be with him together because he is a flirt. i ignored my brother's warning =(

i suddenly felt so scared because the person whom i thought i was close with was a big fat liar all the while. and his lies are so real and logic that i couldnt not believe it.

 

luckily their common friend was willing to tell me what had happen. because she said she figured out i wouldnt know anything so she pitied me..

i appreciate her help alot!

 

the beech and him was listed as engaged a week ago. when our common friend asked him is he seeing someone. he still said no. he even said why on earth would he want to start a new relationship when he is leaving for aus soon. he said someone hacked into his fb account and changed it (wtf lol). but when our friend asked why didnt he change back he did not answer.

 

i've deleted him from my fb and msn.

i used to have his fb password as well but he had changed yesterday because someone hacked. but i still have his email's password heh.

we used to play dota together so we have this groupchat on msn for dota. i quitted that group because of him. but a few days ago i joined back so that when theres a game i can still play with my friends. i wonder if its a good idea to join back? i blocked him. he sees me as offline but when i chat with my friends there. he can read.

 

anyways my question is.

why till this day, he still does not want to admit anything? not only me, but our common friends too (i dont know about his other friends though) he really makes as though he is the good person..he never ever admitted he was cheating. never ever. but why?

if he could be honest with me, at least i dont have to go through that few days of guilt right? (that feeling was so awful that i thought of suiciding -.-)

 

do people like him, when tell lies, feel guilty at all? because he seem confident with his lies. its like he has became heartless. is there no conscience at all? or is he trying to believe the lie as well..

 

is he going through GIG syndrome as well?

 

do you think they will ever last?

 

do you think he will come back and regret what he had done?

 

do you think there will be a day where he will be honest with me and tell me the truth? (he thinks i still dont know anything)

 

and im afraid that i am unable to trust guys anymore after this incidence.

im also afraid that if i ever start a new relationship with anyone else, i will still think of him, like last time. will i be able to get out of this? im afraid it will be permanently with me forever..

 

what should i do to get our of this mess..?

 

since the day i found out about his dark secrets, i did not text him anymore. but he text-ed me once on christmas to wish me and today.

he also asked me to go to his open house party on the 26th. i went after being persuaded by my friend -.-

my friend said i should go to have a good closure. i indeed felt good after going. i did not cry on that day (which i thought i would, but if the beech is there i might lol).

but the next day itself i was feeling down and moody the whole day again. =.=

 

agrhh i hate mood swings..

 

hes leaving on the 4th of jan, should i text him to wish him? or leave it? but i guess after that i wont be contacting him anymore since he is leaving for aus.

 

and i dont know why today i keep thinking about him. i slept alot today and all my dreams were about him. some of the dreams i hoped it was real because one of them is about him telling me the truth.

 

on some days i feel great. but some days i feel as quite down. the heart feels very painful. empty. its like you ask yourself the question. how can he find a new love so fast? how come is he moving on so fast? why cant i do the same..

 

deep down in my heart, if he is ever coming back, i figured i could forgive him if he is willing to be honest with me..

 

i have my class test coming in a weeks time and i find it a big problem because i cannot concentrate in my studies. whenever i start studying, i think of him. its annoying. i read some of the things that i should do is concentrate or take up a new hobby so i can focus on it to forget about him. but now is not the right time as i need to study for my class test. help!

 

anyway thanks for reading as well. its really very summarized story already lol.

i need someone that i can talk to about. i cant tell my friends or family anymore because if you keep telling them the same thing, they get bored with you. sometimes annoyed as well because they think i cant move on.

but they have not experienced it before so i suppose they wont know how i really feel..

i hope you people can give me some advice..thanks

Edited December 31, 2010 by violetRain

[Leandro]

ive been reading the posts and comments here for some time and i decided to share mine as well. and also to have some answers. cant seem to get them right..

Hello VioletRain and welcome to LS!

 

I'll see what I can do.

its a new years eve and here i am at home. emo-ing.

other days had been fine but its only today. extra sad and down.

better not be any cutting in there!!

 

then here comes the nightmare. in the 2nd week of dec he came over to my place. he started blaming everything on me. he blamed what we are today is because of me. because of me questioning his loyalty towards me. because of me keep suspecting him and her. he told me to forget about him. he told me there wont be next time anymore. he told me said he is afraid of relationship and commitment already. he told me he wont want to find love anymore and let love find him unexpectedly.

i felt so freaking guilty after that. really so guilty. because i thought it was my fault. from the previous time and now there were so much difference.

He was transferring his guilt to you. Making you feel like it was your fault, when it was really his. Don't take it to heart.

 

i did all the donts that the dumpee do after a break up.

i kept texting him all the warm messages but he only replied with cold and hard ones.

We all did the donts. Most dumpers do that.

 

 

they said i deserved better.

You do!

 

a week later. their common friend (his and the beech's friend) added me on fb. we chatted.

my heart broke.

he was indeed cheating on me.

the beech texted their friend on 26th of nov telling her that she have a new bf (him ).

both of them can go rot in hell. D:

according to their friend, he made moves on the girl for quite some time.

they went out often.

he lied to me saying he was going out with his other friends but the truth is he went out with her.

actually i caught him lying a few times but still i believed his reasoning after that.

the beech too stays over at his place a few times already.

their friend told me too that she saw them holding hands like months back. wth.

both of them are flirts.

So he went after her. That's just wrong . Screw him!

 

actually very long ago, my brother told me not to be with him together because he is a flirt. i ignored my brother's warning =(

i suddenly felt so scared because the person whom i thought i was close with was a big fat liar all the while. and his lies are so real and logic that i couldnt not believe it.

My dad warned me about my ex, but i was so in love and didn't listen. Oh well.

 

luckily their common friend was willing to tell me what had happen. because she said she figured out i wouldnt know anything so she pitied me..

i appreciate her help alot!

well that was nice of her. I'm sure it hurt to hear it from her, but at least you know the truth now.

 

the beech and him was listed as engaged a week ago. when our common friend asked him is he seeing someone. he still said no. he even said why on earth would he want to start a new relationship when he is leaving for aus soon. he said someone hacked into his fb account and changed it (wtf lol). but when our friend asked why didnt he change back he did not answer.

PSHHH hacked. what a lie.

 

i've deleted him from my fb and msn.

Good.

 

we used to play dota together so we have this groupchat on msn for dota.

What's DOTA?

 

i quitted that group because of him. but a few days ago i joined back so that when theres a game i can still play with my friends. i wonder if its a good idea to join back? i blocked him. he sees me as offline but when i chat with my friends there. he can read.

I quit playing Xbox live for the same reason, but got back on a month later. Haven't come across her yet, but did come across her brother-in-law and his friends one day. I took care of them .

 

anyways my question is.

why till this day, he still does not want to admit anything? not only me, but our common friends too (i dont know about his other friends though) he really makes as though he is the good person..he never ever admitted he was cheating. never ever. but why?

He's just being immature. Now you see what kind of person he is. Don't worry about it.

 

if he could be honest with me, at least i dont have to go through that few days of guilt right? (that feeling was so awful that i thought of suiciding -.-)

He doesn't have to be honest with you anymore, he's not your bf. He can tell you whatever he wants now. But you know the truth now, and that's all that matters. NO SUICIDING!!. You're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. You shouldn't take your life for anyone, especially some cheater.

 

do people like him, when tell lies, feel guilty at all? because he seem confident with his lies. its like he has became heartless. is there no conscience at all? or is he trying to believe the lie as well..

He's probably believing the lies. Don't worry about it and let karma do it's job.

 

is he going through GIG syndrome as well?

Maybe, since he was with you for a while, but that doesn't matter anymore.

 

do you think they will ever last?

I don't think so. If he was with you and seeing her at the same time, he could do it to her. If he's going to Australia and she's staying over here, he'll probably cheat on her over there. But, that doesn't matter anymore.

 

do you think he will come back and regret what he had done?

He may, he may not. You might be over the whole thing if he does come back. Once again, it doesn't matter.

 

do you think there will be a day where he will be honest with me and tell me the truth? (he thinks i still dont know anything)

There might be a day. He might never tell you.

 

and im afraid that i am unable to trust guys anymore after this incidence.

im also afraid that if i ever start a new relationship with anyone else, i will still think of him, like last time. will i be able to get out of this? im afraid it will be permanently with me forever..

 

what should i do to get our of this mess..?

Just take some time off to heal and focus on school. I know what you mean about the trust stuff.

 

 

hes leaving on the 4th of jan, should i text him to wish him? or leave it? but i guess after that i wont be contacting him anymore since he is leaving for aus.

I think you shouldn't. You might not like the reply, if you even get a reply. Just stick to NC.

 

and i dont know why today i keep thinking about him. i slept alot today and all my dreams were about him. some of the dreams i hoped it was real because one of them is about him telling me the truth.

ahh, the dreams. We all have dreams about our ex'es, but they will go away with time. Mine have.

 

on some days i feel great. but some days i feel as quite down. the heart feels very painful. empty. its like you ask yourself the question. how can he find a new love so fast? how come is he moving on so fast? why cant i do the same..

I still have down days too. It does hurt to ask those questions. We just have those days

 

deep down in my heart, if he is ever coming back, i figured i could forgive him if he is willing to be honest with me..

Forgiving is fine, just don't take him back.

 

i have my class test coming in a weeks time and i find it a big problem because i cannot concentrate in my studies. whenever i start studying, i think of him. its annoying. i read some of the things that i should do is concentrate or take up a new hobby so i can focus on it to forget about him. but now is not the right time as i need to study for my class test. help!

Ok OK, calm down. I know it's hard but try to focus on your studies. Don't let him invade your mind. Try to remember the bad things he did to you and push him out of your mind.

 

anyway thanks for reading as well. its really very summarized story already lol.

Really? WOW, took me almost an hour to read and reply to this thing. LOL.

 

i need someone that i can talk to about. i cant tell my friends or family anymore because if you keep telling them the same thing, they get bored with you. sometimes annoyed as well because they think i cant move on.

but they have not experienced it before so i suppose they wont know how i really feel..

You can always join the chatting room. There is anywhere from 3-12 people in there. You can talk to us, ask us questions and you'll get your answer faster than you would on here. We're fun too sometimes. Try to cheer everyone up. I think you would like it. .

 

i hope you people can give me some advice..thanks

I gave what I could. Wish I could have quoted some more. Hope it's enough.

[violetRain]

Leandro, i actually laughed when i read your reply lol..

 

but yay today i did not dream about him

 

you know, its really very scary to think that you have been with a person for the past year who was fake, two sided snakes. creepy..

and the worst part, he seemed so real.

 

What's DOTA?

 

dota (defense of the ancients) is one of the games you play on warcraft 3's battle net.

something like HoNs.

 

I know what you mean about the trust stuff.

trusting people hmm.

 

i'm quite afraid of new relationships already.

i'm scared that its like last time, when i'm with a new person, i think of the ex all the time. comparing both of them.

 

does anyone else do this? how do i stop or how do i know when i'm ready?

 

also right now, theres this guy friend who helped me alot during this few weeks.

hes really very nice. he gave me alot of talk on life. or what i should do and stuffs.

problem is he wants to start a new relationship with me. he said if i am willing to take the first step, he will take his time and guide me slowly out of this pain.

right now i only treat him at most like a big brother.

he told me if i wanna forget about my ex and concentrate on my studies right now, i should think of a person. he ask me to think of him lol.

but i dont want to >< i'm afraid by thinking of him too much, i will start to like him, which is bad right now

what should i concentrate on to get him out of my mind?

i need to study, but when i start studying, he keeps appearing

 

agrhhh

 

You can always join the chatting room. There is anywhere from 3-12 people in there. You can talk to us, ask us questions and you'll get your answer faster than you would on here. We're fun too sometimes. Try to cheer everyone up. I think you would like it. .

 

i didnt know about the chat room but thanks!

i will go check it out when my class tests are over.

 

Really? WOW, took me almost an hour to read and reply to this thing. LOL.

and lastly, thanks for you time lol.

sorry to have taken up one hour of your new year's eve or new year's day ><

 

anyway happy new year!

[Leandro]

Leandro, i actually laughed when i read your reply lol..

 

but yay today i did not dream about him

 

LOL. See, you'll stop dreaming about him.

 

you know, its really very scary to think that you have been with a person for the past year who was fake, two sided snakes. creepy..

and the worst part, he seemed so real.

Yea, i know what you mean.

 

 

dota (defense of the ancients) is one of the games you play on warcraft 3's battle net.

something like HoNs.

What's HoNs?

 

 

i'm quite afraid of new relationships already.

i'm scared that its like last time, when i'm with a new person, i think of the ex all the time. comparing both of them.

Yea, I'm afraid too. I'm going to try and date only. But you have to give these new people a chance. I'm pretty sure I will compare too, but I will remember what she did to me.

 

does anyone else do this? how do i stop or how do i know when i'm ready?

I'm sure other do it. Not sure how to tell if your ready. I guess you'll just know.

 

also right now, theres this guy friend who helped me alot during this few weeks.

hes really very nice. he gave me alot of talk on life. or what i should do and stuffs.

problem is he wants to start a new relationship with me. he said if i am willing to take the first step, he will take his time and guide me slowly out of this pain.

right now i only treat him at most like a big brother.

he told me if i wanna forget about my ex and concentrate on my studies right now, i should think of a person. he ask me to think of him lol.

but i dont want to >< i'm afraid by thinking of him too much, i will start to like him, which is bad right now

IDK about this guy. Some guys like to take advantage of girls while they are down. Pretty low of them to do it. Don't think about him.

 

what should i concentrate on to get him out of my mind?

i need to study, but when i start studying, he keeps appearing

I really wish I could help you wish this. I guess you can try to think that he cheated on you. Try to focus on something else. I suck at this.

 

agrhhh

I know, right?

 

 

 

i didnt know about the chat room but thanks!

i will go check it out when my class tests are over.

Sweet. See you next year.

 

 

and lastly, thanks for you time lol.

sorry to have taken up one hour of your new year's eve or new year's day ><

Eh, it's cool. Can't do anything till class starts again.

 

anyway happy new year!

Happy new year's to you too.